Friday, September 24, 2010

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Here’s A Little Indian Kid Dancing With A Transformer

Posted: 24 Sep 2010 08:51 AM PDT

I don’t know much about Indian cinema, but I like to imagine that their transformer-dancing-with-a-little-kid movies are like our buddy cop movies.  I hope five of these come out a year and they’re all the same.  And then jaded Indian film majors are all like, “Really, another transformer-dancing-with-a-little-kid movie?  Oh, let me guess, the kid is little and the transformer is a car and they dance to a repetitive song?  Jesus Christ, my screen play has no chance, and frankly I don’t want it to if this is what audiences want.”  That’s what I hope jaded film majors in India are like.  Because of how many transformer-dancing-with-a-little-kid movies they keep making over there.

Videogum wins today’s 24-hour internet video cycle.

DWTS’ Mark Ballas Strips At The Airport: Dumb Or Normal?

Posted: 24 Sep 2010 08:58 AM PDT

Let’s say you’re in the middle of the Anchorage airport and you suddenly realize that your pants are a bit tight and your private area is starting to feel like a prisoner. Then you remember that you have those seriously comfy VIBE sweatpants in your suitcase. You can’t wait to change! You just wish you didn’t have to go all the way to the nearest restroom, where you’ll probably end up in a cramped stall and stepping in someone else’s two-day old urine. But wait, your name is Mark Ballas!

You don’t exactly live under the radar. You’re on a highly popular primetime TV show called Dancing With the Stars. You’re hanging out with your dance partner Bristol Palin. You just met her mommy Sarah Palin (bonus Twitpic after the jump), who probably doesn’t want her little girl drooling at you in your tighty whities. Plus, you can’t ignore that paparazzo lurking in the corner. But then you think how you’re undies are no more revealing than the Speedo you wear when you’re on the beach back in L.A. And you think about how Americans can be such prudes! What the hell do you do?

[Photos: Splash News Online]

NBC Will See You Next Thursday, Clint

Posted: 24 Sep 2010 08:13 AM PDT

At first, I thought it was only me who mistook Clint’s name written boldly underneath his face on last night’s The Apprentice for perhaps the most unladylike of words. THE word. THE BIG C. But it turns out all 2 of the people I was watching with also misread what it said.

Donald, you might want to reconsider which fonts you’re using. You giant, clinty, son of a bitch. Loving the hot pink eyelids this season, btw.

Actual Real Life Good Internet News: Super Wi-Fi Coming Soon

Posted: 24 Sep 2010 08:10 AM PDT

Most of the time, news about the internet is both hard to understand and seemingly bad.  There are always stories coming out about “net neutrality” where you find out that maybe we won’t have net neutrality soon… or something!  You’ll see a story with a headline like “Federal Regulators Punt The Ball On Net Neutrality,” and you’re like “Nooooo, don’t punt the ball on that sh*t!!”  And then you go and re-look up what net neutrality is because it is impossible to remember what net neutrality is for more than two weeks at a time.  It’s like trying to remember the correct way to use “vis-a-vis.”

But today, some easy to understand internet news came out.  Guys!  We’re going to have super wi-fi soon!  The FCC ruled yesterday to allow for all the now unused television broadcast signals to be used, without license, for broadcasting much more powerful and wide reaching wi-fi signals.  So now, all these more powerful broadcast signals vis-a-vis net neutrality will be, like, you know… I… have to go, I’m getting a call right now and I have to take it because I already didn’t earlier and then said I would call them back already…

Thanks, Arianna Huffington.

REMIX: Halle Berry’s Honest Perfume Ad

Posted: 24 Sep 2010 07:50 AM PDT

Halle Berry recently released a pretentious, bizarre perfume commercial in which Stephen Dorff asks her a bunch of nonsensical questions. As amusing as that random pairing is, I’ve taken the liberty of re-recording the questions myself to produce a commercial that makes a lot more sense. You’ll want to have your perfume-buyin’ bucks ready:

Top Chef All-Stars Announced, Redefines Meaning Of “All” And “Stars”

Posted: 23 Sep 2010 03:01 PM PDT

It’s official – Top Chef Season 8 will be Top Chef All-Stars:

Hmmm, seems awfully lazy, but might not be all bad — I see some familiar faces there, so there’s definite pros and cons…

Pros:

- Richard Blais and Tiffany Dery will have a shot to re-win the seasons they should’ve won.

- Fabio will say more things.

- Season will take place in Allstarsia, the All-Star city, known for its cuisine (stars).

Cons:

A Whole Ton Of Julianne Moore Crying

Posted: 23 Sep 2010 02:50 PM PDT

Somebody put together a really great compilation of Julianne Moore crying in a bunch of different movies.  You’re all like, “I don’t want to watch over three minutes of an actress crying.” And I’m all, “Trust me.  You do.”

I find actors who can cry on command very impressive.  I have serious troubles even crying not on purpose.  True sad story: The last time I cried I was very sick, took too much Nyquil, and then watched Hardball starring Keanu Reeves.  At some point in the movie, a little kid gets shot and Keanu delivers a eulogy that made me completely fall apart.  Then I started crying more because I was so sad that the first time I had cried in three years was over a Keanu Reeves movie.

Thanks, The Daily What.

20 Serious Rolling Stone Articles On Stupid Covers

Posted: 23 Sep 2010 01:25 PM PDT

Rolling Stone has always tried to balance the production of legitimate journalism with a self-sustaining need to remain trendy and eye-catching. The result? Very often, extremely serious articles get mentioned on the cover underneath giant, extremely not-serious cover stories, to hilarious effect.

From the archives of unintentional dark comedy, here’s a list of 20 Serious Rolling Stone Articles On Stupid Rolling Stone Covers:

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NBC’s Community To Air First Ever Twittersode! No Idea What That Means!

Posted: 23 Sep 2010 01:31 PM PDT

Okay, I’ve read this a few times, and I think I get it.  But the more certain I am that I get it, the more sure I become that I really don’t get it.  I’m just going to let you read the story verbatim.  From the Huffington Post:

The premiere of NBC’s “Community” will begin with a scene played out online, in 140 characters or less.NBC has announced that ahead of the sitcom’s Thursday premiere, “Community” will present what it’s calling a “Twittersode.” A scene will be acted out on Twitter feeds devoted to the show’s characters, who will be planning their second year at community college.

The scene will be composed of 80 tweets and will debut at 7 p.m. EDT, an hour before the show is scheduled to air. It can be followed at  http://www.NBC.com/CommunityTwittersode


Okay.  Let’s walk ourselves through this.  They’re saying the premiere episode will begin with a scene played out on Twitter.  At first this would seem to mean that the first scene that you see on TV will basically show the tweets from these characters.  But then they seem to negate that.  They say ahead of the episode, there will just be tweets from the show’s characters.  So basically… the show does not begin with a Twitter scene?  Right?  It’s not part of the show.  It’s just a promotion on a different medium before the show.  That’s like if somebody asked me how Inception started and I said, “Well the movie begins with me being confused at the automated ticket machine, and then I get tricked into buying a ridiculously large soda.”  That’s not part of the movie.

To be clear, I like Community.  I think it’s a very good show.  But this is a weird thing.  I’m sure it’s no fault of the writers or actors.  Having worked in TV before (granted, it was for weird cable TV), my guess would be that there was a meeting that went something like this –

TV Executive:  So, we’re thinking for the premiere you guys should start with a Twittersode!

Writers: Uhhhhh……

TV Executive:  You know, for the kids!

Writers: What does… that… mean?

TV Executive:  It all happens on Twitter!

Writers:  What happens on Twitter?

TV Executive:  The Twittersode.  You’ll figure it out; you guys are great; we love ya!

Writers: Uhhhhhh…

TV Executive:  Guys, I gotta go take this call. I’m going to have a completely different job in 6 weeks where I’ll make more money and nobody will no what exactly it is that I do byeeeeeeeee!!

And then the writers had to come up with a thing that the executive could call a Twittersode.  If this is not what happened, I would like to issue a pre-apology to the writers of Community.  Sorry guys!  But, seriously, a Twittersode?

Warm Blockbuster Memories

Posted: 23 Sep 2010 11:06 AM PDT

The video rental store chain, Blockbuster, has been in trouble for a few years as Netflix has been taken over an increasing share of the market.  Today it was announced that Blockbuster is filing for bankruptcy protection.  Their stores will continue operating for now, but it’s not looking good for them.  In recognition of what is likely the end of Blockbuster, I think we should all share our memories of the videos that we always remember seeing in our local Blockbuster stores.  You know, those movies that just always stuck out to you.  You wouldn’t necessarily rent them, but they would catch your eye and you always knew where they were in the store.  For example: Warlock.  What the f*ck was Warlock?  I have no idea, but there is no video cover that is more clear in my mind.

He came from the past to destroy the future?  What?  The future in the past is still just the future.  Why couldn’t he destroy it from then?  And if you can go into the future, why half ass it?  Why go to the future that’s still before the future that you want to destroy.  Just go to the future you want to destroy and destroy it in the present.  Right?  Anyway, I’ll always remember that video cover and never ever see the movie.

Now this next movie, I actually saw.  I think a lot of us did.  But much more iconic than the movie was the video cover.  Remember the cover for The Wizard?

I made my mom rent this for me when I was about six years old.   Then I was so mad when it ended, and at no point during the movie had Fred Savage and that girl held up that kid on their shoulders.  I remember thinking, “Why would they put that on the cover if it never happened?!”  That was my main criterion for judging movies at that point in my life.  I wanted the video covers to accurately represent the movie.  The Wizard failed miserably at this.  “Bull!” I would mutter to myself whenever I passed by it at the Blockbuster.

This next one is from later in life.  I’ve actually heard good things about this movie, but never seen it.  All I know for sure was that it was in the new release section of my hometown Blockbuster store for the entire duration of my college years.

You know how you know something isn’t a new release anymore?  If you’ve had enough time to complete an undergraduate degree and live in three different cities since it first appeared in the new release section.  And now, in a perfect synchronization with the changing world, Bubba Ho-Tep is available to watch instantly on Netflix and I see it every time I browse through their suggestions for me.  Bubba Ho-Tep has come from the past to destroy my future.

Are these movie covers you guys remember?  Is this just a me thing?

E-MAIL THIS TO YOUR MOM: Corgis Frolicking in the Snow

Posted: 23 Sep 2010 11:04 AM PDT

Corgis: Small. Curious. Satellite-eared. Squat-legged. Not the fastest. Kind of creepy when they sleep. Overall a fantastic breed.

The one thing they weren’t really built for: 3 foot tall snowdrifts. Still, that’s not going to stop gool ol’ corgi determination. As this video will prove: They love it. Allow the tips of their ears sticking out of the snow to prove that to you.

It’s been a while since you’ve e-mailed your Mom. So come on. Do it now. She’s waiting by the computer for it. Love, Your Mom.

True Blood Meets Sesame Street in Genius Muppet Parody Form

Posted: 23 Sep 2010 10:37 AM PDT

The giant felt brains behind the always relevant children’s show Sesame Street have dusted off Guy Smiley, put a longer wig on the guy, and turned him into our favorite Sam Merlotte in their parody of HBO’s True Blood. This time, it’s True Mud, and features muppet vampire versions of some of the characters you want to sleep with (and Sookie Stackhouse). The only thing missing? A giant, felt Alexander Skarsgård.

Watch this even if you’re not a True Blood fan, if only to hear the word “mud” said in a hilarious southern accent.

This also marks the first time we’ve ever seen special effects on Sesame Street. (via The Hollywood Reporter)

Sorry, Everyone, I Think I Screwed Up Buzzfeed

Posted: 23 Sep 2010 10:05 AM PDT

I am an idiot.  Everyone who reads this site knows that.  And, like an idiot, I assumed you people would let everyone else know that I’m an idiot because it’s very important that people know that.  Well, you guys did not do your job.  One of you forgot to tell Buzzfeed.  And now their website is RUINED.

A few days ago I posted a video from Urlesque that was a fan-fiction style fake trailer for a fake Pokemon movie.  But, like I said before, I am an idiot and I didn’t bother to carefully read the text of the Urlesque headline and I thought the trailer was completely real.  You know… ’cause I’m an idiot.  So, I posted the fake Pokemon trailer on this site under the headline:

Actual Real Life Live-Action Pokemon Trailer

Hahaha! That’s not true at all! And the the first sentence of my post was, “This is an actual real thing that real people made and they are not joking.”  Whoops!  That could not be less accurate.  Within a few minutes, a vigilant commenter corrected me, and I went back to the original post and realized I had been way out of line.  I put an update at the end of my post pointing out the error and explaining that the trailer was not, in fact, real.  Well, that update was apparently not adequate because here is Buzzfeed’s home page right now.

Can we zoom in on the bottom please, internet?

I’m such an idiot that I made Buzzfeed look like an idiot.  I made a liar out of Buzzfeed.  Sorry, Buzzfeed!

Now people are seeing that on Buzzfeed, getting their hopes up, clicking on the link, reading most of my post, getting so excited, and then seeing the update with my correction at the bottom and getting so sad.  Look.

I broke some girl’s boyfriend’s heart.  I feel very terrible.  Sorry, that girl.  Sorry, Buzzfeed.
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