Friday, January 28, 2011

The Superficial - Because You're Ugly

The Superficial - Because You're Ugly


Charlie Sheen Pretends to Need Rehab, Calls Us All ‘Turds’

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 06:44 PM PST

 
“Addiction? Is that even a word?” For those of you who haven’t heard by now, Charlie Sheen managed to check himself into rehab sometime between me publishing the “Porn Family” post and transitioning to Miller Time which is incredible considering that’s only a 30-second window. – Quick aside: Why create a “Vortex Bottle” if one sip’s Read More ...

Charlie Sheen Wants a ‘Porn Family’

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 01:46 PM PST

 
The turkey’s his penis. Some people might say Charlie Sheen is a violent drug addict who treats woman as objects to be bought and discarded like so many briefcases of cocaine. But beneath all that lies a family man with hopes and dreams of settling down and finding a place to call home with those he Read More ...

Diddy ‘Knocked Down’ The Twin Towers. Also, Babies.

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 01:24 PM PST

 
In probably the greatest lawsuit since U.S. Fudge Consortium vs. Homophobic Slants, Inc., Diddy is being sued for $900 billion worth of child support by a woman who claims he not only “knocked down” the Twin Towers on 9/11, but gang-raped her children over a casino chip worth “100 zillion dollars,” so we should probably Read More ...

Courtney Love: The Other White Addict and Other News

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 12:41 PM PST

   
(Apparently someone just found out bars don’t serve heroin.) - Did Ryan Murphy accuse the NFL of gay-bashing, too? - Kate Walsh : Bristol Palin :: Luke Skywalker : Death Star. (That’s possibly to scale.) - Howard Stern took Carrie Underwood’s seats. Life is hard. - Geri Halliwell is like a fine wine. - Read More ...

Jeremy Piven Banged Miley Cyrus

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 11:23 AM PST

   
Nope. No one thinking about rape here. Jeremy Piven recently gushed to E! News about how great it is to work with Miley Cyrus, yet somehow nobody besides me has jumped to the obvious, if not the only possible conclusion that he banged her in front of a cell phone. No, really, all the pieces are Read More ...

Tracy Morgan On Sarah Palin

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 10:25 AM PST

   
“As long as she got them six diff’rent kinds of cheeses…” Tracy Morgan appeared on TNT’s Inside the NBA last night where Charles Barkley thought it’d be a great idea to ask him what he thought about Sarah Palin which prompted the following response. On live television: “Let me tell you something about Sarah Palin, man, she’s Read More ...

Denise Richards: ‘Go to Rehab For The Kids’ Charlie Sheen: ‘How ‘Bout No?’

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 09:26 AM PST

   
While Denise Richards is becoming rightfully concerned about the father of her children and is pleading for him to get help, Charlie Sheen is already out of the hospital and going right back to work on Tuesday with absolutely no plans of checking into rehab, according to TMZ. And why would he? He survived. He’s Read More ...

Melanie Rios Was There, Too

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 08:20 AM PST

   
We’ve already seen Kacey Jordan, so I felt it was important to take a look at porn star Melanie Rios (Formerly Melanie Jane), the other fifth of Charlie Sheen’s hooker sandwich, who seems to prove he hasn’t entirely lost it. Had he spent the past three days holed up with just Kacey Jordan and her Read More ...

Kacey Jordan: ‘Charlie Sheen Promised Me a Bentley’

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 07:31 AM PST

   
Like an idiot, I assumed yesterday that porn star Kacey Jordan lawyered up because Charlie Sheen had more than likely overdosed on a briefcase full of coke. Turns out the reason was much more simple and obvious than that: Gold diggin’. RadarOnline reports: "Ok for all the f**king haters… I'm getting a baby blue convertible Bentley Read More ...

Charlie Sheen Was ‘Laughing Too Hard at the TV.’ Of Course.

Posted: 28 Jan 2011 06:47 AM PST

   
Before we get into this, let me bring you up to speed on Charlie Sheen’s condition, he’s the fucking Highlander. The man was hospitalized yesterday for a hernia and not a drug overdose because let’s assume he’s built up a tolerance so strong Colombia would need to clone itself twice just to get him high. Read More ...

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