Saturday, October 23, 2010

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

All 4 Takes Of Tracy Jordan’s Boys And Girls Clubs Commercial

Posted: 22 Oct 2010 04:43 PM PDT

This week’s “Reaganing” 30 Rock was another really solid episode, highlighted by some in-depth Jack and Liz sex banter, a Kelsey Grammer long-con cameo, and, of course, multiple failed takes of Tracy Jordan’s ill-conceived “one shot” commercial for the Boys and Girls Clubs of America.

Below, all four takes of Tracy’s commercial in order, from effortless failure to his eventual triumph:

The Immortal Jim Halpert … THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

Posted: 22 Oct 2010 03:28 PM PDT

When it comes appreciating the fine arts, I often find myself drawn to the philosophies espoused by the renowned art critic Homer Jay Simpson. Specifically, he once uttered this classic line while waiting for his wife to peruse the belongings at the “A Little Bit Of Lenny” craft stand: “Less artsy, more fartsy!” Fortunately for myself and society at large, there are others who hold museums in higher regard. Like Reddit user ReigningCatsNotDogs, for example.

While on a recent trip to the Statens Museum for Kunst in Copenhagen, wherever that is, he stumbled upon a painting from the 1800s of a fellow he claims looks just like The Office‘s Jim Halpert. How much like Jim Halpert, you say? Well, you be the judge! If you can tell which one of the portraits above is “real” and which one is “fake,” then you should probably stop what you’re doing and become a member of Sotheby’s because, clearly, you have a real future in art dealing!

Just in case you were curious, this was the real one:

Just kidding, it was this one. OR WAS IT?!?!

Hide Your Kids, Hide Your Wives, And Hide Your Milkshakes: Antoine Dodson Is Back

Posted: 22 Oct 2010 02:28 PM PDT

ANTOINE DODSON IS BACK!

And are we allowed to say he is better than ever? Because just LOOK AT HIMMMMM!!!!

The Hair, that Smile, the Enthusiasm… The Dodson. Dodson was the special guest at Millions of Milkshakes, an LA milkshake establishment (is it though?) that invites low-level celebrities to swing by their store and make milkshakes. Millions of ‘em.

And then we get into some sexual situations possibly not OK for kids to see…

I really hope that rapist is seeing how much fun Antoine is having and regretting his actions right now.

His side-ponytail is Cable Ace Award worthy.

Ugh we love him. How can we find a way to put him on TV every day?

And here’s a bonus video of Antoine wearing a SPECTACULAR pair of sunglasses talking about being “hood famous” at LAX:

Martin Freeman Cast As Bilbo Baggins In Upcoming Smartass Hobbit Movie

Posted: 22 Oct 2010 01:30 PM PDT

Martin Freeman, aka Tim Canterbury from the UK Office (an obvious ripoff of Jim from the US version) has been cast as Bilbo Baggins in Peter Jackson’s upcoming movie adaptation of The Hobbit, which is set to be released in December 2012, right at the peak of worldwide Lord of the Rings interest.

I really like Martin Freeman, so this is good news, even if it’s way-in-the-future good news; I’m already eagerly anticipating the scene where Gollum drones on about his precious while Bilbo stares at him with befuddled, smartass glances and keeps making jokes under his breath:

(First commenter to say ‘the UK verson came first, dumbass’ wins a Commentie Award!)

Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown: Give The Cat A Meatball

Posted: 22 Oct 2010 01:32 PM PDT

When all is said and done, history will not look back fondly at the second season of Jersey Shore. The lovable group of scamps that we were first introduced to last year as they summered on the beaches of Sleazeside Heights, blissfully unaware of the mega-celebrities that they would become, are gone. Yes, their corporeal forms remain the same, but their personalities have shifted in significant ways since the halcyon days of Summer 2009 when the show’s first season has taped. And really, that’s what drew people into the show in the first place, the outgoing and unique personalities of the show’s main core of characters: The Situation, DJ Pauly D, Snooki and, to a lesser extent, the rest of them.

While we don’t blame MTV for getting the band back together again in February of 2010 to begin filming the M.I.A. season — gotta strike while the iron is hot! — it was apparent from the outset that the program lost some of its mojo when it traveled south of the Mason/Dixon line. From a creative perspective, the second season was watered down weak sauce compared to the first, but that didn’t stop the audience of the show from growing week after week after week. And we have little doubt that the third season of Jersey Shore (hopefully subtitled “Back To The Beach”) will, once again, be a massive ratings success, it remains to be seen if the gang can maintain their level of popularity as they inch ever closer to overexposure.

That said, here’s this week’s Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown … enjoy!

10) “Bugs in the Everglades are huge. They’re about the size of Snooki.” —The Situation
Remember how cool it was when the cast of the Real World used to go on mini-vacations (RW: Los Angeles to Mexico, RW: San Francisco to Hawaii, RW: Hawaii to India!)? Well, this was pretty much the lamest “get the cast out of the house” stunt in the long history of MTV productions. The worst part? They didn’t even catch Sitch puking up frog legs on the side of the highway!

9) “I’m over this shit. I’m gonna have a f*ckin’ heart attack in 2 minutes. My blood pressure’s off the roof.” —Snooki
Ah yes, yet another malapropism from our beloved Shnickers. Off the roof, off the charts, who gives a fook?


8) “You know, we’re joking around, we’re laughing, we’re talking about how things are gonna be when we leave. And Mr. Hyde comes out to play.” —Ron Ron
Worst! Couple! Ever! We liked them better when Ron Ron was single, coked out of his gourd and motorboating the Jell-O shot girls. Now, all they do is sleep, fight and generally acting boring. In fact, we’re pretty sure they don’t even smoosh anymore!

Also, want to know a telltale sign that Sammi’s a bore? Ron Ron pounded this mojito in like 3 seconds flat.

7) “When you actually have a good girl out there, say No to Ho’s.” —Vinny
Our boy Vinny is normally DTF on a moment’s notice with any girl, regardless of her looks (remember, this is the guy that porked the Staten Island Dump). However, his habitually tardy beanpole of a girlfriend has him more whipped than the good people at Reddi. That said, this is quite a stellar catchphrase, one that Nancy Reagan wishes she would’ve invented after the raging success of her “Just Say No” platform in the late eighties.

6) “Friends is a deep word.” —J-WOWW (30 mins)
Jenni Farley, we know how you feel. No one told us it was gonna be this way, either. Much like you, our job’s a joke, we’re broke and our love life is D.O.A. Do you ever feel like your life is stuck in second gear? We do, all the time, especially while watching this show. And while it hasn’t been our day, our week, our month or even our year, we’re very much looking forward to the time between now and Jersey Shore‘s return on January 6, 2011; after all, we’ll finally have our Thursday nights free once again!

5) “No regrets. We’re healthy, not hurt, not handcuffed. And that’s all that matters.” —The Situation
Speaking of being handcuffed, did you notice that Sally Ann Salsano decided NOT to include footage of Sammi Sweetheart beating the crap out of another woman at a Miami nightclub in any of this season’s episodes? That was a huge bummer.

4) “Sometimes you mix two grenades, it might make one good looking girl.” —Vinny
I’m not Professor Math or anything, but this sounds to me to be a worthy corollary to the Ho Equation:

Two grenades + a Six Pack = A Situationsome

And really, Sitch, did you have to commit the robbery with Vinny’s sloppy seconds AGAIN? Can’t you find your own ladies to mack on?

3) “A crow comes and it starts quacking at us. Or not quacking, what’s a crow do?” —Snooki
Snooks Snooks Snooks, you have to stop emulating Jessica Simpson. There’s only so many times people will think your inability to remember even the most rudimentary example of onomatopoeia is cute before you get permanently labeled as an airhead. Crows go “Ca-caw,” didn’t Brandon Lee teach you anything?

That said, we certainly felt exactly like that crow did for the better part of this season of Jersey Shore. We too were watching, waiting for something interesting to happen, but nothing did. Just like the crow, we got fed up and will be flying away (at least until the show’s return on January 6).

2) “Doin’ the nasty / In the jacuzzi.” —DJ Pauly D
While we have been pretty harsh on the misadventures of the Macaroni Rascals, we have nothing but love in our hearts for Disc Jocky Paul DelVecchio. His ability to turn even the most mundane of activities — waiting for cabs, putting on t-shirts — into song has really endeared us to him. Live long and prosper, Pauly D!


1) “It’s over. Smile, take a drink, have a cigarette, have some brownies. Give the cat a meatball.” —The Situation
For all of Sitch’s date-rapey and egomaniacal behavior this season, we still believe that he’s a good guy at heart. Sure, fame (and a bad cycle of roids) have gone to his head, but seeing as how his star has already peaked, hopefully he’ll recognize the error of his ways and return to the Sitch we all fell for in Sleazeside Heights. The way he handled the Snooki/J-WOWW fight this episode was really quite commendable, and as a reward, we honor him with the top spot in this week’s Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown.

Well folks, that’s a wrap! We’ll have a few more Jersey Shore posts coming your way in the next few days, but as I mentioned above, the show is on hiatus until January 6, 2011. 2011!

Until then,
—Juice Springsteen

KOL, LOL (Kings Of Leon, Laugh Out Loud)

Posted: 22 Oct 2010 11:57 AM PDT

When, last Friday, my boss (his name is Charlie and he gives me assignments via speaker phone) asked if I would be interested in sitting in on a Kings of Leon interview for BWE and The VH1 Blog and then writing about it, I was offended. I was offended because it’s like Charlie didn’t even know me. If anyone really knew me they would know that they wouldn’t have to ask such a thing. They would already know that there are three things in this world that I hold sacred: Pretentious references, handsome men, and handsome men in bands. Whatever my scruples might be about handsome men in bands selling overpriced bandanas is besides the point. I was IN.

So, it was with great anticipation that I sat in while VH1 News’ Janell Snowden interviewed KOL, which wasn't so much KOL as it was Caleb Followill and Jared Followill. Handsomest brothers this side of the equator. And I’ve seen the Winklevoss’! (Topical).

Caleb and Jared? Pretty funny! More than pretty funny! More than Average Person funny! In a self-deprecating, very nice and polite way. I mean, not crazy funny. You can’t be incredibly successful musicians and handsome AND crazy funny. That would lower Everyone Else In The World’s self esteem by about seven percent. It just wouldn’t be fair, not in these tough times. However, they know how to make a joke, which, truth be told, sort of surprised me. So, if I ever thought they take themselves a wee bit too seriously, I take it back. In that, in the 20 minutes that I heard them speak about their album and other things, they were nothing but incredibly gracious and more than a little funny. Also, congrats on your continued super stardom success, etc. etc. So, without further ado, I present to you, the funniest parts of the KOL interview. Entitled, KOL, LOL:

Fun! So when the interview ended, Charlie’s voice boomed over the studio speaker phone and insisted that I take a few photos with them. Have you ever posed for photos with celebrities? If you have, you know it’s extremely awkward. HOWEVER, fun fact: The drummer, Nathan Followill, is my celebrity doppelganger. So this just looks like a band photo. If Nathan was, like, super psyched to be posing with his cousins:

I mean, look at him:

This is literally exactly what I look like, minus the super-psychedness. I even have that outfit. (I don’t have that outfit).

Let me just say, I had great plans for this photo. I thought that maybe we could all give a thumbs up, or we could do a three way handshake, ideally a three way hug. Or a Sarah Sandwich. A human pyramid might’ve been nice. Caleb could’ve been on top. These plans fell by the wayside under the watchful and distrustful glare of their handler. And fair enough. I am not to be trusted. However, plus side, my hand grazed Jared’s back. So that was fun. You can see the discomfort in his eyes.

So, good times, KOL! Thanks for unwittingly changing my opinion of you. Let’s all hang out. We’ll make jokes.

That’s Not A Weather Penis, It’s Just A Penis

Posted: 22 Oct 2010 10:54 AM PDT

Question: When is a local news “penis” gaffe no longer a “gaffe”?

Answer: When it’s a giant, red, unambiguous d*ck.

“Um, guys?” – ANYONE Who Works There

(via The AntiKris)

Steve Harvey On Family Feud: “I Would’ve Shot Myself”

Posted: 22 Oct 2010 10:58 AM PDT

Comedian and excellent game show host Steve Harvey caused one of the more menacing moments in Family Feud’s history this week (excluding Richard Dawson’s decades of mouth-rape), when a contestant dared to answer “asparagus” and rather than laugh at him, Harvey seemed poised and ready to strangle him with his bare hands, eventually saying that if the answer had been up there, “I would’ve shot myself.”

Bad form, seeing as one of the show’s previous hosts actually did commit suicide? Eh, can’t really blame him. It was a pretty stupid answer.

(via Lemondrop)
Brought to you by: at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)