Friday, April 22, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

BREAKING NEWS: Rupert Grint Is Totally Chill

Posted: 22 Apr 2011 08:32 AM PDT

Rupert Grint is the child/currently young adult actor who played Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies. And according to this picture that begun making it’s way around the internet last night… he’s, like, all chill and sh*t.

Chill Quality Count Off:

1.) Sitting Indian style.

2.) Wearing a sleeveless shirt.

3.) Using a match instead of lighter.

4.) Wearing a stocking cap.

5.) Despite the insane media storm that comes along with being a young celebrity who gets photographed smoking pot and then the supremely insincere and embarrassing forced apology that must come after, not caring that a picture is being taken while using the most comically obvious and cartoonish kind of smoking apparatus.

Thanks, The Daily What.

Disclaimer: Dope is for dopes.

Farewell, Best Week Ever. I Hope It Was Good For You Too.

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 04:45 PM PDT

Well, it’s about that time. This is my last day at Best Week Ever. I’ve had SUCH an amazing experience working here, and I’d like to thank Michelle, Dan and Noah for being the Best Team Ever and making me laugh to tears every single day. Granted, the tears were coming from a much darker place, but it was nice to laugh through them. Basically, the reason I’m leaving is that I’ve built up enough revenue as a part-time blogger to up and leave New York and embark on my own Eat, Pray, Love-eque journey. First, I’m moving to South Dakota where I’ll get my hang gliding instructor certification. Then, it’s off to rural Alberta where I’ll be working in the oil sands industry as a miner. After that, I’ll hitchhike to Alaska and sneak onto an industrial fishing boat and it’s Taiwan or bust! I hope to learn a lot about myself and find true love.

No, seriously, thank you to all the readers and commenters, you have been far nicer than need be. I’ve loved every day of working here and am very proud of the fact that I’ve only started two race wars (to my knowledge) and managed to write about Tim Curry on a fortnightly basis. I’ll be maintaining a Tumblr (fancy!!) called Walker’s Wheelhouse, if you want to stop by and check up on my travels*.

And with that, I’ll let Sarah McLachlan serenade me out. Picture me waving at the camera in slow motion.

Loveyoumeanit,

Sarah Walker

*I’m not really traveling, but if someone out there thinks that’s a good book idea, I’m open to a million dollar advance. I actually just got another job. Bor-ing. Think of me always as being in Taiwan.

Emma Watson Left Brown Because Of Super Dorky Bullying

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 01:23 PM PDT

"Later, Dorks."

We all, all of us, everyone in the world, know that Emma Watson left Brown to concentrate on acting and modeling and making millions of dollars. You didn’t know that? Weird. Well, she claimed that she simply didn’t have enough time on her hands to fully devote herself to her studies. That makes sense…OR DOES IT??? According to The Daily Mail, Emma left Brown because she was being mercilessly bullied by her classmates.

The actress, who plays Hermione Granger in the franchise, would answer questions in class at Brown University only to find her fellow students would make wisecracks.
A source said: ‘[They] would respond with a quote from Harry Potter.
‘The most popular choice was “Three points for Gryffindor!”‘

Oh. My. God. In the world we live in, which contains horrific, legitimately terrible bullying, I would never tell someone to be better at bullying. But is it OK to tell someone to be less dorky at bullying? Harry Potter quotes? Really, Brown students? I also doubt that when the class nerd quotes Harry Potter, it affects Emma Watson in a way that actual bullying affects someone. I am sure that she’s sick of it. If anything, she left Brown because her classmates were annoying and they just couldn’t play it cool. Your bad, Brown students. You could have been hobnobbing with Daniel Radcliffe, or better yet, Rupert Grint. Grint! Instead, your future is bleak. Sure, you have an Ivy League diploma, but everything that lies before you remains Watson-less. Dorks.

Trailer For Disney Nature’s Chimpanzee Almost Too Effective

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 01:11 PM PDT

Well, I guess we’re all going to go see this together. It’s Disney Nature’s movie about a baby chimp who gets adopted by an adult chimp and also it is not a cartoon as is real and whoops we’re all hugging.

How nuts is it that Disney can’t even manage to do a movie not about parental death even when filming actual apes in an actual jungle? And why are all their TV shows about whole families while all their movies are about half to mostly dead families? “We’ve got a dead mom in this one, so it looks like we’re gonna have to make it feature length.” – Walt Disney

Nonetheless, this is the first movie I’ve ever wanted to see whose trailer uses the voiceover guy from the ABC Family Channel. This is going to be so great. Unless Oscar dies at the end. Oh, man. Wait. Does Oscar die at the end? He can’t. I’m NERVOUS.

Thanks so much, Videogum.

Prisoners Are So Much Fun: Mugshot Of The Day, PrisonPenPal.com And More!

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 12:02 PM PDT

Cutie-pie Arizona Sherriff Joe Arpaio may be the subject of an FBI investigation for civil rights violations and abuse of power. But it hasn’t curbed his fun side! Remember, he’s the marketing genius behind forcing inmates to wear pink underwear. Now “America’s Toughest Sheriff” has turned the Official Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office website into a game that will provide kicks for the whole family. Vote for your fave mugshot based on… what? Dumbest looking? Most F’d up? Poorest?

And having fun with prisoners does not have to stop there. Enter PrisonPenPals.com! (See widget above). Ladies, featured are some real hunks who’ve been working out in the prison yard on the daily. You can take your time getting to know these prisoners by exchanging  letters — for five or 10 years. Once paroled, instant hubbies!

Now, let’s brainstorm more ways to have fun with inmates! Mugshots Of The Day are below …

 

 

New BO.LT Tool Will Change Internet Joke Landscape Forever

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 11:27 AM PDT

Oh, boy. We’re about to start seeing so many parody websites. It’s inevitable. The cyber avalanche cannot be stopped.

From the Huffington Post Tech Page:

BO.LT is a web-based tool that enables people to quickly, without code, remix the content presented on a website, from changing images and editing text to swapping headlines and deleting entire parts of the page.

Users enter the URL of a website into BO.LT, then BO.LT quickly creates a complete copy of the page, duplicating every detail down to the ads that appear and the links to the brand’s Facebook page.

Well right off the bat I would suggest that somebody make “Blessed Week Ever” and have it be only stories about famous people thanking Jesus after winning awards/sportsgames. And then I would strongly recommend that no one make “Amyzon.com” which would be a site that only sold books by people named Amy. Nobody make that one; it’s pointless. Also, nobody make “Fingerbook.com” which would be an online community in which you only friend request people that you’ve fingered. That is so gross. If you’ve even briefly considered making that fake site, you have serious issues.

Simon Van Kempen’s Single “I Am Real” Makes Me Wish “I Was Dead”

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 11:14 AM PDT

Everyone’s favorite Real Househusband Simon Van Kempen of the Real Housewives of New York is adding his name to the long list of people that should never have a microphone put in front of their face ever by releasing a new single called “I Am Real.” This song is the musical equivalent of Dateline going into a hotel room holding a black light. It’s a bloody, semen-fueled mess.

Someone really needs to hang a fake “Abortion Clinic” sign on the music studio where these Housewives etc. record their music in the hopes it gets blown up, preventing any further recordings from taking place. (And not to kill anyone, of course. OK, maybe LuAnn. Or Jill. Fine, Kelly.)

(via Eliot Glazer, who is convinced this song is proof 2012 is real.)

ADAM LAMBERT’S GOATEE: Love It Or “Love” It?

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 10:46 AM PDT

Our most beloved of entertainers and humans possessing Alaskan Husky eyes, Adam Lambert, debuted his latest single on the red carpet last night, called “My New Goatee.” And we have to hand it to the guy: Whoever carved this lip-and-chin-stroke out on his face did a stellar job. That sh*t be even! And thick. I mean, really, when I interviewed Lambies at the NewNowNext Awards, there was not one errant facial hair to be seen. And here we are, less than two weeks later, and he looks like Gay Paul Bunyan. Das a virile man y’all.

Anyway, we were pretty surprised to see this follicular occurrence on Adam’s face, but commend him for trying something new, even if that new thing kind of makes him look like a very successful magician.

But we want to know what you think. Hence this poll! Adam Lambert’s Goatee: Love It Or “Love” It. Plug your answer in here and see what others are thinking!

Dame Helen Mirren Charmingly Says “Sh*t” On TV

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 10:44 AM PDT

First, who cares. People say “sh*t” all the time. The fact that I have to replace the “i” with an asterisk is pretty funny. I suppose a star is less offensive than the letter i? Or when you look at it you’re all like, “What am I reading? What is that word? What could sh*t possibly mean? What I know for sure is that it’s certainly not profane and children and my boss may look upon it freely without taking offense!” And you can say “sh*t” on a ton of TV now, South Park and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, for example. HOWEVER. When Dame Helen Mirren says it on a live morning show, it’s just so deliciously* naughty and deLIGHTful. You just want to cover your mouth with your lace cravat/handkerchief and titter away. Here it is:

Dear English Morning Show Hosts, NEVER apologize for anything Dame Helen Mirren does because everything she utters is perfect and you are LUCKY to sit next to her and her cute outfit and jewels.

Holy Moly

*I hate when people use the word “delicious” to describe anything other than a food.

For Those Of You Who Swore You’d Never See Beyonce In A Goofy Hat

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 10:35 AM PDT

BOOM

IT HAPPENED.

Seen above, Beyonce rocking a Goofy hat while taking her nephew to Disneyland Paris.

[Photo: Splash]

Guy Irons In Middle Of Highway, British Newscaster Stays Professional

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 10:34 AM PDT

Yes, there is a man ironing while in a bathrobe in the middle of a closed down highway in England. But that’s not what we’re going to focus on here. We are instead going to focus on the professionalism of the reporter who covered this story for the news. You are about to hear a British woman explain in the most neutral of tones that “It’s all part of an extreme sport known as Extreme Ironing — or E.I. It sees people take an ironing board to a remote location and iron articles of clothing. According to the official website, Extreme Ironing is the latest danger sport that combines that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well pressed shirt.”

It feels so much less offensive when the British news covers YouTube videos than when CNN does it. Is that racist?

Thanks, UPI.

Rubik’s Cube “Creation Of Adam” Will Keep God Up For Days

Posted: 21 Apr 2011 10:18 AM PDT

Here is Michelangelo’s “The Hand of God”, made out of 12,090 Rubik’s Cubes — a World Record for both Rubik’s Cubes and the amount of patience used by an artist without actually murdering somebody.

It took 11 artists to put this masterpiece together, and only 3 people (including God himself) to throw these very same Rubik’s Cubes out of the window after hours of frustration. And you guys, Cube Works Studio, the group behind this work of art, are not finished yet. They want to make the entire Sistine Chapel in Rubik’s Cubes! That’s going to put make one Hungarian Rube-Cube manufacturer “nagyon boldog” (very happy).

Awesome close-up photo ahead…

Here’s more information for those interested via Splash:

The colourful piece featuring the Italian artist’s work from the Sistine Chapel took more than 400 hours to make by a dedicated team of 11 puzzle fans. Incredibly, the team had to individually adjust each Rubik’s cube by hand to give it the exact colours required to recreate the masterpiece. Cube Works Studio, who are behind the creation, spent half the time making blueprints with a computer by pixelizing the image with the six colours on a Rubik’s Cube. The remaining time was spent twisting the cubes. Creative director Josh Chalom said the work is the beginning of an attempt to reproduce the entire ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, a project that will be hung from a roof and weigh 50 tonnes and use 250,000 cubes. He said: “I had the idea in my head and knew it needed a team to pull it off so we set up the Cube Works Studio, based in Toronto, Canada”.

[Photo: Splash News Online]
Brought to you by: at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)