Cele|bitchy

Jessica Simpson thinks she’s “lucky” to be with jobless, dropout boyfriend
Lady Gaga bought Beyonce a diamond-studded whip for her 29th b-day
Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes are renegotiating their “who wears the heels” policy
Paris Hilton got special treatment in Las Vegas jail, police chief explains
Sean Penn’s rep responds to Wyclef’s claims that Penn is a cokehead
Angelina Jolie makes a UNHCR trip to flood-ravaged Pakistan
Venus Williams continues to stun crowds with her skimpy U.S. Open outfits
James Franco masturbates “four or five” times a day!
Lily Allen’s pregnant style is even worse than her regular style
People Mag: Jennifer Aniston is ‘going on dates with fun, interesting men’

Jessica Simpson thinks she’s “lucky” to be with jobless, dropout boyfriend

Posted: 07 Sep 2010 08:59 AM PDT

On Saturday, Jessica Simpson tweeted the above image with the message, "I met a wonderful man. Damn I’m lucky!" Now… I wasn't even going to talk about this story, because I'm back to feeling sorry for Jessica. For a while, she was really pissing me off and aggravating me with her powerful stupidity, but now I'm back to my default Jessica emotion, pity. Plus, the consensus from other sites is basically: "Jessica is a f-cking idiot, and this guy is no prize." The guy in question is this Eric Johnson dude - the one she's been with most of the summer, the dude who dropped out of Wharton Business School to be with Jessica's boobs. The dude that most people think is using Jessica.

Now, I'm open to the possibility that it's true love. That she and Eric Johnson are very happy, and that Jessica isn't bothered by the fact that she's financially supporting Eric, and that he doesn't seem to do ANYTHING beyond f-ck her and tell her those jeans don't make her look fat. And maybe that's all she wants out of a relationship. God knows, it's not like she brings some wit or intelligence to the table. She brings her boobs and her money to the table, and that's about it. Too harsh? She seems like she would be very easy to talk to. Because it's like talking to a brick wall. A really dumb brick wall with a huge rack.

Header: Courtesy of J. Simpson's Twitter.

Lady Gaga bought Beyonce a diamond-studded whip for her 29th b-day

Posted: 07 Sep 2010 08:37 AM PDT

I know you're going to yell at me, but I loved Beyonce and Lady Gaga's collaborations on "Videophone" and "Telephone". It felt like two great pop artists doing great pop music together. Are the songs good? Well, that's a matter of taste, but I will admit grooving to both, and I think "Videophone" is one the sexiest songs Bey has ever done. Beyond the actual music, I enjoy the fact that Bey and Gaga seemed to "get" each other, and from all accounts, they were and are very friendly with each other. According to The Sun, they're totally close enough for Gaga to send Bey a big, expensive birthday present. For Bey's 29th birthday a few days ago, Gaga sent her a DIAMOND-ENCRUSTED WHIP. For the love of God.

DON’T be surprised if JAY-Z clears his diary for the next week. Because his missus BEYONCE has some new toys to play with.

LADY GAGA gave the star a custom-made diamond whip with bra and knickers to match for her 29th birthday on Saturday.

GaGa, who splashed out thousands on the gift, presented it to the singer in Jay-Z’s dressing room after he played with EMINEM in Detroit, in the US, last week. She also sang Happy Birthday to her pal before opening a bottle of bubbly.

A source said: “GaGa wanted to give her something special. The whip was made out of hundreds of diamonds and leather. When Beyonce received it she squealed with excitement. The dressing room was decorated with balloons and banners and a lot of champagne had been put on too.”

Rappers 50 CENT, DR DRE and DRAKE were also there as they’re part of the line-up for Eminem and Jay-Z’s Home & Home tour. It must have been a big dressing room.

[From The Sun]

F-ck, wouldn't you love to be at that birthday party? Gaga, Bey, Jay, 50 Cent, Dre and Drake? And Eminem too, probably. How could you not get pregnant? I bet those dudes and Gaga got along famously, don't you? 50 Cent, in particular, would be my guess for the dude who would adore Gaga.

Regarding the diamond-encrusted whip… Gaga loves to have things encrusted with diamonds, for some reason. She had that lobster headpiece encrusted with diamonds as well. Bitch needs to save her money. And I'm saying that as a fan - I hope for her career longevity, but she needs some better business sense.

Also: Bey's twenty-ninth birthday? Or her "twenty-ninth" birthday? How many years has this girl been in her twenties? Like, fifteen, right?

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes are renegotiating their “who wears the heels” policy

Posted: 07 Sep 2010 08:01 AM PDT

This is totally a non-story, but Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise stepped out with Suri, Connor and Isabella today in New York City. We haven't had new photos of Katie and Tom together in a little while, so it's good to see them. Little Suri is hiding her face in these pics, unfortunately, and she's still being carried everywhere. I love these photos because Katie is wearing heels for the outing, and I think Tom isn't. I've been studying the photos where I can see his feet, and those sneakers don't look like his special lift sneakers. Hey, the girl gets tired of always wearing heels, you know? He looked at Katie and was like, "Don't be a bitch and wear heels today, okay? My lifts are killing my back." And Katie was like, "I don't really give a sh-t, Xenu."

I'd just like to have a word on Tom's height - I wish that it didn't bother him so much, you know? He's an attractive man, and the bane of his existence is falling in love (chuckle) with tall women, so why not just live with it? Why the lifts and "Xenu commands Mrs. Cruise to wear flats"? Maybe it's just because I just re-watched Julie & Julia, but I love it when a short guy is with a tall(er) woman (Julia Child was big!). It's kind of sexy. But Tom's insistence on looking tall makes me think that he's really neurotic about it, and that's not sexy. Eh.

Here's a photo of Isabella and Connor. Connor has turned out to be a very handsome young man, right? Goodness.

Katie and Tom on September 7, 2010, in NYC. Credit: WENN & Fame.

Paris Hilton got special treatment in Las Vegas jail, police chief explains

Posted: 07 Sep 2010 07:29 AM PDT

Paris Hilton is in Hawaii, on vacation. You know, because it's just so grueling being such a dumbass cokehead. There are photos of her here - she's posing in a bikini, absolutely thrilled that she's getting attention again. Anyway, regarding her arrest in Las Vegas a few weeks ago - apparently, Paris got special treatment. Shocking, I know. The police chief of Las Vegas just gave an interview where he tried to explain why Paris got "special treatment" when she was booked for possession - basically, he says that she would have caused major hassles for the other inmates, etc:

When Paris Hilton was busted in Las Vegas last week for alleged cocaine possession, she went straight to the express line at the Clark County Detention Center — where she was processed in half the time (three hours versus six) it normally takes for charged criminals. But it wasn’t V.I.P. treatment, authorities insisted.

“She was treated differently,” Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Deputy Chief Jim Dixon told The Las Vegas Review-Journal. “So I don’t have a disruption of my process here at the county jail.”

Dixon continued: “When you bring somebody in like that, everybody comes over and tries to look at them. I’d have officers attempting to keep inmates away from her. I’d have disruptions.”

Dixon insisted that the heiress was still subjected to normal booking procedures despite the speedy entrance and exit.

After cops found cocaine in her purse two weekends ago, Hilton, 29, was charged with felony cocaine possession and faces up to four years behind bars.

The “matter will be dealt with in the courts, not in the media” her attorney said August 28. “I encourage people not to rush to judgment until all of the facts have been dealt with in a court of law.”

“I’m so thankful to all my fans for all the love and support you are giving me,” Hilton Tweeted to fans shortly after being released.

[From Us Weekly]

Eh. I mean, I can understand his argument, I suppose. And if she was still booked the same way as everyone else, what does it matter if she didn't get the same treatment in the jail cell as everyone else…? But I still think that everything should have happened according to how they treat everyone else. Would a normal, everyday, non-famous hooker have to sit in a jail cell, waiting to be booked, for half the night? If the answer is "yes" than why is THIS hooker getting special treatment? It's not like Paris is even some award-winning artist or something, you know? If this was about Meryl Streep getting special treatment for cocaine possession (perish the thought), I would say "Yes, she deserves some leeway, she's fabulous." But it's Paris. Eh.

Sean Penn’s rep responds to Wyclef’s claims that Penn is a cokehead

Posted: 07 Sep 2010 07:04 AM PDT

A few days ago, the giant baby known as Wyclef Jean was performing stateside, and he decided to riff on two of his biggest critics, Pras and Sean Penn. Both Pras and Penn had offered surprisingly well-spoken criticisms of Wylcef's presidential run in Haiti. It didn't matter in the end, because Clef was ineligible for the presidency because of residency rules, but Clef seems to put some of the blame on his critics. Anyway, during the weekend performance, Clef said/sang: "If I was president….I got a message for Sean Penn, maybe he ain't see me in Haiti because he was too busy sniffing cocaine. I got a message for Praswell, even though you don't want to support me, I got love for you, even though you only kicked eight bars in the Fugees."

Thus far, Pras has not said anything. But Sean Penn's panties were in a wad, so he got his rep to issue this statement:

“Mr. Jean is clearly unfamiliar with the physical demands put upon volunteers in Haiti. As aid workers there, the notion of depleting the body’s immune system thru the use of illicit drugs is ludicrous. More specifically, J/P Haitian Relief Organization (a.k.a. JPHRO) has a ZERO tolerance policy for any and all illegal drugs. As the leader of this organization, Sean Penn has not only set this policy, but adheres to it. That Mr. Jean would make such a false accusation is reckless and saddening, but not surprising."

[Sean Penn's rep's statement, via The Huffington Post]

And the rep added, "By the way, Sean's is bigger than Clef's." You know that's what it's all about, really. Two boys arguing about whose humanitarian streak is bigger. I really can't slam Sean for this though - even though I wouldn't doubt that he's using again, or that he was a raging cokehead in the past. Penn probably was genuinely pissed at the accusation, though, and he took this opportunity to slam Clef for not even knowing World Health Organization policy.

Angelina Jolie makes a UNHCR trip to flood-ravaged Pakistan

Posted: 07 Sep 2010 06:40 AM PDT

Pakistan is in the midst of one of the greatest humanitarian crises the country has ever faced, and that's saying something, because Pakistan has a horrible history with humanitarian crises. The latest crisis began with the devastating flooding that left large, populated areas on Pakistan uninhabitable, and destroyed hundreds of thousands of homes. So far, 1,700 people have lost their lives, and hundreds of thousands of Pakistanis have been displaced. Angelina Jolie addressed the Pakistani flooding several weeks ago, when she was on the European promotional tour for Salt, and the UNHCR announced that she had donated $100,000, directed to the UNHCR mission in Pakistan. Jolie also made a PSA last week to encourage others to donate to the UNHCR mission. Yesterday, Angelina flew to Pakistan via Heathrow, and now she's on the ground trying to bring attention to the refugee camps and the lack of funding:

JALOZAI, Pakistan — American movie star Angelina Jolie met flood victims in northwestern Pakistan on Tuesday and appealed to the international community to provide aid needed to help the country recover from its worst natural disaster.

The flow of aid money has stalled in recent days, and officials expressed hope the two-day visit by Jolie – who serves as a “goodwill ambassador” for the U.N.’s refugee agency – will convince foreign countries and individuals to open their wallets.

The 35-year-old actress said she met with many people whose lives have been devastated by the floods, including mothers who lost their children and an elderly Pakistani couple who feared they would never be able to rebuild the home they lost.

“I am very moved by them and I hope that I am able to, today and tomorrow, be able to do something to help bring attention to the situation for all of the people in need in Pakistan,” Jolie told reporters after visiting a refugee camp in the Jalozai area.

She toured the area wearing a long black robe and a black headscarf adorned with a thin red stripe – the kind of conservative clothing worn by many Muslim women in Pakistan.

The floods began in the northwest at the end of July after extremely heavy monsoon rains and slowly surged south along the Indus River, swallowing up hundreds of villages and towns and killing more than 1,700 people. Another 17 million have been affected by the floods, and many will need emergency assistance to survive.

The United Nations issued an appeal for $460 million in emergency funds on Aug. 11, but only $294 million, or 64 percent, has been received so far, and donations have more or less dried up in recent days.

Ajay Chhibber, a U.N. assistant secretary general, said he hopes Jolie’s visit will have “a very big impact” on the inflow of aid money and will keep people focused on the crisis.

“We need more … well-known figures who can keep the spotlight and focus because people tend to forget internationally,” said Chhibber, who is also the U.N. development agency’s regional director for Asia. He spoke to reporters during a visit to Islamabad.

[From The Huffington Post]

Just pulling from my own memory, I think this is Angelina's fourth UNHCR trip to Pakistan through her decade of service to the UNHCR. When she first went, the refugee crisis was about the hundreds of thousands of Afghan refugees who had fled their country to avoid Russian, and then Taliban rule. Then it was the devastating earthquake in 2005. And now the flooding. These poor people.

Here's the UNHCR donation page - this is for general donations, but if you want to direcct your money specifically to the UNHCR's mission in Pakistan, go here.

Header: Angelina Jolie in Pakistan on Sept. 7, 2010. Photo courtesy of the UNHCR.

Venus Williams continues to stun crowds with her skimpy U.S. Open outfits

Posted: 07 Sep 2010 06:11 AM PDT

Honestly, I think at this point Venus Williams is just going to generate controversy no matter what she wears for a tennis match. Previously, she's really pushed the "appropriate" envelope and worn what looked like lingerie, as well as disturbingly "nude" tennis shorts, amongst other unfortunate looks. For her singles match on Friday, the "nude" shorts made their triumphant return, but most people are discussing the little fuchsia outfit she wore to defeat Shaher Peer of Israel a few days ago. You know what, though? I think it's one of Venus's better choice.

Of this outfit, Venus said: "This outfit was supposed to be about New York. It’s like bursts of fireworks." It's very slimming too - Venus has always been the "skinny" Williams sister, but this style, with the neckline and close fit on the bust, does wonders to streamline her figure. Plus, it doesn't feel like we're looking at tennis-themed pornography. That's a plus in my book. Here's the pick thing from the back… okay, it's a little pornographic. But I still prefer it to her other outfits.

Venus Williams at the U.S. Open. Credit: WENN.

James Franco masturbates “four or five” times a day!

Posted: 07 Sep 2010 05:47 AM PDT

A lot of you hated on me when I hated on James Franco's Esquire profile. In my defense, I went to a liberal arts college, and I avoided dudes like James Franco like the plague, and I tend to think they're even worse when they're still pulling this stuff when they're older. I give Franco credit for being smarter than a lot of actors in his age group, and I give him credit for having interests beyond Hollywood. But this artsy-fartsy, "let's do some 'found art' with an Esquire journalist" schtick is… meh. Beyond that, though, I do like him. In small doses. I think he's a very talented actor, and I appreciate that he's trying to be a better artist, and that he's not content to be the pretty boy.

Anyway, Franco is in Telluride to promote his role in Danny Boyle's 127 Hours, that film about the dude (jackass?) who got stuck in a crevice and had to saw his own arm off with a dull knife. I talked about the trailer here - Franco is perhaps playing the dude as reckless and vaguely douchey. In any case, Franco talked explicitly about one particular scene in which his character masturbates.

James Franco engaged in some TMI while promoting “127 Hours” at the Telluride Film Festival this weekend. In Danny Boyle’s action flick, which stars Franco as real-life mountaineer Aron Ralston, the main character is shown pleasuring himself while stuck under a boulder before he is forced to cut off his own arm with a blunt knife to free himself.

Franco told the Hollywood Reporter that Ralston never admitted to masturbating while trapped in the Utah Mountains for several days, but that he could still relate to the scene.

“When I’m alone, I do masturbate a lot. I tend to have a four- or five-time day,” the hotel-hopping star told the industry website with a laugh. “So, I probably would have if I was stuck under a rock.”

But Franco added that even if Ralston did pleasure himself before he severed his own arm, he would never admit it in public.

“He’s kind of a gentleman, I guess he doesn’t talk about that stuff,” the 32-year-old actor told the Hollywood Reporter.

[From The NY Daily News]

As a lady, I can freely admit that if I was forced to masturbate four or five times a day, I don't think I would be able to walk. Or do anything, really. How could a lady function if she was masturbating five times a day? My limit is twice a day, and that has to be a special occasion, like new Clive Owen photos or something. Five times a day?!? How does Franco has any time to do his "art"? Also: note to Franco - I believe there are lots of ladies who would love to “help a brother out.”

Header: Franco on May 20, 2010. Credit: WENN.

Lily Allen’s pregnant style is even worse than her regular style

Posted: 07 Sep 2010 05:27 AM PDT

I actually want to like Lily Allen. I think that of all the pop stars, she actually seems like she's got half a brain, and she might be fun. But she killed it for me a long time ago, when she kept giving interview after interview after exhaustive interview about how she was going to end her career and have a baby. She was basically playing one of the oldest famewhore moves in the book - getting attention for "leaving the music business" and simultaneously creating her own famewhore Bump Watch for everyone to comment on. Well, she's now pregnant (by her boyfriend, who is not in the business), and she's supposedly on her "break". So why, perchance, is she on a red carpet, showing off her bump in this hideous dress? Well, it was the premiere of "her mum's film" but I also think Lily just wanted some attention.

Bump watch! British singer Lily Allen, 25, showed off her growing belly at the London premiere of Tamara Drewe Monday.

“Its Elle magazine’s 25th birthday issue this month,” Allen tweeted before the premiere. “There’s a party tonight to celebrate but I can’t go. Sorry Elle. It’s the premiere for my mum’s film Tamara Drewe, so I’m going there instead.”

Allen — who is expecting her first child with boyfriend Sam Cooper after suffering a miscarriage in January 2008 — admits that she’s still adjusting to her pregnancy curves.

“I’m aware of the fact that I’ve put on a considerable amount of weight, and I didn’t want it to become a talking point,” she tweeted in August just after confirming her pregnancy. “I’m feeling vulnerable enough as it is. Hence the jeans and pyjama top. Just wanted to be relaxed and not think about all that.”

[From Us Weekly]

Alright… maybe I'll give her a pass on walking the red carpet for her mother - I can understand her need and desire to publicly support her mom. But Lily did manage to make the evening all about her, didn't she? Now the story is "Lily Allen debuts bump in a hideous dress" rather than "Lily Allen is a good daughter, supports mum." The detailing on this dress - the accents on the hem and the big, puffy sleeves are so cheesy. Ugh. I hate this vintagey, “precious” oh-look-at-me-I’m-so-dainty style.

Or could it be that this is just a reoccurring instance of my continuing Bangs Trauma? Lily’s bangs have taken on a life of their own. My personal opinion: beyond the age of 10 years old, your bangs should not be this thick.

Lily Allen on Sept. 6, 2010. Credit: WENN.

People Mag: Jennifer Aniston is ‘going on dates with fun, interesting men’

Posted: 07 Sep 2010 04:06 AM PDT

I try to give Jennifer Aniston a chance, I really do, but she’s so obvious to the point that it’s laughable. Take for instance this latest blurb in People Magazine, no doubt sent to them by her well meaning but completely off the mark PR guy, Huvane whats-his-face. People mentions that she went on a date with her Cougar Town co-star, Josh Hopkins, (he plays the hot single neighbor of Courteney Cox’s character) and that they had “a flirty energy between them and Jen looked very happy.” We saw pictures of Jen and Josh after said date, so the message is out there and there’s no need to follow it up with such a lame story. Jen has also been linked to quite a few other guys lately, including Lindsay Lohan’s ex Harry Morton (who may just have been at the same place at the same time as Aniston), and her on-off go-to douche, John Mayer. So was the article a strategic move to dismiss the stories that she’s back with Mayer and show that she’s happily dating other guys? Obviously.

Looks like Jennifer Aniston’s guest starring role on Cougar Town comes with some sweet fringe benefits.

The actress, 40, (who was recently rumored to be back together with John Mayer) shared a two-hour Italian dinner with Cougar Town actor Josh Hopkins at Madeo in Beverly Hills on Sept. 2.

“She seemed very excited about her date,” says a eyewitness. “She and Josh sat at a more private table and they seemed to get along great.”

Aniston, who sipped white wine and ordered fish, shared animated conversations with Hopkins, 39. “It was obvious that they don’t know each other well, but there was a flirty energy between them and Jen looked very happy,” adds the witness. Reps for both haven’t commented on the relationship, but there’s no denying the smile on Aniston’s face these days.

“Jen has been in the best mood lately,” a source tells PEOPLE. “She is trying to do whatever makes her happy, which includes going on fun dates with interesting men.”

And the star’s optimistic attitude could lead to more fun in the dating world.

[From People]

Ok, we get it! Jennifer Aniston is gorgeous, happy and dating. It’s a shame she can’t string a sentence together and is being managed by a team who regularly issues statements on her love life but can’t bother to apologize when she offends people with her thoughtless comments. Think I’m too harsh? She still hasn’t issued a peep about using that word. I’m not condemning her for letting it slip and as many of you mentioned it’s still in common usage. I’m condemning her and her PR team for not even issuing a brief acknowledgement that she offended people. They’ll surely let us known when she goes on a date, though. This is how I imagine how behind-the-scenes meetings on Aniston’s image go. “Let’s ignore the r word fallout, wait three weeks and then send her on a date with a guy who needs the press.”

photos are from 8/19/10. Credit: Fame Pictures

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Cele|bitchy

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