Best Week Ever |
- Patton Oswalt Talks Meth’d Up DJs, Sacreligious Remakes On Bill Simmons Podcast
- 30 Rock Sums Up NBC In One Amazing Chart
- Here’s The Best List Of Basketball Nicknames I’ve Ever Seen
- Walker’s Wheelhouse: My Saturday With Michelle And Noah
- Science: Major Breakthrough In Jalapeno Popper Technology
- TOP CHEF RECAP: Restaurant Wars And Fish Peace-es
- COUNTDOWN TO CANCUN: Win The Spring Break You Never Had!
- Countdown Until Antoine Dodson Becomes Co-Host On “The Talk” Begins… Now
- Video: Dad And Daughter Sing Home On Ellen, Hugs And Cuteness Abound
| Patton Oswalt Talks Meth’d Up DJs, Sacreligious Remakes On Bill Simmons Podcast Posted: 21 Jan 2011 09:27 AM PST I usually make it a point not to post about things that are pretty much just solid day in and day out (i.e. The Daily Show, Yes Dear reruns, etc.), and to me, the Bill Simmons ESPN podcast is always a pretty reliable commute-waster — has liking Bill Simmons wrapped around from internet-passé to “hip embrace of the mainstream” yet? Like hipsters blasting Lady Gaga? Exactly like that? Sweet. Anyway, I mention this because Patton Oswalt appeared on the Simmons Podcast this week for a two-part episode that’s both hilarious and legitimately interesting, with Oswalt sharing his experiences about morning radio DJs, 90s standup club owners, and the rise of Twitter and its implications for future generations. The two parts are about 90 minutes combined, which is an internet eternity, but it’s well worth it. Download it here or click my awesome homemade screengrab below to play:
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| 30 Rock Sums Up NBC In One Amazing Chart Posted: 21 Jan 2011 07:46 AM PST 30 Rock has made a career out of unashamedly ripping on NBC at every turn, particularly since Universal’s real-life merger with ‘Kabletown‘, but last night’s episode basically summed up the entire current state of NBC in one convenient, vicious piechart (click to enlarge):
Sounds about right. Extra points for sticking this insult into the debut of NBC’s new Thursday Comedy Night, the thing they’ve been promoting nonstop for about six weeks (at least 1/8th of that pie chart should include those 7-minute “Comedy Night Done Right” ads in movie theaters.) Otherwise, that’s prrrobably just about the literal 2011 NBC budget. Nicely done. |
| Here’s The Best List Of Basketball Nicknames I’ve Ever Seen Posted: 20 Jan 2011 01:58 PM PST During last night’s Denver Nuggets game, the tv station unveiled a list of 9 nicknames for point guard Ty Lawson. Why am I mentioning this on BWE? Because it is the best list of nicknames I have ever seen:
Wow. I read “TY-RAN-AROUND-US” and was prepared to declare that the instant winner, then realized every other one on the list was comparably amazing. They truly left no stone unpunned. If I had to pick one, as a result of some kind of cruel This-Graphic Sophie’s Choice situation that I pray never arises, I’d have to go with ZIP TY. Perfect combination of being juuuust enough of a stretch while also being a completely meaningless pun (he “zips” around, and also you use him to wrap up garbage bags.) Hard to top those, but how about: LAWSON’S CREEK LAWSON’ THE WELL-AWARE TY A MELO RIBBON (until Carmelo Anthony gets traded) TOM LAWSON (Tom Lawson is a college friend of mine. Figured this makes no less sense than FLAWSON) JAMES TY-LAWSONUS KIRK And so on. (via @FreeDarko) |
| Walker’s Wheelhouse: My Saturday With Michelle And Noah Posted: 20 Jan 2011 01:41 PM PST You know how I As you may or may not know, Michelle recently moved to LA. Dan and Noah and I still live in New York, so whenever Michelle comes back for a visit we all hold hands in a circle and excitedly jump up and down for two hours. Michelle came back a few weeks ago, and this time we decided to switch up our normal routine. Well, it was more like Michelle and Noah and I wanted to walk around the city and Dan wanted to jump up and down by himself. So we reluctantly parted ways, though we could hear Dan’s shouts of glee for many blocks. We were in Union Square, which, if you haven’t been, is quintessential New York: There’s a TGI Fridays, a Filene’s Basement, Forever 21, Au Bon Pain and Starbucks. Despite the wealth of options laid before us, Michelle wanted to go to Dave and Buster’s in Times Square to play trivia. Apparently Michelle is really good at trivia. She even said that we could win prizes like “boxer shorts or a scooter.” That was tempting, but then we saw what was playing at the movies!
We eagerly started towards the theater, excited to see what we assumed would be the tale of a hard scrabble boxer who works at a gym by day, and secretly fulfills his dream of being the best burlesque dancer in the land by night. Like a more adult Billy Elliot perhaps. But we passed an ABC Home and Carpet and could not resist peaking inside. And thank goodness we did because WE SAW MADONNA!!!
And she was covered in gold sparkles and 50 percent off! I got 6!
Then Noah was hungry, so we went to a fancy restaurant called “7-Eleven.” Noah goes there a lot, this is his favorite dish:
Actually, says Noah: “Well, I meant to get a beef and cheese taquito but they accidentally gave me a bacon egg and cheese thing that looked the same and it was GREAT.” Noah was so excited about this delicious mistake that he flew to Hawaii!!!
Kidding!!! We went to the Sprint store so Michelle could buy a new phone. We immediately knew we were in the right place. “Does he come with the phone??” For various reasons beyond our control, we ended up staying at the Sprint store for 2 hours. I won’t go into it, but I will say that I went from being really excited about all of us hanging out at the Sprint store to feeling like I was in a fluorescent lit prison mad house. This was us at the end:
It was harrowing, but damned if Michelle didn’t get a brand new phone. We stumbled out into the cold twilight and decided to see if Dan was still jumping by himself. He was. But he had jumped his way back to his apartment and was throwing a party! Michelle enjoyed a Bud Light Lime. The man in the background is not Dan, but rather one of his hanger ons. (I don’t know who that man is). What a Saturday! Only in New York could such a Saturday happen. Some things that I left out because I didn’t have photo evidence: Noah bought new gloves on St. Mark’s after haggling the price down to five dollars, we got a free donut hole at Dunkin Donuts (no haggling), I had a stick of gum that I demanded, rather than haggled, from Noah, and we saw three cute dogs who were probably bought for full price or adopted. That’s it. So thank you for visiting my Wheelhouse, truly the most self-indulgent one yet. |
| Science: Major Breakthrough In Jalapeno Popper Technology Posted: 20 Jan 2011 12:51 PM PST This is from Popsci.com:
Get ready for more PARTY in your MOUTH! YAY, Science! Keep doing what you’re doing! Thanks, Jimmy |
| TOP CHEF RECAP: Restaurant Wars And Fish Peace-es Posted: 20 Jan 2011 11:23 AM PST This is a Recap of Top Chef All-Stars (Season 8), Episode 7, entitled "Restaurant Wars: One Night only", originally airing January 19th, 2011. It contains spoilers about penises, just FYI. For the Quickfire, we head to Eric Ripert’s Le Bernardin to meet the mythical folk hero Justo Thomas, the fish prepper who butchers “1000 pounds of fish every day” and when he’s out it takes “three trained sous chefs to do his job.” He also pulls crooked roads straight, drinks gasoline and farts Dom, and built the Empire State Building by hand as a life-sized replica of his d*ck.
After a bunch of hobos spin yarns about Justo’s superhuman filleting feats, Bourdain declares “I think we know what comes next. That’s right – guest judge Jimmy Breslin will give you a New York street number and you have to cook a dish that represents the essence of that number, because New York cuisine is all about knowing the number of the street the restaurant is on so you can go to it.” Nah, it’s a fish filleting challenge: The chefs each get 10 minutes to prep one cod and one fluke, even though it only took Chef John Henry over there eight minutes to do it. Most of the chefs accomplish this task without any difficulty, proving that the “it takes 3 sous chefs to do his job” comment was complete bullsh*t. I guess that’s the whole Quickfire. Four way tie. PSYCHTWIST! The top four prepping chefs (Dale, Marcel, Mike, and Richard) have to cook a dish from the discarded remains of the fish they prepped. Cool challenge! Although, if the point is to prove that the fish heads and wings shouldn’t be discarded, that kind of undermines the fact that Le Bernardin completely discards them, right? NO TIME TO THINK MUST COOK. Fortunately, Dale’s family “has been doing head and nose cooking before it was even cool.” Oh yeah? Well I saw head and nose cooking open for Television at CBGB’s in ’76 when it was just the two of them and a woodblock full of heroin and they passed out while trying to fight each other and that became their first EP. Who’s the cool now dawg? Dale wins immunity for his two dishes, a Bacon Dashi with Salt Roasted Cod Collar and a Fluke Back Fin Sashimi with Cucumber and Fluke Liver Sauce, marking the first time ever someone did two dishes when asked for one and didn’t immediately get criticized for spreading themselves thin. I guess he was cooking heads before it was cool.
Onto the Elimination Challenge. It’s Restaurant Wars! Everyone’s like, “For MOI????” There’s 10 of you guys, it’s always Restaurant Wars when there’s a nice even number. Yeww knewwww thatttt. Little scamps. Bravo brings back some painful Restaurant Wars footage from yesteryear – Tom: “Who cooked the chicken?” Marcel: “Me.” Tom: “We hated the chicken.” FLOLashback! Why is a little cartoon raincloud following Marcel around now? Hrm. The guest judge is Ludo Lefevbre, the guy who really sucked in Masters and made a million excuses. Ludo is opening two “Pop Up Restaurants” in L.A., and explains that Pop-Up restaurants are restaurants that change their menu and staff “Every night, or sometimes every 2-3 months.” You know what other kind of restaurants change their menu every 2-3 months? Restaurants. There’s another twist: This Restaurant Wars, the DINERS will pick the winner. And the winning chef will win $10,000, which absolutely shocks everyone:
Dale picks Marcel as his rival Captain, because he doesn’t want to work with him (which turns out to be an incredible move), and the Top Chef fantasy draft results in the following – Team Marcel: Angelo, Mike Isabella, Antonia, Tiffany Team Dale: Richard, Tre, Fabio, Carla, Brady Quinn (last pick) Marcel explains, “It’s all about assembling a motherf***in’ team. I tried to assemble the most talent.” I disagree with that approach. But can Marcel actually work well with oth–never mind, he’s already yelling at people. I think he’s writing down yelling in his yellpad. This doesn’t bode well – although, I actually predicted that Bravo was editing this too obviously to set up Marcel’s team for a surprising win, but I predicted wronglike. Only this Restaurant Wars, the DINERS will pick the winner. Fabio takes front of the house duties again so he can charm people with his accent and go down on Dana Corwin. He explains “Food will be 50%, I will provide the other 50%” He is then shown telling a waiter to put a tablecloth on the table. They’re 50% of the way there! Only this Restaurant Wars, the DINERS will pick the winner. Dale’s Team names its restaurant “Bodega”, in a whimsical homage to New York street shops, and decides to cook every dish using 7-year old Goya cans on top of Airheads. Tom says he doesn’t quite understand the “Bodega” concept — really, Tom? It’s the exact kind of lame-ass “whimsy” that you food people find hilarious, even though you probably all scoff at Dumb and Dumber because it’s too lowbrow for you. I hate all of you. If you actually think that. Which I decide that you definitely do. Marcel’s Team names its restaurant “Etch”, because they are going to lose:
Here’s a sign that makes even less sense:
The diners arrive. Too bad Top Chef scrapped the “design the interior” aspect of Restaurant Wars last season — I really enjoyed the contestchefs walking into Pier One and seeing a Buddha and being like “we’re gonna buy that Buddha” then putting the Buddha in their restaurant. CLASSIC television. That and Dick Van Dyke. Team Bodega is cooking food and serving it to people and they enjoy it. Team Etch is fighting about eggs, then Mike fights with Marcel about lamb being too raw, then Antonia fights with both of them about fighting and Marcel fights with her for doing that. At this point, I’m thinking that things don’t look so good for Team Etch, but I am also a detective with a bloodhound pointing my giant magnifying glass at the screen so I can really detect things. Bodega is having fake problems too, so it’s not over yet. Dale’s like, “If I can’t get this food out, I’ll be totally in the juice.” Not the losing juice, because you have immunity. Also, you’re doing fine. Nice to see that with Jennifer off the show, Dale and Richard are picking up the fake “I think I’m losing!” slack. Anyone notice that the diners, who will be deciding the winner this time, are exceptionally young?
The judges love Team Bodega’s dishes and their whimsy, obviously. See? Highbrow cultural people insulate themselves so far from actual humor, they’re forced to laugh at dumb little highbrow-seeming playful BS like a fancy tuna dish that is kind of served in a can, or like, a classical pianist playing three seconds of the Flintstones theme mid-concerto. I seriously hate you all so much. (When I say “actual humor,” of course, I’m referring to Photoshopping speech bubbles onto reality show screengrabs. Pissing art here, people.) Hey, there’s Not Toby Young!
The Judges aren’t so high on Etch from the getgo. Tom seems skeptical of Baldo over here:
Front-of-house-failin’ Tiffany asks the Judges if they need anything, and Padma says “we’re hungry!” No you’re not, you just ate five meals and your stomach is literally the size of a bouillon cube. The judges hate the food at Etch. But will it be enough to cause them to lose? Hard to say – depends on if the judges or the diners are picking the winner this week. This was not clear. Team Etch gets called to Judges Table first. Padma’s like, “Congratulations, the diners picked you…for BADNESS!” Turns out, they got completely blown out. Guess the tension wasn’t just a big wrongly-filleted red herring. Richard, who’s all fake “I’m gonna lose!” is voted the winner for his Chicken Fried Codfish, ‘Brussels Kraut’ and Ginger Beer in Whimsy Sauce. If that sh*t got any more whimsical, it’d turn into a leprechaun and steal a kiss from Padma then escape to its rainbow garden. On Etch — once again, ETCH — Captain Marcel is asked to pack his knives and go get zinged by the Bravo website:
On his way out, Marcel declares “I didn’t really make any mistakes, per se, the only mistake I made was picking the wrong team.” Relax, Marcel, you don’t have to be a caricature of a reality show villain anymore, you’re back to just being a dude. Next week on Top Chef: Tiffany or Tre goes home, and Lorraine Bracco’s boyfriend isn’t getting laid tonight. Time to warm up the Sopranofellas references!
Restaurant Wars episode thoughts? Favorite / least favorite parts? Stuff we missed? Updated predictions? Comment away, you goodfellas! (Ooop, saving it for next week). |
| COUNTDOWN TO CANCUN: Win The Spring Break You Never Had! Posted: 20 Jan 2011 12:01 PM PST
I write this post from inside my stunningly beachy beachfront hotel room at the LiveAqua Resort from Cancun, Mexico, where I’m spending the next couple of days with VH1 Top 20 Video Countdown, and, no big deal, just The Goo Goo Dolls. Here’s me:
I’ll bring you more details of my trip later — like the fact that I’ll never have a view this good again, or how I’m basically obsessed with everything and everyone Virgin America related — but for now, there’s something entirely more important to tell you about… Like the fact that YOU can win a trip to Cancun and live this fabulous life I’m living right now! You and a guest can win round-trip airfare with Virgin America and 3-night stay here at the LiveAqua Resort to use at anytime in 2011. Just click and enter! Well? Why aren’t you clicking?? It’s just so simple. |
| Countdown Until Antoine Dodson Becomes Co-Host On “The Talk” Begins… Now Posted: 20 Jan 2011 09:44 AM PST
Well well well, look who was spotted hanging around a mall with the finest of extensions and Louis V tote bags? None other than internet superstar and America’s Next Top Model Antoine Dodson! For real, ladies of The Talk, get this man on your panel ASAP before OWN snatches his people up. People meaning God given talents. |
| Video: Dad And Daughter Sing Home On Ellen, Hugs And Cuteness Abound Posted: 20 Jan 2011 09:31 AM PST Remember the adorable dad and daughter duo who sang Home and it became a viral hit? Of course you don’t, it was more than a week ago. Just kidding, I’m not as cynical as all that. I believe in your power of retention. I believe in you. Aaaaanyway. Jorge and Alexa went on Ellen yesterday, which is the first stop for cute kids (and their cute dads! Can I say that? It’s true) who become Internet sensations. It’s very sweet. Again. Those tiny pink cars represent everything I thought was wealthy and amazing and unattainable when I was a kid. So cool. Here’s my long con: Start teaching my one year old niece the banjo so she’s a crazy amazing banjo player by the time she’s three. But not in a Deliverance type of way, a Steve Martin way. Then I’ll record a video with her, which will be a cover of whatever uplifting indie song is popular in two years. Then I’ll put it on the Internet, it’ll obviously go viral, we’ll go on Ellen, and I’ll get that f*cking car. It won’t be bad that I’ll use it instead of my niece because three year olds shouldn’t be driving. I cannot WAIT. |
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