Cele|bitchy

Tim Gunn compares Twitter fights to the Roman Coliseum bloodbaths
Lady Gaga “represents the exhausted end of the sexual revolution” says feminist
Megan Fox tries to appeal to women by talking about marriage, kids
Will.i.am accused of using “blackface” during VMA pre-show
GLAAD calls out 50 Cent for promoting violence against gay community
Spencer Pratt was arrested for felony firearms possession in Costa Rica
VMA Fashion: The ghastly, the trashy, and the not-so-terrible
Lindsay Lohan smacks Chelsea Handler’s butt at the VMAs
Kanye West in no way deserved Taylor Swift’s song of forgiveness
VMA recap: winners, losers & the best performances

Tim Gunn compares Twitter fights to the Roman Coliseum bloodbaths

Posted: 13 Sep 2010 09:32 AM PDT

This Tim Gunn story isn't as juicy as previous stories from Tim's fabulous book tour, but in Tim's defense, he can't talk about Anna Wintour EVERY time, you know? In this mini-interview with Wonderwall, Tim tackles his hatred of Twitter and how the young'uns just want to be famous and how they'll do the most idiotic things to achieve that goal. He comes very close to saying that we're the new Rome in decline, and you can really see his point.

Wonderwall: The new book is getting lots of buzz.
Tim Gunn: Well actually the book in its original inception wasn’t what it ended up being. Originally it was going to be modern manners for the digital age … And I began to write, well I began to reflect upon things that I’ve seen and that have happened to me, that I’ve observed and it ended up being much more of a quasi memoir because it was so peppered with stories. I didn’t know how the Simon & Schuster people would respond to this so I turned in a draft at a fairly early stage and they said, ‘We really like this so keep going,’ so it really evolved into something that I never intended to do originally.

WW: What can we expect from your next book?
TG: More of the same!

WW: Speaking of modern manners for the digital age, what do you think of celebrities who twitter fight?
TG: I think it’s absolutely absurd and I don’t understand it and frankly it’s a dimension of the universe with which I don’t choose to engage. People keep saying, ‘why aren’t you twittering?’ I don’t want to twitter! [Laughs]

WW: You know, Courtney Love recently had a Twitter fight with her daughter.
TG: Outrageous!

WW: But some people are fake twitter fighting for publicity.
TG: What do you mean? Are you serious?

WW: We’re serious. There are rumors that Kim Kardashian and Scott Disick are fake twitter fighting for publicity.
TG: It’s not good. It’s really not good. I was on the subway fairly recently and there were 8-10 teenage girls who were chattering away and suddenly they started yelling profanities at each other and then they started slapping each other. Then they cascaded into laughter. So the whole thing was a joke on the crowded subway car and I thought, great this is what people are picking up from what we see in myriad media from television to the Internet to now twitter.

WW: It’s about getting attention no matter how you get it.
TG: Yeah. It’s a horrible thing. It makes me reflect upon ancient Rome and the coliseum and people being torn to shreds by wild animals.

WW: For amusement?
TG: Exactly!

[From Wonderwall]

I used to absolutely hate Twitter and the fact that so many B-list (or worse) celebrities embraced it, but I've gotten to the point where I actually enjoy it. Plus, we get so many stories from celebrities being dumb on Twitter these days - I mean, just with Lindsay Lohan, Kanye West, Lady Gaga and LeAnn Rimes' tweets, we've gotten so, so many stories. And plus, did you know that Karl Lagerfeld has a Twitter account?!? And John Cusack. So it's not ALL bad. I see Gunn's point and everything, and I understand why he's not on Twitter, but part of me wishes that he was, just because Tim's real-time tweets would be fabulous.

Lady Gaga “represents the exhausted end of the sexual revolution” says feminist

Posted: 13 Sep 2010 08:32 AM PDT

As some of you may not know, I actually consider myself a feminist. I enjoy a good feminist treatise every now and again, although my views on feminism and the treatment of women in society has grown and changed throughout the years - mostly, at this point in my life, I want women to take more responsibility for their own actions, and how we, as ladies, are holding ourselves back. As opposed to having things done to us, being passive, being the victims of a cruel, misogynistic world, I think many of us should admit (and I'm including myself here) that so much of the time, we're doing it to ourselves.

So that brings me to the big girl-on-girl crime of the moment. Feminist author Camille Paglia has written a particularly condemning treatise against Lady Gaga in yesterday's Sunday Times. Paglia has written about pop culture iconography before, notably Madonna and Marilyn, of course. But I really, really think Camille is being too harsh to Gaga - the full piece is here, and these are some of the highlights (most of it):

Lady Gaga is the first major star of the digital age. Since her rise, she has remained almost continually on tour. Hence, she is a moving target who has escaped serious scrutiny. She is often pictured tottering down the street in some outlandish get-up and fright wig. Most of what she has said about herself has not been independently corroborated… "Music is a lie", "Art is a lie", "Gaga is a lie", and "I profusely lie" have been among Gaga's pronouncements, but her fans swallow her line whole…

She constantly touts her symbiotic bond with her fans, the "little monsters", who she inspires to "love themselves" as if they are damaged goods in need of her therapeutic repair. "You're a superstar, no matter who you are!" She earnestly tells them from the stage, while their cash ends up in her pockets. She told a magazine with messianic fervour: "I love my fans more than any artist who has ever lived." She claims to have changed the lives of the disabled, thrilled by her jewelled parody crutches in the Paparazzi video.

Although she presents herself as the clarion voice of all the freaks and misfits of life, there is little evidence that she ever was one. Her upbringing was comfortable and eventually affluent, and she attended the same upscale Manhattan private school as Paris and Nicky Hilton. There is a monumental disconnect between Gaga's melodramatic self-portrayal as a lonely, rebellious, marginalised artist and the powerful corporate apparatus that bankrolled her makeover and has steamrollered her songs into heavy rotation on radio stations everywhere.

Lady Gaga is a manufactured personality, and a recent one at that. Photos of Stefani Germanotta just a few years ago show a bubbly brunette with a glowing complexion. The Gaga of world fame, however, with her heavy wigs and giant sunglasses (rudely worn during interviews) looks either simperingly doll-like or ghoulish, without a trace of spontaneity. Every public appearance, even absurdly at airports where most celebrities want to pass incognito, has been lavishly scripted in advance with a flamboyant outfit and bizarre hairdo assembled by an invisible company of elves.

Furthermore, despite showing acres of pallid flesh in the fetish-bondage garb of urban prostitution, Gaga isn't sexy at all – she's like a gangly marionette or plasticised android. How could a figure so calculated and artificial, so clinical and strangely antiseptic, so stripped of genuine eroticism have become the icon of her generation? Can it be that Gaga represents the exhausted end of the sexual revolution? In Gaga's manic miming of persona after persona, over-conceptualised and claustrophobic, we may have reached the limit of an era… For Gaga, sex is mainly decor and surface; she's like a laminated piece of ersatz rococo furniture.

Gaga seems comet-like, a stimulating burst of novelty, even though she is a ruthless recycler of other people's work. She is the diva of déjà vu. Gaga has glibly appropriated from performers like Cher, Jane Fonda as Barbarella, Gwen Stefani and Pink, as well as from fashion muses like Isabella Blow and Daphne Guinness. Drag queens, whom Gaga professes to admire, are usually far sexier in many of her over-the-top outfits than she is.

Compare Gaga's insipid songs, with their nursery-rhyme nonsense syllables, to the title and hypnotic refrain of the first Madonna song and video to bring her attention on MTV, Burning Up, with its elemental fire imagery and its then-shocking offer of fellatio. In place of Madonna's valiant life force, what we find in Gaga is a disturbing trend towards mutilation and death…

Gaga is in way over her head with her avant-garde pretensions… She wants to have it both ways – to be hip and avant-garde and yet popular and universal, a practitioner of gung-ho "show biz". Most of her worshippers seem to have had little or no contact with such powerful performers as Tina Turner or Janis Joplin, with their huge personalities and deep wells of passion.

Generation Gaga doesn't identify with powerful vocal styles because their own voices have atrophied: they communicate mutely via a constant stream of atomised, telegraphic text messages. Gaga's flat affect doesn't bother them because they're not attuned to facial expressions.

Gaga’s fans are marooned in a global technocracy of fancy gadgets but emotional poverty. Borderlines have been blurred between public and private: reality TV shows multiply, cell phone conversations blare everywhere; secrets are heedlessly blabbed on Facebook and Twitter. Hence, Gaga gratuitously natters on about her vagina…

[From The Sunday Times]

Um… what? So Camille doesn't find Gaga "sexy". Sure. I don't find her sexy either, but I don't think that's the point…? I mean, it's not like Gaga's message is "I can STILL be sexy even though I'm wearing meat." I might be wrong, but I think Gaga's goal is be "fierce" not sexy - as in, "This meat makes me looks fierce." And what's so wrong with being asexual? I appreciate that the Gaga is NOT putting herself out there as some oversexed pop starlet - Gaga is refreshing that way, and yes, she veers towards the morbid and deathly, but I kind of like that too. It's different. It's like Paglia is complaining that Gaga has made up a wholly manufactured image, AND that Madonna is the authentic one because Madge was genuinely "sexy"? Note to Paglia: all pop star's have manufactured images. Gaga's image is supposed to be drag, it's supposed to be morbid, it's supposed to be novelty. Enjoy.

Basically, I'm awaiting Naomi Wolf's take on Gaga. Because I think Paglia has lost her touch. And girl-on-girl crime hurts.

Header: Gaga on Sept. 12, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Megan Fox tries to appeal to women by talking about marriage, kids

Posted: 13 Sep 2010 07:57 AM PDT

It seems that now Megan Fox is a Sadie, Sadie, Married Lady, that's all she can talk about. She already farted out something to Elle about how people "roll their eyes" at her because she got married so, so young (she's 24 years old). Now Megan tells People Magazine that marriage to Brian Austin Green is so, so fulfilling - and BAG even talks about her too! This is a new era in their relationship - they rarely walk red carpets together, and BAG rarely, if ever, discusses Megan. Maybe she's just trying to sell her movie, but I find this all interesting. And of course I'm rolling my eyes.

Months after their romantic sunset ceremony on the beach in Hawaii, Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are still reveling in married bliss.

“Getting married was the best thing I’ve ever done,” Fox tells PEOPLE at the Toronto International Film Festival premiere of Passion Play on Friday. “I married my best friend. I’m so lucky to get to be with him every day, and he’s my protector. I feel so safe and happy and completed.”

For his part, Green, 37, knows that Fox, 24, was the person he was meant to marry – even if it took a while.

“[Marriage is] the one thing that I was really specific in waiting for until I was with somebody that I knew that I would be right with and she’s the one,” he tells PEOPLE. “She makes me happy and a better person. She’s everything.”

After dating on-and-off for years, why did they decide to tie the knot in June? “We’ve been together for six years and it was just time,” says Green, who will be guest starring on Desperate Housewives this fall. “We were like, ‘Let’s just make it official.’ ”

“There’s nice stability that comes with getting married,” he says. “It’s a nice thing to know that I’ll come home to her and she’ll come home to me. It’s not the paper so much – it’s saying the vows and meaning it.”

As for raising the actor’s 8-year-old son Kassius, Green says Fox has been playing that role for years.

“She’s a great mom,” he says. “She’s helped me raise him since he was two. He loves her to death and she loves him to death. They have a great relationship. That’s all I can ask for.”

Fox thinks parenthood suits her, too. “I’ve been a stepmother for six years and it’s amazing,” she says. “I really enjoy it. It's a lot of work but I like it. It grounds me. I like being domestic.”

Could there be another child on the way? “I would love to be a biological mommy some day,” Fox says. “That would make me very happy.”

[From People]

I think we're witnessing Megan's newest transformation. She's left The Early Years Angelina Jolie and now Megan is trying to transform herself into Jennifer Garner or something. Alba, maybe? Megan is now the actress who talks about her man and how she's a great step-mom. There will be no more interviews where Megan tries to pretend that she's bisexual, and that she just wanders around, covered in oil all day. Honestly, I'm looking forward to seeing how this transformation plays out - I think Megan's fanboys have already pretty much left her, so she's looking for a new fan base - women. But if she's really trying to appeal to women, she should stop with the Botox and with the porn star kissy-face. She looks rough. Also - is it just me, or is BAG looking damn good?

Megan and BAG in Toronto on Sept. 10, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Will.i.am accused of using “blackface” during VMA pre-show

Posted: 13 Sep 2010 07:30 AM PDT

Will.I.Am showed up at the MTV Video Awards' pre-show in "blackface." Sort of. Is it weird that when I saw these photos, my first reaction wasn't "I'm so offended" but actually "Oh, I bet he was going for a consistent fashion statement - black jacket, black makeup, it makes the glasses pop." Do you think Will did it without really knowing he would offend people? That he was just going for a "look" rather than a political statement? Or do you think he knew what he was doing and was trying to get attention? Eh.

Will.I.am has caused controversy by attending 2010 MTV Video Music Awards in an “all black everything” ensemble. The Black Eyed Peas star wore black outfit from head to toe, literally, with his face painted dark.

Apparently learning that his choice of fashion style has offended some people, will.i.am quickly wrote on his Twitter to downplay the issue. He started his self-defense, “1st. just because I where all black including head mask as expression and emphasize my outfit, it shouldn’t be looked at as racial…”

“Let go of the past. there are far more important things 2 bark about. (Jobs, health, education) not a black man wearing all black everything,” he continued. “Are you guys serious? my outfit set ‘black people back 100 yrs’ choose your twits wisely. no education sets people back, no jobs, bad health.”

While some people slammed will.i.am, Lil Duval took it as a comedy. “I think will i am took a dip in the oil spill for that performance,” he posted on his own page, referring to the rapper’s “Check It Out” performance with Nicki Minaj. Duval later on added, “I’m a comedian people so if u get upset u look real stupid.”

Blackface first gained popularity during the 19th century and typically promotes racist stereotypes toward African Americans. Earlier this year, Estelle also came under fire for using black paint to cover her body and face in “Freak” music video. At that time, she responded to the controversy, saying “I’m black, so how do I do blackface? Missy [Elliott] did the same thing [with her video]. She’s a B***h. I refuse to defend it, I didn’t put any white ring around my mouth - never that.”

[From Ace Showbiz]

Yes, I can see how some people would be offended, and I understand that point of view. But I can totally see how Will would do it just thinking about the fashion and styling aspect of it, and how he's not making a comment about race whatsoever. Eh. Also, does blackface always equal racism? Even when it's done to make political or fashion statements? Weird.

Here's Will.I.am performing with Nicki Minaj on the pre-show:

2010 MTV Video Music Awards - More VMA Video

GLAAD calls out 50 Cent for promoting violence against gay community

Posted: 13 Sep 2010 07:06 AM PDT

50 Cent and Perez Hilton were involved in some kind of Twitter flamewar, with 50 posting a really obnoxious tweet against gay people. I checked 50 Cent’s official Twitter and he’s since deleted the tweet that GLAAD called him out on. He has a bunch of other tweets in defense of his friend, boxer Floyd Mayweather, who is accused of domestic violence against one of his children’s mothers. It’s complicated and hard to decipher but 50 is basically calling the woman a liar and is also calling her fat while pointing out how hot Mayweather’s new girlfriend/fiance is. Classy.

Getting back to the other issue, 50 posted a photo featuring two men in suits running away from a mob and tweeted “Perez Hilton calld me douchebag so I had my homie shoot up a gay wedding. wasnt his but still made me feel better.” In response, GLAAD issued a statement asking for an apology from 50, whose publicist refrained from commenting.

The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) is mounting a campaign against 50 Cent after the rapper tweeted threatening comments to blogger Perez Hilton last week, including a violent photo of two men in suits running from a mob.

“Perez Hilton calld me douchebag so I had my homie shoot up a gay wedding. wasnt his but still made me feel better,” read the tweet with the photo attached.
Fitty also Tweeted Hilton: “stop being so sensitive its a joke. Your acting like a big baby” and, “my next song will make your sweet ass dance lol chill out.”

“It’s wrong to make jokes and promote violence against the gay community,” said GLAAD spokesman Rich Ferraro. “Taking down the post is not enough. We wanted him to tell his Twitter followers that what he did was wrong.”

A rep for 50 Cent had no comment. But it wasn’t the first time Fitty’s run afoul of the gay community. He told Playboy in a 2004 interview, “I ain’t into faggots. I don’t like gay people around me, because I’m not comfortable with what their thoughts are . . . I’d rather hang out with a straight dude. But women who like women, that’s cool.”

His recent Twitter posts have also taken aim at unborn children and pregnant women: “I wanna do something that impact kids in a positive way, thats why im opening an abortion clinic. Ima call it 50/50 chance,” one of them read.

On Friday, Fitty used nearly a dozen tweets to defend his friend, boxer Floyd Mayweather, who was arrested on charges of theft relating to a domestic-abuse complaint by his former girlfriend Josie Harris, the mother of three of his children.

“Another case of angry baby mama wanting money,” he wrote.

[From The NY Post]

This is why impulsive celebrities need to have managers and publicists handle the press while they stay away from blogs and Twitter. At least then they’ll only say bigoted stupid things in interviews when they’re not supervised properly. Speaking of that, John Mayer deleted his Twitter account recently, as did Amanda Bynes. Both of them have a propensity to say dumb sh*t, on Twitter and off. 50 isn’t going to delete his Twitter account, though. This isn’t a one-off for him. Like LeAnn Rimes, he seems to be on a roll.

50 Cent is shown on 7/28 and 3/10/10. Perez is shown at the Get Him To The Greek premiere on 5/25. Credit: Fame Pictures

Spencer Pratt was arrested for felony firearms possession in Costa Rica

Posted: 13 Sep 2010 06:42 AM PDT

Could it be that Spencer Pratt has finally, at long, long last, lost his f-cking mind? Perhaps. Spencer was arrested in Costa Rica on Saturday for "illegal possession of a firearm." Apparently, he needed the gun because he was spending a week "living off the land" and "hunting" in Costa Rica. He was briefly jailed and then released, and he claims that he's not allowed in the country anymore. Eh. It is my dream that someday Spencer is not allowed in America again.

Could Spencer Pratt be headed to the slammer? The former MTV reality star was arrested in Costa Rica Saturday for illegal possession of a firearm on his way back to the U.S., according to TMZ.com. The site reports Pratt, 27, was booked at a local jail and then released.

“Costa Rican jail smells like children’s tears. And soup. Delicious soup,” Pratt Twittered after news broke Saturday afternoon. “If I knew the gov’t was Team Jacob, I would’ve kept my mouth shut.”

The reality star — who spent time in the Central American country with his ex, Heidi Montag, in 2009 as part of NBC’s I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here — offered a bizarre statement to TMZ with additional details surrounding his arrest.

“As part of my spiritual cleansing I’ve spent the last week living alone in the jungle, reflecting on my past transgressions, and working to become a better person. I had to live off the land, and hunt to survive,” Pratt is quoted as saying.

“As I departed the country this morning to continue my spiritual journey, I mistakenly brought my hunting weapons to the airport. It was an honest mistake, and they sent me on my way,” he adds. “On an unrelated note, I’m not allowed in the country anymore — but that’s because of the chicken incident.”

Pratt’s arrest comes on the heels of a public apology made to wife Montag, who recently filed for divorce after a year of marriage.

In an email to the Associated Press, Pratt says his behavior in the wake of their alleged breakup — including his threat to release a sex tape — was “outrageous and infantile.”

[From Us Weekly]

Yes, so my hopes that he would be thrown in jail for several years have been dashed. Was this a cry for help? A cry for attention? Or has Spencer truly gone crazy? I vote for a little of column A, B and C. I think Spencer's mental health is… not good. Add to that his incessant need for attention and his need to live every aspect of his life in the public eye… oh God. Why do I bother trying to analyze this crap? I wish I could just stamp his forehead with some unwashable ink reading "FAMEWHORE DOUCHE" so everyone would be forced to photograph him that way.

UPDATE: Apparently, Spencer and Heidi were seen together in LA over the weekend too. CB says Spencer was just trying to get attention by bringing firearms to the airport. Sigh.

VMA Fashion: The ghastly, the trashy, and the not-so-terrible

Posted: 13 Sep 2010 06:22 AM PDT

It seems king of weird to talk about fashion for an event in which there is basically no dress code. Some people show up in ball gowns, some people show up in jeans and a t-shirt. So, let's start with Gaga and her three fashion moments. One is the meat look, above. The first was this ball-gown-looking thing that she walked the red carpet in:

I actually didn't hate it. Maybe I'm getting used to Gaga's fashion. Or maybe I like autumnal colors. There was also a black version of the dress that wasn't terrible. Eh.

More fashion… Katy Perry looking… whatever.

Nicki Minaj's outfit was not good. Eh… at least it was tailored.

Cher looks like a plastic doll at this point, but you'll never catch me saying that she looks anything other than fabulous.

I really, really like Jared Leto's jacket. I want it.

Mary J. Blige - proof that if you've got pipes, you don't need to trick yourself out. I like Drizzy's white jacket too.

Ashley Greene needs a new style. She wears a version of the strapless mini-skirted cocktail dress EVERYWHERE.

Sofia Vergara is adorable. A bit too dressed up, maybe. But she looks gorgeous.

Florence Welch of Florence and the Machine is my new favorite person.

Cory Monteith looked really cute.

Taylor Swift is a pretty girl with terrible fashion (and a not so great voice). This dress was…zzz…. oh, she’s barefoot too.

Rihanna is just so terrible live, and this outfit… idiotic. Like a crackhead ballerina.

The Bieb: settle down, Vestie.

I get the feeling that this is Kesha "trying". Maybe she should just stick to her drunken, comfortable fashion, right?

Rosario Dawson, who I actually like. She looks too "done" for the event, but I still like the dress and the shoes. Maybe with her hair down and messed up she wouldn't look so "premiere party" you know?

I have no idea what Jane Lynch was wearing. But I'm tempted to call it fabulous, just because it's her.

Emma Stone is adorable, and this is a cute little dress. But she looks like Mila Kunis here, doesn't she?

Lil' Jon - YEAH! Love his necklace.

Penn Badgley is so boring.

Does anyone give a crap about Ciara these days?

A little Joe Manganiello, for the ladies. That v-neck is making me think he loves some Gaga.

Dane Cook. No comment.

Jenna Jameson was there with her not-so-estranged husband Tito Ortiz. They are both so dumb.

Usher - I'm always surprised that he's still so relevant to pop/dance music. Is it just because he can dance really well?

Awarding Snooki the "worst dressed" prize just feels like I'm phoning it in. Of course she looks terrible. She a weird little potato.

Lady Gaga in the header, credit: WENN.

Lindsay Lohan smacks Chelsea Handler’s butt at the VMAs

Posted: 13 Sep 2010 05:52 AM PDT

Lindsay Lohan made an appearance in the opening video segment of the VMAs last night, which were unspectacularly hosted by Chelsea Handler. Handler’s introductory video involved her being smacked on the butt and pursued down hallways prior to supposedly going on stage. Every single one of the guys who was smacking and/or chasing Chelsea was black, which seemed like more than a coincidence given her racially-tinged excuse for humor. (It’s possible those were just the guys who were in the building when she shot it, but I doubt it and think it was part of her concept.) She unnecessarily inserted race into a couple of jokes in her opening monologue, too, and those were pretty weak as is typical for her. I’ll include some of her quotes in a moment. First let’s talk about tired and strung-out looking Lindsay’s appearance at the end of the segment. She tried to give Chelsea some kind of tough love pep talk and ending up smacking her on the butt, too. One of Lindsay’s lines was mildly amusing, but other than that it was lame. Lindsay smacked Chelsea after her faux alcohol-detection ankle bracelet went off and said: “Pull it together, you’re a mess. Do you think anyone wants to work with a drunk? Take it from me, they don’t.” Given how worn out Lindsay looked, it was hardly a triumphant moment for her to poke fun at herself.

For her opening act Chelsea was lowered onto the stage with a giant house on her head while Lady Gaga played in the background. She opened it and released a dove from inside it, but the poor dove wouldn’t fly and sat on one of the dancers for a moment.

During the monologue Chelsea made a bunch of dumb jokes that were supposed to be topical but just sounded weak

Her lame jokes on race She joked that she didn’t drink all week in preparation, but was “high as a kite.” That’s “The last time I do a prayer circle with Snoop Dogg. Angry black man what a surprise,” she added.

She encouraged people to get wild and said “I’m also not opposed to use weapons this evening. If anyone needs one I snuck in a couple of sawed off shutguns in my purse. Security didn’t check in it because I’m white.” Har de har har.

To Lady Gaga and Beyonce: “Enough with the adult onesies. You guys look leotarded”

On Jersey Shore and how she’s from Jersey: “If you leave Jersey you may host the VMAs, if you stay in Jersey you may host the herpes.

“Everybody knows they have it.”

On the Mel Gibson tapes: “A few of the biggest hits weren’t even nominated. My personal favorite was a series of duets released by that Russian woman featuring Mel Gibson.”

This is why I don’t watch Chelsea’s show. She manages to make even interesting pop culture into something dumb, petty and racist. It seems pretty apt for Lohan to make her first post-jail appearance with Chelsea. I hope that this little segment dramatically decreases the amount that outlets are willing to pay Lindsay for her first interview.

Here’s Chelsea’s opening monologue. (This video only works if you’re in the US, sorry!)

2010 MTV Video Music Awards - More VMA Video

Kanye West in no way deserved Taylor Swift’s song of forgiveness

Posted: 13 Sep 2010 05:37 AM PDT

Last night at the VMAs Taylor Swift sang a ballad she composed for Kanye West. The lyrics showed understanding and forgiveness with a theme of redemption. She gave Kanye way too much credit. The guy crashed her moon man acceptance speech last year. Yes he apologized, but he’ll never really “get it” and in no way does he deserve that kind of thoughtful song. He’s an ass no matter how much he protests about it, and he proved that with his song choice for the awards show one year after he became an Internet meme. In his song “Runaway” he kind of reveled about what a jerk he was, although at least he seemed to admit it. Here’s a comparison of Taylor and Kanye’s lyrics for the songs they performed referencing the minor scandal:

Kanye’s “Runaway” (partial):
I always find something wrong.
You’ve been putting up with my sh*t way too long.
I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most.
So I think it’s time for us to have a toast.
Let’s have a toast for the douchebags.
Let’s have a toast for the assholes.
Let’s have a toast for the scumbags.
Everyone of them that I know.
Let’s have a toast for the jerkoffs that will never take work off.

Baby I got a plan. Run away as fast as you can… Runaway from me baby.

Taylor Swift’s “Innocent” (partial):
Time turns flames to ambers
You’ll have new Septembers
Everyone of us has messed up too
Mind change like the weather
I hope you remember today is never too late
To be brave (ohh)

It’s all right, just wait and see
Your streaming lights are bright to me oh
Who you are is not where you’ve been
You’re still an innocent
It’s OK, life is a tough crowd
32 and still growing up now
Who you are is not what you did
You’re still an innocent
Lost your balance on a tight rope
It’s never too late to get it back

[via MTV]

Kanye has no balance on that tightrope, he’s pulled it off the wall, has jumped to the ground and is swinging it around while he swills cognac. That’s always how he’s been and someone is bound to get hurt. I’m not going to toast that douche or get philosophical about why he turned out that way and where he can go from here. There’s no point feeling sorry for him.

Let’s compare how pitchy these two were. Taylor was a little pitchy but that’s typical for her and she did a great job overall. Kanye cannot sing and really needs that autotune he overuses. At least he sang live, unlike Justin Bieber.

Kanye’s song performance:

2010 MTV Video Music Awards - More VMA Video

Taylor’s performance:

Note: the video of Kanye above will only play for users in the US. I’m very sorry for this and could not find another version as of press time. If you’re outside the US you can hear it through this link.

VMA recap: winners, losers & the best performances

Posted: 13 Sep 2010 05:36 AM PDT

Truly, in the immortal words of Kanye West, let's have a toast for the jerkoffs. Let's start this recap off with discussing Chelsea Handler's hosting duties for last night's VMAs. There were a lot of drinking jokes, and a lot of jokes about black guys. That's her comfort zone. I thought she seemed rather nervous during her opening bit, and she had good reason to be nervous - she wasn't very funny. True, her humor did not fall flat as I expecting (hoping) it would, but most of her jokes seemed really obvious - like, stuff I would come up with in two seconds as I was writing, as opposed to the kind of joke Chelsea and a team of comedy writers would come up with after several weeks. All in all, she felt like a very safe and unchallenging host, made worse by the fact that she played like she was being naughty and avante garde.

Onto the winners and losers and memorable moments:

* I really enjoyed Eminem's opening number, "Not Afraid" plus his duet with Rihanna with whatever, the fire song. Just after he performed, Em got on a plane so he didn't get a chance to walk up and accept his awards for Best Male Video and Best Hip Hop Video. I've really been buying Em as authentic about being clean, and so "Not Afraid" was especially moving.

2010 MTV Video Music Awards

* The Black Keys won Breakthrough Video! I love them.

*Jared Leto's rock band, 30 Seconds to Mars won Best Rock Video. Name the song. You can't, right?

*Baby Justin Bieber won his first VMA for Best New Artist. He also performed, but not in the theatre, he performed to a bunch of tween girls and with a bunch of embarrassed-looking backup dancers.

*Lady Gaga took home so many awards! Her "Bad Romance" video was like R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion" - if that doesn't date me too badly. Gaga's "Bad Romance" took home: Best Choreography, Best Female Video, Best Direction, Best Editing, Best Pop Video, Best Dance Music Video, and Video of the Year. And she got to meet Cher! YAY!

When Gaga (clad in meat) accepted the award from Cher, she said, "I never thought I’d be asking Cher to hold my meat purse… I promised that if I won this tonight, I’d announce the name of my new record,” she said. After exhaling, Gaga revealed it is titled Born This Way. “God makes no mistakes…I’m on the right track baby. I was born this way.”

*The whole Taylor Swift/Kanye West thing. CB is covering it in a separate post, but I thought I'd show Kanye's performance. Does anyone remember Fatboy Slim? The beat sounds like Fatboy Slim.

2010 MTV Video Music Awards - More VMA Video

*Drake…? I like Drake, but I don't know much about him. His performance was pretty good, even though it included Swizz Beatz. But f-ck me, I love Mary J. Blige.

2010 MTV Video Music Awards

Can I just say, I thought Florence & the Machine was the best performance of the night? Her voice is f-cking incredible.

2010 MTV Video Music Awards - More VMA Video

All in all, a night that was surprisingly about the music. Shock.