Best Week Ever |
- 12 Better Titles For Snooki’s New Book, “A Shore Thing”
- What Do You Get the Person Who Has Everything Except a Meat Necklace?
- MAD MEN RECAP: Guess Who’s Coming For Draper?
- Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown: Macaroni Rascals
- Rachel Zoe Mines Her Last, Single, Unshriveled Egg; Is Pregnant
- Cebu Pacific Flight Attendants Dance To Lady Gaga
| 12 Better Titles For Snooki’s New Book, “A Shore Thing” Posted: 01 Oct 2010 02:35 PM PDT Snooki of Jersey Shore fame (not to be confused with 19th century blacksmith Snooki McGargle) is writing a fiction book to be released in 2011, at which point she’ll have to change her name to Booki – and I’m outta here!!! [Drops the mic, mic hits computer, isn't plugged into anything] The book is going to be titled “A Shore Thing”. It’s a pun on the title of her MTV show, Thing People. Frankly, when it comes to book titlin’, I think we can do better, or at the very least, way worse. Here’s 12 Better Titles For Snooki’s New “Shore” Book, because the world asked:
Shore As Sugar Shore Deodorant: Odor Protection For Both Men And Shore Salute Your Shores Yes I’m Shore-ious. And Don’t Call Me Shore-ly. Shore: What Is It Good Shore Martin Shore Chlorophyll? More Like Shore-ophyll! Peace C-Shore-ps Danish Physicist Neils Shore One Two Three Four Five Shore Wait Instead Of Four I Mean Are You Shore You Don’t Have HIV? Other Snooki book titles? Throw ‘em in the comments. |
| What Do You Get the Person Who Has Everything Except a Meat Necklace? Posted: 01 Oct 2010 02:07 PM PDT
While most of his accessories look realistic and delicious — my personal favorite being the whip cream ring with a cherry on top — Onch has now topped himself with a necklace that is sure to have you be the focus of attention by a group of rabid dogs. It’s a Meat-lace! This very realistic piece of meat — clearly inspired by the Lady Gaga VMA’s dress that everyone was talking about and wished they were barbecueing — is actually made from a solid piece of plastic. And, at only $55.00, it’s far cheaper than walking around with maggots crawling our of your chest. (Wait, actually, it isn’t cheaper, our bad.) So just where can you wear your meat-lace? Why, how bout take a tip from Onch’s website, and wear it to your local gay butcher’s S&M club? Look at how happy they are:
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| MAD MEN RECAP: Guess Who’s Coming For Draper? Posted: 01 Oct 2010 02:49 PM PDT This is a recap for the tenth episode of Season 4 of Mad Men starring Jon Hamm, Christina Hendricks, John Slattery, January Jones, John Slattery and a slew of other talented actors, on an episode called “Hands and Knees.” And now, here is your long-awaited For Your Consideration Recap:
By the looks of it, about 14 months pregnant. Oh wait, those aren’t baby bumps… that’s her award-winning rack! Oh, Joan, you have fooled us once again you minx. Can you imagine Joan breastfeeding? It would probably look something like this. i.e. Sexxxy!
Betty, without makeup, early in the morning, sewing? Were times so tough they had to fire Carla? Unless Betty is finally sewing a long rope out of flat sheets with which to climb out of the second floor window and escape her painfully oppressed existence… yeah, like she would ruin a flat sheet.
Just take it from Don Draper’s School of Kind-of-Around Parenting: Money can heal all wounds, even those inflicted on an underaged public masturbator with serious Daddy issues. Sally is now equipped with two tickets to see The Beatles, courtesy of the hottest un-dad around.
Oh sh*t, son, Lane Pryce’s dad is in town. You know those ol’ British men don’t play, right? Sr. Pryce, who took time out of being a 1965 Bond villain to greet his son, has a message: Come back to England and take care of your family.
The one thing I couldn’t shake out of my mind during the North American Aviation meeting with Don and Pete? Watching Miss Blankenship’s cold and lifeless corpse be wheeled out of the offices in last week’s episode. She is a legend, a saint.
Oh the wild and crazy 60s!! Where classy guys go and drink and be men at the Playboy Club. Lane’s father, it should be noted, is having a mild stroke in the above photo. And yes, that’s a m-bating double entendre y’all.
Ohhhh gurrrrl I know you are not even flirtin with that old British man Lane Pryce!! On second though, he’s rich, British, and loves you to pieces. Great, now I’m imagining Lane doing a spoken word interpretation of “Jungle Fever”… it would probably go something… like this:
You know she loves blazers. She loves blazers so much, she wants to get blazik eye surgery. She loves blazers so much, she sets her phasers to blazer. She loves blazers so much, she dresses like Jacket O’Nassis. Sorry, there are only so many things that rhyme with “blazer.
So the defense department is interrogating Betty about Don’s past? If she’s twice as good of an actress with them as she is on the show, Don should be going to prison any minute now.
“Why do you have to be so damn dashing?” She’s actually right: This season, for us at least, Lane is by far the most dashing of all the SCDP employees. He loves this girl and wants to make her a part of his life, racism be damned. Other thoughts we had during this scene? This should turn out well.
$400 for an abortion in the 1960s? Why, for that money you could buy a used Edsel and raise your baby in the trunk. I guess there’s no such thing as inflation when you’re talking about getting rid of an unformed mass of human cells. (Politics!!)
Why take the bus all the way to Morristown, New Jersey, when a simpler approach to baby killing is sitting right in front of you! That’s right, with new “Abortion in a Glass,” you can just drink and smoke your way down to an empty womb. And if you call now, we’ll throw in a special “Punch to the Gut” for free! Just pay shipping and man-handling.
Glad the show includes black people and Jews now and again. Between Lane’s girlfriend and this slightly stereotypical Jewish accountant (our eyelids actually do make cash register sounds when we blink), this episode read like the casting call for the people on the bus in Speed.
This girl was just ASKING to get pregnant in that come hither plaid knee-length dress. ASKING FOR IT!!
Damn, girl, how long has that baby been up there?
Oh, look, the reason that one of our favorite characters got fired (Sal, RIP) is back and dining with Roger Sterling. But what’s this? Oh God, he wants to take the Lucky Strike account away from SCDP! Do you know what this means, people? It means that there is a slight to likely possibility that… SAL is going to come back! (Totally homo!!) And thank God, this season has been so not-dancey-enough.
Say what you will about Lee Garner Jr., but the actor playing him (Darren Pettie) threw in one of the most realistic television burps we’ve ever seen. We mean this: Great choice, Darren.
What are those two men in suits doing in Don’s hallway? They’re to discover the truth about DICK WHITMAN mayhaps? Oh, wait, they’re just two friendly locals who have lost their way…
“Even with the shaking and the sweating and the puking” — Bill Cosby
Because I’m pretty sure I’m the same way after drinking 3 shots of gin. In which case, allow me to use my expertise in saying it is the worst feeling you will ever have. Also, this photo seems to further my theory that the series will end with Don killing himself.
We especially liked the part where she put on her Rocketeer backpack and shot herself into space from right there in Lane’s apartment.
To hit our dear Lane upside the head with his cane? Wait a minute… we’ve seen this man before…
What on Earth was up with Trudy’s maternity lingerie? It had to be the most unflattering thing we’ve ever seen on anyone since that time we saw this:
It’s actually really sad that Joan aborted her baby with Roger, only because that baby would have probably been the most attractive infant on Earth. Little hipster glasses for a boy, an adorable baby updo if it was a girl… so many lost opportunities. Why does Joan have to be so sensible all the goddamn time?
Seeing that SCDP is one account away from being in the financial sh*tter, Roger takes to his very modern-for-the-time Rolodex to drum old some old business. Only problem? Half of the names in his Rolodex are dead. Bright side: Those glasses.
Sure, Dr. Faye Miller is putting up with a HELL of a lot when it comes to her relationship with Don. The payoff? Being his little spoon. Bitch.
Listen carefully: This is the man that will bring Sterling Cooper down. He knows everyone’s secrets. And given the beadiness of his eyes and the shadiness of his business practices, he will eventually trample all over his colleagues for a chance at bigger and better things. All the dominoes are being set up on this one.
This is a strong, strong woman. She never flinches. One day after a traumatic medical procedure, and there she is at work, coiffed, dressed, smiling, fresh-faced and ready to go. She’s giving the Asian women in The Joy Luck Club a run for their “surviving the worst circumstances on Earth” money. “Waverly took best-quality crab. You took worst, because you have best-quality heart.” — dedicated to Joan, who always take worst crab.
 Roger said f*ck!!! And they bleeped it! Wish they could do this in each and every episode. I really felt like an adult for once in my life.
A few recaps ago, I predicted that Don Draper was going to get with his secretary Meghan, after spotting some paparazzi shots taken from an upcoming episode featuring Meghan hanging out with Sally Draper. And sure enough??
The episode closes with Don shooting her that famous face we’ve seen hundreds of thousands of times before. Could Meghan finally be the brunette that Don’s been secretly seeking his whole life? We sort of hope so. They’re, like, super power-coupley to the max.
10. “Nowhere Man” (Don’s identity) Thoughts on the episode? Beatles titles I may have left out? There’s a comments section, friends, get in there. This posting includes an audio/video/photo media file: Download Now |
| Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown: Macaroni Rascals Posted: 01 Oct 2010 12:09 PM PDT Fellow Juiceheads, did you hear the news that our loveable guidos and guidettes from the Jersey Shore are now being syndicated in Japan? It’s not surprising that the antics of The Situation, Snooki, DJ Pauly D and the others are garnering them fame on an international level, but this is: The show’s title in the Land of the Rising Sun is The New Jersey Life of Macaroni Rascals!!! Which, of course, is obviously the best name for a television program since, well, Best Week Ever (R.I.P.). Shame on you, Sally Ann Salsano, for not coming up with this title first! Now, on with this week’s Macaroni Rascals Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown!
10) “Um, well, for myself, I’m going to figure out what I want to do.” —Angelina
Also worth noting? We’re PRETTY sure Maple Leaf wasn’t wearing any undergarments at the club. Otherwise, why would MTV have blurred out the area around her skirt? Hardly a scene goes by in this show without an upskirt shot of some sort. 8) “They’re f*cking enjoying it. Don’t feed into their bullsh*t. If you wanna f*ck ten guys in one day, you can. That’s your f*cking business. So let’s go.” —Angelina’s Friend, Gina 7) “Angelina probably left the Swiss cheese in the car, because we all know that rats love cheese.” —The Situation 6) “Make out with me. Make out with me.” —Snooki
4) “To call me fake is some, it’s BLASPHEMY to talk against a leader like that. In other countries, you get hung for that type of sh*t.” —The Situation 3) “Yo, let’s get into this Nutella, pimp.” —Vinny
1) “It’s ‘Wake Up The Whole Entire House Time’: The Song!” —DJ Pauly D and Ron Ron Until next week, PS: I have neglected to mention all these weeks that you have Pete Schultz to thank for the awesome Top Ten Montage videos. Everyone give Pete a fist-pump! |
| Rachel Zoe Mines Her Last, Single, Unshriveled Egg; Is Pregnant Posted: 01 Oct 2010 10:45 AM PDT |
| Cebu Pacific Flight Attendants Dance To Lady Gaga Posted: 01 Oct 2010 11:47 AM PDT Here’s some flight attendants from Cebu Pacific Air doing a choreographed safety announcement set to a “Just Dance” / “California Gurls” mashup. I guess setting it to “The Safety Dance” would’ve been too on the nose? (Heyo!). These passengers are not nearly excited or confused enough: Also, would it be too jaded bloggery of me to suggest that the guerrilla filming and uploading of this clip was very intentional viral marketing by Cebu Pacific? I believe that’s a reasonable claim, seeing as I’ve now heard of Cebu Pacific. (via The Daily What) |
5) “I think Angelina loves my sloppy seconds, ’cause she goes to Vinny, then she’s trying to go whats-his-name. If you wanna make out with me, just ask. I will say yes.” —Snooki
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