Best Week Ever |
- Who’s Got Two Thumbs And Is The World’s Most Typical Man?
- Scooter Dog Scoots As Advertised
- The American Idol Top 12: Here Are BWE’s Picks
- This Jesse Eisenberg Impression Is Way Too Good
- Daniel Radcliffe Is Magic On The Dance Floor
- It’s A Happy Hockey Bear Celebration!
- Watch: Onion SportsDome Knows How To Make A Wish Come True
- TOP CHEF ALL-STARS RECAP: Give Me Your Huddled Masses Yearning To Be FOOD
- The Wisconsin Protests Just Became Relevant To My Interests
- Wow, Howie Mandel Looks Like Sh*t
| Who’s Got Two Thumbs And Is The World’s Most Typical Man? Posted: 04 Mar 2011 08:25 AM PST An intensive National Geographic study of the world’s population recently determined that the “Most Typical Human” on Earth is male, 28, and Han Chinese. They then combined more than 100,000 photos of people under this description to come up with the following composite photograph of the World’s Most Typical Man:
Haha, that guyyyy. Think he’s flattered to hold such a sweeping distinction, or he panicked and instantly dyed his hair orange and started listening to math rock? I’m just surprised the most typical human wasn’t Tobey Maguire. So what do you think of the results, Janine from Ghostbusters (who I always ask about things)?
You said it, Sass-ter. Video of the NatGeo Project is after the jump. It’s one of those new videos where all the words appear and little graphics keep pointing you to the next set of words, only Dennis Leary’s voice isn’t calling your truck gay in this one:
(via Yahoo)  |
| Scooter Dog Scoots As Advertised Posted: 04 Mar 2011 07:44 AM PST I’m pretty sure this video of a dog riding a scooter was actually the pilot for The Internet – Sandra Bullock from The Net submitted it to the people from Hackers, and The Internet got picked up. The network ordered 24 Blonde Joke emails and a page of fake Mortal Kombat 3 rumors, and the rest was history. This dog was then named CEO of The Internet, and continues to preside over the soullessly whimsical wasteland we continue to waste our lives in today: (via Urlesque)  |
| The American Idol Top 12: Here Are BWE’s Picks Posted: 03 Mar 2011 04:13 PM PST
This week, the Top 24 remaining contestants performed on the American Idol stage. Some of it was surprisingly amazing! And some of it… we horrendous. Tonight, Ryan Seacrest will announce who is going on to the Top 12. Here are our picks. And ahead, we have a special GIF to remember those who hopefully won’t make it through… OUR TOP 12 DREAM TEAM: Ashthon Jones – Not our favorite but adorable and peppy. See the eliminated up ahead with my reasonings… and let me know if you agree or disagree!
Karen Rodriguez – How do you say “Too much Latin flavor” in actual Latin? So, what do you think? Any glaring problems here? Let me know in the comments! I know you will.
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| This Jesse Eisenberg Impression Is Way Too Good Posted: 03 Mar 2011 01:37 PM PST The following video, “Never Before Seen Jesse Eisenberg For 127 Hours”, fits the bill of your standard, funny internet video: It’s short, it’s well-written, it’s, whatever other general stuff, things, nice. It’s amusing. Watch it. The Jesse Eisenberg impression (by FoD’s Scott Gairdner) is so ridiculously accurate, though, it’s almost scary. And I don’t scare easily, and I am literally now scared of this impression. Might’ve lied about the scaring easily part, cause getting scared by an accurate Jesse Eisenberg impression probably does qualify as scaring easily, regardless of other usual scaredness in scared situations. We’ll discuss that later – watch this video and be scared:  |
| Daniel Radcliffe Is Magic On The Dance Floor Posted: 03 Mar 2011 01:20 PM PST
Daniel RADcliffe in rehearsal for his upcoming Broadway show, How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying. In case you don’t recognize him without his Harry Potter wardrobe, he’s the one who looks amazing.  |
| It’s A Happy Hockey Bear Celebration! Posted: 03 Mar 2011 01:15 PM PST Everything about this photo awwmuses me (amuses, but cuter):
That’s Mikhail Grabovski of the Toronto Maple Leafs celebrating his overtime winning goal last night with Carlton The Bear, the Leafs’ mascot. My friend Kevin accurately observed, “It’s like when an animal recognizes itself,” which made me continue laughing at the photo for an additional [amount of time redacted for fear of being fired for unproductivity]. The chimp just discovered the mirror!!! This works on so many levels. (via Puck Daddy)  |
| Watch: Onion SportsDome Knows How To Make A Wish Come True Posted: 03 Mar 2011 01:46 PM PST Michael Torpey is a hilarious comic who is a correspondent for Onion SportsDome, a show that’s part of the Onion Sports Network. In this heart-warming piece, Torpey and his Wish Zone team help an injured young athlete’s greatest wish come true. Awesome. That kid who plays Dylan is so good. Also, I really enjoy the subtle nod to Friday Night Lights‘ Dylan Panthers, football-related paralysing injury-wise. Clear eyes, full hearts, cold revenge. You can watch SportsDome on Comedy Central, Tuesdays at 8/7 C  |
| TOP CHEF ALL-STARS RECAP: Give Me Your Huddled Masses Yearning To Be FOOD Posted: 03 Mar 2011 11:15 AM PST It’s the final episode before the Top Chef All-Stars Finale, “Give Me Your Huddled Masses”, but before we get to the pointless Quickfire and almost as pointless Elimination Challenge, first things first – this photo of Mike Isabella as a kid:
THE BEST!!!! Who knew Mike was so flamboyantly adorable before he grew up to become a fish?
Ah! Snap back to reality (oops there goes fishity). What? No idea either, I’ve given up trying to make sense in these recaps. Not like I’m gonna get eliminated before the Finale, will I? Or anyone?? Let’s find out. First up, a LOW STAKES QUICKFIRE furnished by Dial Low Soap: The chefs are hanging out in their chefpartment, wondering if Padma is going to show up, when suddenly there’s a knock on the door and Antonia FLIPS HER CHEFT:
It’s actually just Padma telling the contestants to board the ferry to Ellis Island, and on the way, they’ll have to prepare a dish using only whatever leftover crappy food they can scrounge up from the Ellis Island Ferry snack bar. They’ll start when the boat’s horn sounds, and stop when the horn sounds again, so they have no idea how long they have to prepare their dish — JUST LIKE A REAL CHEF. Some of the dishes are legitimately creative, like Richard’s Hot Dog and Beef Jerky Sandwich with Jalapeño, Pork Rinds, Lettuce and Apple, cooked with the help of a military MRE pouch that Richard happened to have in his pocket. Of course Richard has military MRE pouches on his person at all times — I don’t think any single detail in Top Chef history fits more perfectly than this fact. Other dishes, like Mike’s BREAD SOUP WITH SOUR CREAM, are literally abortions:
That’s it! Pack it up. Food’s over. Not Michael’s stay on the show, I mean, all of food has just come to an end after that. Good thing Mike won’t be going on to the finale, right guys? Why’s no one high-fiving me? Carla wins the Quickfire for her Orange and Papaya Salad with Carrot and Rosemary Juice, which kind of sounds like a bowl of acid, but I guess she’s good. Carla stays red-hot this season, and as her Quickfire Prize, she wins… Now that the chefs are at Ellis Island, we’re ready for the Elimination Challenge. WHAT COULD IT BE??? I’ll bet it’s “cook something that has to do with islands.” To help the chefs with the challenge, Top Chef brought in some very special guests…
It’s TOP MOMS!!! And some spouses! Richard’s wife, Carla’s husband, and the moms of Antonia, Mike, and Tiffany all stroll in for an emotionally charged reunion with their cheffer halves. Not to be unnecessarily cynical (Ed Note – exactly to be that), but haven’t the chefs been on this show for like, six days? Adult humans frequently go that long without seeing their mothers, and when they do, it doesn’t instantly turn into an emotional wedding toast. But ok, moms and spouses are there to help the chefs trace their ancestry, and they’ll have to cook a dish that represents their heritage, with the winning chef taking home a new Toyota Highlander (there can be only one):
Good thing Bravo blurred that license plate – I was totally gonna track down the winning chef and mail them fake parking tickets. As soon as the Elimination Challenge was explained, literally about 10-15 minutes into the episode, my roommate predicted that all five people would be going to the Finale. Man, did he call that with Bill Maher-like accuracy. But we’ll pretend we don’t know what happens for the purposes of this Recap. WHUT HAPPENZ?? Did you buy that? I’m so good at pretending. The “tracing their lineage” part of the episode hits the adorable note Bravo was going for, even though it does go on for a solid 20 minutes, but the scene does produce several stunning revelations — Antonia and Mike are distant cousins from Sicily, for one, and there’s this telling fact about Richard:
Also, is there a more intense name than JAZMIN BLAIS? So awesome. If she were a character in a Mortal Kombat game, the computer would be so cheaply impossible when you played against her. Richard then freezes his ancestry book. The chefs each prepare dishes to honor their ancestors (with Padma taking the obligatory three seconds to point out that Carla and Tiffany’s immigrant experiences were slightly different than some of the other chefs’) – Richard is making an Irish/English tribute, Carla and Tiffany are making southern food, and Mike and Antonia are cooking Italian. Everything seems to be going well, all the testimonials are super upbeat, and everyone is happy. The “all five chefs getting passed along to the Finale” prediction grows more and more accurate. This week’s guest judge is Blue Hill’s Dan Barber, who looks enough like Joe Buck for me to be bored by him:
Sidenote: The only plus side to the months without football and baseball is that I can go long periods of time without having to hear Joe Buck. It’s like a nice, subtle massage. Or actually, it’s like whatever the opposite of a massage is doesn’t happen to me for a couple months. The chefs present their dishes to the judges and the spouses and the momses, and everyone absolutely loves everything. In fact, everyone loves everything a little too much. Could it be that no one is getting eliminated and all five get passed along to the Finale and that was probably Bravo’s intent the whole time because who was gonna get chewed out by the Judges in front of their mothers? On the plus side, Carla’s husband is the most calm, reserved dude ever, which really amused me. At Judge’s Table, all five chefs are called in together, and they link their arms and prepare to meet their fate, like that ridiculously intense part from Toy Story 3:
Antonia wins the Elimination Challenge for her Braised Veal, Rapini Leaf, and Fava Bean Risotto. Then Michael is passed along to the Finale, keeping the COUSINS RIVALRY intact – it’s like the Voltaggio Brothers, but one of them is awful! They’ll both be headed to the Bahamas for the big probably not sponsored by the Bahamas Finale. Padma then says to Richard “Pack your knives…you’re GO……….ing to the Bahamas!” ["Rrrrrrrrrr you going to the mall today?" "No I'm not going to the mall, Billy, keep spelling."] Richard has a heart attack and Tom laughs at him. This leaves just Carla and Tiffany, and another commercial break! Oh no, who’s going home? Neither of them, as we predicted six hours ago and kept being re-affirmed by the total lack of criticism of anyone? Carla and Tiffany are both going to the Finale!
Top Chef has pulled a “no one’s going home!” twist in almost every season, and there hadn’t been one yet this year, plus with the suspiciously positive Judges’ critiques and the way-too-emotional implications of the challenge itself, there was just no way anyone was getting sent home this episode. Plus Bravo usually sends all the chefs to the Finale location anyway, since the finalists usually have eliminated contestants helping them and the show doesn’t want to leak the results by only sending the finalists to the final location, so again, the non-elimination was pretty foreseeable (though my friend calling it at like 10:15 was downright Rain Manny. Rain Man predicted reality shows, right?) So your finale will be Richard, Carla, Tiffany, Mike, and Antonia. Richard is the obvious favorite, and the last few shocking eliminations may have bought Top Chef enough shock-cred to have a non-shocking Finale Winner, but if I had to bet, my gut’s telling me that Carla is going to win. I wouldn’t be too upset if Anotnia won, cause she’s been legit all season, but Mike and Tiffany really have no business being in the Finale. Next Week: The finalists have to cook against the chefs who won their seasons (awesome!) and Padma is in a bikini on a boat with Kinda Vince Neil (boners!):
Ellis Island episode thoughts? Who’s winning the Finale? Honor your comment ancestors in the comments.  |
| The Wisconsin Protests Just Became Relevant To My Interests Posted: 03 Mar 2011 11:23 AM PST The fine people of Wisconsin have been protesting everything that’s been f*cked up with the government as of recent times. And while I have been supporting the common man in spirit, I haven’t embraced the spirit of the protests from all the way out here in Los Angeles, where invisible food and non-existent work grows on trees. Where was I? Ah yes. Real America. This video from the protests has been brought to my attention, and I can honestly say that I am now extreeeemely interested in the Wisconsin protests. That’s because it’s a bunch of tuba players and singers honking out “Do You Hear The People Sing?” from Les Miserables in the Madison Capitol. And they are good. REALLY good. Guy who is playing Mid-Western Marius: Call me. I’ve never seen straight men so into a musical before in my life. (via Natasha Vargas-Cooper)  |
| Wow, Howie Mandel Looks Like Sh*t Posted: 03 Mar 2011 10:22 AM PST
Jesus CHRIST, is it just us, or has Howie Mandel aged, like, 20 years since the last time we saw him. (To be fair, the last time we saw him was in Little Monsters.) Seriously, that’s some Gandhi sh*t right thurr. [Photo: Splash]  |
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