Friday, September 10, 2010

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Everything About This Brett Favre Sign Is Amazing

Posted: 10 Sep 2010 09:32 AM PDT

How many awesome things can you spot in this sign from last night’s Saints/Vikings NFL opener? (Click for Full Size):

1. Ripping on Brett Favre’s oldness never gets old (ironically).

2. Random, barely-a-pun “No Country For Old Men” reference.

3. The Font.

4. The costumes have nothing to do with the sign or No Country For Old Men.

5. The guy in the center is almost certainly older than Brett Favre.

6. The Underline.

7-Etc. Everything.

Need A Confidence Boost? Play This Game

Posted: 10 Sep 2010 08:59 AM PDT

Tired of not being able to figure out your grandkid’s holographic PlayStation 7 and the Ex Box and all those games with the sound and violence and guns that keep messing up the damn tv?

Here’s the game for you! Click below to play The Game Where You Earn So Much Points By Doing Almost Nothing In 30 Seconds:

Woohoo!! I’m good at video games again! I feel like I’m six years old and crushing Bubble Bobble, instead of my current age and still crushing Bubble Bobble because I never got good at many games that came out after Bubble Bobble.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Makes Fun Of Sarah Palin On Facebook

Posted: 10 Sep 2010 08:32 AM PDT

Getting ripped on by Arnold Schwarzenegger by means of a sarcastic Facebook update is almost an honor though, isn’t it?

Geezzzz – in politics, when you say something stupid, it really does just never go away. If I ever ran for anything, I’d have to incinerate this blog years beforehand, and probably kill all of you so you don’t remind people that it once existed. It’ll be tough, but it’ll all be worth it when those sweet Arkansas State Comptroller bucks start rollin’ in.

(via Reddit)

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME POLITICS?!?

Posted: 09 Sep 2010 03:07 PM PDT

Politics, man. So boring, right? WRONG! Meet Phil Davison, resident of Stark County, OH, and prospective Republican nominee for Treasurer of said county. While most local politicians ascend to government office based on a combination of experience, connections and good fortune, our new hero Phil Davison attempted to win over the voters of Stark County the old-fashioned way; namely, by penning a speech so moving, so powerful, so full of oratory grace that Patrick Henry himself would rise from the grave, initiate a slow clap to end all slow claps, then cast a ballot for Davison before crumbling into a jealous pile of dust.

Sadly for Davison (but happily for us!), in order to overcome his somewhat shaky command of his talking points and general nervousness at the podium, he decided to give his speech while SPEAKING AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE, like some sort of unholy offspring of the Ultimate Warrior and Inspirational Speaker Matt Foley. Now, thanks to the magic of embeddable video, seemingly innocuous phrases such as “I HAVE A MASTER’S DEGREE IN COMMUNICATION!” and “IN THE MIDDLE OF DIFFICULTY LIES OPPORTUNITY!” have become the stuff of Internet lore, thanks to Davison’s ALL CAPS vocal stylings.

Oh, btw, we have no idea who Randy Gonzalez is, but we do know this: he better be sure to sleep with one eye open tonight. SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!

[hat tip to Videogum]

Coors Light Sponsors Tom Brady’s Car Crash

Posted: 09 Sep 2010 03:10 PM PDT

No, Tom Brady’s car accident this morning had nothing to do with drinking (unless we’re talking about drinking handsome juice – up top, ladies!) but I was still slightly thrown off when I watched ESPN.com’s report on the incident and it was sponsored by Coors Light.

Watch for yourself in ESPN’s Fun Size embed:

A Coors Light ad plays, then a 5-second “This report brought to you by Coors Light” trailer plays, then the video plays, then if you want to watch the next video, another Coors Light ad plays. It’s kind of funny that any company is sponsoring news about an athlete’s car crash, let alone a product that shares such a tumultuous relationship with automobiles.

At least Coors can be proud of the ground-breaking ESPN reporting, which includes the highly informative quote from Tom Brady’s father, “I understand he’s fine, but I haven’t talked to him,” and an interview with a pedestrian who says “He seemed fine.”

The Jersey Shore Halloween Takeover Has Begun

Posted: 09 Sep 2010 01:36 PM PDT

Well, this didn’t take long – it’s September 9th and the Jersey Shore Halloween costumes are hittin’ the racks:

Not surprising at all, really — everyone already predicted that Snooki would be the hottest costume this Halloween. Except me, I predicted it would be Darth Maul. Which I’m still predicting. You just wait.

Oh whoops, my bad, these aren’t related to MTV’s Jersey Shore at all, they’re just your average “Jersey Boy” and “Jersey Girl” wigs, just like your average Plumber Man or Eurasian Traveler. They should really come out with Jersey Shore costumes – those would be popular.

Dogs Playing Backgammon In Snuggies

Posted: 09 Sep 2010 11:53 AM PDT

We’re all well aware by now that the Dog Snuggie is a thing — it even has its own website and informative URL, snuggiefordogs.com — so when I came across a bunch of Dog Snuggies for sale in a housewares store over the weekend, I wasn’t initially thrown off.

What I did not know, however, is that the box for Dog Snuggies features a picture of two little dogs in Snuggies playing Backgammon:

SOLD! My dogs always have trouble keeping warm when they’re calmly sitting there playing a board game that I don’t even understand. But does the Snuggie work for Mahjong?

TOP CHEF FINALE RECAP: The Singapore Food-Slingers

Posted: 09 Sep 2010 11:15 AM PDT

This is a Recap of Top Chef D.C. (Season 7), Episode 12, Part 1 of the Finale, originally airing September 8, 2010. D.C. now gives way to D-Cingapore. What? Just move on from this Italics part.

Welcome to Singapore! The culinary capital of the area right around Singapore! Your host for the Finale will be Seetoh, the Asian Cee-Lo, and owner of the lamest lower-third of the entire season:

“King of Street Food” — it’s like being the King of Pop, but homeless.

Cee-Lo takes the chefs around to different street food stands and introduces them to the many spices and styles of Singaporese (Singaporian? Singlish? Gotta be Singlish) cuisine, and in the middle of their little food jaunt, the chefs encounter Padma. Oh no, a twist! Bravo didn’t just send them to Singapore to chill and look at that modern-ass skyline building!

The chefs will be cooking in a street space “smaller than some solitary jail cells” (but no jail cells in Singapore because it is an awesome country that is awesomely sponsoring all of this) and using Singapore’s “most popular cooking tool,” the G.E. GE-inator. The ingredients are labeled in Cantonese, and the chefs quickly realize that this Finale is gonna involve a number of hurdles:

After the jump, the Quickfire gets underway, then the Elimination Challenge gets underway, then one of the chefs gets sent on-der-way. Ow. OWWWWW. The awful jokes are also having their Finale.

The chefs are doing their best to learn Singlish cuisine on the fly but they’re being slowed down because they have to taste every ingredient before using them. The labels on the foods aren’t helping:

Kelly knows the trick to Malaysian food, saying “You can definitely taste the different cultures… A dish that looks Chinese will have a Malaysian or an Indian twist to it. Also I have never eaten Kung Pao Chicken. Now disregard my first sentence.” Angelo picks up frog legs with only a minute forty-five to go, which was a really risky move by Bravo to edit that “running out of time” footage so implausibly — there’s no way he decided on a protein and cooked it in the final minute. Also, Kevin has never used a wok before and Padma bites his head off, and isn’t blown away by his head.

All this adds up to Ed winning the Quickfire for his Stir Fry Noodles with Black Pepper Sauce, Lobster and Gai Lan, and earning a direct route to the Finals, a Top Chef first. How high do you like THEM stakes?

We’ll get to the Elimination Challenge in a second, but first, some scenes from The Beach:

For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs will be working as a team to cook Singapore-inspired food for a bunch of non-locals at a Food And Wine Magazine event. Step One – Shoppin’ where the locals shop:

The chefs decide to each make one dish, because any time anyone on Top Chef makes two dishes, the Judges tell them they should’ve just stuck with their one good dish, so this decision makes total sense. Tom then hears of this one-dish tomfoolery (which he calls “MEfoolery”) and his jaw drops:

The chefs scramble to add another dish to their menu, even though Immunity Ed ovah heah declares “I was planning for two dishes all along.” Wait, you’re the d*ck now (dawg)? I’m so confused. Ed proceeds to make a bunch of really catty comments to Angelo, which he believes is what a sarcastic personality is, then bumps him twice in the kitchen for bitchy measure:

Angelo is pumped up, declaring “The spark in the forest has been set and those plants are gonna be burning.” Is that a reference to napalming Southeast Asians during Vietnam? I hope not. Angelo’s just riled up because he’s in Asia and he wants to MARRY it.

While cooking, Kelly suffers another setback when she grossly cuts her hand:

The chefs then encounter yet another “having nothing to do with how good of a chef you are” hurdle and have to convey their serving instructions to a bunch of really confused waiters who don’t speak English:

The waiters eventually pull it together, and the chefs’ dishes are complimented by the judges across the board, virtually free of criticism, and the judges seem exceptionally wowed by Ed’s fried banana fritter. Tom later calls it the “Perfect stoner food.” Also the perfect stoner food? Anything.

Food And Wine’s Dana Corwin continues actually being a human this season, and proposes a toast to the Final Four:

At Judges’ Table, the judges admit they have to resort to nit-picking in order to come to a verdict, and nit-pick they do: Angelo’s soup is suddenly too salty and more of a sauce than a soup, Kelly’s soup didn’t really make use of the fish and her guava apple salad should’ve been incorporated into her dish more, and Kevin’s dishes are slightly underspiced and his main course could’ve used more texture.

REWIND TO EIGHT SECONDS AGO – Every Judge: “Wow this food is amazing I love it all!!!” BACK TO PRESENT.

Ed scores the win for his fritters and his Crispy Rice and Potato Cakes, Sweet and Sour Pork, and Kai Lan, and double-advances to the Finale. He actually overshoots the Finale and ends up in the first episode of Season 8. Dag nabbit!

Padma’s Finale Dress congratulates him:

The loser, not totally surprisingly, is Kelly. She takes it well though, forcing a really creepy smile:

Angelo does not take it well:

The Finale will be Ed, Angelo, and Kevin. Other than Angelo — who I predicted from the get-go would be the token “Seem Really Good But Won’t End Up Winning” guy and now I’m thinking he might actually be the underdog and win — I was way off on my calls, and wouldn’t have pegged Ed or Kevin as potential winners earlier in the season. I basically had no clue what was happening at any point this season, and I still don’t. I commend Bravo on a legitimately unpredictable season that wasn’t just unpredictable because good people got voted off. But I still have my money on Tiffany.

Are you excited for the finale? Angelo sure is:

Kelly elimination thoughts? Predictions for the winner? Thoughts on the Singapore Finale? Comment away in the comments. Only one more episode to go, then it’s a dark dark winter of… far more exciting NFL Football and all major network shows.

Hipster Chris Berman?

Posted: 09 Sep 2010 09:22 AM PDT

After 60 or so years of ubiquitous NFL coverage, ESPN mainstay Chris Berman decided to say “screw it” this NFL season and grew a mustache, unveiling his new stylish alter-ego, Hipster Chris Berman:

Not bad! When you’ve been on the air both before and after mustaches became unironically fashionable, you’ve more than earned the right to treat your upper lip however you damn well please. I look forward to Berman referring to Jake “Daylight Come And You Gotta” Delhomme, with a mustache.

If he’d wanted to go even more hipster with it, though, I’d have gone with this look:

(Berman pic via Larry Brown Sports)
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