Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

This Video Is Literally Called “Baby Porcupine Eats A Banana And Has Hiccups”

Posted: 22 Sep 2010 08:14 AM PDT

I guess on some level, you have to know that if porcupines exist there must be baby porcupines.  But somehow, I had never considered or spent a minute thinking about the concept of a porcupine that is a baby.  It turns out, my life has been a waste.  I should have been thinking about baby porcupines the whole time.  Never again will I not think about baby porcupines.  I’m going to start a band called Baby Porcupines.  We are a concept band that doesn’t play music.  All we do is think about baby porcupines.

Well, I checked.  You can’t by a baby porcupine on ebay.  Not even an adult one.  Stuff is so stupid.

Thank you, Buzzfeed.

Sesame Street’s “My New Computer” Is The Fall Jam Of 1991

Posted: 22 Sep 2010 07:56 AM PDT

Since the Katy Perry Sesame Street video hit the webnet on Monday, I’ve been watching old Sesame Street videos nonstop, and rather than just post every single one of them in succession, I’ve exercised restraint and Sophie’s-Choiced my favorite from the bunch, an awesome tech-pop opus entitled “My New Computer.”

This makes me want to learn what a computer is all over again! Though you didn’t have to insult pencil sharpeners, future lady:

It’s Not Too Late To Save Lone Star (Though The Same Can’t Be Said For David Keith’s Face)

Posted: 21 Sep 2010 03:34 PM PDT

Did you watch Lone Star on Fox last night? Judging by the anemic ratings, the answer is pretty clearly “No”! While television industry analysts are virtually drooling on their keyboards with anticipation that the program might be the first cancellation of the 2010 Fall Television Season, we are hoping that cooler heads prevail because we enjoyed the hell out of it. Not only does it feature a long con that both Sawyer and Anthony Cooper would deem impressive in nature, but romance, intrigue and high stakes family drama all seem as if they’ll feature prominently throughout the show’s run. Plus, there is that teeny matter of us sinking our life savings into printing thousands of Team Cat vs. Team Lindsay t-shirts…

So, what we’re saying is this: Give Lone Star a chance, people! Stream it on Fox.com, set your DVRs, etc. Should you do so, however, we do have one warning for you: Just be sure not to stare at your television too long when David “Firestarter” Keith* comes on screen. We’re not quite sure what has happened to him in the years since receiving a Golden Globe nomination for Best Supporting Actor for his work in An Officer And A Gentlemen, but his ghastly visage now resembles a poorly constructed mashup of Arli$$ and Rick “Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire” Rockwell’s faces. Cue Joker laugh …. now!

*Not to be confused with Keith David, mind you.

DJ Pauly D’s Halloween Costume? DJ Pauly D, Of Course

Posted: 21 Sep 2010 02:17 PM PDT

Remember how annoying it was last Halloween when like nine Lady Gagas ran around your party singing “Poker Face”? Well, this Halloween, say bye-bye to Gaga and hello to guidos. Yes, that’s right, all the cool kids creatively-challenged sheep will be decked out in their chintziest Jersey Shore wares a few weekends from now. It’s hard to believe, but at this time last year, no one knew the difference between a Snooki and a Situation, let alone a DJ Pauly D, so naturally they’re going to be this year’s big costume. (Side Note: Dear NBC Today Show producers, if you’re reading this, please please PLEASE don’t dress up Matt and Meredith and the gang as the Jersey Shore cast).

In fact, Jersey Shore costumes are SO popular that even DJ Pauly D is planning on going as DJ Pauly D for Halloween. In this vid he posted to his YouTube account, he tries on the Pauly D costume that thousands of jabronis will be wearing come October 31. The verdict? As much as we love Pauly D here at Best Week Ever, we think he’d be better off going as a Slutty Cookie Monster.

[Hat tip to MikeTheSituation.com!]

Actual Real Life Live-Action Pokemon Trailer

Posted: 21 Sep 2010 03:36 PM PDT

This is an actual real thing that real people made and they are not joking.  But somehow this real trailer seems like a parody of parody movie trailers.  This will turn all of your brains into infinity signs.  Everyone, the trailer for Pokemon Apokelypse:

Couple of things… First of all, one of the only things I know about Pokemon is the whole thing where a kid goes, “Pikachu, I choose youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!”  And then colored lights go nuts, and some kids get seizures, and then parents are like “bla bla bla,” and then I don’t know what ever happened with all that.  But in this trailer, they take the one thing I know, the “I choose you” thing, and they have the guy say it to a girl.  Gross.  Also the whole “gotta catch ‘em all” aspect seemed a lot less serious and sexually assault-ish in the original cartoon.  Anyway, I can’t wait until this comes out on whatever the next thing after Blu-ray will be.

Thanks, urlesque.

UPDATE: Yup, this isn’t real.  Sorry, guys.  I misread the original story about it.  They said it was a trailer they “wished was real,” and somehow my brain read that as “wished wasn’t real.”  This makes sense now, you know, as a not real thing.  Sorry again.  Carry on.

Man Turns Land Rover Into Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Posted: 21 Sep 2010 01:59 PM PDT

Way to go, Stuart Wallis of Ringwood, NJ! You now own a real-life Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and all it cost you was the cost of a Land Rover, three months of labor, and having that Land Rover!

Behold, the real-life Land Rover Chitty Chitty Bang Bang:

Personally, my budget for “Let Me Get This Cool Pic On The Internet” Projects is slightly below the cost of a Range Rover. Like, the cost of a Range Rover minus 5 dollars below it.

Fortunately for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang-referencing posterity, Mr. Wallis does not have those budgetary / time / “why are you doing this, me?” restrictions. Well done, sir.

I Finally Quit Friendster

Posted: 21 Sep 2010 01:09 PM PDT

Well, Dan Hopper just did a post about joining Twitter, and, frankly, I think it’s unfair.  It’s really hard to find stuff to blog about all day and now all the sudden he gets a freebie post just for joining a thing on the internet?  I don’t think so.  I’m calling shenanigans on Dan Hopper.  I will not accept Dan having more posts for the day than me based on shenanigans, so to even the playing field I am quitting Friendster and writing about it.  YOU’LL RUE THE DAY, DAN HOPPER!!!  I’ll not be outposted by the likes of a new Twitter joiner.

Clearly, I’m quitting Friendster mostly out of spite for Dan.  But also because it is no longer useful in anyway.  I don’t even know the last time I logged into it.

You see that, Dan!?  I just goofed on your pie chart.  You just got goof pied.  IN YOUR FACE!  You should see your face right now.  But you can’t.  Because you got goof pie all up in your eyes.

Anyway, here’s my Friendster profile (un-updated since sophomore year of college) in its last moment before it gets deleted.

Haha! Boston, MA.  I don’t live there anymore!  Who’s in charge of doing Friendster updates, Dan Hopper?  Oh SH*T, I just goofed on Dan AGAIN.

Alright, let’s do this.  Oh… another step.  Cool.

And there we go.

Yeah!  Take that, Dan!  I now have as many posts as you AND you’ve been goofed on.  Oh, you did another post during the 2 hours I spent doing this bullsh*t thing?  God damn it.  Go to hell.

Anyway, all of you who aren’t Dan can follow me on Twitter here: @NoahGarfinkel.  I can’t let him get more followers than me.  He’s already murdering me on Friendster friends.

Zack Morris Was The Coolest Kid On The Wonder Years Too

Posted: 21 Sep 2010 12:18 PM PDT

Huuhhhhzzzuuuuhhhhh???? Zack Morris apparently just used his SBTB Season One time-manipulating powers to travel back to the Wonder Years grade school and steal the love of poor Kevin Arnold’s life.

It’s like The Flintstones Meet The Jetsons, if Bam-Bam was a total douchebag. Wait, he definitely is. So yeah, it’s exactly like that:

(via Buzzfeed)

I Finally Joined Twitter

Posted: 21 Sep 2010 11:03 AM PDT

After nonstop pleas from literally several friends and fans (by “fans” I mean, myself in lipstick with my penis tucked between my legs in the mirror), I have joined Twitter.

Check it out (so much to look at right now!!!): Twitter.com/DanHopp.

My reluctance to join had nothing to do with a philosophical contempt for the technology (Twitter seems like the bee’s knees!), or a lack of my ego requiring a numerical validation of the importance of things I randomly think of (because I definitely already need that), I just currently spend the vast majority of my life glued to the internet and didn’t want to glue myself to it even more:

Fortunately for humankind, I have overcome that reasonable impulse and will now be writing short stupid things and posting stupid links that everyone can read. Apologies in advance for my gradual, parent-like Twitter learning curve (DOT COM…HUH???), but I assure you, once I get the hang of it, my Tweets are gonna be TOTALLY slightly amusing.

Annoying “Happy Holidays” Debate: The Movie!

Posted: 21 Sep 2010 09:55 AM PDT

You know how every December, a billion recycled rants resurface on cable news and talk shows where people defiantly try to keep the “Christ” in “Christmas,” even though most of us atheists could not give a sh*t less whether a Walgreen’s wishes us “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas” after describing its December sale prices, causing us to wonder why 99% of the dialogue on this topic belongs to the 1% of people with extreme opinions on this topic rather than the 99% of religious and nonreligous people with more important things to worry about?

Well now, that debate is a movie! Starring Ted McGinley and Daniel Baldwin! Behold, Christmas With A Capital C:

Even if Christmas was totally nonreligious, it’d still be spelled with a capital “C”, because it’s a proper noun. Labor Day is capitalized. Someone explains this to Ted McGinley at the end of the movie, right?

(via Film Drunk)

The Sue-liest… Case… I Don’t Know, The Discovery Channel Is Sueing Two Deadliest Catch Stars

Posted: 21 Sep 2010 10:55 AM PDT

The Discovery Channel is suing two cast members from Deadliset Catch.  From the Hollywood Reporter:

Discovery is now seeking $3 million in damages after two stars of “Deadliest Catch,” Jonathan and Andy Hillstrand, allegedly failed to live up to an agreement to complete a spin-off project.  According to the lawsuit, filed last week in Maryland Circuit Court, the Hillstrands were to film a one-time special called “Hillstranded.” [...] The special was to document the team’s various adventures in Alaska; work unrelated to their jobs as crab fisherman. Two weeks of principal photography were shot in June, but there was still work to do.

I should explain that I have never watched Deadliest Catch.  It just doesn’t appeal to me.  In fact, I sometimes get very upset when the Discovery Channel devotes a whole day to only airing Deadliest Catch and Ice Road Truckers.  And I know you’re all like, “Noah, why don’t you just change the channel and watch Hardball with Chris Matthews.” BECAUSE IT’S THE WEEKEND AND THE ONLY THING MSNBC SHOWS ON THE WEEKENDS ARE PRISON SHOWS! Duh!  You’re all like the stupidest question.

Anyway, let’s get back to the story at hand.  The Discovery Channel is suing these two brothers who wouldn’t complete work on a spin-off series.  Let me say this to those two brothers: Bros, awesome decision.  That spin-off seemed like a really bad idea for a spin-off.  “So you’ve seen these brothers stare down death while fighting storms on the high seas… now watch them do regular everyday stuff!”  What?  That is the opposite of a good idea.  That being said, it is a slightly better idea than The Discovery Channel’s other Deadliest Catch spin-off, the one about catchings lobsters. Lobstermen. Hahaha, Lobstermen!  Discovery Channel, you already have a show with a title that makes it quite clear that that show is the deadliest fisherman show.  So any other show, at best, can only be the second deadliest fishing show.  Why would you do that? “Hey, you like this show?  Well, what if… we made it just a little bit less interesting, would you also love that?”  No.  Nobody would love that.  Also, don’t make the title of your show sound way more interesting than the show actually is.  If Lobstermen isn’t about half-man/half-lobsters, everyone is going to be disappointed.

More space shows, please.
Brought to you by: at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)