Cele|bitchy

Does Lady Gaga want her perfume to smell like “blood and semen”?
Helena Bonham Carter: “Why not wear mismatching shoes? Who says we can’t?”
John Travolta has dinner with John Gotti Jr.: is someone about to get whacked?
Colin Farrell steps in for Kiefer at Donald Sutherland’s Walk of Fame ceremony
Kristen Stewart could be your new lip-biting, eye-rolling Snow White
Is Christina Aguilera the new boozy, floozy Britney Spears?
Kate Hudson talks about her bump: “It feels like a girl”
Elie Saab’s Spring/Summer line: Who will be wearing what at the Oscars?
Is Katie Holmes the victim of an anti-Scientology smear campaign?
Jake Gyllenhaal wanted to see if he & Taylor Swift could recapture their magic

Does Lady Gaga want her perfume to smell like “blood and semen”?

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 08:57 AM PST

I was trying to avoid doing this story, but I guess I have to. According to random sources, Lady Gaga has some unique ideas for the perfume that she's branding. Gaga isn't just going to let the professionals do their work and pick out some florals and citrus scents for Gaga to slap her name on. No, Gaga is involved with the perfume every step of the way, and she allegedly has an opinion on what the perfume should smell like: blood and semen. Seriously, my gag reflex is in overdrive today already (I think I'm getting something, I feel especially barfy). I cannot even concentrate on this too much, because I might end up throwing up.

Celebrity perfumes are a dime a dozen. You can smell like Kim Kardashian, Posh Spice, Taylor Swift, Reese Witherspoon– almost any Tinsel Towner you like.

But Lady Gaga isn’t your typical, sweet-smelling celeb. She’s far, far from it. According to Fashionista.com, the shocking superstar is developing her first fragrance, and Mother Monster has reportedly requested that the scent “smell of blood and semen.”

Hmm, bodily fluids haven’t had as much success as say, lavender or hibiscus in the world of fragrance, but Gaga is the queen of reinvention and pushing the envelope. And even though most of us probably don’t think we want to smell like blood or semen, I bet this racy new product will sell out instantly around the world.

But Little Monsters, please take my advice and wait for Gaga’s perfume to go on sale at a store near you. While making a miniature version of her meat dress might be pretty cool, a homemade concoction of blood and semen is not a scent you should purposefully try to recreate.

[From PopEater]

Does blood have a smell? I know it has a taste - metallic. But I've never sniffed an open wound, so I have no idea. As for "semen"… ugh. Ooooh, here comes the bile. I'm sorry if any of you are reading this before or after lunch. Ugh.

All of that being said, I kind of doubt this. I mean, Gaga might have said something along these lines to someone, but I doubt her perfume is going to end up smelling like this.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Helena Bonham Carter: “Why not wear mismatching shoes? Who says we can’t?”

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 08:38 AM PST

I am firmly on Team Helena Bonham-Carter for this year's Best Supporting Actress Oscar race, although I know Melissa Leo is likely the one to beat. I adored Helena in The King's Speech, and I've grown to love her in real life. She's fun, she's sassy, she's witty and she's cool. She doesn't take herself too seriously, and she doesn't take the awards season, with all of its fashion drama, too seriously either. Helena just spoke to People Magazine about why she wore two different colored shoes to the Globes, and why fashion rules are made to be broken:

The King's Speech star — and Oscar nominee for Best Supporting Actress — Helena Bonham Carter is the first to admit she's made a few fashion mistakes on the red carpet but that's not stopping her from dressing up in non-traditional styles.

"Sometimes I get it right and I sometimes I get it wrong," Bonham Carter, 44, tells PEOPLE. "But fashion is all about having fun. I think fashion has been hijacked by the fashion industry creating rules on what one should wear and I feel like breaking the mold and seeing that the world won't crumble."

Known for her eclectic fashion choices, Bonham Carter raised a few eyebrows by attending the Golden Globe Awards wearing one red and one green shoe simply because she wanted to.

"Why not wear mismatching shoes? Who says we can't? I was just having fun," says Bonham Carter. "For me, fashion is all about fantasy and putting unlikely things together. That's what I love. I genuinely love dressing up."

One person Bonham Carter praises is Lady Gaga for her daring fashion choices.

"I love the way she dresses. She's like a work of art," she says. "Anybody who is inventive, different or has fun like her, I love and admire. I'm amazed that she's able to stand up in some of those shoes she wears."

When asked what it's like to be compared to the "Bad Romance" singer, Bonham Carter demurs, saying "I feel honored to be compared to her but I would probably be called Lady Haha. She's fantastic."

So what can we expect on the red carpet at the Kodak Theatre come Feb. 27?

"Maybe I will wear the exact same [Vivienne Westwood] dress I wore at the Golden Globes but with matching shoes," she says with a big laugh. "Or put the shoes on my head!"

[From People]

God, don't give her any ideas, people. You know she'll do anything. She would totally get Vivienne Westwood to fashion a headpiece made out of mismatched shoes. She would totally wear a trash bag and bucket to the Oscars, just for laughs. And while I respect Helena's attitude and her indomitable fashion sense, wouldn't it be interesting, JUST ONCE, to see Helena dressed impeccably and beautifully? Wouldn't that be the real shocker?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

John Travolta has dinner with John Gotti Jr.: is someone about to get whacked?

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 08:17 AM PST

Last night, John Travolta had dinner John Angelo Gotti, son of the late John Gotti (Senior?). Apparently, this one is known as "Junior Gotti" and he's likely "in the business" as well. That business? Um… trash-collecting? Taking out the trash, in any case. Travolta is allegedly "in talks" to play Gotti Senior, and I suppose Travolta wanted Junior's blessing. Maybe I'm out of line, but I would think Travolta would be a bridge too far, even for mobsters. Like, even they don't want to get involved with Travolta and his issues. But Junior Gotti is a fan! He told the waiting reporters he had seen all of Travolta’s films and was sure he could take on the role of his father: "He’s a tremendous actor and he’ll feel the part. He nails every single one and he can do this too, I’m totally confident.”

As far as the photographs from the dinner - well, the best shots are of Gotti and Travolta exiting the restaurant. Gotti leans in for a man hug, and Travolta's face just says it all: "Um, not my type, dude. I like them lithe and dark and in the spa!"

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Colin Farrell steps in for Kiefer at Donald Sutherland’s Walk of Fame ceremony

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 07:49 AM PST

I saw these photos last night, and I'm still utterly bewildered by them. Yesterday, Donald Sutherland got his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Because he's never gotten one before?!? In what world does a dude who has been making movies - GOOD movies - since the 1960s not have a star already?!? Anyway, so he got his star. And Colin Farrell came out to celebrate. Now, they're both Irish bastards, so there's that. They also worked together in Ask the Dust, and the upcoming Horrible Bosses. And, you know, the Irish thing. Anyway, Colin was somehow available to come out, and yet Donald's son Kiefer was NOT able to. What?

His son Kiefer was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame over two years ago, but on Wednesday it was Donald Sutherland’s turn to receive the honour. The 75-year-old actor - who has starred in such films as The Dirty Dozen, Don’t Look Now and MASH - was given the star in a ceremony outside the Roosevelt Hotel in Los Angeles. And his star was placed next to Kiefer’s - although the actor was unable to join his father and other relatives at the event due to work commitments.

Instead, he sent a message to the ceremony which was read out by actor Colin Farrell - who starred with Sutherland in the 2006 film Ask The Dust and is reunited with him in the forthcoming comedy Horrible Bosses.

‘I selfishly wanted to be there to tell you how proud I am to have you as my father and how even more proud I am to be your son,’ Kiefer said in his tribute.

Sutherland, meanwhile, joked that having a star on the Walk of Fame was better than getting a headstone at the cemetery as he could ‘come and visit’.

‘I could get a chair and sit here, or a bucket and a mop and clean it, and make sure that people don’t step on it,’ he joked.

Sutherland, who was born in New Brunswick in 1935, has appeared in more than 130 movies, beginning his film career with small roles in films and TV shows in the early 1960s. However his big break came with the 1967 film The Dirty Dozen, the story of a group of convicted murderers who are sent on a special mission during World War II to infiltrate enemy lines on the eve of D-Day.

Sutherland’s other major film roles include psychological horror film Don’t Look Now, satirical war film MASH, the hit comedy National Lampoon’s Animal House and the cop thriller Klute, alongside Jane Fonda. More recently he has starred in Cold Mountain, the remake of The Italian Job, and the 2005 version of Pride and Prejudice in which he played Mr Bennet. Sutherland’s new film The Mechanic, an action thriller starring British actor Jason Statham, is released in the UK on February 4, while Horrible Bosses will be released later this year. He will also be seen on screen this spring in the Roman epic The Eagle.

Sutherland has appeared alongside Kiefer in two films - Max Dugan Returns in 1983, which was Kiefer’s movie debut, and the 1997 John Grisham adaptation A Time To Kill. Kiefer has also been busy since his long-running TV series 24 came to an end last year. He provided the voice of one of the canine characters in the children’s film Marmaduke last summer, and is starring in Melancholia, the new film from cult director Lars von Trier, which also stars Kirsten Dunst.

[From The Daily Mail]

See, I like when stars get that the Walk of Fame is inherently cheesy and uncool, but they're still able to ACT like it's an honor. It's Colin Firth versus Gwyneth Paltrow. Goopy acted like she could barely deign to be seen by her star, while Colin Firth actually got a bit weepy and sentimental with the honor. It sounds like Donald was genuinely touched - which is nice. But Colin Farrell? Really?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Kristen Stewart could be your new lip-biting, eye-rolling Snow White

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 07:21 AM PST

Agent Bedhead emailed me this morning with the news that our joint lover Michael Fassbender was no longer in discussions to play "The Huntsman" in the live-action Snow White reboot, Snow White and the Huntsman. Apparently, Fassbender is now in talks to do a Ridley Scott sci-fi… with my girl Noomi Rapace (Lisbeth Salander in the Swedish Millennium Trilogy films). Bedhead was depressed, because it means that we won't get to see Fassbender wander around in tights. But I'm happy - because Snow White and the Huntsman is starting to sound like a hot mess. Guess who is in talks to play Snow White now? Kristen Stewart!!! Because Snow White was an angsty, lip-biting, eye-rolling, mouth-breathing, bad-postured, monotone little bitch. No wonder Fassbender pulled out, eh?

Is Kristen Stewart the fairest of them all? The Twilight star is on the list for the role of Snow White in Universal's Snow White and the Huntsman.

The movie, being directed by Rupert Sanders, is in deep casting mode, with Viggo Mortensen entering negotiations to play the Huntsman earlier Wednesday. Charlize Theron is in negotiations to play the evil queen.

Stewart is a name that Universal has kept coming back to since acquiring the project even as it went through a series of screen tests with actresses such as Riley Keough, Felicity Jones and Alicia Vikander. Emily Browning tested this past weekend (Stewart has reached a point in her career where testing isn’t required).

Stewart, arguably one of the biggest stars in the world thanks to the Twilight movies, has focused on indie projects in between the vampire romancers, and this could become her first studio project since becoming a name. It also would put her in the shoes of an iconic character.

The Gersh-repped actress is currently shooting the Breaking Dawn movies, but the Snow White team has been making repeated overtures even as late as last week.

[From The Hollywood Reporter]

Ugh, Viggo is in talks too? Maybe when Viggo hears about K-Stew, he'll pull out as well, because Viggo and K-Stew on screen together would be a million kinds of wrong.

I kind of hate that Kristen is one of the go-to young actresses now. I like her a bit more than Blake Lively, but basically Blake and Kristen are the same kind of actress: bad. Like, they have some tricks, but little method.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Is Christina Aguilera the new boozy, floozy Britney Spears?

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 06:53 AM PST

Star Magazine has a rather obvious story this week about Christina Aguilera's "crisis". It's basically a summary of what has already been reported in other outlets - Christina is drinking heavily, and gaining weight. She passed out during Jeremy Renner's birthday party, although we aren't sure whether she passed out in his bed. She verbally assaulted Julianne Hough at a Golden Globes after-party. She’s a mess.

But there are some new details, via Jezebel - apparently, not only was Christina drunk off her ass and looking for a fight at the Globes, she also "kept lifting her dress and making out with her boyfriend." Oh, and not only is Christina packing on booze weight, but she's also "bruised". Like, when you're drunk all the time, of course you're bumping into everything. Also: Jordan Bratman, Christina's estranged husband, is so OVER her boozy, floozy ways that he's already making plans to file for sole physical custody of their 3-year-old son Max.

If that's not bad enough, several days ago E! News ran a report claiming that Christina was totally headed towards a Britney Spears-style breakdown:

Choosing what you want to believe, we must say Xtina has been looking a little worse for ware since her divorce. Uh, does this remind you of any other pop tart?

Before Britney Spears was in and out of rehab, had supervised visits with her children, and, oh yeah, shaved her head, the now almost back to normal starlet coped with her divorce from Kevin Federline in a very similar way.

She was quick to snatch up a boyfriend (Isaac Cohen) and one that she sugar mama’d a bit, too. Her nights were quickly consumed with party and club hopping, even though she paled around with the likes of Paris Hilton, and was rarely seen in.

Now, Christina seems to just be entering this Stage 1 and having some tipsy nights. But by the stories getting passed around Hollywood, many industry folks are whispering she’s going down “the Britney Spears path.”

Yes, that is a term used regularly around in this town. It’s adjacent to “the Lindsay Lohan route,” too.

Reading through the comments yesterday, almost half of you defended Xtina saying we’ve all been there. Sure, most people have on occasion. Unfortunately, this boozy behavior is supposedly becoming a pattern.

So does she get a free pass if she’s going through a divorce? Some of us have been there, too, and it’s damn difficult.

[From E! News]

Do I think Christina will end up with a shaved head, attacking a car with an umbrella? Not really. But I do think she's got issues, and pretending that she's okay isn't helping.

Anyway, we're going to be hearing a lot more about Christina in the coming weeks because she was chosen to sing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl. It's like the Super Bowl organizers are just inviting disaster. Seriously, they couldn't have found someone who isn't in the midst of a breakdown?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Kate Hudson talks about her bump: “It feels like a girl”

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 06:24 AM PST

Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy are in London currently, where Kate is promoting her new film, A Little Bit of Heaven. She's with her mom and step dad too, who seem to be really supportive of Kate's life and choices, which is rather nice, in my opinion. Anyway, Kate was on the Graham Norton show last night, and she slammed the rumors of an engagement or shotgun marriage to Matt. Kate also said she thinks she's having a girl… which I kind of hope for her too:

She may be pregnant with Matt Bellamy’s baby, but Kate Hudson has laughed off speculation the couple are planning to wed. The actress dined in London last night with rocker boyfriend, actress mother Goldie Hawn and stepfather Kurt Russell after filming an appearance for the Graham Norton Show. After Hudson’s TV appearance, the expectant blonde joined the trio at exclusive Knightsbridge restaurant Zuma for a late dinner. Kate, 31, who is about four months pregnant with the Muse singer’s child, was still keeping any trace of a bump under wraps as she arrived at the restaurant.

Speaking about her pregnancy on Friday’s episode of the BBC chat show, Hudson enthused: ‘I'm just starting to pop.’

‘We have a couple of names but we're not telling anyone. People tell you so much (about being pregnant) it drives me nuts. It feels like a girl, but I don't know. Ryder (my son) thinks it's a girl.’

But while the couple are starting a family together, Hudson insisted they weren’t rushing down the aisle. She explained: ‘No, no, not that I know of! I don't like putting that sort of pressure on it and I don't feel it necessary to get married. I am 31. I already have one child and have had one divorce so it is not necessarily the golden ticket. I just want to be happy.’

Hawn and long-term partner Russell has been forging a friendship with their daughter’s latest love since the pair started dating in April.

Earlier in the week Goldie - who was a presenter at the British Comedy Awards on Saturday night - said she was ‘excited’ about her daughter’s pregnancy, telling Us Magazine that she was looking forward to becoming a grandmother again.

‘You know, we’re just all very happy… happy for them both. What’s more to say?,’ she said.

Kurt, meanwhile, revealed he is hoping Hudson, who already has a seven-year-old son Ryder with her ex-husband Chris Robinson, will have a daughter this time around.

‘It’s fun having babies once again,’ he told People magazine. ‘We just really like that. And it’s fun to watch them grow. It’s fun to see what they’re grasping. I think secretly we’re all hoping for a girl,’ he said.

Kate is in London to promote her new film, the romantic comedy A Little Bit Of Heaven, which is released on February 4. She stars in the film as a woman who discovers she is dying of cancer, but then meets the love of her life.

She has been dating Matt, 32, for eight months after meeting him at California’s Coachella music festival last April. The pair have been virtually inseparable ever since - despite living on opposite sides of the Atlantic.

Kate introduced him to her mother and Kurt Russell three months into their relationship. The singer, who grew up in Teignmouth, Devon, admitted he was a nervous wreck before meeting the ‘in laws’.

[From The Daily Mail]

I buy that Kate honestly doesn't give a crap about being married. I think she's come around to her mom's way of thinking, which is that marriage doesn't equal family, and it doesn't equal happiness. Which is fine - I would think less of Kate if she was trying to force this knocked-up groupie situation with Bellamy into something that was all hearts and sparkles and marriage glitter (coughcoughNataliePortmancough). Also, who else is hoping Kate has a girl? I think she would LOVE to have a girl. I have my fingers crossed for her (I can't help it, I like her!).

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Elie Saab’s Spring/Summer line: Who will be wearing what at the Oscars?

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 06:01 AM PST

It's already looking like a crazy slow day, and I was looking through our photo agencies, I noticed that there were lots of runway photos from Paris Fashion Week. Yesterday was the Elie Saab Spring/Summer runway show, and I became enchanted with these gowns. Not that I would wear any of them (Prince Harry still hasn't called me for a date!), but I'm wondering if several of these gowns might end up on some of the nominees and presenters at the Oscars. These dresses could also end up at the SAG Awards this weekend, although that might cutting it close, fittings-wise. So let's go through some of my favorite Elie Saab looks! This is a special treat, isn't it? So, the dress in the header - I love this dress. I love the cut, I love the sleeves, I love the skirt, I love the color. It's sack-y enough for someone like Angelina Jolie, although she would never wear this pink color. I see it on someone small-chested too - like Olivia Wilde.

Another pink-pink dress, although I don't like this one as much. It's too frilly and fussy, when most girls like "clean". I could see this on a non-pregnant Kate Hudson, or even Jennifer Lopez.

This black, one-shouldered gown is something Rachel Zoe would put on Anne Hathaway. And it would be a mistake on her! I'd like to see an over-40 actress like nominee Annette Bening, or even Susan Sarandon wear this.

Another frilly pink dress, only this one I LOVE. Back in the day, Nicole Kidman would have claimed it. These days, she won't touch it. I could see it on a non-pregnant Natalie Portman, or even on the younger nominees, like Best Supporting Actress nominee Hailee Steinfeld or Best Actress nominee Jennifer Lawrence. It might be too grown-up for Hailee, though. Or it might be perfect.

This is gorgeous, although yellow-green is HARD. It's really difficult to pull off. I want to say Amy Adams, but this color might make her look like a corpse. Perhaps on a blonde, like nominee Michelle Williams.

THIS is what Anne Hathaway should be wearing. Sexy, adult, slinky, high-fashion. Plus, Anne has the boobs for it.

This is the kind of hot mess that Cameron Diaz loves.

I love this dress too - Elie Saab is doing great stuff with black this year! It could go matronly, depending on the hair and accessories. Annette could end up in something like this, but I suspect it would end up on Michelle Williams.

Ugh, I hate this one, mostly because I suspect bitches will be fighting over it. I can see so many women becoming a fashion disaster in this one, from Anne Hathaway to Nicole Kidman. That detailing at the hips is hideous!

And finally, the wedding look - HATE IT. Looks like a cat barfed up some cotton balls.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Is Katie Holmes the victim of an anti-Scientology smear campaign?

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 05:23 AM PST

Yesterday, I had a summary of two reports from The Hollywood Reporter and Us Weekly, regarding the Sundance premiere of Katie Holmes' latest movie, The Son of No One. It's not really a "Katie Holmes movie" though - it's a cop drama where Katie has a supporting part against the leads, Channing Tatum, Juliette Binoche, Tracy Morgan, Al Pacino and Ray Liotta. Still, according to THR and Us Weekly, it was Katie's poor performance that created an exodus of critics and executives, as well as out-right snickers towards Katie' performance. Except according to Roger Friedman, that didn't happen. At all.

It must be a funny alignment of the stars if I have to come to the defense of Katie Holmes. But she and the film she's in here at Sundance–"Son of No One"–have been smeared and maligned by the Hollywood Reporter and US Weekly. The result is dozens of automated pickups by blogs, causing a search nightmare based on total falsehoods. I was at the press screening of Dito Montiel's "Son of No One" on Monday. No one chuckled or snorted when Katie was on screen. No one walked out of the film. There was no exodus, no running for the doors. No "collective groan." The Hollywood Reporter–now a tabloid effort–reported this even though the writer of the piece was not present. Then US Weekly regurgitated the material from THR. The THR editor, Lindsay Powers, came from tabloid manufacturer of celebrity fictions. So you can't believe a word of any of it.

"Son of No One" is Dito Montiel's follow up to his very good "A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints." Like "Saints," this film stars Channing Tatum. He gives a powerful performance as a crooked cop. Katie plays his wife. Montiel in a sense has made his "Prince of the City," very much influenced by the legendary Sidney Lumet. This is Katie trying to break her image of a goody two shoes. She is perfectly fine. Her character curses several times in the first fifteen minutes. No one laughs. Her delivery is impeccable.

…It does seem to me that Katie Holmes was attacked by THR and then US Weekly. Do they hate her because she's married to Tom Cruise. We can't really pile on Katie for her personal choices masked as movie criticism. We may not agree with her personal life, but that's another area completely.

[From Friedman's column in Showbiz 411]

So Friedman came to the Kate-Bot's defense, and called out The Hollywood Reporter and Us Weekly. THR still hasn't issued anything in the way of a correction or apology, but Us Weekly did publish this report last night:

Katie Holmes still has fan in her corner. The day after the actress’ performance in Sundance flick, The Son of No One was panned — reports said there was a mass exodus before the end of the film — one of the crime drama’s producers is coming to her defense.

“Despite Katie’s few scenes, she was fantastic in the role!” producer and sales agent Cassian Elwes tells UsMagazine.com. “We’ve already received three offers on the film. We’re 100 percent behind her and the entire cast’s performances in this film.”

As for reports that people left before the credits rolled, Elwes explains a projectionist mistakenly turned on the lights two scenes before the end of the film.

“There wasn’t a mass exodus,” says Elwes. “The people who did see it, liked the film.”

That includes Holmes, 32. “She loves the film and she’s great in it,” Elwes tells Us. “She’s very upset by this attack.”

[From Us Weekly]

Jezebel asks if there's some kind of concerted smear campaign against Katie, and if so, why and by whom? Is it because of the Church of Scientology? Is it because "Hollywood hates Tom Cruise"? Is it because people spin grand conspiracies about Xenu, auditing, lobotomies, marriage contracts and barley water? Or is it because, in Jezebel's words, "The truth is probably far less salacious. Whether it’s deserved or not, Holmes has developed a reputation for being a not-so-great actress who looks to her husband to prop up her career. It fits better with that narrative to say her acting in Son of No One sparked a walkout, and that’s a much juicier tabloid story than a report about a bunch of people quietly enjoying a movie."

Personally, I think it's a little bit of both - there probably some people who take pleasure in the ongoing disaster of Katie's professional career, and some people are even trying to help that along. But I also think Katie continues to suck as an actress, and she's just getting parts because of Tom's dwindling influence, and that pisses people off - rightly so.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Jake Gyllenhaal wanted to see if he & Taylor Swift could recapture their magic

Posted: 27 Jan 2011 04:41 AM PST

Last week, People Magazine had the "breaking news" (from Jake Gyllenhaal's publicist) that Jake had flown to Nashville to do a post-breakup dinner date with Taylor Swift. By most accounts, this has been the timeline of the last three months:

*Jake gets his management to "set him up" with Taylor Swift in early November (-ish).
*A whirlwind courtship involving apple-picking and cuddle-fests and lots of coffee.
*Gushy interviews, told from Swift's perspective, about how Jake and Taylor were the real thing, forever and ever and PONIES!!!
*Roughly two months into the relationship, Jake dumps Taylor. Over the phone.
*Jake spends three weeks butching it up, trying to talk to any available vagina.
*Jake realizes that the whole Swift thing has been an unmitigated disaster, tries to do some damage control by flying to Nashville so he can look like the "good guy".

So what is left to say? Lots, apparently. I have to admit… I love this crap. The Jwifty shomance was and is AMAZING to me, just for the sheer absurdity of it and how many people buy it. This Us Weekly story comes from Taylor Swift, by the way. I'm not even going to put an "allegedly" in there. Swifty talked to someone at Us Weekly, and told them exactly what went down during her dinner with Jake. What's even better - Swift talks to Us Weekly like she would talk to a girlfriend, and explores theories about why Jake said this or that. It's funny as hell.

Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift wandered into the Nashville restaurant Bound'ry near closing time on January 19, but they still wanted a secluded table in the back for dinner.

"They sat by the fireplace," says an eyewitness. "They were both smiling."

But: "Taylor was nervous the whole time," reveals a source close to Swift. Jake had shown up unannounced begging for "closure." But Jake's appearance three weeks after he dumped her over the phone only opened wounds.

"Taylor was just getting over Jake… she was thrown," says the insider. Another one adds: "Jake went to Nashville to see if there was anything still between them, if they could recapture the magic. Sadly, it wasn't there."

Swift initially panicked at his arrival. "He wanted to take her to dinner, but she said she had to rehearse," says a source. Gyllenhaal "said he didn't think they ended things right, and he owed it to her to talk face to face… he said he just wasn't feeling things anymore. He didn't like where things were headed."

Jake also asked Swift if she had leaked to the media that he dumped her with a phone call, and the source says Swift assured him she hadn't. "He took her word for it, and Taylor told him she was fine letting it go."

The rapprochement came when Swift and Gyllenhaal discussed his post-split flirtations, with Scarlett Johansson, Camilla Belle and Mila Kunis. At the dinner with Swift, Jake "explained he is not a dog," says the source, who theorizes a more selfish motive. "He wanted everyone to see him apologizing so he looks like a good guy."

Gyllenhaal also told Swift that she was a "sweet girl" and "really special to him." An insider says: "He cares for her deeply, but it's over now."

Swift told him "they were cool, but the whole thing was really weird to her."

[From Us Weekly, print edition]

There are so many gems, but my favorite is "Jake also asked Swift if she had leaked to the media that he dumped her with a phone call, and the source says Swift assured him she hadn't." So, Swifty called up Us Weekly, like, a day after Jake dumped her over the phone, and now she's playing coy about it to Jake, AND to Us Weekly. Amazing. And then Swifty calls up Us Weekly and People Magazine the minute Jake got into town, and then she leaked everything about their meeting. I'm just going to say it - Swifty needs some girlfriends. I know her image is that of a girl's girl and all, but I think she needs to hang out with someone new, someone she can trust, someone she can just dump all of this crap on. Because I'm not sure if telling EVERYTHING about your bidness to Us Weekly is the best strategy.

Another gem: “He said he just wasn't feeling things anymore. He didn't like where things were headed." = He was really tired of Swifty trying to force her vagina on him. I’m just sayin’.

Oh, and In Touch Weekly (via Jezebel) has a totally different take on this situation - according to their sources (??), Jake pre-arranged the meeting in Nashville, and when his flight was delayed, he rented a car so that he could get there in time. He needed to beg Taylor's forgiveness, and then he spent two nights at Taylor's apartment. Boning her, presumably. Yeah… who buys that?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Cele|bitchy

Cele|bitchy

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