Monday, November 22, 2010

Crushable

Crushable

The Daily WTF: Barbie Hair Chandelier

Posted: 22 Nov 2010 11:22 AM PST

Imagine you’re at a dinner party at the lovely home of a brand new friend. You’re enjoying your first course and bantering with your hosts about the European debt crisis and Taylor Swift’s new bangs when suddenly you spot something long, blonde and shiny hovering in your bowl of soup. You pull a hair from the broth, so golden and luminous it appears spun by Rumpelstiltskin himself (note: we may be remembering that story wrong), and before you can transform your grimace into a polite smile and hide the strand in your napkin, your host spots the yellow strand.

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” she says. “It’s not real or anything, it just fell off the Barbie chandelier!”

The what?

“Happens all the time,” your host insists. And then you follow her index finger up and up, all the way to the ceiling, where she’s pointing with great pride at a hanging lamp made of tufts and tufts of synthetic blonde Barbie hair.

“Oh, um. How much did that cost?” you ask.

“Only $9,000!” your benevolent host replies, right before she pulls over a stool and asks if you’d like to touch it. You hesitate briefly before consenting to brush the golden locks with a tiny pink brush. And it’s a good thing too; if you’d have said no it would’ve been straight to the basement for you, where you’d be locked up with a hundred headless Ken dolls (and potentially even Rumplestiltskin) to sit and think about what you’ve done.

(via Barbie Collector)

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The Daily WTF: Barbie Hair Chandelier

Posted: 22 Nov 2010 10:57 AM PST

National Novel Writing Month Reminds Us Not to Quit Our Day Jobs - Not like we needed another excuse to postpone working on our very own TimeDesk, but these “awards” for best “writing” gaurantee that we won’t be submitting our own novels to publishers in the near future. (Urlesque)

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Video: Greyon Chance Surprises An Elementary School Chorus

Posted: 22 Nov 2010 10:51 AM PST

You’ve gotta hand it to the kid: Greyson Chance sure knows how to make YouTube his own personal portal straight to the hearts of a nation. The teen cutie pie surprised a Staten Island elementary school chorus who had been practicing several of Greyson’s songs. We’ll take any excuse we can to listen to Mr. Chance sing his version of “Paparazzi,” which we will humbly posture is like a thousand times better than the original. Greyson for president!

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Video: Greyon Chance Surprises An Elementary School Chorus

Anne Hathaway Surprisingly Versatile on SNL

Posted: 22 Nov 2010 10:33 AM PST

We didn’t have the highest hopes for Anne Hathaway in her Saturday Night Live performance this weekend, but the Love and Other Drugs star turned out to be surprisingly versatile and funny. Weird right? How can someone like Joseph Gordon-Levitt be so maudlin, and Anne Hathaway be so good? Well, you know what they say: comedy is all about timing impressions. And this week’s episode just happened to include at least two characters that Anne was really good at mimicking.
Hathaway as Kate Middleton:

Hathaway as Katie Holmes:

The Thanksgivie Awards (web exclusive, but our favorite sketch so far this season):

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Anne Hathaway Surprisingly Versatile on SNL

'Real Housewives Of Atlanta' Foodcap: Barbarian Cream And Babies

Posted: 22 Nov 2010 10:22 AM PST

There were a lot of birthdays this week on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Between Kandi’s and Sheree’s daughter birthdays and Phaedra actually giving birth to a baby boy, there were plenty of reasons to celebrate. Which is great for the housewives, but not so great for Sheree’s new boyfriend Tiy-e, the “love doctor.” If there is one thing we have learned from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, it is this: Alochol+NeNe+lies=bad news for the men of Real Housewives. But good news for us. Shall we?

Scene: Phaedra and Apollo get ready to have their baby
Food: some cookies (that are not lady fingers) that Phaedra decides are too fancy for Apollo to understand.

Phaedra: “It’s like lady fingers.”
Apollo: “What’s in it?”
Phaedra: “Like, barbarian cream.”

Wow. Phaedra Parks likes some brutal desserts. Also at this juncture, we learn that Phaedra is actually 36 weeks (or for those of you non-math nerds – nine months) preggers. Which means that she got knocked up before her marriage to Apollo.

Scene: Kandi’s birthday at Tags, her clothing boutique
Food: Drinks, and lots of them. A candy cane wrapped wig. And Cigarettes.

All of the housewives showed up to Kandi Burruss’ birthday (except Phaedra, who was a bout to pop). But did all of them present Kandi with a wig surrounded by candy canes? No. Only Kim Zolciak had the brilliance to do that. Surprisingly (or perhaps not), Kandi looked like an African American version of Kim when she put it on. Here was Kandi’s reaction:

“It looked really…hookerish?”

Kandi did not last long as a pint-sized version of Kim.

Meanwhile, all the housewives are suspicious about Phaedra’s due date. The lawyer lady to the stars claims she’s having a C-section at seven months, but nobody believes her. Kim is even willing to show up at the hospital to wrestle the truth out of her. But first she has a few questions:

Kim: “If I drive with you can I smoke in the car?”
Kandi: “Hello no.”
Kim: “Then I’m not coming.”

Oh well. No baby truth for them it seems.

Scene: NeNe goes to Channel 11 television station to get herself a job.
Food: The newspeople at this station, who NeNe ate alive.

Now that she’s getting divorced, NeNe has decided she wants a job. So she’s arrived at Channel 11 to see if she can be a celebrity reporter. The staff at Channel 11 seem alternately disgusted and obsessed with everything NeNe says.

At one point, it looked like she might not get the job. But once they found out she had celebrity friends, NeNe was like a shark circling its prey.

Scene: Phaedra goes to the hospital to have her baby
Food: It’s a hospital. None. But Phaedra does change her diamond earrings. At least twice.

Phaedra doesn’t seem to have put much thought into actually having this baby. When Kandi comes to visit, she tries that whole “I don’t know when I got pregnant” shtick. Until the doctor informs her that she is exactly 40 weeks pregnant. Apparently her mother is very religious and she’s been hiding her conception date to avoid her wrath. Luckily, her mother is happy to ignore anything the doctor says, so that’s just fine.

Scene: Sheree’s daughter’s birthday party
Food: French fries, mac and cheese , wings, pizza

It’s Sheree Whitfield’s daughter’s birthday and her son’s graduation from middle school, which sounds like the perfect opportunity to celebrate with a pizza party. As we learn, Sheree’s youngest daughter takes after her mother. Given an opportunity to give a speech, this is what she says:

“I like chicken fingers and apple juice.”

Very eloquent. Also, the main attraction of this pizza party is an incredibly speedy indoor race car track. Which is not NeNe’s bag. This is what it sounds like when NeNe drives an electric car:

“AAHahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. AAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

As she reasonably explains afterwards:

“I’m not down with the whole race car thing. I’d rather sit at the bar and have a drink.”

Scene: Sheree’s Spades party.
Food: Onions and peppers, crab cakes, strawberry whipped cream jello desserts, veggies, pasta salad, “spicy ass rice.”

Sheree is really into the card game Spades. So she invited some friends (and her new boyfriend Tiy-e) over to play. This is the first time that Tiy-e is meeting Sheree’s friends. Trouble is, NeNe and Kandi already know who he is. As we’ve noted before, Tiy-e calls himself a doctor, but he’s not. This did not go over well with Sheree. Or her friends. As NeNe points out:

“Lisa was on a bottle of Riesling and she was shaking like a bobble head.”

You  know that spells trouble. This of course was before they all found out Tiy-e got his PhD online. And it went even further downhill from there. According to Kandi:

“I’m gonna have to check that out. Hmn. Dr. Kandi Buruss. I like the way that sounds.”

Also, Tiy-e committed an even worse sin: he wore flip flops with a sports coat. That relationship was nice while it lasted.

Scene: Phaedra gives birth
Food: (Still at the hospital, childruns.)

After her (somewhat brutal) C-section, Phaedra’s is still having trouble with this whole motherhood thing. Here’s the first thing she says when she sees her new baby:

“Oh, gross.”

Granted, he was covered in blood and mucus. After they cleaned him off, Phaedra gives those maternal instincts another shot:

“The first time I looked at him, he just looked Chinese to me.”

Oh wait. Maybe not. But there is an upside. Having a baby means purchasing more accessories!

“You know my baby’s gonna be the flyest baby in town.”

At least there’s something to look forward to! Til next week kiddos.

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'Real Housewives Of Atlanta' Foodcap: Barbarian Cream And Babies

Video: Girls Can Like 'Star Wars' Too!

Posted: 22 Nov 2010 10:01 AM PST

 

Man, kids are jerks about everything these days, including a little girl’s love of Star Wars.
A seven-year-old named Katie was teased by the boys in her class for bringing a Luke & Leia themed backpack and water bottle to school. The boys tried to tell Katie that girls can’t like Star Wars, which is so totally lame. Katie’s mom took to her blog to write up the story and hundreds of messages of support poured in from around the web. Katie even got a personal phone call from Tom Kane, the voice of Yoda, and now her love for the franchise is stronger than ever. Better it gets, little Katie.
(via The Daily What)

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Video: Girls Can Like 'Star Wars' Too!

Walk A Mile In Her Heels: Olsenboye's 'Ivy' Booties

Posted: 22 Nov 2010 10:35 AM PST

After a week of walking around in the classic Ann Taylor pumps, we decided to head towards the other end of the spectrum with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s J.C. Penney line. Because nothing says “Thanksgiving” like 3-inch stiletto pink booties!

Olsenboye is the technical name of the brand, but there is nothing even slightly boyish about these “Ivy” platform boots. They’re suede, they’re pink, and if I had a hard time finding outfits to match black pumps, I’m even more confused about what to wear with these heels. With socks, or without?

Reactions around the office ranged from “You look so much taller!” to “Those look hard to walk in.” So we wanted to put it to a poll: Would you ever wear pink bootie heels designed by the Olsen twins?


(Read our comply disclosure here.)

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Walk A Mile In Her Heels: Olsenboye's 'Ivy' Booties

Crushable Quotable: Tina Knowles Spreads For 'V'

Posted: 22 Nov 2010 09:31 AM PST


Though Beyonce’s mom and pop may have shown the world that they were too busy to divorce last week, Tina Knowles can always make time for some free publicity for her clothing line.
For the latest edition of V, Tina sat down and explained her shopping habits, which tend to air on the side of expensive frivolity.

The 56-year-old admitted to once spending a whole paycheck on a suede jumpsuit, but said, "I have worn the same Chanel jacket for years.

Later on, Tina declared:

I may be a proud grandmother, but I don't want to look like one."

If you keep skipping court hearings Tina, there’s only one color jumpsuit you’re going to need, and we don’t think Chanel makes them. (Though Lindsay Lohan has tried to convince them otherwise.)

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Crushable Quotable: Tina Knowles Spreads For 'V'

Posted: 22 Nov 2010 09:19 AM PST

Tim Burton’s soliciting a new story through Twitter – Got 140 characters of stuff to say about goo? Then head over to Burtonstory.com to chime in. Maybe Tim will add your offering to the mix! (Vulture)

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