Crushable

Against ‘The Dilemma’ Trailer And Comedy’s Gay-Joke Default Button
Gallery: 'Real Housewives of Beverely Hills' or Real Dolls?

Crushable's Cat Lady: The Invention of Cutetarianism
Is Reddit's Suicidal Subforum Helpful Or One Big Joke?

'Real Housewives Of Atlanta' Recap: Beers Trump Runs

Crushable Books: 'I Hate Everything'
Shop Crushable: Lip Stain-Lip Gloss Duos From Terrafirma Cosmetics

Against ‘The Dilemma’ Trailer And Comedy’s Gay-Joke Default Button

Posted: 12 Oct 2010 11:11 AM PDT

The new Vince Vaughn/Kevin James move The Dilemma is causing controversy already — and it won't even hit theaters for months. A hotly debated line has just been cut from the trailer (though it will remain in the film itself). The teaser opens on Vince addressing room full of suits as he declares: "Ladies and gentlemen, electric cars are gay. Not homosexual gay, but ‘my-parents-are-chaperoning-the-dance gay.’”

So what's the joke there? That electric cars are wimpy? That it's lame for parents to be overprotective? No, the joke is that "gay" is funny.

In a recent interview with Anderson Cooper, Eminem was grilled about his use of the word "faggot." Eminem has long claimed that "faggot" is just a word, and that he uses it in a way that's detached from its original meaning: homosexual. But it isn't just words like "gay" and "fag" that are problematic, it's the rampant assumption that being gay is inherently comedic. The notion that a straight person acting gay is a punchline.

The gay joke as default humor is endemic to even the highest and most subversive arenas of comedy. Looking at NBC's (mostly) stellar Thursday night lineup, we see Michael Scott's mancrush on Ryan, folks constantly assuming Liz Lemon's a lesbian, dudes admiring Jeff Winger's body. All followed by laughter; the only reason these jokes are considered jokes at all is because gay is “funny.” Last year, the Internet exploded over a photo of Jason Bateman and Dustin Hoffman fake-kissing on the Jumbotron during a Lakers game. Why was this so hilarious to everyone who saw the photo? Would it have been funny if Jason had kissed, say, Jessica Alba? Probably not. (A Betty White smooch would have caused some belly laughs, but that's a horse of a different color.) It was funny because it was like waving a giant flag printed with the word “LOLGAY.”

SNL relies on the gay-crutch all the time — Just last week, Jane Lynch appeared in Kristen Wiig's rather grating Suze Orman sketch, playing a closeted lesbian with obvious Sapphic tendencies. The character likes cats, plays softball, has short hair. These aren't jokes, they're stereotypes. There's nothing saying a sketch about a closeted lesbian (or a closeted hockey fan or closeted stamp collector) can't be funny – but not by taking the cheap way out, that way that simply presents “lesbian” and expects laughter in return.

So why does a writer put the word "gay" in a movie script with the assumption that it will be seen as comedy? Because of the genre’s tradition of presenting the very idea of homosexuality – especially when enacted by non-homosexuals – as the ultimate go-to punchline. When all else fails, there’s always LOLGAY.

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Against 'The Dilemma' Trailer And Comedy's Gay-Joke Default Button

Gallery: 'Real Housewives of Beverely Hills' or Real Dolls?

Posted: 12 Oct 2010 10:53 AM PDT

Last night was the series premiere party of the latest incarnation of Bravo’s Real Housewives schadenfreude zeitgeist, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Look, I’m not going to pretend that I know who these people are (no one does, yet!), but I did scream out loud when I saw that picture of Latoya Jackson. And what’s going on with Bobby Trendy’s fake wax lips? That’s when it hit me…these women were about as “real” as those (NSFW) Real Dolls that guys buy off the Internet and look uncannily like actual women. Hell, half these ladies probably are made of just as much silicone as those dolls; the only reason they get their own TV show is that no doll has ever tried to fight Andy Cohen on a reunion special. Below, try to guess which of these women are real and which are simply…plastic.

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Gallery: 'Real Housewives of Beverely Hills' or Real Dolls?

Posted: 12 Oct 2010 10:46 AM PDT

Still searching for a Halloween costume? If you think you can pull of a Jersey girl, look no further. We’re giving our Facebook fans the chance to win one of two of these Jerseylicious prize packs, which contain everything you need to look like Olivia or Tracy (or, let’s be honest, Snooki) including Bumpits, hair spray and self tanner. Click here and hit the “Like” button before 5 p.m. EST on Sunday October 24 to be entered to win. Then watch Jerseylicious every Sunday on the Style Network for more costume inspirations.

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Crushable's Cat Lady: The Invention of Cutetarianism

Posted: 12 Oct 2010 10:48 AM PDT

Here at Crushable, we’re of the opinion that you can learn valuable lessons from both good and bad examples. That’s why we were more than happy to learn that our friend Esther wanted to do an advice column for the site. Actually, she didn’t ask. She just sent over fifteen hand written columns in an envelope covered in cat hair. Here is the first. Of many.

Hello new friends. Yesterday, I was reminded that most people don't have as much common sense as a newborn kitten – and they don't open their eyes much further, either. I was at one of those networking dinners, which are useless except for the fact that you can claim them as business deductions on your tax returns. I mean, the guy sitting next to me didn't even have a job! How am I supposed to network with that? Especially since he wouldn't talk to me, even though I had spent a full half-hour before I left home getting the cat hair off of my sweater. Well, getting most of the cat hair off of my sweater – who cares about the back of the sweater? And then, to top it all off, when I told him to not let the waiter take my plate while I went to the bathroom, this jobless guy asked, "Why did you order an entrée if you're not going to eat it? Are you a vegetarian or something?"

Seriously, unemployed man at a networking dinner? First of all, I had to explain to him that I'm not a vegetarian. I'm a cutetarian. I don't eat anything that's cute. He acted all confused, and I had to give him examples, like: teeny weeny adorable baby eggplant? Nope. Ugly old turkey? Yes. He gave me a blank stare at first, but after a while, he seemed to understand. He suggested that if I wanted a really tasty and non-cooked meal, I should go down to Chinatown and buy some smoked cobra. Which is a fabulous idea, so I wrote it in my dayplanner.

Anyway, aside from cutetarianism, it's totally obvious why I ordered an entrée and didn't eat it. Clearly, I'm a lady. And equally clearly, I have cats – a fact that you should have known from my sweater, or perhaps the cat-shaped pin artfully adorning this sweater, or perhaps because I showed you my many wallet-sized photographs of Wooley, Didums, and Fred during the appetizer course, Mr. Jobless? Put a lady and cats together, and what do you get? A Cat Lady. That's right – I'm a Cat Lady. And what did I order for my entrée? A lovely almond-crusted brook trout. And what might happen to this fish, if I don't eat it?

Don't strain yourself. I'll tell you. I'm going to take that brook trout home, and I'm going to give it to my cats. And they are going to fight each other like ancient Roman gladiators, and then they will eat it, and then they will come and love on me, one under each armpit and the third draped over my forehead while I watch the reruns of Oprah I Tivo’d.

You know what, though? I've seen all of Oprah, and I'm not impressed. If I can change some jobless dude's life by explaining cutetarianism to him, then I can figure out your silly little relationship problems. I mean, I've figured out all of the problems of the many men that I've dated, like the guy I date whose fear of commitment stemmed from his phobia of Band-Aids. And that's why I'm not in a relationship. Because all of the guys I meet are crazy.

But maybe the guys you meet are crazy but fixable. So bring it on. I'll answer all the questions from you lovely readers that I can, just as long as I don't have to brush any cat hair off of my sweater.

Next week: My mom caught me sexting! Cat Lady says: keep your yarn-balls covered.

Do you have a question for Crushable’s Cat Lady? Send it to tips(at)crushable.com, with “Cat Lady” in the subject line.

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Crushable's Cat Lady: The Invention of Cutetarianism

Is Reddit's Suicidal Subforum Helpful Or One Big Joke?

Posted: 12 Oct 2010 09:50 AM PDT

Midterms suck. The holidays are stressful. But if you’re feeling lost and overwhelmed, it’s easy to lose perspective and think that these feelings are going to last forever. They’re not. If you’re getting to a point where suicide seems like a viable solution to not telling your parents that you are flunking Statistics 101, our advice would be to see your school’s counselor.

At the very least, Reddit.com provides its users with a support platform: a subforum called r/suicidewatch. But with all the Internet trolls that lurk around sites like Reddit and 4Chan, egging on potentially suicidal kids, do these forums hurt more than they help?

The answer isn’t simple. As one mod put it, Reddit is not designed as a suicide prevention hotline, and they won’t give out information about their users who say they might kill themselves. Here’s mod Aenea’s take:

The most effective thing that SuicideWatch does (in my opinion) is to offer a safe, non-judgmental place for people to talk about what is going wrong in their lives. I often think that the advice that is given is secondary to letting people know that they are really not alone, and that there are people in the world who care. We listen. Some people comment, most don’t. A lot of the most effective support work goes on behind the scenes, through pms/emails/chat. And we try very hard to make sure that we maintain a supportive environment, which is why I think that SW is so effective. While we have no way at all of knowing how effective we are, at least (from the numbers of people who come back a few months later and say “you got me through that bad time”) meeting the needs of some people.

If I run across a suicidal or depressed person on reddit, I will usually refer them to either r/SuicideWatch or r/depression, not because we have any magical answers or are experts, but because those are two subreddits that are as heavily moderated as we can handle so that people can feel safe. Larger subreddits such as AskReddit have a considerably more ‘hands-off’ approach to moderation, which is appropriate. We don’t.

Unfortunately, in the bowels of Internet forums, a lot of kids do look at these communities as the only outlet for their problems and won’t seek help otherwise, which can aggravate the situation if trolls start posting nasty comments. It’s not news to say that the web can be a double-edged sword when it comes to dealing with deeply personal issues, so our best advice would be to listen to mods like Aenea, listen to forums with a grain of salt, and get help outside the Internet if you’re actually dealing with matters of life and death.

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Is Reddit's Suicidal Subforum Helpful Or One Big Joke?

Posted: 12 Oct 2010 09:59 AM PDT

Christina Aguilera splits from husband – Ugh, all this celebrity separation is really making us concerned for the institution of marriage. First David and Courteney, and now Xtina and Jordan Bratman ? Divorce or not, we’re still super excited for Burlesque. (OMG)

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'Real Housewives Of Atlanta' Recap: Beers Trump Runs

Posted: 12 Oct 2010 10:18 AM PDT

This week on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, we got to meet new Housewife Cynthia, watch former wife Sheree go on her first date since getting divorced and see NeNe whine about getting her happy back once again. But let’s be honest. The highlight of the show came right at the beginning, when Kim Zolciak went for a “run” with her assistant Sweetie. What does a run with Kim look like? Mostly a lot of complaining combined with guilting a guy at a liquor store into giving them free beers. Good times!

At the end of last season, Kim launched her “singing career,” with the song “Tardy for the Party.” This week we found out the benefits of releasing an Auto-Tune song for the masses as a Bravo star: about $100k in earnings and annoying people reciting your lyrics every time you step outside. While Kim and Sweetie ran/walked to their nearest liquor store, they got lots of honks and hollers on the street. This is either because A) They are hott, or B) They had a camera crew following them on their run. And just as soon as we thought Kim losing her wig was going to be the highlight of this jog, the two sat down on a park bench and convinced some man delivering beers to hand them two free cold ones.

Triumph! Best jog ever. And wise words from Kim:

“So much for our run. This is why we look the way we do.”

I am not joking when I said this was the highlight of last night’s show. What else happened? Phaedra met with a client who got arrested for marijuana possession. Her reaction? “It wasn’t yours… right?” Good lawyering!

Meanwhile, Sheree went on date with a man who bought her flowers at Kroger (demerits), but he sent a driver to pick her up and won points for being attractive. He also actually seems rather nice? Go Sheree.

We also got to meet the newest housewife, Cynthia. She’s pretty! That’s because she’s a model. Also, she can’t decide if she should marry the man she’s been dating for the last five years, who seems to love her tons. Also related: Model problems confuse us. But Cynthia and Peter own the Uptown Supper Club, so Kandi had a performance and all the housewives got to show up for another potential run-in between NeNe and Dwight. Too bad NeNe decided to be all mature and have a real conversation with him. You know what mature conversation from NeNe sounds like? ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

You know what else we’re not interested in? Boring resolutions between NeNe and Dwight. Nothing got resolved, but apparently they’re BFF again. As she puts it, “nothing in this world should make you hit your good friend.” Thanks for those wise words, NeNe. You know just how to get our heads straight.

From the previews for next week, things look to be getting more exciting (thankfully). Kim is going to perform Tardy for the Party at The White Party. Apparently this is different from Puff Daddy’s famous white party. According to Kim:

“I’ve acquired such a huge gay following and the white party is such a huge gay event, so it only makes sense that I perform there.”

What can we expect from the white party? Wardrobe malfunctions! Also, it looks like there’s a drag queen dressed like Kim onstage right before she goes on to perform. That makes Kim cry. But We. Can’t. Wait.

And again, here’s our Photoshop inspiration this week:

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'Real Housewives Of Atlanta' Recap: Beers Trump Runs

Posted: 12 Oct 2010 09:16 AM PDT

Facebook Is Saving Your Really Embarassing Pictures – It can take 16 months for that photo of you in a tutu playing the drums to be completely gone from the servers of the social networking site. Scary huh? That’s why you need this. (via Gawker)

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Crushable Books: 'I Hate Everything'

Posted: 12 Oct 2010 09:10 AM PDT

You know what I hate: when Tumblrs get blog deals. I hate when ideas that aren’t even Tumblrs, but are clearly concepts that are more suited for the Internet than an actual book, end up as actual books. I hate books that have three sentances per page, and then maybe some stick figures to illustrate a point. I was not a fan of I Hate Everything, by Matthew DiBenedetti.

To be fair, I did not hate this book. But if you read that halting paragraph above and thought “This sucks, I would not like to read a whole book full of phrases like these,” then you should probably not buy this book. Though it does have some cute filler (well, it’s basically all filler, but you get the point). Here is one whole page of the book:

I hate public hot tubs.
I hate the long, unslighty hairs that grow out of moles.
I hate that wool makes me itch.

And on and on and on, like your eighth grade diary. It’s almost noteworth that Matthew mananaged to fill around 400 pages with things he hates, even if there are never more than 5 items per page. But then again, if I was getting paid to right a book, I could probably sit down and think about it for awhile until I came up with a giant list of grievances (which really, are what these are, or maybe annoyances. We save “hate” in this house for people like Hitler).

Which reminds me: I hate that other people get a book deal, which I’m stuck writing on my Tumblr.

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Crushable Books: 'I Hate Everything'

Shop Crushable: Lip Stain-Lip Gloss Duos From Terrafirma Cosmetics

Posted: 11 Oct 2010 03:06 PM PDT

We can never resist make-up that comes packaged together. Wear this lip stain and gloss from Terrafirma Cosmetics together or separately, and you’ll get an instantly glam look. Three looks for the price of one? Count us in.

The long lasting lip stain can go on first, adding deep rich color to your pucker. Then add a swipe of sparkly gloss to complete the combined look. They’re only $20 (on sale from the original $28) and come in a selection of flattering color combos like “Gossip Girl” — a plum-colored Vineyard stain plus Terrafirma’s shimmery Scandalous gloss.

gossip girl