Best Week Ever |
- 21 Pop Cultural Signs Of The Apocalypse
- If A Model Falls On The Catwalk, Will Naomi Campbell Be There To Catch Her?
- Watch As Band Burns Through $5,000 Video Budget
- If Anna Wintour Says Gays Should Get Married, YOU LISTEN
- Hipsters Love Indie Music (Duh), And F2M’s Love DJ Kool Herc?
- Vegas Odds: Who’s Next To Go On American Idol?
- A Quick Word About The Seth MacFarlane Flintstones Reboot
- Beagle Does Amazing Chad Ochocinco Impression
- I Never Thought I’d Say This, But Congratulations Raven-Symoné
- ‘Planking’ Is A Thing Now
- Drew Carey Shirtless: What Else Is There To Say?
- The Cast Of Willy Wonka: 40 Years Later
- Steven Tyler Is America’s “Eternal Girl”
- Matthew Morrison And His Ukelele Can Get It.
| 21 Pop Cultural Signs Of The Apocalypse Posted: 18 May 2011 08:06 AM PDT
May 21st marks THE END OF THE WORLD. How do we know? Because the Bible guarantees it, according to Family Radio. In fact, they also predict that the end is nigh because gay people are…around, or whatever. But we think that, aside from a really old book of fairy tales and men kissing men and ladies kissing ladies, there are clear signs within the realm of pop culture that signal the inevitable end of time. These examples are so defiant of reality, sense, and logic that they, too, guarantee that the world is going to explode at 6:00pm on Saturday! Because, honestly, how can we live in a world where these things exist? 21. Napoleon Dynamite is coming back…to TV…as a a cartoon??? 20. Simon Van Kempen’s “I Am Real” 19. Melissa & Joey is an actual television show…on television 18. Lisa Rinna‘s Twitter account 17. Oprah spending two hours chewing out “relationship expert” Iyanla Vanzant using bizarre, surreal spiritual phrases and anecdotes …followed by them laughing at how “homeless” she looks: 16. Even the false prospect of Donald Trump running for President 15. Nobody seems to care that Randy Jackson has a verbal lexicon of, like, 100 words and 5 phrases, and gets paid MILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR IT 14. Real Housewife Jill Zarin planting pro-Jill Zarin propaganda online 13. Jordin Sparks‘s “duck face”
12. Former reality “star,” disgusting person, and self-proclaimed “awesome mom” Danielle Staub signs deal with Scores 11. Former reality “star,” disgusting person, and self-proclaimed “awesome mom” is allegedly dating “reality star” and sex-tape subject (and Brandy’s brother), Ray-J 10. “Good call.” — George Bush‘s response to President Obama re: the capture of Osama bin Laden 9. Zookeeper is a movie (that will probably do well) 7. The fact that we know who Nene Leakes is 6. Blatant racism by stuffy white folks versus “socially conscious” rapper Common 5. Kelly Bensimon is being paid money to “write” a book 4. Dunkin Donuts selling a chicken salad sandwich? On a croissant???
3. Mariah Carey named her son “Moroccan” 2. La Toya Jackson‘s exit from The Celebrity Apprentice, in which she pays tribute to brother Michael‘s “Billie Jean” 1. This picture of Miley Cyrus‘s little sister, Noah (a.k.a. “Noie”) [being available to the viewing public]
– Eliot Glazer
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| If A Model Falls On The Catwalk, Will Naomi Campbell Be There To Catch Her? Posted: 18 May 2011 08:41 AM PDT Quick answer: No. No she won’t. Naomi Campbell hosted a Fashion For Relief benefit in Cannes this week. And one model decided to make her mark on the fashion industry by falling on her ass a record (probably) FOUR times. It starts off innocently enough. You’re 5’10″, put mini Louboutin trampolines on your feet, had some water salad, and are about to take to the stage. Naomi shoots you a glare — sorry, I meant a bullet, out of her anger gun, and you know you cannot. f*ck. it. up. And then… this happens: Oh hale no. HALE NO. You just signed your own death certificate, pal. Naomi don’t mess around. I mean, she didn’t even have to break her ankles in the fall — I can almost GUARANTEE that Naomi will pull a Misery on this girl and break her ankles for her. Well, Naomi, we don’t want to dissuade you from using your YSL machete on anyone, but then again, look at the bright side… at least she didn’t fall through the stage: Model Falls Through Runway – Watch more Funny Videos |
| Watch As Band Burns Through $5,000 Video Budget Posted: 18 May 2011 07:20 AM PDT Rock band Red Fang was given a $5,000 budget to film their music video for “Wires.” And while most rock bands would bust that budget on wayfarers and bang trimmings alone, Red Fang decided to go an alternate route. Their music video documents EXACTLY how that $5,000 was used, i.e. a car, a lot of milk, and a sh*t ton of watermelons. But how do these items all come together to form such an engaging 4 minutes? Watch and find out. Hmm are we really believing this whole video cost only $5,000? Cammannnnn those beards have to be worth at LEAST $1,000 a piece… (Reddit) |
| If Anna Wintour Says Gays Should Get Married, YOU LISTEN Posted: 18 May 2011 06:44 AM PDT If Meryl Streep‘s portrayal of Anna Wintour in The Devil Wears Prada is any indication, the lady is a dragonbeast. The editor of Vogue — also as evidenced in the documentary The September Issue — is not the kind of person with whom you want to get into a shouting match (or even a whispering match) (LOLOL @ the idea of a “whispering match”). If, in fact, you don’t think gay people deserve the right to get married, then Anna will probably cut you, which you can tell simply by the look in her big, beautiful, terrifying eyes. “Having the right to say ‘I do’ is as fundamental as having the right to vote,” she says on behalf of the HRC’s New York For Marriage Equality campaign. And she’s got a point: if Larry King can Just try looking Anna Wintour straight in the eyes and telling her that gay marriage should remain illegal. She will turn you gay faster than a lacrosse player at a Kylie Minogue concert.
[via Fishbowl] – Eliot Glazer
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| Hipsters Love Indie Music (Duh), And F2M’s Love DJ Kool Herc? Posted: 17 May 2011 10:55 AM PDT As I write this, I’m seated in a So it only makes sense that I’m simultaneously watching a video from sketch group Harvard Sailing Team about hipster music, which has been studied, dissected, and parodied endlessly, although there still really is a band called !!!. That, alone, warrants satire, as does the F2M next to me who seriously won’t shut up about DJ Kool Herc (it’s official: I’m moving to Manhattan) (Manhattan, Kansas — why, what were you thinking?). *Dear DJ Kool Herc: did you know you were still relevant among hip hop nerds and F2M’s? Congratulations!
– Eliot Glazer |
| Vegas Odds: Who’s Next To Go On American Idol? Posted: 17 May 2011 02:22 PM PDT |
| A Quick Word About The Seth MacFarlane Flintstones Reboot Posted: 17 May 2011 01:54 PM PDT
Family Guy creator/rememberer of things Seth MacFarlane has closed a deal to reboot the Flintstones franchise through a series of “tv and film projects.” Predictably, this has been met with an internet wave of “OH GOD NO”, probably because Seth MacFarlane makes bad things and people remember the Flintstones fondly; my colleague Alex Zalben summed up this impending disaster in an all-too-accurate Tweet, “Hey Wilma, do you remember the time when OH WAIT NOTHING HAS HAPPENED BEFORE THIS.” While I share and probably exceed the internet’s general distaste for Seth MacFarlane’s animated humor, and still believe The Flintstones was an objectively great show and not just something we remember fondly out of blind nostalgia, I also believe that some perspective is in order for the panicky masses who are acting like this MacFarlane announcement will somehow ruin the pristine legacy of one of television’s all-time most beloved cartoons. Through all our justifiable anger, here are two facts about The Flinstones that we need to keep in mind:
1. The Flintstones Is Already Super-Derivative The Flintstones was a legitimately funny show that (aside from the laughtrack) still holds up incredibly well, but those of us who are pre-horrified at the pop culture references that MacFarlane will inevitably shoehorn into his reboot need to remember that the original Flintstones cartoon was already chock-full of nonstop references to contemporary pop culture. For starters, the characters of Fred and Barney were completely based on The Honeymooners:
Not only were the characters themselves emblematic of already-existing tv icons, The Flintstones also featured countless winking celebrity cameos, including a Tony Curtis character renamed “Stoney Curtis” and an Ann-Margaret character renamed “Ann-Magrock,” among many, many others:
And for good measure, here’s a full three-minute clip of Ann-Magrock singing on the show: My point is, while MacFarlane will assuredly lean on the constant knowing pop culture references that comprise the majority of each week’s Family Guy script, The Flintstones has always done exactly that. When the new Flintstones comes out, we can certainly argue whether or not MacFarlane accomplishes this prehistoric pop culture satire/regurgitation more deftly than the original show, but we can’t act like the idea of stone age-izing modern celebrities or references is some uniquely eye-rolling concept, because the original Flintstones did this constantly.
2. The Flintstones Franchise Was Already Butchered Decades Ago Even if the new MacFarlane Flintstones ends up being bad, which seems likely, is it really going to be worse than the 1994 live-action Flintstones movie featuring The B.C.-52s, or its 2000 Stephen Baldwin-helmed prequel Viva Rock Vegas? Or, if we want to go back further, is a Seth MacFarlane-produced reboot any more exploitative to the Flintstones name than The Flintstones Meet Rockula And Frankenstone, or Fred And Barney Meet The Shmoo? Or any of the other literally 50+ Flintstones spin-offs, crossovers, tv specials, and 90 years worth of Flintstones cereal commercials, no matter how rad they might have been? The Flintstones franchise has been exploited, Xeroxed, and spread thin over the course of the past 50 years with characteristic Hollywood precision. This doesn’t in any way suggest that a Seth MacFarlane reboot will be a positive or even necessary thing, but we should stop acting like handing the renaming-things-as-rocks reigns over to a successful animator who a lot of us don’t find funny is some unforeseeable, inexcusable act in the show’s spotless history. Granted, I’d love to see the Flintstones rebooted in the hands of an animator capable of delivering a subversive yet true-to-the-original modern-day update, but what were the chances of that honestly happening? If Seth MacFarlane weren’t remaking The Flinstones, someone else equally or more terrible assuredly would. It’s certainly not “good” news that there’s a Seth MacFarlane Flintstones reboot on the way, but c’mon, lazily furious internet, don’t act like the exploitation of the Flintstones is any way shocking or unprecedented. |
| Beagle Does Amazing Chad Ochocinco Impression Posted: 17 May 2011 01:50 PM PDT Here’s a beagle that can CATCH A BALL: Honestly, I don’t know that I could own a pet who is a better athlete than myself. In fact no. I couldn’t. Maybe if someone fed me pieces of meat after catching a ball I’d have a career as a professional tennis player. (Tennis is a sport, right?) Also, nothing makes me “LLOL” (literally laugh out loud) more than skinny ass dog arms. In other words: This video:: A HIT. |
| I Never Thought I’d Say This, But Congratulations Raven-Symoné Posted: 17 May 2011 12:51 PM PDT It’s been a rocky road between me and Raven Symoné. Regular readers of this blog know that some blog posts I’ve put up here have caused majah controversy with those die hard Raven Symone fans out there. There was that time I compared her to a girl who tried to murder her parents with a Christmas tree. Then there was that other time I then compared her to Black Swan because of an outfit she wore and was classified as a “racist,” because people have no idea what that word or concept actually means. And the Blingees… oh… the Blingees. But today is a new day!!! And for Raven-Symoné, a special one. That’s because Raven… and it almost pains me to say this… but you’re having the Best Morning Ever! Watch the video above to find out why. I look forward to the beginning of a long and fruitful non-friendship between us, Rave. |
| Posted: 17 May 2011 10:21 AM PDT Remember when everyone learned what “freewalking” (or Parkour) was years ago on MTV: True Life or something? It caught on hardcore, and people started being dummies and jumping off walls (I was definitely one of those dummies, FYI). Well, that nonsense is DUNZO, you guys. Australians have introduced us to a new “urban sport” called planking, or “lying flat on stuff, face down.” It’s reeeeeeeally stoopid, and totally necessary in the world of Stupid Sh*t We Do, Photograph, And Upload To Facebook. Athletes, babies, and old people: everyone’s doin’ it! [via Ology] – Eliot Glazer |
| Drew Carey Shirtless: What Else Is There To Say? Posted: 17 May 2011 10:21 AM PDT
Oh wow! Unless it’s fake (which it may very well be because the internet is a liar), Drew Carey signed an autograph in 2003 that pictured him bathing in a tub filled with beer or something? This is from when Drew Carey was larger, and also Whose Line Is It Anyway? was in its 17th season. Now he’s both thin and the host of The Price Is Right, so: OLD NEWS! …Unless, of course, you’ve been waiting patiently for a picture of Drew Carey shirtless, in which case: CONGRATULATIONS! There isn’t really much to say about Drew Carey (raise your hand if you’re a fan of “Drew Carey’s comedy”), so, y’know, TAKE IT IN! [via CTRL + W33D] – Eliot Glazer |
| The Cast Of Willy Wonka: 40 Years Later Posted: 17 May 2011 10:12 AM PDT The cast of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory appeared on the Today Show this week to celebrate the film’s 40th anniversary, and those of us who’ve been waiting our entire lives for closure on what actually happened to the four naughty children can rest easy because they’re all still alive, plus Augustus has an awesome hat! (Click pic for full size):
Awww, cute! So Mike Teavee was successfully taffy-pulled and Violet had her juice drained and Augustus didn’t drown to death in the chocolate after all? But wait, that means Willy Wonka didn’t actually murder four children because of their respective immature character flaws — does that mean it’s ok for me to watch tv and eat chocolate forever? Cause that’s what I’ve been doing, I’ve just been feeling bad about it this whole time. This really clears things up. Thanks, Today Show! (pic via FilmDrunk, video at BuzzFeed) |
| Steven Tyler Is America’s “Eternal Girl” Posted: 17 May 2011 09:21 AM PDT
In his new book, Does The Noise in My Head Bother You?, Aerosmith frontman turned American Idol judge Steven Tyler addresses rumors past and present. Yes, everything from the hard-partying days of yore to his current gender identification noodle-scratcher. Oh, you didn’t hear? Yeah, Steven Tyler is having a gendie identificayshies ishies! Which is the last thing we’d expect to hear from a Stevie Nicks impersonator. Speaking about statements regarding how in touch he is with his female side, Tyler says, “Let me set the record straight — it’s more half and half, and I love the fact that my feelings are akin to puella eternis (Latin for “the eternal girl”). What better to be like than the stronger of the species?” Well, that’s great for you, Steven! But I think the real scoop here is that Steven Tyler speaks Latin? **bows down** pps: Has it been totally ruled out that Steven Tyler wasn’t on The Real Housewives of the OC? Evidence ahead…
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| Matthew Morrison And His Ukelele Can Get It. Posted: 17 May 2011 09:20 AM PDT Glee‘s Matthew Morrison parked his perfectly sculpted jaw in our humble VH1 lobby this morning, making an appearance on VH1 Big Morning Buzz Live with host Carrie Keagan. He was everything anyone could have ever dreamed of: Handsome, funny, charming, and oh, what? He plays the ukelele?? Well we have no choice then. Give that man a comically tiny guitar and just see what he does with it. Here is Matthew Morrison improvising a little tune for us. Allow me to add that I was on set, playing the role of “creepy giant,” and what you are about to watch is lady porn for the eyes and ears and, well… you know. Enjoy. I know what you’re thinking: Where can I pick up Matthew Morrison’s self-titled debut album? Um, obvie Amazon and Itunes. Come on grandma. |
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