Thursday, April 28, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

New Trailer For Final Harry Potter Movie

Posted: 28 Apr 2011 08:43 AM PDT

This is the last time you will ever get to see the first trailer for a new Harry Potter movie.

Here’s a fun game you can play while watching it: Look for how many times the no-nose bad guy dude sounds like he’s yelling “Yeaaaaaaaaah!” when he’s in all likelihood supposed to be upset.

The Harry Potter And The Deathy Hollows Part II Trailer:

Harry Potter: Let’s finish this the way we started it: Togethah!
Voldemort: Yeaaaaaaaaaah!

These guys are super pumped to finish this together.

Anyway, the answer is Four. Four times it sounds like Voldemort is yelling “Yeaaaaaaaaah!” Maybe he had a high-school-girl-in-an-audience spell put on him. “Excite-iarmus Teenagegirlious!”

Hockey Announcer Goes On Totally Reasonable Rant Against The Royal Wedding

Posted: 28 Apr 2011 08:16 AM PDT

Here’s always-excited Boston Bruins announcer Jack Edwards delivering a Spingeresque “Final Thought” after the Bruins eliminated the Montreal Canadiens from the playoffs last night, talking about — what else? — the hollow nature of royalty on the eve of the Royal Wedding and demanding that we shouldn’t stand for it.

He’s vaguely connecting royalty in general to the NHL rulemakers, saying that both are in entitled positions they haven’t earned and urging us to dump their tea into the harbor (literally?), an analogy that makes so much sense, it’s completely self-evident why he’d be talking about this at the end of a hockey broadcast:

So we should declare war on them with incessant guerrilla tactics until they give us our own country? I’VE BEEN SAYING THAT THIS WHOLE TIME! So refreshing to find someone who shares my exact, specific double-opinion on the Royal Wedding and NHL disciplinary officials. Putting on my tea’in headdress as we speak!

(via Deadspin)

Beyoncé’s New Video “Move Your Body” Is Literally About Moving Your Body

Posted: 27 Apr 2011 01:44 PM PDT

Here’s a new Beyoncé video entitled “Move Your Body,” a reworked version of her song “Get Me Bodied” released as part of Michelle Obama’s ongoing campaign against childhood obesity:

The video’s super upbeat and obviously the cause is great, but the whole time I was listening to the song, I really had a hard time accepting that the lyrics are literally about moving your body — which is fine, obviously, and that’s what they should be about, but I’m just so conditioned to expect pop music to have fun pseudo-sexual choruses like “Move Your Body” then when you pay attention to the lyrics, it’s very clearly about f***ing. With this song, the more you pay attention to it, the more you realize that the lyrics are completely benign and literal, which is great for kids, it’s just really really jarring for a pop song post, like, 1930. Or whatever year “Over There” was the only song in the country.

This expands the list of songs that actually aren’t about sex to…this song and “Centerfield” by John Fogerty. Which I’m still not entirely unsure isn’t about a crazy Kama Sutra position.

(via Vulture)

Paraplegic Bunny Gets Prosthetic Wheel Legs

Posted: 27 Apr 2011 01:29 PM PDT

We’ve all seen animals with missing legs, but you don’t normally get an opportunity to see one that has legs that just don’t work. Well, good bad news! You’re about to see that now. And it’s very sad. But then this little kid named Liam is all like, “No bunny’s gonna just drag around limp bunny legs on my watch!” and he designs a little rabbit leg chariot so the thing can walk around. The kid is like a tiny animal activist Thomas Edison. But, you know, not a big assh*le. (Thomas Edison was a big assh*le.)

 

Dreamworks and Pixar about to get in a fist fight over this.

Thanks, The Daily What.

Governor Of Largest U.S. State To Star In Murder Robot 5

Posted: 27 Apr 2011 12:58 PM PDT

There aren’t a lot of joke-stones left unturned about Arnold Schwarzenegger governing the most populous state in the U.S. (or as I call him, “The Governor” – the ‘o’ and ‘r’ in that are from the word ‘Terminator’). But now, following his Oscar-snubbed cameo in The Expendables, The Governor is looking to complete his “Murder Robot Movie / Governor Of California / Murder Robot Movie” sandwich by starring in a fifth Terminator installment:

[Schwarzenegger] is being touted to star in the next instalment of the Terminator franchise – despite vowing that he would stand down as the futuristic cyborg after number three.

Rights to a fifth movie are currently being shuffled around Hollywood, with reports that Sony, Lionsgate, Universal and CBS films are all vying for ownership – especially now that the original terminator has put his name to it.

Director Justin Lin, on the verge of enjoying box office success with Fast Five, is rumoured to be directing it.

Wow, Arnold’s really coming back at the age of 63? He really meant it when he uttered the iconic quote, “Chill out, d*ckwad.”

I don’t have a problem with a Terminator 5, because the last two Terminator films have felt so divorced from Terms 1 and 2, they’re basically just distant second-robo-cousins unable to fully impact the legacy of the originals. I just hope a similar watering-down doesn’t befall the Cats And Dogs franchise, cause those things are frickin’ purrfect.

Pregnant Natalie Portman’s Torso Is A Gorilla Face

Posted: 27 Apr 2011 12:40 PM PDT

Earlier this week, Natalie Portman was spotted walking her dog in New York City. Also, she is about to have a baby and her torso at this angle looks like a cartoon gorilla.

Original Image from Splash.

Obama’s Full Birth Certificate REVEALED!

Posted: 27 Apr 2011 11:05 AM PDT

After years of incessant conspiracy theories and Birther clamoring, Barack Obama has finally released his FULL BIRTH CERTIFICATE to prove, once and for all, that he was in fact born in the United States (click to enlarge):

Whew! That should finally end all these debates forever.

Can we now spend time on some more important issues, like this massive baby-killing conspiracy to make lesbians more equal?

Never Forget: Baby Talk Was A Sitcom On Television

Posted: 27 Apr 2011 10:21 AM PDT

Just in case you were about to forget, there was a sitcom from 1991-1992 in which Tony Danza did the voice of a baby. Amid the backdrop of the Look Who’s Talking craze in the early 90′s (Craze? Uh huh, craze.), ABC put Baby Talk on real television that was capable of beaming into your living room. Also, Scott Baio was in it.

Everything still checks out and makes sense in regards to the show’s opening sequence.

So, yeah, those kids in the beginning part are old enough to actually talk themselves. And they probably sound nothing like Tony Danza. But, let’s not worry about that right now. Let’s just remember that this was a thing and it happened.

Blogging From The High Seas On VH1s Best Cruise Ever

Posted: 27 Apr 2011 10:21 AM PDT

Tomorrow, thousands of music fans will gather in America’s Pop Music Capital* Tampa, Florida to set sail on VH1s Best Cruise Ever. This will be the 3rd BCE I’ve been privileged enough to be a part of, and it seems this year’s is bigger and crazier than ever. And I’m really not just saying that because they pay me to.

For starters, the cruise is 5 days long, approx. 1 day longer than any previous cruise, meaning I’ll have 24 more hours to make sure my blood-to-vodka transfusion is completed. In addition, this time the cruise is going to Cozumel, Mexico. But forget the cruise. Let’s talk about the MUSIC. Train, Lifehouse, Colbie Caillat, The Script, SafetySuit and more than a dozen other bands will be on board, while my solo band, Mimi and the Cocos, will be singing Shirley Bassey’s greatest hits while strumming a rum-filled inflatable guitar somewhere near the putting green on Saturday night. (Time and location subject to change.)

I’ll be bringing you updates from on board all weekend long! And hey — I’m hosting a karaoke night on board. So for real, what should I sing? Some thoughts: “Steppin’ Out”; “Arthur’s Theme”; and “Yankin.’” Leave suggestions in the comments.

Obama Names Top Chef Star Leon Panetta New Secretary Of Defense

Posted: 27 Apr 2011 09:55 AM PDT

In the elevator this morning — or as I call it, “the news box” — I learned that President Obama has tabbed CIA Director Leon Panetta to be the next U.S. Secretary Of Defense. This immediately surprised me, because I’ve actually heard of Leon Panetta, and I know nothing about anything (I had to Google “Obama” to make sure he was still the head U.S. guy then Googled it again to check the spelling in this parenthetical).

After four seconds of wracking my brain to figure out how I recognized the name Leon Panetta — he’s not a voice on The Simpsons, he’s not unlockable in NBA Jam, he’s not my dad — I figured it out: Leon Panetta was a guest judge on the “Covert Cuisine” episode of Top Chef: D.C. Remember? He was dining with Tom and Padma then received a mysterious note in the middle of the meal and had to leave while Eric Ripert shot him frowny raptor-glares.

To refresh your memory, here’s the Photoshop we did at the time (photo courtesy BWE Classic):

This revelation can literally only mean one thing: Obama reads our Top Chef Recaps.

Now that we know this is an unequivocal fact, is it too early to start the “Blais For All Remaining Cabinet Positions” campaign?
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