Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Today Is They Might Be Giants Appreciation Day

Posted: 26 Apr 2011 09:21 AM PDT

They Might Be Giants has announced today that today is They Might Be Giants Appreciation Day. Is this wholly self serving? Yes, it is. But it’s meant to be, and there’s got to be some sort of allowance for that when you produce mostly informative pop music about the make up of the sun and geography.

There is an upcoming TMBG (not Teenage Mutant Binja Gurtles) album to be released soon, and today four tracks have become available for download on iTunes. So go download those. Or don’t download those. But at least remember when Tiny Toons used do make music videos for They Might Be Giants and how for those few minutes, you would like Tiny Toons as much as Animaniacs.

Oh, and real quick, there should be an all girl band like the Indigo Girls that sings about this kind of stuff, and they should be called They Might Be ‘Ginas. Sorry. Here’s a song about the sun that TMBG did for Nickelodeon.

Learning is fun. Also Buzzfeed is fun.

Tim Heidecker Makes A Compelling Case For President Trumps

Posted: 26 Apr 2011 08:50 AM PDT

Tired of all those tax forms in Washington? Tim Heidecker of Tim & Eric has a solution – Stop drinking the KOOL AID and let’s put a real businessman in charge of Washington: Donald Trumps.

I was on the fence about the upcoming election, but now I’m all, “You’re fired, fence”:

(via Videogum)

POP CULTURE DART BOARD: Jay Cutler Now Engaged To Kristin Cavallari

Posted: 26 Apr 2011 08:20 AM PDT

Just as slightly obscure films get released on weekends where nothing else is coming out in an effort to lazily break even, news broke today in the midst of a pre-Royal Wedding pop culture dearth that Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler and Laguna Beach/Hills co-star Kristin Cavallari got engaged. After you’ve finished throwing away a monotone “Ok?”, let’s dish the DEETS on the BEAU (haven’t read a celebrity engagement story in a while and really feel like dusting off the proper terminology):

After meeeting last Fall, The Hills "star" Kristin Cavallari is engaged to Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. According to People, Cutler suggested a last-minute getaway to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. A source confirmed, "He surprised her with a quick trip to Cabo to ask her to marry him."

Good for them! Cutler looks like that dude at work who isn’t a total a-hole but you just hate him anyway but you realize it’s just because of his face, and Kristin Cavallari is every gossip magazine celebrity ever, so it seems like the perfect match. Just gotta start setting up some cameras at Soldier Field to capture her post-interception reaction shots, then cut to Frank Caliendo in the Fox studios saying “who are the ad wizards who came up with THIS relationship!” (in his John Madden voice for some reason) and the universe will continue turning another day.

Weekly Alligator Story: Lady Finds 7 Foot Alligator In Bathroom

Posted: 25 Apr 2011 02:36 PM PDT

Just about every week, there is another story about alligators in places they’re not supposed to be. In living rooms, under cars, in elevators — they’re everywhere. But they have at least always managed to stay out of our bathrooms. Until now.

I think we all used to be under the impression that bathrooms were reserved for rats and snakes that climb up through the toilet. Those days of presumed safety are over. MSNBC just did a story on a Florida woman, Alexis Dunbar, who arrived home to find a 7 foot alligator in — as you’ve surely guessed by now — her bathroom

 

So here’s a question: What’s up with using the table to keep the alligator cordoned off? There is a door literally attached to the bathroom. Doors are better alligator blockers than tables. I know the door opens inward and you’d have to reach in to close it. But still. That’s a bridge table. Sometimes those aren’t even effective as snack holders.

Thanks, Huffpost Green Section.

LOGIC TOWNE: Pat Robertson Says Liberals Want To Kill Babies To Make Lesbians Equal

Posted: 25 Apr 2011 02:08 PM PDT

Oooh, video of Pat Robertson speaking! Let’s all bask in the perpetual warming glow of his airtight logic:

Ok, so here’s Pat Robertson’s actual, real argument:

- Liberals want to kill babies.

- Straight married women can have babies but lesbians cannot.

- Therefore, by killing the babies of straight married women, liberals will make lesbians more equal.

Air-TIGHT. I literally cannot find fault with a single point in that argument. Congratulations! You, sir, are the early frontrunner for this year’s Logicies:

(thanks, Alex!)

Ryan Phillippe Trying To Act Like He’ll Stop Acting

Posted: 25 Apr 2011 09:27 PM PDT

OK Magazine is reporting that Ryan Phillippe has expressed interest in ending his acting career.

"It's so hard to go out in L.A. I'm going to move," Ryan told The New York Post's Page Six. "I'm going to spend a third of my year in New York." The star of The Bang Bang Club says he's been looking at places in SoHo. "I think I'm going to end my acting career," he added. "I'm so introverted. I'm ready to be behind the scenes. I'm 36, but I've been doing this for 20 years."

Yes, correct. If you want to have a lower public profile, you move to SoHo. Everyone one knows that. Manhattan: The Introvert’s Paradise.

But, as for the acting thing… Ryan Phillippe, what are you talking about? You’re honestly planning to work much harder and make much less money?

Why do actor’s always pretend they’re going to do this? I don’t know much about Ryan Phillippe other than that he’s dating that Las Vegas tiger magician, Amanda Siegfried, and that he had two kids with his ex, John Witherspoon. But if he wants to continue that kind of lifestyle, it seems like he should stick with acting.

You don’t get to hang around with large predatory cats and the dad from Friday when you’re not a Hollywood actor. Ryan Phillipe, you’re not quitting and you know it. Now get back to work on Cruelest-er Intentions.

Zach Galifianakis & Jason Schwartzman: Your Typical NBA Courtside Celebs

Posted: 25 Apr 2011 12:52 PM PDT

The courtside seats at Knicks and Lakers games are often reserved for celebrities the likes of, say, Black Eyed Peas members neck-massaging Kobe Bryant, but here’s an odd exception from last night’s Knicks/Celtics game at Madison Square Garden:

It’s Zach Galifianakis and Jason Schwartzman, just hangin’ out at the ol’ balling yard! Clearly though, HBO got the tickets and sent them there to promote Treme (they kept whispering to other fans about Treme).

Likable, indie-seeming stars: They’re just like regular stars! Someone should start that section in a magazine then not really.

Even sportsier pic of Zachy G and Jasy Schwyzy after the jump:

I would make some joke about them being “Bored To Death” by the Knicks’ performance, but Bob Hope just beat me to it 35 years ago so instead I’ll just be like, “This is an unusual celebrity courtside photo, isn’t it?”

(pics via Splash News)

The Only About To Barf After Eating Cheese GIF You’ll Ever Need

Posted: 25 Apr 2011 07:56 PM PDT

On last night’s Amazine Race: Unfinished Business, one of the challenges involved eating a truck load of cheese fondue in Switzerland in order to reveal their next clue. The only team to take up the producers on that challenge were Zev, the autistic racer, and his friend Justin.

It wasn’t pretty. There they sat, just stuffing themselves with bread cube laden with cheese upon bread cube laden with more cheese, until neither of them could stand to stab that hilariously delicate Bob Barker fork into yet another hunk of bread.

It’s impossible to understand what it must feel like to eat that much cheese. (Though I wouldn’t put it past myself to find out.) Perhaps this GIF of Zev about to hurl up a trough of mac n’ cheese will do that barfy feeling justice.

How many of you rewound to watch this moment again and again? I know it’s not just me and my chimpy fam.

Prince William And Kate Middleton Imagined As Useless Elderly People

Posted: 25 Apr 2011 10:33 AM PDT


(click to enlarge)

Using forensic computer technology and that face melty thing from the movie Minority Report, “scientists” (stoners) have discovered what Prince William and his wife-to-be Kate Middleton will look like when they are just about 60 years old. According to Splash:

Kate, who will by then be formally referred to as Queen Catherine, has physically fared a little better over time, although her grey hair and the forces of gravity and nature on her skin and bones are instantly evident.

Uh, yeah, assuming that in the next 30 years the girl doesn’t get any Botox or they don’t invent a scar-free face lift of blah blah blah there is no WAY she is looking this bad at 60. And out of curiosity, has Crest banned the sale of their White Strips in England? Or has the computer technology used to create this image just assumed that all British people’s teeth – no matter how Royal – will eventually look like broken candy corn at the bottom of your Halloween bag?

But why stop at 60, I say?? We’ve run Prince William’s image through our multi-million dollar MAKE PEOPLE OLD computer program, and cranked the age factor up to 90 YEARS OLD.

So, want to know what Prince William will look like at 90??? Click to find out!

Worth every cent of the millions we paid for it. Thanks, future!!

[Photo: Splash News]

The Royal Wedding Is Already A Crappy Movie

Posted: 25 Apr 2011 10:19 AM PDT

Meet Camilla Luddington and Nico Evers-Swindell, co-stars of the already-completed DVD William and Kate: The Movie:

Awesome! It’s never too soon to come out with a movie about a current event, especially before that event has even occurred (their story’s pretty much over though, right?) It’ll be just like The Queen, but with negative 70 years of history and inspiring fewer inner-monologues about “how old would I skew?” sexual turmoil!

The film has already been ripped apart by viewers on Twitter, which is all I need to hear, cause those dudes are reserved and forgiving about all of culture. Everyone seemed pretty on board with The Oscars this year, just to name one random true example.

I just hope the William & Kate movie can hearken back to the glory years of movies shamelessly capitalizing on completely unresolved current events at the height of their popularity:

(pic via Getty Images)

2 Dogs 1 Tiger

Posted: 25 Apr 2011 10:16 AM PDT

This video is basically the opposite of 2 Girls 1 Cup. Instead of women ingesting feces, there are two dogs playing with a tiger because they are all friends.

Why are we all so fascinated with animals of different species interacting? Well, as explained by behavioral expert Dr. Tyler Faltreau*, it’s because two dissimilar animals engaging in what humans interpret as fun is “all like YAAAAY, I wanna have one, look at them!”

Well, of course. Of course the guy who owns a tiger also owns a Hummer. But let’s just not focus on that, okay?

Thanks, Reddit.

*Not at all a real guy.

Hit Songs Won’t Stop Bonnie Tyler From This Amazingly Terrible Music Video

Posted: 25 Apr 2011 09:40 AM PDT

Bonnie Tyler is a 1980s legend, with songs so famous they’ve been featured in Shrek. (Plug that last sentence into Google Translate, and in any language you’re gonna get $$$$$$.) From karaoke classic “Total Eclipse of the Heart” to the painful “It’s A Heartache” to the inspiring “I Need A Hero,” those are the only three Bonnie Tyler songs you’ve probably ever heard in your life. Those other familiar songs you’ve probably only ever heard coming out of the mouth of a very constipated person sitting on the toilet in your home or place of business.

But ol’ Bonnie never stopped trying to make another shit. happen. And she pulled out all the green screen stops to achieve her dream. We came across this video of her singing “Against The Wind.” Before you get excited thinking it’s a Bob Seger cover — it isn’t. No, it’s just Bonnie Tyler wearing a costume bought from a Phantom of the Opera yard sale and standing in front of a green screen of middle aged men hang gliding.

Simply put: WE MISS THE 1980s. Where are you now, Bonnie Tyler? Hopefully still making cinematic shatsterpieces such as this.

~NEVER GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS~
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