Best Week Ever |
- Infomercial Suggests Converting To Judaism For Pesky “Baldness” Problem
- THE ONLY GIF YOU’LL NEED ALL DAY: Horse Picasso
- Japanese Police Recruit Momo The Chihuahua
- SNL Power Rankings: Think There’s Any Chance We Can Convince Anne Hathaway To Join The Cast Full-Time?
- NFL WEEK 11 RECAP: Are We There Yet?
- Here’s Nicolas Cage Freaking Out For Four Minutes
- Maybe You Want To Help Chris Gethard Have A Bizarre Road Trip
- THE WALKING DEAD RECAP: Who Voted You King Boss?
| Infomercial Suggests Converting To Judaism For Pesky “Baldness” Problem Posted: 23 Nov 2010 08:53 AM PST For millions of years, man has tried to cover up those pesky bald spots… and failed. But this infomercial, which we can’t decide is racist or pro-race, suggests doing the I-guess-thinkable: Covering that bald spot up with a yarmulke. Wait, you guys, it’s not the worst idea… Hold on, this is all a lie: This is not an infomercial for Judaism. It’s an infomercial for hair spray paint. WHAT. THE F*CK. Also, is it just me, or is the final religion this guy converted to “Gay.” You should see their temples… *spotless.* |
| THE ONLY GIF YOU’LL NEED ALL DAY: Horse Picasso Posted: 23 Nov 2010 08:26 AM PST Good morning! I just flew on a red eye from Los Angeles to Miami, where I will be spending Thanksgiving arguing with family. In other news, I haven’t gotten any sleep. At all. And to top it all off, the TSA didn’t even X-ray or pat me down, despite the fact that I wore my best parasol. Bright side? Look at this!
It’s taken from an even more hilarious video of a horse painting, which I’ve included after the jump. This is, like, a MENSA-level horse genius. His paintings are stun.ning. Watch the video ahead, as well as my theory on why this horse is such a good painter. In the words of Flan Kittredge from Six Degrees of Separation, “I remembered asking my kids’ second-grade teacher: ‘Why are all your students geniuses? Look at the first grade – blotches of green and black. The third grade – camouflage. But your grade, the second grade, Matisses, every one. You’ve made my child a Matisse. Let me study with you. Let me into the second grade. What is your secret?’ ‘I don’t have any secret. I just know when to take their drawings away from them.’” Pretty sure if you left this horse with a bucket of paint and a brush for a few hours, you would end up with smeared gorilla sh*t on a canvas. (via Buzzfeed) |
| Japanese Police Recruit Momo The Chihuahua Posted: 23 Nov 2010 08:07 AM PST Are you watching this clip, Dreamworks? Here’s your next movie, already in the can. In fact, just take the audio track from Racing Stripes and lay it over this video then loop it so it’s 75 minutes, toss in a flamboyant seahorse in a pink wig singing “Just Dance”, add 8 seconds of 3-D and viola! The movie Momo: (via Dlisted) |
| Posted: 22 Nov 2010 04:50 PM PST
There was a time not so long ago when I was convinced that Anne Hathaway was the WORST. Sure, her willingness to get naked at the drop of a hat has always been a reason not to entirely write her off, but all the while she was dating that shady hedge fund con man dude there was something totally off-putting emanating from her. (Plus, I saw her on the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards a few years back and she was kind of acting like a huge you-know-what). It wasn’t until she hosted SNL for the first time two years ago that I actually realized that she had a personality, good comedic timing and some pipes to boot.
So, we’re all agreed that Hathaway rules, but what about the rest of the cast? Follow along for our weekly look at who’s in and out of
2. Kristin Wiig (38 points): While it cannot be argued that Kristen Wiig has managed to run many of the characters she launched into the ground, for this viewer, Penelope is NOT one of them. Her desperate games of oneupmanship (is that even a word?) still have some spark left in them after all these years. Wiig’s Dolores O’Riordan impression, though, could use some work. 3. Bobby Moynihan (36 points): BRING BACK MARK PAYNE! You know me, had to get that in there. Anyhoo, this week marked Moynihan’s best on the show since, well, the two times he got to play Mark Payne. His animated performance in the MegaMart commercial really sold what otherwise could’ve been a flat skit, and his Guy Fieri — a repeat performance — was suitably nutso. All in all, a strong week for one of UCB NY’s finest alums. 4. Jason Sudeikis (33 points): It’s kind of been an off-year for Jason Sudeikis. It’s tough to explain what’s been missing from his game most of this season, but he really made the most of his opportunities this week. He made the creative decision to play Billy Ray Cyrus as if he were soaked in pathos, which substantially improved the character that Bryan Cranston pioneered in the season’s second episode. Hopefully this week means great things are to come for the 35 year-old Kansas native. 5. Kenan Thompson (27 points): He was there, he hit his cues, he went home. Not much else to say about Kenan’s work this week.
7. Andy Samberg (22 points): There was no Digital Short this week! What gives, Lonely Island? 8. Nasim Pedrad (20 points): Nasim continues to outshine her other Featured Player peers, but she didn’t get much of a chance to strut her stuff this week. She played supporting characters in all four of the sketches she appeared in on this episode. 9. Abby Elliott (14 points): Her Rachel Maddow was serviceable, I suppose, but where, I ask, are the LULZ? Unless she makes some dramatic improvement during the second two-thirds of this season, this weak link of the Repertory Player chain might find herself with a lot more time to go on auditions at this time next year. 10. Vanessa Bayer (11 points): How cool is Bayer’s Miley Cyrus? PRETTY COOL. Not only does she absolutely nail the general lack of familiarity with history and thinly veiled contempt for elders that many of today’s Millenials possess, but her command over Miley’s lexicon is quite staggering. I really like Bayer’s future on the show. If she’s this good as a Featured Player, imagine how strong she’ll get once Wiig cedes the spotlight! 11. Jay Pharoah (7 points): Jay, you’re impression of Jay-Z was the toppermost, but your Drake and Biggie were definitely not as strong. Also, as my old buddy Nummer first pointed out to me, why in tarnation — yes, apparently I’m Foghorn Leghorn all of a sudden — were you wearing a “Jay Pharoah” t-shirt during your Weekend Update bit? You do realize that you get your very own chyron when you wheel out on stage, don’t you? Lose the ‘tude! 12. (tie) Taran Killam, Paul Brittain (6 points): I’m sure the potential is there, but the results so far this season for both of these gents have been a smidge on the disappointing side. SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE POWER RANKINGS: SEASON 36 TOTALS *Of course, we are immediately excluding former stars of the show, like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, from our considerations because DUH. Apples, oranges, yada yadds. Reference Materials:
Also, did you know that we’re showing classic episodes of SNL every night on VH1? It’s true! |
| NFL WEEK 11 RECAP: Are We There Yet? Posted: 22 Nov 2010 03:14 PM PST Your NFL Week 11 Recap, in the form of stupid pictures:
The Steelers rolled in this one despite a franchise-record 163 yards worth of penalties, including a ‘Roughing The Passer’ flag on James Harrison for, as the ref described it, “Using his full weight to make the tackle.” I’m glad the league is cracking down on linebackers who fail to lose weight between the beginning and end of tackling someone (throwing up is encouraged.) Ben Roethlisberger had his strongest game of the season though:
I think we all clearly agree with both meanings of this Cowboys sign:
With this road win, the Packers officially threw a cement coating around the already nailed-shut coffin that is the Vikings’ 2010 Season:
After blowing a 31-14 lead at home to the Bills, the Bengals have officially slipped to “paper bag head” status:
On a related note, when they were showing highlights of this game Sunday Night, my mom commented “How can those teams tell each other apart? Their jerseys are identical.” Have fun with that, motorists driving near my mother in the future.
Guns n’ Roses guitarist DJ Ashba played the National Anthem before this game, then unknowingly got roped into playing quarterback for the Cardinals in the Second Half:
With this road win, the Redskins moved to 5-5 and continue jockeying with the Jaguars for the title of “Team Still In Playoff Contention That You’re Least Afraid Of.”
The Jets are 7-2 despite squeaking out last-second victories in three consecutive weeks against teams with losing records. Don’t try to make sense of it, just check out this arty picture of Mark Sanchez carrying a flag out before the game:
Career third-string QB Brian St. Pierre got the start for the death-spiraling Panthers this week, but his fourth-quarter comeback against Baltimore came up short:
The Browns continue to play teams close each week and come up short, and the stress has taken its toll on defensive coordinator Rob Ryan’s gut:
#23 Taylor Mays apparently shares my thoughts on pregame group prayers:
Guess we were wrong. Or the 49ers’ offense is just hopelessly terrible.
The Saints are good again, both at football and really forced signs:
This Roddy White photo also serves as an editorial cartoon summing up this game:
Indianapolis is still in good shape to win the AFC South, but at some point, having 700 injured dudes was gonna take its toll:
All season I’ve been calling the Bears overrated and the Dolphins underrated all season and I’m just glad I gave up trying to make sense of anything in the NFL ever like 8 years ago.
When Jason Avant dropped a sure touchdown pass in the first half, Al Michaels actually said “That’s one of those ‘DOG BITES MAN’ headlines, Avant dropping a pass something you’re not used to seeing.” I assume that wasn’t an intentional Vick dig, but Michaels just haaappened to have that normal expression that everyone says all the time on his mind at that very moment? Eh, I hope it was an intentional dig. The Giants have suddenly dropped two straight division games, a fact that’s nearly as discouraging as Eli Manning’s body language in the 4th Quarter:
[All pics via Getty Images] |
| Here’s Nicolas Cage Freaking Out For Four Minutes Posted: 22 Nov 2010 02:25 PM PST Nicolas Cage compilation videos are some of the best videos on the internet. If you haven’t seen the one where he KEEPS PUNCHING WOMEN IN THE FACE, you should watch that now. And then after that, you should watch about four not-that-safe-for-work minutes of Nicolas Cage freaking out which also include some overlap footage of him punching women in the face. I never saw Bangkok Dangerous, but I’m pretty sure that covered it. “Hey, Nicolas, can you go a little bigger?” – Thing no director has ever said. Thanks, The Daily What. |
| Maybe You Want To Help Chris Gethard Have A Bizarre Road Trip Posted: 22 Nov 2010 01:00 PM PST There is a comedian that some of you might know of named Chris Gethard. He does a whole ton of really great funny stuff and has been in one out of every six commercials that has aired in the past four years. He currently does a show at the UCB Theater in New York called The Chris Gethard Show that is insane and sometimes involves people getting shot with paint balls and/or shocked in the eyeballs with electronic sex toys.* Other times, he will do more involved stunts like buying a plane ticket for a depressed community college student from Toledo, Ohio to come to New York and have the best night of his life. (You should really read the NY Magazine story about that.) Right now, Chris is planning a thing where he will start a show in New York, leave the show in an RV with a whole bunch of people, drive around the United States for 12 days, and then finally end the show in L.A. There are some complications, however, and Chris would really appreciate it if you could help him out. Watch him ask you to help him out with no shirt on. So, you know, if you have some money you were saving up to help out poor kids, FORGET ABOUT IT. Those kids are filthy. This guy needs to rent an RV. Go here if you want to give money away. *I accidentally shocked Chris in the eye with a sex toy at his show. He was very reasonably upset about it. |
| THE WALKING DEAD RECAP: Who Voted You King Boss? Posted: 22 Nov 2010 02:34 PM PST This is a Recap of AMC's The Walking Dead, Season 1, Episode 4, entitled “Vatos”, originally airing November 21, 2010. There are many spoilers ahead, particularly in the last 10 minutes of the post, when a bunch of the spoilers get mauled by zombies. We’re four episodes in, and the zombies are gettin’ grosser:
Classic dentist waiting room poster. This week’s episode opens with Andrea and Amy sitting in a boat on the lake discussing fishing knots. ZOMBIES??? Hang on, hang on, we’ll get to them. The sisters find out their dad had different fish-killing policies for the two of them because of their opposite sensitivities, but always stuck to one rule: “No crying in the boat.” Andrea says “I think that rule was for him.” Amy says “Nah, A League of Their Own came out that summer and he just kept quoting it.” Back on the roof, Daryl is doing his best to answer every commenter’s ‘Merle’ questions from last week: “Looks like the saw was too dull to cut through the chain. Looks like he used a tourniquet or there’d be more blood. Looks like the five million zombies that were on this stairwell are gone because they, like, found a cow or something.” Meanwhile, back at camp, Jim is furiously digging a hole and ignores Hatguy’s suggestion to take a break, but because he’s freaking everyone else out, Shane “The Fist Of Reason” forces him to stop:
In Atlanta, the group attempts to follow Merle’s trail of blood and murdered black zombies, but find no Merle, and Rick decides that they first need to pick up the bag of guns while they can. Daryl responds with my favorite line of the episode: “Who voted you king boss?” Uhh, no one votes for King Boss, dummy, they’re appointed divinely. Glenn volunteers to grab the guns himself, prompting Daryl to compliment “You got some balls for a Chinaman.” Do even racist people still use the term ‘Chinaman’? Daryl may in fact be an 1800s railroad supervisor who traveled ahead in time, but we’ll answer those questions in Episode 5. Just as Glenn is grabbing the guns, the plan gets broken up not by zombies, but by the most dangerous game of all: MAN. Glenn is kidnapped by a gang, but Daryl manages to kidnap one of the gang members, and after a rousing game of Good Cop / Hand Cop, Rick gets the kidnapped gang member to take him to his gang base, for gangsters:
The gang leader Guillermo offers Rick an ultimatum: Hand over the prisoner and the bag of guns and they won’t throw Glenn off the roof blindfolded. MAN these are some ruthless gangsters, aren’t they? My opinion about them is formed, fully, and will not change from here on out: They are dangerous killers. Wait a minute, what’s that voice? No… NO…
ABUELA!!! INSTANT BEST CHARACTER! When I checked my work email this morning, Michelle had sent me one that just said:
The Mexican standoff is interrupted (not racist, it literally also was one!) when one of the gangster’s grandma comes out, and when Rick sympathetically tells her he’s not there to arrest anyone but just looking for a missing person, she welcomes him into the building and shows him around:
(Ed Note – I wasn’t sure how to convey ‘cartooney Spanish grandma voice’ in text form without it sounding Italian, so I just left it as is. My job is really, really hard.) The grandmother brings Rick to the back where Glenn and a number of other gang members are taking care of old people, and it turns out, they’re not a gang, they’re former hospital employees and families of the old people who’ve formed their own old person sanctuary:
So there you have it – Guillermo isn’t a vicious gangster, but actually a former custodian with a heart of gold. Shame on you for jumping to conclusions that he was just a gang member when he was holding 6,000 guns to Rick’s head and threatening to execute his friend if they didn’t give him more guns. He was doing it for the old folks. Don’t you see – now WE’RE the Dixons. Rick and Guillermo split the bag of guns (cute!) and when Rick realizes the van has been stolen (probably by Merle), the gang of four walks back to camp. At this point in the episode, I actually thought to myself, “Wow, hardly any zombies this week – I guess this is what people were talking about when they said The Walking Dead is more about the people dealing with the situation than about the actual zombie attack itself.” With only 7 minutes left in the episode, I am confident that this prediction will remain accurate. Back at camp, the group is sitting around the campfire, listening to Hatguy quote Faulkner about watches. Ok, still no zombies. Then, the bombshell – Amy says “I have to go pee” and walks away from the group. RED FLAG. Checking our handy “Going To Pee In Movies” chart, we find that when someone says “I have to go pee,” here’s what happens: 99.99% Of The Time – Person gets instantly murdered 0.01% Of The Time – Person returns to find Samuel L. Jackson and Tim Roth in a showdown Uhoh, I do NOT like those odds for Amy. Good thing Ed is safe and sound in his recovery tent. There’s a shadow at the door – probably just Wifey Shorthair…
Bye Ed! Though really, Shane could’ve just cut out the middleman and taken care of this last week. How’s Amy doing?
Yikes! Two characters down in a flash. But no one’s kicking MORALES off the show so fast:
Rick and Co. arrive mid-attack and help Shane, Jim, and Morales kill the rest of the zombies. Umm, so…kind of holy sh*t? This show is seriously the best show at making up for “That sentimentality doesn’t seem totally forced, but it’s also not entirely interesting…” with instantly redemptive “HOLY EFFING S!” sequences, and the last 5 minutes of this episode were about as HOLY EFFING S as television can get, so well done there, Walking Dead. Walking Dead Episode 4 Thoughts? Favorite / Least Favorite Parts? Stuff We Missed? Abuela Reactions? Only two episodes left so comment away. |
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