Saturday, September 4, 2010

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

CNN Presents Scathing Report on “I Love Boobies” Bracelets

Posted: 03 Sep 2010 03:08 PM PDT

Do you love boobies? Well prepare to be shocked by this CNN report. A teenager in California is facing possible suspension for wearing an “I Love Boobies” bracelet to school. The problem? Apparently that bracelet does something to help cure cancer. The folks behind the campaign, Keep-A-Breast.org, are aiming to target young teenagers, who up until this point have been busy typing “5318008″ in their calculators and flipping them upside-down for the boob-lawlz.

The good news is, the school’s banning of the bracelets seems to have done the media attention trick. And thank God, because this is one of our favorite CNN segments ever, “Schools Ban Boobies Bracelets”:

Carol Connors, YOU… Are My New Facebook Profile Picture

Posted: 03 Sep 2010 01:22 PM PDT

While doing a casual perusal of recent red carpet photos, we happened upon some pictures from the Taste Of Beverly Hills Wine & Food Festival Opening Night. Sounds pretty boring, right?

WRONG:

Meet Carol Connors. This seemingly regular old lady with possibly the most fantastic purse I’ve ever seen is not just some random old billionairess about to leave her entire fortune to her three cats. Though I’m sure she is that as well. Carol is also a songwriter!

“What could this woman possibly have written on her Swarovski crystal purse?” you’re asking? How about the THEME SONG TO ROCKY? Seriously. I love her. So much so, please look at what my Facebook profile is looking like at this very moment:

And as though your weekends have not already been made, look who else was there/is alive!!

MONTY HALL!!

The only game show host who has a problem named after him! Let’s Make a Deal, Monty: You don’t die, and I’ll be happy forever. Thanks babe.

Follow me on Twitter.

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Music Video to Live By: The Drums’ “Down By The Water”

Posted: 03 Sep 2010 12:38 PM PDT

If you’ve never heard of the band The Drums, good news: You can still get in to them now before they blow da f*ck up. This summer, they opened for Kings of Leon, and managed to remain bird-sh*t-in-the-mouth-free. This alone is a feat.

The band has a brand new music video out for their haunting song “Down by the Water.” Catch it now before it is used in the next Julia Roberts and/or Joseph Gordon-Levitt trailer.

(via the Facebook pages of comedian Gabe Liedman and co-worker Eddie Gutierrez)

Homeless Man Inspires Our Labor Day Plans

Posted: 03 Sep 2010 11:43 AM PDT

Those of you wondering what we here at BWE.tv will be up to this Labor Day weekend, the NY Times has run a story of a homeless man who has pretty much nailed our exact plans: Calling the police from a hot tub and demanding some cocoa. You are really dumb, furreal:

A homeless man who called 911 from the hot tub of a suburban Portland home and asked for towels, hot chocolate and a hug got arrested for trespassing instead.

Beaverton police say Mark Eskelsen called 911 from his cell phone, identified himself as ”the sheriff of Washington County,” and asked for medical help. He later admitted he wasn’t the sheriff but informed the dispatcher he’d been ”yelling for about an hour and a half.”

The man said in his Sunday morning call that he’d been in the water about 10 hours and his towels had gotten wet. As he put it, ”I just need a hug and a warm cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it.”

Well if that’s illegal, then lock me up and throw away the keys while I sing Barbra Streisand’s “Guilty” from behind bars because this is what I want my life to be.

And if you want your nightmares to have a little special flare tonight, click here to see what the guy looks like. We saved this for last, as we knew this would be a “story ruiner.”

Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown: If You Have To Think About It…

Posted: 03 Sep 2010 11:00 AM PDT

We’re six episodes into the second season of Jersey Shore and we’re STILL talking about this stupid note? As the late, great Aaliyah would say, “We need a resolution!” Sadly, most of the fireworks happened at the end of this episode — gotta love Sammi Sweetheart’s right cross! — but there were still a slew of notable moments in this episode, covering the gamut from Situation flirting with a tranny to Vinny’s watermelon sized dong. Join us, won’t you, as we count down this week’s Top Ten Catchphrases from Jersey Shore?

10) “She thinks her sh*t don’t stink. So I paid her no attention.” —The Situation

Hmmmm, that’s not exactly how we saw it. While Sitch, Vinny and DJ Pauly D were scarfing down some brunch at the News Cafe — a restaurant, mind you, whose website automatically plays Pachelbel’s Canon in D major when you visit it (!!!) — some anonymous honey wearing short shorts walked by the table, catching their eye. We guess that when he said “paid her no attention,” Sitch really meant “stared at her ass until she vacated the premises.”

9) “I can see Angelina’s cougah in the mirror.” —DJ Pauly D
Fortunately for all of us in the viewing audience at home, we couldn’t.

8) “It’s like your tits; it looks sick, but it’s fake.” —Vinny

Spray tan? Check. Fake bling? Check. Vinny pulled out all the stops in an attempt to woo The Situation’s little sister (who, like Sitch, is kind of a butterface). And guess what? It worked! That said, we don’t see why he had to put down J-Woww’s spectacular, gravity-defying rack in the process. BOUGHT AND PAID FOR!

7) “I’m in the club, I’m doing my thing, as usual. And I see this blonde headed girl. As usual, I sniped her.” —The Situation

After bemoaning The Situation’s lack of success in the hook-up department a few weeks ago, homeboy has caught fire in the last two episodes. We’re not sure that this girl was a 10 (or, quite frankly, a 5), but Sitch made his way back to the Smash Room (or is it Smush Room?) with her. Props to him for working in a pre-show meal and cigarette, but we sort of felt a little bit icky after watching the smugly cavalier attitude he had after promptly giving her the post-smush boot from their abode.

6) “The counter’s on fire!” —Snooki
We don’t need no water let the mother hubbard burn!

5) “He also has a history of pinkeye, I’d like to throw that out there.” —DJ Pauly D

Aside from a screaming match with Angelina early in the season, Pauly has yet to be involved in one of this season’s A-plotlines. However, he has proven himself to be a quick-witted master of one-liners, no matter the situation the cast finds themselves in. Who else could make a trip to the eye doctor hilarious?

4) “She’s showing me how smart she is. The brains on that girl? She definitely went to college.” —The Situation

When The Sitch isn’t trying too hard to push one of his myriad three-letter acronyms, he is one funny mofo.

3) “The Situation! How does it feel, not to have to cook this Sunday meal?” —Pauly D

We have yet to see Pauly get behind the wheels of steel this season, but with this hilarious reference to New Order’s club classic “Blue Monday,” he won points from DJs all over the world last night.

2) “It’s, like, putting, like, a watermelon into a pin hole.” —Snooki

After an aborted attempt at hooking up earlier in the season, Snooks and Vinny finally GOT! IT! ON! And, apparently, Vinny is hung like a watermelon. Good to know!

1) “Situation’s spending a lot of time with this girl that, she’s got all the clothes that lead me to believe she’s a man. She’s wearing something to hide her Adam’s apple, she had something on her hands. So we think The Situation might have got himself into a situation with a tranny out here.” —Pauly D

What did we learn this week, kids? Say it with me: “If you have to think about it…”

Well, that’s it. Have a lovely Labor Day weekend, see you back here next week!

Until then,
—Juice Springsteen

[Photo: Getty Images and MTV Networks]
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