Monday, January 24, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

The Things We Would Do To Billy Zane’s Beard…

Posted: 24 Jan 2011 09:19 AM PST

Oh Billy Zane, why do your eyes obliterate my pre-conceived notions about your career? You are amazing, Billy Zane, and your beard is hearty and thick like that of a mountain man who decided to quit and become an actor. The luck of the cashmere and alpaca turtleneck, to be able to graze the asparagi that grow out of your face. To think that with a simple removal of your cap, you could blind a million children with the heavenly glow that reflects from your well-oiled scalp. Billy Zane, we long to cradle you in our arms like a giant baby man and feed you the gift of life from our bodies, and then swaddle you in an American flag and dangle your patriotic cocoon from a helicopter high over New York City in a stunt that would be known around the world as “InZane In The MemZane.”

We love you.

Mendenhall Humps Roethlisberger: The GIF

Posted: 24 Jan 2011 09:06 AM PST

During the closing drive of Sunday’s Steelers/Jets game, an apparently quite-enthused running back Rashard Mendenhall greeted Ben Roethlisberger with an unexpected (and yet oddly fitting) celebratory dry-hump.

Obviously, I instantly recorded this moment to turn it into an animated .GIF, and in the process, received a text from my friend Matt saying “Tell me you saw mendenhall dry hump roethlisberger – Animated gif of the year”. My friends and I are such valuable people to the earth.

Take it – Mendenhump GIF:

I figured the internet would be talking about this moment today, but check out the first Google prompt when I typed in “Mendenhall”:

Geez. People searching for the Mendenhall Glacier this morning are gonna be SO confused.

If Christopher Nolan Rebooted The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Franchise…

Posted: 24 Jan 2011 07:58 AM PST

Fan made trailers for non-existent movies probably aren’t your favorite, but this one called Fight The Foot is surprisingly well done and surprisingly Christopher Nolan-y. From the person who made this:

My idea was take on the world before Shredder arrives. In my version Shredder would be more of an evil genius that takes over a common street gang and trains them into the organized clan later seen in the films. I'm a huge fan of TMNT but at the same time felt the world needed a different take than was previously established.

It seems like Raphael is everyone’s favorite Ninja Turtle all of a sudden. It used to be Michelangelo, and I am completely okay with him no longer being the center of attention, but when is Donatello going to get his chance to shine? He does machines, he’s not cruel… He’s perfect. I mean, sure. His weapon is basically just a big stick, but that is awesome in a very Teddy Roosevelt kind of way.

This should somehow get made into a full length movie where they are much more even handed in their portrayal of teens who like indoor half-pipes and menthol cigarettes.

Thanks, The High Definite.

The Real Reason The Steelers Beat The Jets: Phil Collins

Posted: 24 Jan 2011 07:33 AM PST

The Steelers held off the Jets 24-19 to advance to the Super Bowl, playing an inspired, pumped-up first half that could’ve only been caused by one thing: PHIL COLLINS.

I’m not gonna automatically assume it was “In The Air Tonight” — judging by how pumped up they were, they must’ve listened to “Sussudio”, possibly with some Tarzan soundtrack thrown in there.

There’s no telling what coach Mike Tomlin has planned for the night before the Super Bowl – I’m thinking either Bryan Adams “Cuts Like A Knife” or possibly the James Taylor “You’ve Got A Friend.” Either way, look out, Packers.

(Fancypipes, via Matt Little)

James Franco Covers Woman In Silky White Substance

Posted: 23 Jan 2011 11:27 PM PST

Here is your James Franco, brilliant actor, cat enthusiast, showing that he doesn’t always look stunning as a woman. Here he is at Sundance wearing a blond wig while shmearing an unsuspecting young fan with a mysterious white creamy substance. But before you get too nauseated/turned on, wethinks it’s probably moisturizer, as this event occurred at the Nivea For Men House, just a cute little bungalow in Utah where men put moisturizer on themselves and friends.

Hey James Franco, my skin real dry. You’re welcome to “moisturize” me any time. But wear protection!
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