Best Week Ever |
- NBC Cancels Outlaw, The Show Where Jimmy Smits Puts His Finger On The Scales Of Justice
- Giants Fans Attempt Worst “Don’t Stop Believin’” Cover Yet
- Saturday Night Live Power Rankings: Wiig Is Back, But Is That A Good Thing?
- Teach: Tony Danza Episode 2 Recap: Sh*t Gets Serious-er
- NFL WEEK 5 RECAP: Judas Leads The NFC
- Another Really Great Andy Rooney Game
- Mischa Barton Debuts Her Kirstie Alley Halloween Costume Weeks Early
- Woman Transforms Herself Into Jared Leto, Confusing Sexualities Everywhere
- Banksy’s Simpsons Couch Gag Ups The Ante For Primetime Subversiveness
- Dog Gym: Finally A Reason To Go To The Gym (Dogs)
- Antoine Dodson Appears On Fuse, Continues To Be Real Human
| NBC Cancels Outlaw, The Show Where Jimmy Smits Puts His Finger On The Scales Of Justice Posted: 12 Oct 2010 08:22 AM PDT
Breaking news, via Michael Ausiello (brackets mine):
In a related story, NBC has been canceled. |
| Giants Fans Attempt Worst “Don’t Stop Believin’” Cover Yet Posted: 12 Oct 2010 07:50 AM PDT Me, Yesterday: You know, I’d be totally happy if the Giants won the World Series – I have nothing against any of their players, they have loyal fans who are long overdue for a title, and San Francisco’s one of my favorite cities in the U.S. It’d actually be kind of cool to see them win, they deserve it. Me, After Seeing This Video: Sigh. I do admire these guys for not being intimidated by the illustrious history of unnecessary “Don’t Stop Believin’” covers and carving out their own very-painful-to-watch-and-listen-to niche. New, crappy lyrics? Just when you thought these covers had jumped the shark, someone comes along and genetically engineers a giant Deep Blue Sea shark and zooms over it in an aircraft carrier. Very impressive. (via Deadspin) |
| Saturday Night Live Power Rankings: Wiig Is Back, But Is That A Good Thing? Posted: 11 Oct 2010 02:43 PM PDT
How great is Jane Lynch? After bouncing around the supporting player circuit for the better part of the last 10 years, her portrayal of Sue Sylvester on Glee has finally earned her BOTH the respect of the mainstream and enough juice in the comedy community to host Saturday Night Live. Based on her outstanding work in Christopher Guest’s films and in the first season of the late, great Party Down, every indication pointed towards Lynch being the kind of host that Lorne could put on his short list of people who should host the show whenever they feel like it (think Baldwin, think Martin, think Hamm). And you know what? Lynch didn’t quite knock it out of the park, but she would easily find herself ranked in the top 20% of people who have hosted the show over the years. Definitely an excellent effort on her part. But what about the rest of the cast? Follow along to see how the Not Ready For Primetime Players performed on this week’s SNL Power Rankings.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE POWER RANKINGS: 10/9/10 (Host: Jane Lynch; Musical Guest: Bruno Mars) 1. (tie) Fred Armisen, Kristin Wiig (34 points): After getting the least amount of screen time of any of the cast members last week, Kristin Wiig made her presence felt on set this week. Sadly, most of her performances were of the grating variety; her appearances as the idiotic Gilly and the idiotic Mindy Gracin were, well, idiotic. However, her portrayal of Christine “I Am Not A Witch” O’Donnell was one of the show’s high points, proving that the audience may have tired of Wiig’s recurring characters, but she’s still capable of generating laughs with her Everywoman persona. 3. Andy Samberg (33 points): Samberg’s status as the show’s first true social media success story made him the obvious choice to portray not only Mark Zuckerberg during Weekend Update, but also a college student in the “Mom’s On Facebook” commercial parody. And although none of the Lonely Island’s Digital Shorts have really gone viral so far this year, he was quite stellar as the straight man to Jane Lynch’s goofy protagonist in the Relaxation Therapy short. However, he truly shined in the The New Boyfriend Talk Show. 4. Jason Sudeikis (30 points): A stalwart, if not necessarily overwhelmingly amazing, night for Sudeiks. His versatility has always been the key to his success on the show, but we’re hoping that he gets a chance to shine in a “Potato Chip”-esque sketch sooner rather than later. Speaking of which, oh how we miss Will Forte… 5. Bill Hader (25 points): Another week, another workman like performance from Bill Hader. Is it just us or has he seemed really bored so far this year? We can’t imagine he’s got many more seasons left in him. 6. Kenan Thompson (23 points): Unlike last week, Kenan played mostly supporting roles this time around. We have to say, his portrayal of sassy young girls is something to behold; his impression of Glee‘s Mercedes Jones got just as many laughs from the audience as Jane Lynch’s reprisal of her Sue Sylvester character. (Note: For some reason, NBC didn’t clear this skit to appear online.)
8. Taran Killam (15 points): After three episodes, what do we know about Taran Killam? Well, he’s exceedingly average at playing white guys who serve in a supporting capacity. Not sure we know much else at this point. 9. (tie) Vanessa Bayer, Jay Pharoah (12 points): Bayer didn’t make much of an impact this week, but Pharoah proved himself to be a talented impressionist when he embodied Denzel Washington in a largely laugh-free sketch. Pharoah’s clearly got talent, though, and it’s certainly promising that he’s already notched up one stand-alone Weekend Update character and played the lead in a sketch after only three episodes. 11. (tie) Abby Elliott, Nasim Pedrad (7 points): Pedrad kicked the show off on a high note with her portrayal of Gloria Allred, high-powered flack to the D-List stars. Then, sadly, she disappeared. Meanwhile, Abby Elliott managed to eek out a few lines in the Gilly/Glee sketch, but was basically absent for the rest of the show. 13. Paul Brittain (5 points): This rookie cast member is off to a slow start. Hopefully he’ll be able to use this week off to hone a character that can get him a chance to shine when the show returns on October 23 with Emma Stone as host. SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE POWER RANKINGS: SEASON 36 TOTALS Reference Materials:
Also, did you know that we’re showing classic episodes of SNL every night on VH1? It’s true! |
| Teach: Tony Danza Episode 2 Recap: Sh*t Gets Serious-er Posted: 11 Oct 2010 05:55 PM PDT This is a recap of the second episode of A&E's new television program, Teach: Tony Danza. There has never in the history of television been a more serious show that is more difficult to take seriously. This show is way not joking.
The episode begins with Mrs. DeNaples asking Tony Danza to help her wrangle the kids in the morning to get them to class. Tony Danza follows her outside, and they tell a bunch of students who are already walking to class to keep walking to class. Because that’s every kid’s favorite thing about authority figures. Being told to do something while you are in the middle of doing that thing is what you really look forward to every day when you are a teenager.
A mother pulls up to drop off her late kid. Tony Danza tells her that is NOT okay.
The weird thing is… THIS would be a good reality show, a show about random used-to-be celebrities telling unsuspecting parents that they shouldn’t make their kids late to school. That, however, is not this show. This show doesn’t air a significant part of that interaction. But here’s how we can all assume it went. TONY DANZA: Your kid is late for school. You’ve got to get him here on time in the morning. PARENT: Tony Danza? Tony Danza heads back inside, and the school day begins. He starts a discussion about the first book he assigned to read, Of Mice And Men by F. Scott Shakespeare. Some of the students seem to have a pretty good grasp of the story. Ben A.K.A. Kyle says he can totally relate to the characters in the book.
“I can totally relate to them too, bro!” his mustache says. Some other students, are having a more difficult time. Howard A.K.A. Frankie is “having trouble getting it.” He is almost as confused by the book as I am by how many kids at Northeast High School have a second completely normal name as their A.K.A.
They should just go by one name A.K.A. their real name. Tony Danza then announces that the following day, he will give his first quiz. The students are unhappy because they do not like quizzes. One student says that quizzes are a waste of her time. Another says, “When I hear that word ‘quizzes’ I always think I’m going to get a bad grade.” Then another girl is all like, “Half of my hair is awesome, but the other half of my hair is COMPLETELY AWESOME TOO!”
After class, Howard A.K.A. Frankie goes to Tony Danza to talk to him one on one about his problems understanding Of Mice and Men. Tony Danza promises him they’ll get through it together and that it will get easier. Then Howard A.K.A Frankie leaves. And remember from the first episode how Tony Danza told all of his students to sanitize their hands every time they come in or leave the class? Well Howard A.K.A. Frankie remembers the f*ck out of that.
Tony Danza is reaching the kids!!!! Either that or this kid is super gifted and he was just playing stupid to Tony Danza. Seems unlikely though, right? Well, maybe it’s not so unlikely. When Tony Danza meets with his instructor and mentor, David Cohn, Tony Danza is given a list of all the gifted students in his class. Howard A.K.A. Frankie is on that list. Tony Danza thinks he might be getting played. The next day, Tony Danza gives his first quiz and he is VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT! At the beginning of the quiz, a number of students approach him and ask him if they can go to the research room. These students, it is explained, are in a special ed program and they are allowed to go take tests in a separate room if they request to do so. But Tony Danza, presumably feeling burned from the Howard A.K.A Frankie incident, asks that they stay in his class room to take the test. And so begins an ongoing problem in this episode where Tony Danza refuses to recognize learning disabilities. So much more on this later. The reactions to the quiz are mixed. Some kids think it was super easy, but other students, like mini Christine O’Donnell, think the questions were difficult.
“I’m not a student witch. I’m nothing you’ve student heard. I’m student you. That quiz was hard.” – this student. After class, David Cohn, is like, hey, Tony Danza, you can’t not let the special ed kids use the research room because that’s ILLEGAL. Tony Danza takes this criticism very well and is such an adult about it. Adulthood! “Maybe this will be a game changer for them!” Tony Danza continues. David Cohn is like, “Tony Danza, no!” Tony Danza then says he thinks the kids just need to put forth more effort. And that makes sense because you know who’s really good at assessing learning disabilities in children and whether or not effort is sufficient to overcome them? Former boxer/actors who have been teaching on a reality show for six days. Shut up, Tony Danza. Tony Danza goes home and grades the quizzes. And surprise! Half the students fail. Tony Danza is upset. The next school day, Tony Danza hands back all of the quizzes. He gives special credit to Matt Pepper who did really well. The Asian kid is like “whatever.”
Then, Tony Danza starts focusing on those in the class who did not do well. He singles out Paige who did the worst out of everyone. She’s pretty bummed about it and refuses to pay attention for the rest of the period.
The special ed kids are particularly upset because they feel the reason they did not do well was because Tony Danza wouldn’t let them use the research room. This prompts a visit to Tony Danza from the special ed teacher. Tony Danza is in trouble.
She explains to Tony Danza that effort does not eliminate a learning disability. But the explanation doesn’t take. They then have to have an ENTIRE SEMINAR to explain learning disabilities to Tony Danza.
Tony Danza tries to argue with a number of people who seem to have roughly 10,000 Ph.Ds in education about how kids might use a learning disability as a crutch. They calmly explain that he should let the special ed kids use the research room to take tests anyway because IT’S THE LAW. Tony Danza seems to finally get it. But then he totally doesn’t get it.
Jesus Christ, Tony Danza! He is called into the principal’s office to have the whole thing explained to him one more time. Nobody in the faculty is willing to point out the irony of Tony Danza being seemingly unable to learn about a learning disability. We then jump forward to later in the day. Tony Danza has called Paige’s mom in for a conference so they can discuss her poor quiz grade and her tendency to not pay attention. In the single best moment from the show so far, Paige expresses anger at Tony Danza for calling her mom in for a meeting. Paige expresses this anger in Spanish… but in English. Paige! That was the greatest! I watched that about 30 times in a row, and I think she’s saying, “When Mr. Danza called my mama, I think he did it behind my back because he didn’t tell me. And she didn’t tell me, so I didn’t know.” You might want to double check my math on that. After he talks to her mom, Tony Danza talks to Paige again. She is very upset. She cries. She leaves Tony Danza feeling like he’s not breaking through to the students, so then he cries. The thing is, it really does seem like Tony Danza cares. He genuinely cares about these kids and wants to teach them. Even if he does think that learning disabilities are fake, he is putting forth an honest effort to be an educator and make a difference. But, so far… oh, man, he’s super not good at it. I hope he gets better at it soon. Let’s check back in on him next week. UPDATE: It has been brought to my attention that what I repeatedly called a “research room” is actually called a “resource room.” I cannot even begin to tell you how sincerely I apologize for this error. |
| NFL WEEK 5 RECAP: Judas Leads The NFC Posted: 11 Oct 2010 01:27 PM PDT Your Weekly NFL Recap, in the form of stupid pictures: Bears 23, Panthers 6
Judas: Sold out the Son of Man for 30 silver pieces, leading to his torture and death. Julius Peppers: Signed a 6-year, $91.5 million free agent deal with the Bears, a common occurrence in sports, resulting in the death of zero faiths’ gods (just the imminent firing of John Fox). I’m not sure the analogy is totally applicable. Plus Judas hadn’t lost a step by the time he took the silver pieces.
Right now, Dallas is that Broadway Musical that your parents want to see because they recognize a lot of the actors in it from tv shows, and you have to remind them that just because they’ve heard of the people, that doesn’t mean they’re actually good.
And the Buccaneers are now 3-1. And Carson Palmer is essentially no longer a starting NFL quarterback. Cue some Wonder Years music.
The Falcons are 4-1 after dropping their Week One overtime game at Pittsburgh, tying them with Chicago for the best record in the NFC. The Browns are already 3 games behind in their division after only 5 weeks, to the dismay of Jaundice Predator:
After three heartbreaking losses in 4 weeks, something had to give for the 0-4 Lions, and they blew out the upstart Rams at home. Presented a second time for its awesomeness, here’s cornerback Alphonso Smith doing the Carlton Dance after running back an interception:
I’m done piling on the Bills, as I just feel genuinely sorry for them and their fans, so in lieu of some jokey thing, here’s a really rad picture of a Mike Sims-Walker catch from the game:
And with that, we no longer have to hear analysts dropping the useless curio “Chiefs – only undefeated team in the NFL!” Peyton Manning struggled in the victory, tossing one interception and no touchdowns, and forcing a number of uncharacteristically inaccurate throws:
The NFC favorite Packers fell to 3-2, looking shaky for the second straight week, while the hot-and-cold Redskins somehow stuck around to nab their second straight win to move to 3-2 and grab a share of the NFC East lead. Once again, the NFL has managed to be the NFL.
You dominated this game, Ravens, but there’s no need to take out your aggression on this innocent stuffed plush Bronco:
Ray Lewis’ reaction to the hanging? “I didn’t see nothing!”
“Blah doo blah blah blee doo Awareness Month for HER Breasts, right boys?????” – High-Fivin’ Guy
The defending champs fell to the (terrible) Arizona Cardinals yesterday, even though the Cardinals were starting an undrafted rookie quarterback named Max Hall (who I kept wrongly calling Max Strong – I think I was thinking of Homer’s Max Power alter-ego). The Saints have now scored 99 points and allowed 102, so they’re playing incredibly averagely, and the Cardinals are currently a Playoff team even though they’ve been outscored by 50 points this season.
The Raiders had two punts blocked, one for a safety and one for a touchdown, in yet another excruciating — wait, they won? Wait, THEY blocked the two punts for a safety and a touchdown? Oh. Sorry, just assumed… On the plus side, if the Dolphins’ Special Teams coach who got fired last week needs a golfing partner, San Diego’s Special Teams coach should have a nice free schedule soon enough. They can golf and talk about Special Teams.
With his team currently 0-5 and in last place in the NFL, 49ers owner Jed York declared that “We’re going to win the division.” I don’t know what’s sadder, the owner’s childlike naivety, or the fact that looking at their remaining schedule, he’s probably right.
(All pics via Getty Images) |
| Another Really Great Andy Rooney Game Posted: 11 Oct 2010 11:29 AM PDT There was a new episode of 60 minutes last night which means there is a new Andy Rooney Game today. As I’ve explained before, this is a game invented by Joe Mande where he takes the first thing Andy Rooney says and the last thing Andy Rooney says and just edits out the rest. Every time it makes the segment so much more sensible and fun. Today’s game is no exception. In fact, it’s one of the greatest ones in a really long time. Today, Andy discusses obesity. Does CBS have any idea that they are not legally bound to give Andy Rooney a lifetime appointment to talk talk about nothing for 2 minutes every week? Answer: Yes, they know that. They just really like him. |
| Mischa Barton Debuts Her Kirstie Alley Halloween Costume Weeks Early Posted: 11 Oct 2010 11:15 AM PDT Mischa Barton arrived at the Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic in Los Angeles yesterday in high style! As in, she was probably really high when got dressed that day:
More pics of Mischa’s flapper mishap (misflap?) ahead. It’s the pearl chinstrap that really gets our attention… wait, isn’t pearl chinstrap like the dirtiest sex act there is?
On the bright side, at least she doesn’t look like the ghost of Annie “Bob Dylan” Hall, seen behind her.
[Photos: Splash News] |
| Woman Transforms Herself Into Jared Leto, Confusing Sexualities Everywhere Posted: 11 Oct 2010 10:43 AM PDT
But someone who likely would NOT have a problem finding his true love is Jared Leto, the 73 year old pop sensation who has been a teen idol since the roaring 20s. Jared has all the makings of a hot man or woman: Large blue eyes, silky hair, pouty lips, and skin smoother than a newborn’s fist, a sizable penis. And we think we’ve found his true match: This young woman, who with the help of some tricky shading and kohl eyeliner, turns herself into JARED LETO’S TWIN. It is at once the most terrifying and sensual thing we’ve ever seen. Our minds:
Although, the more I think about it, the more I realize Courtney Cox would make a fabulous Jared Leto. And also, let’s just take a moment to remember this J. Leto-related hilarity. (Via ONTD) |
| Banksy’s Simpsons Couch Gag Ups The Ante For Primetime Subversiveness Posted: 11 Oct 2010 02:46 PM PDT
Anyone who has ever watched The Simpsons is fully cognizant that the writing staff takes great pleasure in sticking it to Fox whenever and however they can. However, last night’s Banksy-helmed couch gag took things in a decidedly darker direction, decrying not just the network that the show airs on, but the entire Simpsons franchise itself. In the additional minute or so that this opening ran, animators labor unceremoniously in drab, Orwellian sweatshops; toxic sludge drips mere inches away from workers tossing cats into a woodchipping machine, where their fur is used to stuff Bart Simpson dolls; porpoises, pandas and unicorns all meet unseemly fates during the process of making the merch that pays the salaries of everyone employed by the program (including, we assume, Banksy himself?). It’s one thing to subversively bite the hand that feeds you, but this? We still can’t believe it ever made it to air. More importantly, WE CAN’T WAIT TO BUY IT ON DVD! After all, someone’s gotta keep that magical unicorn employed. [Thanks, Vulture!] |
| Dog Gym: Finally A Reason To Go To The Gym (Dogs) Posted: 11 Oct 2010 09:58 AM PDT “You got a dog? You got a gym!” You said it, Dog Gym guy! I been lookin’ for any excuse to get in shape and also involve dogs! Eyyyyyyy!!!! Fuggeddaboutittt!!!! (It = Gyms that aren’t dogs): |
| Antoine Dodson Appears On Fuse, Continues To Be Real Human Posted: 11 Oct 2010 09:09 AM PDT Viral megastar Antoine Dodson appeared on the Fuse show A Different Spin along with the creators of the autotuned “Bed Intruder Song” to discuss his sudden internet fame, his reaction to hearing the song, and just general they’re raping everyone potpourri. I suppose this shoots down my theory that no one on the internet is real, but merely holograms willed into existence by a giant titanium robobrain hell-bent on ruining workplace productivity. I’m still pretty sure it’s mostly that. Did I catch a Men On Film “Hated it!” reference, Antoine? |
They often say that you fall in love with someone who looks exactly like you. This has been true with nearly 40 percent of my married friends, though for me personally, seeing as I’ve never dated a half-Asian Native American (what I think I look like), this has not been true. Though, Keanu Reeves, if you reading…
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