Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Horny Gazelle Gets Pwned

Posted: 20 Apr 2011 09:08 AM PDT

Is PWNED still a thing? Because it’s the only term that comes to mind when looking at these pictures of a springbok (a South African gazelle) challenging a rival male to a fight over a mate and getting instantly knocked upside down while a nature photographer just so happened to be there to brilliantly document his failure:

I mean, we’ve all tried hitting on someone and failed and ended up perpendicular to the ground for whatever reason (usually just unrelated alcohol falling), but at least there’s not usually a nature photographer there to instantly capture our shame. And if there is, at least we’re able to untag ourselves. This guy, on the other hand, is currently the laughingstock of Facebok. FACEBOK? ANYONE?? ALL OF YOU?? Awesome.

(pics via Splash News)

Baby Cannot Stop Laughing At Dog Popping Bubbles

Posted: 20 Apr 2011 08:41 AM PDT

From the people who brought you “Baby Cracks Up At Ripped Paper” (the internet), here’s this week’s feel-good movie of the year, “Baby Can’t Stop Laughing At Dog Popping Bubbles.”

Basically, it’s a perfect intersection of baby videos and dog videos, with most of us right in the center of that Venn Diagram of enjoyment. I really think I’d get along well with this kid:

I Googled around for a while to double-check if this video was old, but I couldn’t find it, and who cares anyway — LOOK AT THE DOG!

(SISFTI, via The Daily What)

X-Men: First Class Is The Most Boring Movie Poster I’ve Ever Seen

Posted: 19 Apr 2011 03:42 PM PDT

Hey, remember the X-Men film franchise? Those two movies that we really enjoyed, then X-Men: The Last Stand came out in between Batman Begins and The Dark Knight and that was pretty much that?

Well, they’re rebooting the series with a new prequel called X-Men: First Class (they didn’t take my suggestion to call it X-ey Babies), and the poster just came out, and it is the most boring poster I’ve ever seen:

Nothing to get us re-psyched for The X-Men quite like a bunch of dudes standing diagonally in a formless Apple Store under the FilmPoster 2.0 default tagline! I hope “the moment that will change our world” turns out to be Berlin Wall falling, and it’s just happening in the background unrelatedly to all the mutant stuff.

This raises the Chandleresque question: Could the X-Men: First Class poster possibly get any more boring?

Answer after the jump:

The answer is “No.” Thanks for X-playing!

Mailman Has To Sh*t, Does So In Person’s Front Yard

Posted: 19 Apr 2011 03:08 PM PDT

I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around this news report about a mailman who was caught on tape defecating in a person’s front lawn. Is this the case of a mailman so fed up with being attacked by dogs that he chose to defecate in the same manner to show that all of us animals on Earth are equal? Or is it a case of, in the immortal words of Martin Lawrence, “Whoo… I gotsta go sh*t.”

Whatever it is, one thing is certain: It’s a definitely biohazard. Also better in your front yard than all over your J. Crew catalog.

Frankly, judging by the video, these people have probably been drinking sh*tty tap water for years now. Egads.

(Some Ecards)

Walker’s Wheelhouse: USA! USA!

Posted: 19 Apr 2011 01:46 PM PDT

You know how I always sometimes write about things that are more self-indulgent than not? Like my Brendan Fraser updates? We've decided to cleverly group these items into a segment called Walker's Wheelhouse. It's self-serving, assumes that you care about what's in my wheelhouse and that you know what a wheelhouse is. But it also herds these ideas together into one palatable whole, so you can chose to get in my wheelhouse or stay out of my wheelhouse. Whatever floats your wheelhouse.

This winter/spring I’ve been a veritable traveling machine. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that if I added the word “time” to the front of “traveling,” you’d be a lot more impressed. I would be too. You also might be thinking that “traveling machine” is not a term best suited for humans, it’s like what someone from the far past would call a car or a plane if they had traveled forward through time and saw one for the first ti-OMG, busted. I am a time traveler/part-time blogger. But you know what? Despite all of that, I still don’t actually know what you’re thinking, because I’m not a mind reader. Yet. But here you are, in my wheelhouse, and you can’t leave now. Aaaaaaanyway. I’ve gone to Palm Beach, Austin, Seattle and Portland recently. Also Coachella, where I didn’t take any pictures because I was too busy drinking NINE DOLLAR LIGHT BEERS. In lieu of photos, here is Coachella in a nutshell: heat, feathers, fringes, hot pants, swarm of bees that I thought were flies but were actually bees and I’m glad that I didn’t know were bees until I had walked straight through them and someone told me I had walked through a swarm of bees because that way the bees didn’t sense my fear because I had no fear so they did not attack but WOW that was crazy in retrospect. Also, Kanye. So good.

First up, in Seattle, I ate a pie that loved politics, cocaine and prostitutes:

I also was bummed that I left before I could see ALL of these bands.

It’s a shame that they the M and E fell off of Mandy Moore’s name. Give her the respect she deserves!

In Palm Bitch Beach, I hung out at a really great bar:

And I also found the perfect outfit for my future, sexually repressed, miserable, billionaire child:

In Austin, I visited a fancy gelato shoppe, which boasts the biggest variety of flavors in Texas!

Then I went to do some modeling/get a massage/hang out with Jon Voight:

In Portland, I did some great vintage shopping at a store that has amazing concert t shirts:

And tapestries:

I also expanded my book collection:

Again, no Coachella pics, but three bands that I saw who you might not know of that played there were Foster the People, The Love Language, and Tame Impala. They were all amazing and I highly recommend checking them out if you haven’t already.

Next up, I’m traveling to 2013 to see if it exists! I’ll let you know so you can start planning your Bucket List accordingly.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Marion Cotillard Join The Cast Of “The Dark Knight Inceptions”

Posted: 19 Apr 2011 12:55 PM PDT

It’s official – as rumored for about 30 months, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Marion Cotillard have joined the cast of The Dark Knight Rises:

Ms. Cotillard, an Oscar winner for “La Vie en Rose,” will play Miranda Tate, a Wayne Enterprises board member eager to help a still-grieving Bruce Wayne resume his father’s philanthropic endeavors. Her participation had been reported but not confirmed until today.

Mr. Gordon-Levitt will not, as originally speculated, play the Holiday Killer but a Gotham City beat cop named John Blake who is assigned to special duty under Commissioner Gordon.

Cool! It’s funny how blatantly Christopher Nolan is sticking with his regulars — Gordon-Levitt and Cotillard join Inception alums Tom Hardy, Michael Caine, and that vertical-driving car (playing Bruce Wayne’s new love interest) — but I’m not complaining. Nolan’s films are basically turning into Christopher Guest movies, just completely different in every way other than being good and having the same casts.

For the record, I watched Inception for a second time last night, and holy crap is it still great — despite what some people think, it’s probably the best movie of 2010, and it’ll be remembered long after the momentumy, dramatic-historyness of The King’s Speech has subsided (ETA tomorrow). Not unlike The Dark Knight and the actual 2008 Best Picture winner, Snow Dogs: Millionaires!

Internet Calls It A Life With Sleeping Bookshelf Cat

Posted: 19 Apr 2011 12:13 PM PDT

Seriously, how can the internet possibly go on existing now that we have this?

It’s kind of like when you do ecstasy and realize you can never be as happy again… every sleeping cat video from now on will cease to effect me at all thanks to this.

(Buzzfeed)

Dog In Milk Pants Introduces Me To New Favorite Item Of Clothing: Milk Pants

Posted: 19 Apr 2011 10:35 AM PDT

Oh Jesus. I’m just starting to come back down to Earth after Coachella… and now this. A Dog. Wearing Milk Pants. Feeding Two Baby Goats. I have only two words for you to encourage you to click play. No, not milk pants…

GOAT TAILS

I needs to find me some milk pants. And another pair for my friends at Urlesque for the heads up about this.

Baby Penguin Gets Tickled, Universe Smiles

Posted: 19 Apr 2011 10:23 AM PDT

In the first-ever instance of an animal video ending up on the internet, here’s a video of a baby penguin waddling around, getting tickled and laughing. My first thought was, “Who on the internet wants to watch videos of baby animals getting tickled?? We want to see more Monster Energy Drink XTreme Webisodes Starring Danica Patrick And A Giant Corona Waterfall,” or whatever the internet’s SUPPOSED to be for, but I guess JUST THIS ONCE we can make an exception.

Enjoy this weird new “animal videos” Youtube fad before it passes:
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