Best Week Ever |
- Bristol Palin Dancing In A Monkey Suit
- The First 12 Seconds Of This Commercial Are Your New Recurring Night Terror
- MAD MEN RECAP: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrowland?
- Guess The NY Post Headline: Junior Seau Drives Off A Cliff
- C-SPAN 2 Got Interesting In A Very C-SPAN 2 Kind Of Way
- NFL WEEK 6 RECAP: But Mainly, Stay Classy
- These Kids Should Write This Blog
- Upcoming Simon Pegg Movie Has Everyone You Want In It
- 30 Rock Live: The Battle of East vs West
- Bobby Bottleservice Goes To Africa To End Malaria, Not Make Out With Dudes
- Kanye’s Banned Album Cover (NSFW?)
| Bristol Palin Dancing In A Monkey Suit Posted: 19 Oct 2010 08:51 AM PDT Here’s Bristol Palin and her partner Mark Ballas on Dancing With The Stars last night grooving to the Monkees’ classic “Hey Hey We Are In Monkey Suits.” Could you imagine if this program featuring a politician’s tabloid-hounded daughter dancing in a monkey suit was the highest rated show on American television? That would suck. (via Dlisted) |
| The First 12 Seconds Of This Commercial Are Your New Recurring Night Terror Posted: 19 Oct 2010 08:20 AM PDT As far as commercials go, Jimmy Dean usually does an okay job. They have that whole thing going on with the guy dressed up like the sun who goes out and tries to make sure the kids get their breakfast. You know, this guy:
They’re not the best commercials in the world, but they are, in general, unobjectionable and well cast. That was until their most recent commercial that includes an absolutely terrifying antagonist. For the rest of your life after you watch this commercial you will be haunted by a rapey broken light bulb who may or may not be mentally challenged. Also, he is your subconscious and he doesn’t want you to succeed. F*cking yikes. Chris Hansen is like, “Excuse me, light bulb, would you like to have a seat?” |
| MAD MEN RECAP: Will You Still Love Me Tomorrowland? Posted: 19 Oct 2010 02:39 AM PDT This is a recap for the thirteenth and final episode of Season 4 of Mad Men starring Jon Hamm, Christina Hendricks, John Slattery, January Jones, and a slew of other talented actors, on an episode called “Tomorrowland.” And now, here is your long-awaited For Your Consideration Recap:
The episode begins with Don being awoken by his lover, Dr. Faye. As in, “Someone, call a Dr. This woman is about to Faye-nt… from heartbreak.” Spoiler Jazz Trumpet*: Dr. Faye is about to have her heart broken. (*I’ve swapped the overly used “alert” for the sound of my favorite alert… the jazz trumpet.) Some women never learn. Some doctors are women. Therefore, women shouldn’t be doctors because they never learn. (Science, look it up.) I once had a dream that Don Draper and I spent an evening making marijuana butter together, and this is exactly what he looked like in it. Dr. Faye: “Maybe… that sick feeling might go away… if you propose marriage to your secretary.” Did someone see my jazz trumpet? I could have sworn I put it somewhere around *clang* oh. I left it on the floor. Joan’s been promoted to Director of Agency Operations. Her unborn baby, however, is still holding steady at “bastard.” “I’ll have the blood.” — Pete Campbell takes no prisoners at the American Cancer Association. “Don and I think it’d be best if we approach it from the rear.” — Pete proves he’ll stop at nothing for suck-sex. Yesss! We’ve learned to love Creepy Glen, played by Matthew Weiner’s real-life son Marten. Mainly because Betty hates him so much. And anything that Betty hates, we love. Though… have you guys noticed that with the addition of a little MS Paint facial hair, Creepy Glen turns into the spitting image of You know this is what Carla is thinking. And rightfully so. Carla is the best thing about Mad Men. We sure hope nothing happens to her! Theeeeese twooooooooo. Hugging in the 1960s was like 9 inches away from getting the Clap. #stdfacts We liked the friendship between Sally and Glen, and ever since Sally kicked her lisp to the curb American Hithtory X style, she has been a joy to watch. And now she has to move! Away from her one friend! You know… because she masturbated in front of the rest of them. Poor Sally. If you stare really closely, you can almost see a thought. It’s like a WASPy Magic Eye Poster. Betty… don’t do it… don’t… you did it. You fired Carla. The only good thing those children had. You fired her. Because a small boy who looked like Alfred Molina once got a little creepy with you. Suffice it to say, the world hates both things equally. But why? It it because January is a horrible actress playing a vile character? Or is Betty Draper so stiff and stuck-up on the show that we’re forced to hate the actress that plays her. JJ’S SNL episode last season sort of clears this up… it’s the chicken.
  
“She was working in an ad agency in NYC, when her boss invited her on a trip to Cali. What was she to do? Where was she to go? She was a secretary! Her mouth was kinda weird but she still looked good, and she happened to catch Don in a good mood. She had style, she had flair, she was there, that’s how she became Their Mommy.” Best I could do. I’d be frontin’ major if I said I didn’t love that dress. But seriously, why is she so good with Don’s kids? Could it really be the hundreds of thousands of French nieces and nephews she has? Maybe. Maybe.
  Dick and Anna ’64. Or, if you’re like me and have access to some quick photoshopping…    Don was crushed when he realized this wasn’t an actual proposal, rather just a casual giving of the diamond rings by girls who are stupid and go to Berkeley. Still, any reason to turn Draper into an animated monster is reason enough for us. And thus, the marriage seed has been planted. Huh, an entire episode devoted to Disneyland and not a single sighting of Mickey ears? Highly suspish. Or, as my mother would say, Haile Selassie. Couldn’t shell out the extra bones despite those DVD sales?  He might be a f*ckface, but dammit if he doesn’t have the perfect profile pose. If only Myspace existed back then!! Baller. Soak it up, ladies and straight gentlemen. This is the last you will be seeing of Don’s testosteroney bare chest til Season 5 starts up.     This screencap should be proof of the most amount of cocked eyebrows in a single frame. We count 6. And 2 of them are on a baby!! What a great actor. Those eyes. Those eyes. Betty is on a tear! And it will only be a matter of time before you know who leaves her.
I believe it was in this exact moment that Henry realized he married a 6 year old with a horrific hormonal disease.
“I just wanted to go over the plans for tomorrow. Also, I brought along my penis in this envelope.”
Meghan is a true beauty. Really, stunning. Stunning girl. Butttttt camman her teeth are jacked. That’s like the easiest thing to fix!!
When Don walked into the diner to meet up with the kids and Meghan for breakfast, I could have sworn I had seen it before. Then it came back to me. “Any of you f**king pricks move, and I’ll execute every motherf**king last one of you.” Meet Pulp Fiction, a movie I memorized in the 8th grade.
So that’s where that phrase comes from! Luckily, Meghan composed herself despite Sally’s unforgivable act of knocking a glass over on the table, reminding Don that it’s not a big deal. This is where Don realizes she’s “the one.”
“I dont know what it is about you, but I feel like myself…” — Dondick Whitdraperman
The big proposal!! Don had a ring that was burning a whole in his pocket. He almost proposed to Sally by the pool until he realized he was related to her. Next best thing? Meghan, the trusty secretary who lusted for Draper, only to pass the Stepmom test with flying colors. Oh, and the romance! “Because I’m in love with you, and I have been for a while. Like… 7 hours.” Silver swoons.
Joan did keep the baby! No surprise there. What WILL be a surprise is when the baby is born with a head of white hair and a tumbler.
These two are like the George and Elaine of fortune. When one is up, the other is down. And I think it’s safe to say that, for the moment, Betty is way, way down. YOU FIRED CARLA YOU MONSTER.
And so, we say goodbye to another stellar season of Mad Men. There is a lot to analyze in this episode, but seeing as we’ve spent the past 20 hours focusing on it, we’ll leave the smart stuff up to you. Dick vs. Don seems to be a running theme in this episode. Feel free to opine on this episode and future events in the comments below. |
| Guess The NY Post Headline: Junior Seau Drives Off A Cliff Posted: 18 Oct 2010 03:30 PM PDT
In a story that makes complete sense in every way, former NFL linebacker Junior Seau was arrested on felony domestic abuse charges yesterday, released on bail at 3 a.m., and proceeded to drive his SUV off a cliff, suffering “no major injuries.” Because this story so closely resembles the wet dream of our favorite sports-and-awful-pun-loving tabloid, let’s play another round of Guess The New York Post headline, for the “Junior Seau Drove Off A Cliff After Being Arrested” story. Our suggestions: Cliff Diver Junior, Say Ow! Precipissed Hit And Run (Off A Cliff) Sports Futility Flee-hicle Cliffhanger, Starring Sylvester Stallone But Junior Seau Instead Of John Lithgow Other better / worse ones? Leave ‘em in the comments. |
| C-SPAN 2 Got Interesting In A Very C-SPAN 2 Kind Of Way Posted: 18 Oct 2010 01:52 PM PDT If you’ve ever watched C-SPAN or C-SPAN 2 with any regularity, you know that it is the opposite of salacious. Usually the most interesting thing that can happen while you’re watching it is that you realize that you can recognize Senator Evan Bayh by voice alone. But recently on Book TV (the Lost of C-SPAN 2), something really strange happened. A panel discussion that was supposed to be about writers with varying political leanings very slowly morphed into a man explaining that he dated one of the other panelists, and that she is a monster who cheated on him and wanted to play a weird power game in which she would set up a couple just so she could seduce the man in order to confuse him and hurt the other woman. Jesus Christ! And the guy doesn’t even seem that upset about it. And then she doesnt’ even seem upset that he’s bringing it up in front of an audience and literally DOZENS of people watching on TV nation wide. The really good part starts at 3:33, but if you have the patience, I recommend watching it from the beginning. This guy really nails it. Thanks, Buzzfeed. |
| NFL WEEK 6 RECAP: But Mainly, Stay Classy Posted: 18 Oct 2010 01:33 PM PDT Your Weekly NFL Recap, in the form of stupid pictures: Jets 24, Broncos 20 LaDanian Tomlinson scored two more TDs in the Jets’ fifth straight victory, continuing his 2010 “Season of Anchorman”:
Finally pulled the Big Ben Cake out of the freezer for my first “awkwardly I guess rooting for Molestor Guy” game of the season. Steelers faithful supported Ben Roethlisberger’s return with cautiously optimistic signs:
Is that supposed to read as “Hinesville, Georgia says ‘stay focused,’ Ben” or “Ben’s back – you better stay focused, city of Hinesville Georgia”? I’ll assume the latter, times a thousand.
Brett Favre guided Minnesota to victory in the “Someone’s Season Is Headed For The Toilet” Bowl, and graciously rewarded us with this lay-up of a Photoshop:
At home, the Lions are feisty, they keep games close, they score points, and they can put an occasional scare into any contender. On the road, they’re this:
The preseason-darling Packers fell to 3-3 with a second straight overtime loss, putting coach Mike McCarthy suddenly on the hot seat:
The Rams have grown so unaccustomed to winning, Steven Jackson doesn’t know how to celebrate when he gets in the end zone:
Down 20-10 in the fourth quarter, Tom Brady rallied the Patriots to an overtime victory to stay unbeaten at home, losing a fair amount of water weight in the process:
New Orleans came into this game trailing the Buccaneers in the NFC South. Shockingly, that didn’t last:
San Fransisco trumped Oakland in the geographical rivalry known as “The Footballing Contest By The Bay.” Frank Gore ran for 149 yards despite the Raiders’ attempts to sleeper-hold him:
(Thanks to this page for randomass old sleeper-hold pic). Niners coach Mike Singletary earned his first win of the season, keeping San Fran in the NFC West race and officially getting him off this week’s NFL COACH FIREDWATCH:
The Eagles pulled an Eagles (random easy wins when they’re expected to lose, and vice versa), winning a second straight game with Kevin Kolb at quarterback to tie the Giants atop the NFC East. FOX is still promoting this game as “Michael Vick Versus The Falcons!” even though Vick’s hurt and the game already happened.
U.S. Army Golden Knights parachuted onto the field before the game to honor, I don’t know, Houston being over .500 for more than a week?
In the middle of Boardwalk Empire (recap coming tomorrow), I decided to flip over to the Colts game to check the score and tuned in exactly as Pierre Garcon was making this catch: Pretty awesome. As awesome as a prostitute getting really violently cut across her face? Yes. Actually, that scene wasn’t so much awesome as it was — what’s that other word? — “holy sh*t I don’t need to see that.” That word.
How dare you try to actually separate yourself from the NFC pack, Chicago? As punishment, you now have to lose at home to Seattle and stare at this photo of Seahawks guard Ben Hamilton:
That’s it for Week 6, peeps. Well, Titans/Jaguars tonight. So…yeah, that’s it for Week 6, peeps except the devout Jaguars fans who keep commenting on these posts (hi guys!). Leave your updated NFL celebrations / frustrations / amusing things you’ve noticed -ations in the comments. |
| These Kids Should Write This Blog Posted: 18 Oct 2010 11:45 AM PDT There are some YouTube dudes named the Fine Bros., and what they did was take an average idea for a web video series and execute it really well. They got a bunch of kids together, showed them viral videos and then recorded their reaction. Here’s an example of what is interesting about it. You have probably never really considered before what a child would think about the “full on double rainbow” video. Kids don’t know what hallucinogenic drugs are. And they’ve certainly never taken them at their friend’s mom’s home in Worcester, Massachusetts and then freaked out because the mom is an antique toy collector and there were like eight Teddy Ruxpins in one room. Kids have never done that. They have no frame of reference. What are they thinking when they watch a video of a guy freaking out on drugs when their life experiences do not include anything that would allow them to fully comprehend it? Now you get to find out. Here is the first episode in a series called Kids React to Viral Videos. And the quote of the video clearly goes to the answer to the question, “Have you ever had rabbits?” Answer: “Zero. All I had was a goldfish I’m an only child I live in a neighborhood with no kids in it. Oh my gosh.” Those kids! Good job, kids. You’re all hired at this blog where you will write all the future commentary for viral videos. Thanks, Urlesque. |
| Upcoming Simon Pegg Movie Has Everyone You Want In It Posted: 18 Oct 2010 10:47 AM PDT Here is the newly released trailer for the upcoming movie, Paul. It looks okay! And it has every actor you like in it. The cast of this movie includes the following people: Simon Pegg, Seth Rogen, Jane Lynch, Jason Bateman, Kristen Wiig, Bill Hader, Nick Frost, Jeffrey Tambor, David Koechner, Jesse Plemons and Joe Lo Truglio. That is a very impressive group of people who are really great to see together in one movie. Especially Jesse Plemons. You know, Landry Clark from Friday Night Lights! Landry!
Landry is in the movies, you guys!! We’re all like:
Thanks, The Daily What. |
| 30 Rock Live: The Battle of East vs West Posted: 18 Oct 2010 10:11 AM PDT Not since the great Fox sitcome Roc has the buzz surrounding a live sitcom been as electric as for last week’s 30 Rock Live. Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and the rest of our beloved cast were to put on two live episodes of 30 Rock, one for the East Coast, and another for the West Coast. Now as someone who recently made the move from the East Coast to the West Coast, I was curious as to which of my coasts would be treated to the better episode. It was kind of like a rap rivalry for comedy nerds! How fun. The episodes aired, and while the “buzz” was that they weren’t great, allow us to respectfully disagree. The live version I watched on the West Coast had plennnnnty of genuine laugh out loud moments, and some fantastic cameos: Matt Damon, Jon Hamm, Rachel Dratch and Henry Winkler via icing. Then I caught the East Coast version online. And how fun! They were the same… and yet different. Below, we’ve put together an East Coast vs. West Coast comparison video to help you decide which coast was treated to the better episode. Our verdict ahead… Click ahead to find out which coast we think was the clear winner… IT’S THE WEST COAST OBVIOUSLYYYYY. Sorry, New York and all the other cities and towns on you. But Jon Hamm’s Lady Hand will rip your d off if you think any other way. The actors seemed more relaxed, more seasoned, hit their lines more often, and Matt Damon got a bigger round of applause. It is very hard to argue with us on this decision, but if you feel the need, you know where to do it. (Comments section.) (No, below.) (Keep scrolling… annnnnd, there.) |
| Bobby Bottleservice Goes To Africa To End Malaria, Not Make Out With Dudes Posted: 18 Oct 2010 09:58 AM PDT Nick Kroll’s world-traveled Ed Hardy Boyz character Bobby Bottleservice doesn’t just club and not make out with dudes ever — he also gives back, by traveling to Africa to raise awareness for Malarianomore.org. And to build a club. And to continue not making out with dudes. It was a productive trip, to say the least: Bobby Bottleservice Gets Serious – watch more funny videos |
| Kanye’s Banned Album Cover (NSFW?) Posted: 18 Oct 2010 09:11 AM PDT Kanye West recently Tweeted the artwork for his upcoming album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, saying it’s already been banned in the U.S.:
The controversial album cover is after the jump. I’m not sure if it counts as NSFW – depends on whether or not you work with a bunch of uptight cartoon harpies:
If anything, I’m a little concerned about that tan manboob he’s got going on there, but otherwise this doesn’t seem like a huge deal. I’m just worried that if stores don’t carry this album because the cover is too dirty, then how is anyone going to acquire it????? I put five question marks because I have no idea how anyone would acquire an album without purchasing a physical cd copy of it in a store, times FIVE. (via Twitpic) |
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