Best Week Ever |
- Project Runway Finale Recap: Kill It With Ire
- Today Show Halloween Costumes Reach New Heights of Lameness
- Teach: Tony Danza Episode 4 Recap: The Slightly Interesting Episode
- Mr. Cock – For All Your Baby Clothing Needs!
- Wanna Be Angry? Watch This Iowa Gay Marriage Video
- Meet Newy Scruggs, The Baseball Reporter Obsessed With Weed Smoking
- Costume Winner: Ellen Goes As Snooki’s Poof
- Can’t Believe They Snuck This Headline Into The Squeakquel
- More Garbage
| Project Runway Finale Recap: Kill It With Ire Posted: 29 Oct 2010 04:33 PM PDT Well, hundreds of thousands of hours of our lives now down the drain, the finale of the eight season of Lifetime’s Project Runway aired last night, months after the actual Lincoln Center New York Fashion Week runway shows happened, and it is basically everything we expected. Let’s take a look at their collections before delving in to the judges final solution, Nazi imagery all too appropriate.
Oh, delightful Mondo. From your 1950s congressional hearing glasses to your sweet, Cheshire grin, you were the favorite. What am I saying? You are the favorite. You were the one everyone set their hopes on, their dreams on. We wrapped our hearts around you like the bottom half of a swaddled Glow Worm. Your colors, your prints, your balls-out aesthetic was visual poetry, e.e. cummings meets Dayglo. So what of Mondo’s final runway looks? Personally? I loved it. Yes, even the famously debated polka-dot gown. Sure, I would look like a pair of sixes rolled in a dice game wearing that thing (what I’m saying is my ass is a cube), but it was a striking piece no matter how you slice it. Even Jessica Simpson, guest judge who was rocking one of my personal favorite looks, “the cold shoulder,” loved it. Her and Heidi were fighting over it! And sorry, Klum, but Simpson will BEAT YOUR ASS DOWN. Back to Mondo. He was definitely our pick for the winner. It wasn’t even a question. His cuts, his lines, his patterns… I wanted it all. Albeit after 9 weeks of a juice cleanse. OVERALL: Loved his collection. He’s Mondo! The clear winner. He had my vote on the inclusion of tunics alone.
Andy, unofficially known around my household of 1 as the “Asian Grace Jones,” had some interesting ideas. Like putting chicken wire on the heads of his models. “Interesting.” But his collection was overall better than I expected, even though it looked a little like the latest looks from “Cinco De Mayo,” the fictional store on Seinfeld that Elaine chose to terrorize. The real problem with Andy’s collection is that, as a person who is not Asian, it would be impossible to wear. The only people who could look good in these clothes are super, super wealthy Asian women. Yes, I am making that statement, sue me. (Please don’t sue me.) OVERALL: Andy did himself proud. But really, a collection made out of clearance throw pillows from Home Goods is not going to win you $100,000. But what will? What will? Moving on.
What does one say about Gretchen? This season’s most hated contestant. Her thin lips would creak open only to let her unprovoked judgments about the other contestants’ designs seep out. From her skeletal limbs to her long bangs to her complete lack of self-awareness, Gretchen is just basically the worst. The good news is her character translated perfectly into her collection, a series of brown, flowy, Lillith Fair-esque dresses and shorts and pants that would make Annie Hall roll over in her grave. (She was hit by a cab in 2004.) It scares me a bit how this “look” seems to be seeping into everyday hipster couture. The amount of girls I’ve seen wearing socks with high heels and parachute pants around L.A. is enough to be seriously worried. Gretchen’s collection was missing that oomph, that “zazz,” that Project Runway winners are usually known for. Compare her collection to Season 4 winner Christian Siriano, and it’s like fashion from two different planets: Planet LookingGoodBillyRay vs. Planet FeelingDowdyLouis. And what was with that brown fabric? Does her collection come with the added bonus of smallpox? Gretchen’s clothes are what killed the Native Americans, people, get with it. OVERALL: Overall? Granny underwear a winner does not make. Oh, those granny underwear. They were HIDEOUS. They made the models look heavy. This has been Gretchen’s plan all along.
Well, the judges, including guest judge Jessica Simpson sporting a $10,000 Michael Kors gown, got right into it. Andy was immediately dismissed, mainly on the basis of his tacky headpieces. Now it was down to Mondo and Gretchen. Heidi and J-Simps were pro-Mondo, because they have eyeballs in their head that are still somehow attached to their brains. A very pregnant Nina Garcia and supremely bitchy and probably constipated Michael Kors sided with Gretchen, saying her looks were “now.” Now? Now?! Are we judging this show in a Back to the Future Delorean set for a Grateful Dead concert in 1973? Her clothes came self-equipped with real body odor, America. Who on EARTH wants to drape themselves in silky used toilet paper? Nina and Michael, that is who. And could Michael have been any more annoying last night? He was like a high strung whoopi cushion of angst. (Now on display at MOMA.) From his mispronunciation of “cos-to-mee” to him snapping at a poor Jessica Simpson “Helloooo! Read a magazine!” (someone, set up a therapy fund for the girl), he was insufferable. And somehow, Nina and Michael’s suffocating tanned claws of death tightened their grasp ’round the necks of Heidi and Jessica. Because, ladies and gentlemen. The winner. Of Project Runway. Is….
Yes. Gretchen won. With that collection. Apologies to people who enjoy wearing camel toe harem pants, but Jesus, please help us all, her clothes were terrible. TERRIBLE. I called up my mother Judy to get her reaction. She still hadn’t seen the episode, and after some pleading, agreed to have me spoil the results in order to get her reaction for this post. Here is her word for word response to Gretchen’s win:
So there you have it. The overall reaction of anyone who watched the finale is that the results were royally effed. Not only was Gretchen’s collection horrendous and bland, but she herself, the person, Gretchen, was insufferable. THE WORST. Admit it, the highlight of the season was hearing the usually composed Tim Gunn lash out against Gretchen’s bullying. Let’s relive that amazing moment here: Feels even better the second time. In the end, this was a waste of everyone’s time. Maybe they chose Gretchen as the winner in order to piss everyone off? Mission: Gretch-ccomplished. We all hate you, Lifetime. Though kudos for already running commercials for your “Craigslist Killer” movie out in Jan 2011. And if your anger has still not subsided over this blatant screwing over of Mondo, click over to MyLifetime.com where beloved former PR contestant Laura Bennett lays into Gretchen in as classy way as possible. Feel free to venti latte (vent) in the comments. Follow michcoll on Twitter. |
| Today Show Halloween Costumes Reach New Heights of Lameness Posted: 29 Oct 2010 04:38 PM PDT We’ve been hearing a lot of talk of the “bad economy” these past few months. But today is the first day we truly felt its impact. If there’s one thing we’ve come to rely on, it’s the Halloween costumes on NBC’s The Today Show. No expense is spared, right down to Roker’s girdle. So what did the fine anchors (whom we truly think of as family) do for this year’s Halloween get-up? Take a look. Spoiler Alert: It’s dire. Yes, that’s Al Roker as Superman, Meredith Viera as Lady Gaga, Natalie Morales (we think?) as a lesbian (we think?) (Update: Oh, it’s Justin Bieber), Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb as Lucille Ball, and Ann Curry as Amelia Earhart. Matt Lauer wasn’t even there. Based on this segment, we’re dressing up as this for Halloween. |
| Teach: Tony Danza Episode 4 Recap: The Slightly Interesting Episode Posted: 29 Oct 2010 03:40 PM PDT This is a recap of the fourth episode of A&E's new television program, Teach: Tony Danza. Normally these recaps go up at the beginning of the week, but this one is late because I was on vacation and busy falling, smacking my face on a paddle board and swallowing six gallons of sea water a bunch of times in a row. This episode is a real watershed moment in the history of Teach: Tony Danza. Instead of being entirely Tony-Danza-centric and treating every story line as if they are just things that happen to Tony Danza, the subplots actually come together like a real episode of television. Also, this little asian kid basically tells Tony Danza to shut the f*ck up and we should all mail him an Emmy Award. The episode begins with Tony Danza inviting his childhood friend, Bobby G., to the school. Tony Danza explains that Bobby G. used to be a teacher. Tony Danza then brings him into the office to introduce him to Miss. DeNaples.
Miss DeNaples is not happy about this. “We have to think about our children. So, what’s the purpose of this man being here?” She asks. Tony has no answer. She explains that this is not Hollywood. Tony Danza can’t just bring in a friend whenever he feels like it as if he is the star on a TV set. She is undeniably correct. This is a school. So, clearly, that’s the end of that. Nope just kidding what are you crazy.
Tony Danza takes Bobby G. to his class because that’s what Tony Danza does.
Tony Danza begins talking about the old days with him and Bobby G. Eric Choi stops paying attention and starts doing origami because he’s living in some strange bizarro world where high school kids don’t particularly care about 80′s sitcom stars’ friends from when they were in college. What a weirdo!
Tony Danza confiscates Eric’s origami thing. Tony Danza is upset that Eric so often does origami instead of paying attention, so he confronts Eric during lunch.
Tony Danza says that Eric appears to not be engaged. Eric then totally nails Tony Danza. “I’m not really interested in your off topic topics.” HOLY SH*T, Tony Danza! You just got Choi Snapped. Later, Tony Danza goes out to band practice and asks the best named teacher in the school if he can help out with band stuff.
Mr. Wenglicki accepts Tony Danza’s help, so Tony Danza starts helping. You know… helping. You get it. We all know what helping looks like.
Tony Danza continues helping, but quickly discovers it is hard. One of the students expresses concern that Tony Danza doesn’t know what he’s doing. “You know, I thought coaching the football team was hard!” Tonty Danza exclaims. Apparently helping the band is harder than coaching football… which Tony Danza quit… because it was too hard. Good luck with the band, Tony Danza! Next, Tony Danza is back in his class standing in a completely normal position when special education teacher Allison Binder swings by.
She invites Tony Danza to come bowling on Wednesday. Or at least that’s what A&E pretends she is doing. The entity that is Teach: Tony Danza acts like there is no subtext here. And, in fairness, later on in the episode, Tony Danza, Miss Binder and a bunch of the other teachers do actually end up going bowling on a Wednesday. But… let’s all be grown ups about this. Miss Binder is straight up trying to get Danzaf*cked. “It might be too big for me.” – Alison Binder, Special Education Teacher Miss Binder leaves, and the students pour in. Tony Danza tries to teach them about creation myths, but once again, Eric Choi is bored and does a classic bored move.
Tony Danza is like… Dude, why are you doing a classic bored move?
After class, Mr. Wenglicki comes by to ask Tony Danza if he can come to the big band competition that Saturday. Tony Danza says he’s not sure because he was really planning to go visit his family in LA that weekend. Of all the reasons Tony Danza has had to half-ass the whole teaching thing (i.e. Atlantic City shows and singing the National Anthem at a Phillies game) this is the best one. He genuinely seems to miss his wife, Tracy, and his two daughters, Emmy and Katie. Why he didn’t just film this bullsh*t show in an LA school I will never know, but whatever, he misses his family. He should skip the band thing and go visit them. I think we can all very un-cynically allow for that in our cold, cold skeptical-of-Tony-Danza hearts. But then he skips visiting his family and goes to the band thing. They come in third.
The next day, Tony Danza is in the middle of class when suddenly, his daughter, Katie, surprises him.
Katie is very attractive. Matt M. is like, “Yeah, I can hang with that.”
Katie is also very charming. Maybe in another world where I didn’t write the world’s snarkiest recaps about her father’s television show I could be with her. At the end of the show, Tony Danza has his students do a creative project about creation Myths. He decides that maybe by letting the students be the center of attention, it will take the focus of of him and allow the kids to become more engaged. It totally works. Even Eric Choi gets into it. He teams up with Ben A.K.A. Kyle (one of the many mustache kids and also one of the many A.K.A. kids) and they put on a sketch.
It goes very well. The students learn about creation myths and Tony finally figures out how to teach an effective lesson. So that was it. This episode was actually the least fun to recap so far because it was just sort of… a little interesting? I hope this never happens again. The next episode is tonight, and let’s all pray that it gets back to it’s normal terrible-ness. |
| Mr. Cock – For All Your Baby Clothing Needs! Posted: 29 Oct 2010 01:31 PM PDT Here’s a well-named clothing store in Bariloche, Argentina:
That’s not a mistranslated Spanish idiom — it’s literally just a store called “Mr. Cock”. I’m not sure any further commentary here is necessary. Other than “GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE NOW, KIDDDDD!!!!” (Thanks to my friend Steve of No, Money Down for the pic, and for traveling all the way to Argentina in search of humorously-named clothing stores. Mission accockplished.) |
| Wanna Be Angry? Watch This Iowa Gay Marriage Video Posted: 29 Oct 2010 12:34 PM PDT I was originally going to come up with a list of things more painful than watching this video, which features an interviewer talking to various people at a rally to ban gay marriage in Iowa, but all I could think of was “slamming one’s testicles in a car door,” and everything else on my list seemed insufficient. Then I realized that even that comparison wasn’t totally applicable, because slamming one’s testicles in a car door doesn’t come with the same soul-crushing hopelessness for humanity that this video induces — it’d be painful for your testicles, but it’s an easy problem to fix (just try not to slam them in a car door). Anyway, here’s the video. Save it for Monday if you don’t want to be pissed off for the entirety of Halloween weekend (unless your costume is “Pissed Person”): (via BuzzFeed) |
| Meet Newy Scruggs, The Baseball Reporter Obsessed With Weed Smoking Posted: 29 Oct 2010 12:10 PM PDT Here’s a highlight reel of Dallas reporter and Boardwalk Empire character Newy Scruggs live on the scene in San Francisco covering the World Series by constantly pointing out how much weed the people near him are smoking. He is really, really on top of this weed beat. Also, Newy Scruggs?? That name could only be more perfect if it were “Newsy Scruggs” (click the pic below to play):
(via Deadspin) |
| Costume Winner: Ellen Goes As Snooki’s Poof Posted: 29 Oct 2010 11:11 AM PDT Well played, Ms. Degeneres — an entire year of everyone very obviously going as Snooki for Halloween, but going the extra step to zag and dressing up specifically as Snooki’s poof:
Brilliant. Reminds me of the year I went as Spider-Man’s crotch sweat. I was three. |
| Can’t Believe They Snuck This Headline Into The Squeakquel Posted: 29 Oct 2010 10:59 AM PDT I watched Alvin And The Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel on HBO last night (Full Disclosure: Yep, I did), and while most of it lived up to my expectations — Zachary Levi farting, the Chipmunks finally getting together with their corresponding Chipettes and farting — I was not expecting this newspaper side-headline to sneak in there:
Fine, I added it. But I did it for a damn good reason! MY FAMILY. I’m Photoshop Walter White. |
| Posted: 29 Oct 2010 09:54 AM PDT
From Contact Music:
You are so pumped about this. Did this just screw up your Halloween costume plans? I bet it did. This is so much more topical than your original topical costume plan, and now you have to go as Shirley Manson.
Don’t worry though. You can just alter your old costume from when you dressed up as Lilu from the 5th Element.
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