Best Week Ever |
- This Was Inevitable: Ozzy And Sharon Osbourne And Justin Bieber
- Super Sweet: Chris Medina’s American Idol Audition
- 5 Combinations More Disgusting Than DiGiorno’s “Pizza And Cookies”
- The Only Colin Firth Walking GIF You’ll Ever Need
- Jersey Shore Is Going To Italy! In A Related Story, We Are Now At War With Italy.
- Shows I Wish We Had In America: Big Fat Gypsy Weddings
- Elton John’s Us Weekly Cover Too Gay For Arkansas
- This Indian Robot Movie Is So Insane It’s Sane
- And A Baby Makes Tres: Congratulations Penelope Cruz And Javier Bardem
| This Was Inevitable: Ozzy And Sharon Osbourne And Justin Bieber Posted: 27 Jan 2011 08:58 AM PST
INT. SUPER BOWL AD EXEC MEETING Super Bowl Exec #1: You know who’s big now? Justin Bieber. Physically tiny, but metaphorically big. Super Bowl Exec #2: Bieber Fever Baby! High fives Super Bowl Exec #2: Remember who was big in 2002? Ozzy Osbourne. Super Bowl Exec #1: Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Super Bowl Exec #2: Yes, I love you. Super Bowl Exec #1: Wha-No, what if Bieber and Osbourne starred together in a space themed Super Bowl commercial? Super Bowl Exec #2: Yes! That was the second thing I was going to say! Super Bowl Exec #1: Let’s do it! Super Bowl Exec #2: (Starts unbuttoning shirt) It? Super Bowl Exec #1: The commercial. Super Bowl Exec #2: (Buttoning shirt) Oh, right. Of course. Yes. It. FIN |
| Super Sweet: Chris Medina’s American Idol Audition Posted: 27 Jan 2011 07:43 AM PST A 26 year old from Chicago, Chris Medina, auditioned last night for American Idol and dude can sing! He sang The Script’s “Break Even.” Also, he is engaged to a woman, Juliana Ramos, who was in a horrific car crash and is confined to a wheelchair with brain damage. I say that second because this is a Singing Contest, not a Good Guy contest, but Chris is both a Great Singer and a Good Guy and this video will bring a tiny tear to your eye. Not even Jennifer Lopez introducing herself to Juliana after Chris NAILS the audition by saying, “Hi. I’m Jennifer Lopez” can really ruin it. Steven Tyler, on the other hand, is a peach. Randy Jackson, whatevs. I guess some think that this is exploitative of Juliana, and perhaps they would have a point if Chris couldn’t sing. But he clearly can. Did you HEAR his range? I’m also jealous of how well he can snap. I’m sure the producers heard his story and hoped this would happen-that it would touch a lot of people and therefore would be good for ratings-but don’t blame Chris and his awesome voice for that. |
| 5 Combinations More Disgusting Than DiGiorno’s “Pizza And Cookies” Posted: 26 Jan 2011 08:20 PM PST DiGiorno has unleashed a new unholy frozen alliance: It’s not delivery, it’s DiGiorno and also some f***ing cookies!
Pizza and a batch of cookies. Why not? People like both things, so why not bake them simultaneously and just save t–ohhhh because it’s completely f-ing fatdiculous, never mind. So where in God’s name does DiGiorno go from here? Here’s 5 Suggestions For Future DiGiorno Frozen Combos: 1.
2.
3.
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5.
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| The Only Colin Firth Walking GIF You’ll Ever Need Posted: 26 Jan 2011 01:15 PM PST
Oscar Nominee and probably Winner Colin Firth has EVERYTHING in the world to be psyched about. He’s starring in this year’s high brow sleeper hit, he’s tall, handsome, British, hilarious, and likes me just as I am. While I debate where and when the line of fiction and reality began to blur, you should just enjoy this GIF we made of The Hottest Man on Firth© just strollin’ round West London. Now, to print out a 6 foot tall moving image of this GIF and take it to prom. “BRB” [Photo: Splash News Online] |
| Jersey Shore Is Going To Italy! In A Related Story, We Are Now At War With Italy. Posted: 26 Jan 2011 02:23 PM PST
Well, well, well. Our little navy brown flower blossoms are all grown up!! The young gents and gentlewhores of Jersey Shore will be taking their sh*tshow overseas next season, all the way to Italy, where they can rub their crotchal regions in the faces of locals from Milan to Palermo. Finally, a chance for Americans, real Americans, to show Europe what we’re all about!! BODY SHOTS, TANNING AND RANDOM P*SSY/D*CK!!! In other words – EVERYTHING ITALY ALSO LOVES!! And yet, some Americans are not into the idea at all. They feel the 35 year old leatherfaced babychilds who make up the Jersey Shore cast will bring sadness and shame to our country. Which is total and complete bullsh*t. Do you have any idea what Italians will be saying when they see footage of The Situation fingerbanging some puttana locale in front of the Vatican?? I’ll tell you what they’ll be saying. They’ll say: “La situazione è un dio! Un dio da America! Viva l’America!” And how adorable will it be when we watch as Snooki eats a long piece of pasta, Lady and the Tramp style, with her anonymous lover at the other end, until they both reach the center and kiss? It will be even more hilarious when we find out that her lover is actually a large bag of garbage, and that she’s making out with one end of a stale baguette, which she pushes a meatball towards with her nose. The point that I’m trying to make here is that Jersey Shore going to Italy is a great thing, because it will promote hilarity here on our American shores, and sexually transmitted diseases there on their Italian shores. That’s what we in Italy like to call a vincere/vincere. |
| Shows I Wish We Had In America: Big Fat Gypsy Weddings Posted: 26 Jan 2011 12:21 PM PST
First, I’d like to offer my congratulations to Nia Vardalos, whose seminal film My Big Fat Greek Wedding clearly was the inspiration for the name of this show. Second, I realllllly want to see this show. Mostly, because of the outfits. Here’s the trailer for the documentary that spawned the series: Cool, right? Obviously there’s a lot more to this series than the outfits and an insanely mellifluous narrator’s voice and I want to know what those things are! Gypsy intrigue! So, Big Fat Gypsy Weddings, like Eddie Murphy before you, come to America, join us. Also, could someone buy me a TV (flat screen, please)? Let’s DO this! |
| Elton John’s Us Weekly Cover Too Gay For Arkansas Posted: 26 Jan 2011 02:21 PM PST
Gawker brings us the above side-by-side comparison of the Elton John Us Weekly cover. The original, on the left, features Elton and hubby David Furnish cradling their newborn son. On the right, we see the cover as censored by the Arkansas supermarket chain Harps, covered up like so many copies of Black Tail Magazine. The supermarket claims that customers were complaining about having to see this couple so in love staring them in the face every time they went to buy a new spitoon for their chewing tabacky. They had no choice but to censor it from the eyes of children who probably don’t even know they’re gay yet. |
| This Indian Robot Movie Is So Insane It’s Sane Posted: 26 Jan 2011 11:12 AM PST Here’s a clip from the Bollywood sci-fi movie Enthiran, which loosely translates to “That’s Right The Invincible Robot Just Turned Into A Damn Robo Snake And Is Shooting Dudes With Fang Guns.” It’s nine minutes long, but holy crap, every second is more insane than the second before it. If you graphed the insanity of this thing, the graph would literally explode before you could graph any of it. THIS IS WHERE WE’RE HEADED, IBM Supercomputer competing on Jeopardy… I have too many favorite parts to count, but I really love the part at 4:40 when the robot becomes the snake and all the guys suddenly get really scared of it. They weren’t scared when it was just invincibly mowing them down by the billions for the first four minutes, but they’re scared by the shape of a snake? NOT BUYING IT. (via /Film) |
| And A Baby Makes Tres: Congratulations Penelope Cruz And Javier Bardem Posted: 26 Jan 2011 09:19 AM PST We would like to offer our felicidades to Penelope Cruth and Haaaavier Bardem on the birth of their first child. A baby boy! Also, congratulations to the baby for winning the genetic lottery. Fun fact: his dad was nominated for an Oscar the day he was born. Pequeño Baby Luck, we’ll call him. He’s going to want to know how he was conceived at some point, so I’ll just save Penelope and Javier the trouble and present Pequeño Baby Luck with this image, which is the poster for the movie where his parents met entitled, Jamon Jamon, which, loosely* translated, means Ham Ham:
Now that’s what I call Sexy Education! *precisely |
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