Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Celtics Fan’s Dance Makes Livin’ On A Prayer Slightly Tolerable

Posted: 02 Nov 2010 09:04 AM PDT

You know how dudes wearing backwards hats and untucked button down shirts and jeans rock the eff out to Bon Jovi between shots of Jager? That, or Mr. Brightside by The Killers, but mostly Bon Jovi, specifically Livin’ on a Prayer? The epicenter of where this happens every weekend is the fair city of Boston, the ground zero being a Celtics game. However, this is a slight twist on that old classic, in that the star of this clip is a nerdy kid and the fratty dudes are merely his backup dancers and adoring fans. It’s like the end of a really great (mediocre) 80′s movie. Anyway, here is a possibly staged but definitely entertaining clip:

Charming*. Even if it is staged, I don’t think he knows the words. But who does. It’s mostly about his moves and how he incorporates the railings. Well done. I also thought he might have used this flash stardom to kiss a hot girl or grab some boobs, but he kept it classy. Good by you, Nerdy Famous Kid. Now let’s never listen to that song again. “But I love that song!” No. Even if you think you do, you don’t. I guess this video is old, too? And has been brought back as some sort of classic moment? Sure, I’m on board. Obviously. Whatever.

*Picture me saying that with a condescending upper class British accent between puffs from a long cigarette holder.

Via Buzzfeed

Worst Newscast Opening Ever? More Like, Best Thing Ever, By Anyone

Posted: 02 Nov 2010 08:06 AM PDT

The entire internet discovered this video, the first one minute of a local news broadcast in San Diego that involves some, let’s say, billion problems.

If you were planning to write a wacky “Newz Team Blooperz” sketch, you can put down that typewriter and stop bouncing your creative writer bouncy ball off your Chinese food (writers!), because here it is:

(via HuffPo)

Watch: Steve Coogan As Alan Partridge Is Back With Mid Morning Matters

Posted: 02 Nov 2010 07:26 AM PDT

A while back I posited that Steve Coogan is best when he’s working with director Michael Winterbottom, because I feel like Winterbottom directs Coogan to play the most hilarious version of himself, that is, a heightened version of Steve Coogan. The comments section EXPLODED there were at least three comments with people saying that of course Alan Partridge is Coogan’s best work. Fair enough. I still think I’m right even though I’m a very reasonable person who is almost always willing to compromise. Except not now. This falling under the “almost” category. That being said, of course Alan Partridge is hilarious. So this is exciting: Steve Coogan as Alan Partridge is back with Mid Morning Matters, which will premiere on November 5th at www.fostersfunny.co.uk Here’s a clip I got over at Heatworld:

Good stuff. I love a brunch joke and a long pause. I do. After the jump my favorite clip from the original I’m Alan Partridge series:

I’d like to thank the one night make out I had in London in 2006 for introducing me to this clip, via email. This clip was literally our only correspondence. Worth it!

Good Morning! Here’s An Inflatable Bike Helmet Collar!

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 03:15 PM PDT

There are three things you are going to learn from this video.

1.) There is a collar that is an air bag that is a bike helmet.

2.) It is never not funny to see a crash test dummy fall in slow motion while a collar turns into a puffy bike helmet.

3.) You have to skip around in the video to the slow motion parts because watching the whole thing is a little uncool.

I guess now that you know the three things you would learn from watching this video, it isn’t imperative that you watch it, but I still recommend the slow motion parts. (2:15-2:30 is a pretty good part.)

Thanks, Best of YouTube.

And Now, A Question For The Ages: Does Coco Have Nipples?

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 04:14 PM PDT

This is Ice-T’s IV league educated girlfriend who goes by the name of Coco. She is famous because she has a gigantic ass — an ass that has 5,800 dedicated pages on Google — and giant breasts. Still up for debate? Her nipples. Where are they? We might see the hint of an areola on the left, but how confusing: It’s in roughly the same location as Aretha Franklin’s.

Speaking of Aretha Franklin’s low-lying plum-nips, at least we’re fairly certain she has them. Coco… we’re not so sure. Much like Patricia Heaton’s belly-button, we prefer this to remain a mystery for as long breasted as humanly possible.

[Photo: WENN Images]

NFL WEEK 8 RECAP: Raiders Win, Decapitate Dude

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 09:44 PM PDT

Your weekly NFL Recap, in the form of stupid pictures. Starting after this Raiders fan picture, I mean, because this one is awesome:


Patriots 28, Vikings 18

I know commentators are required to be constantly, vocally amazed by Danny Woodhead’s small (read: small and white) stature, but in their defense, the dude is really frickin’ small:

While everyone this preseason was busy picking the Jets or Ravens to come out of the AFC, no one picked the Patriots, who are now 6-1; they’re like In Rainbows, that annual album that comes out and everyone knows it’s good but no blogger wants to put it #1 on their Year-End Best Albums list because it’s way cooler to pick something less obvious.

Also, the Vikings traded a third-round pick for Randy Moss four weeks ago and just released him. Dan Snyder is obviously calling non-stop to get him on the Redskins as we speak, unless he’s still masturbating over the news.


Chargers 33, Titans 25

Bill Simmons predicted the Chargers win exactly on his podcast, calling it the annual game where San Diego’s favored then everyone bets the road team thinking they’re a savvy underdog, and the Chargers randomly play really well and cover. Super obvious, in retrospect.

The highlight of the weekend — CBS snuck a Dumb And Dumber reference into this graphic about 2-5 teams making the playoffs:

Titans receiver Lavelle Hawkins helped seal the deal with this highlight-reel jump kick:


Jaguars 35, Cowboys 17

The Jaguars came into Dallas as 6 1/2 point underdogs (somehow) and won by 18, peeing on the grave of Dallas’ already-deceased season. And on Stepford Wives Day of all days:

Despite the ongoing agony, Dallas faithful remain supportive:


Dolphins 22, Bengals 14

The Dolphins remained mysteriously unbeatable on the road, while the Bengals not-mysteriously fell to 2-5 and will need a miracle to come back in the AFC. This guy believes:


Lions 37, Redskins 25

The Lions put up 37 on Washington to improve to 2-1 at home, which would be cause for moderate optimism if they hadn’t lost every road game since the French and Indian War:


Chiefs 13, Bills 10 (OT)

Keeping in line with my “No More Bills Jokes, I Just Feel Bad For Them” Policy, I won’t comment on this heartbreaker. Here’s fullback Corey McIntyre with fangs:


Buccaneers 38, Cardinals 35

When Legarrette Blount ran in his goalline touchdown, did anyone else make a “He really punched that into the end zone” joke? Everyone in the known and unknown theorized portions of the universe did? Ok cool, just making sure.


Rams 20, Panthers 10

The Rams came into this game pumped up, as longtime receiver Isaac Bruce had his jersey retired before the game, then posed for a Brian McKnight album cover:

Also, is anyone more obviously going through the motions than the Panthers right now? John Fox picked a good season to get himself fired; Dallas, San Francisco, Cincinnati, Jacksonville, Buffalo, and possibly San Diego and Minnesota are all gonna have vacancies. Might as well book those interview airfares now.


Packers 9, Jets 0

So much for this thrilling potential Super Bowl preview. Sorry you had to sit through this one, Cartman:


Raiders 33, Seahawks 3

The Raiders are 4-4 and playing competently. No further jokes needed in this paragraph.


49ers 24, Broncos 16

This game was played in London as part of the NBA’s ongoing efforts to weaken the NFL’s international market:


Saints 20, Steelers 10

I found it hard to get too upset over this one, as the quarterback who made an unsolicited, unpublicized six-figure donation to the cancer center in New Orleans where my good friend works defeated the quarterback who I would not leave my good friend alone with.

On the plus side, Steeler fans, Brett Keisel may be hurt, but his beard isn’t:

(My full Recap of the Steeler game can be read here.)

NFL Week 8 thoughts? Leave ‘em in the comments.

SNL Power Rankings: Jon Hamm Makes His Case For The Five-Timers Club

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 02:22 PM PDT

Oh Jon Hamm, is there anything that you can’t do? You are a prodigious Banger of Secretaries, you effortlessly knock triples into the gap during celebrity softball games and nothing seems to be standing in the way of you becoming a member of the SNL Five-Timers Club. Speaking of which, how did Hamm perform during his third hosting stint this weekend?

Quite admirably! Regardless of the quality of the writing (which, just like every episode, was a little up and down this week), Hamm gives every sketch his all. He’s actively engaged in the delivery of the material and, unlike a lot of hosts, actually seems like he could fit into the ensemble cast. Most of all, Hamm always seems like he’s having fun up there (even when he’s doing the Best Cry Ever), and that energy is contagious with both the cast and the audience. Does this make him the best host of the show who’s not already a Five-Timer? Discuss!

And while you’re thinking about whether Hamm is better than James Franco, Jack Black or Justin Timberlake (it can’t be coincidence that all of their names start with the letter J, can it?), follow along for our weekly breakdown of how the Not Ready For Primetime Players performed this week.


SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE POWER RANKINGS: 10/30/10 (Host: Jon Hamm; Musical Guest: Rihanna)

1. Kristin Wiig (44 points): Last week, we were ready to write Wiig off. She didn’t annoy us nearly as much this week, although I was forced into giving myself Ear Muffs every time she opened her mouth during the Vincent Price Halloween sketch (her pill-popping Judy Garland wore out its welcome years ago). On the good side, though, “Darlique and Barney” was a pleasant surprise and Garth and Kat are always aces.

2. Bill Hader (41 points): On Bill Hader’s very first episode of SNL way back in October of 2005, he scored the first huge laughs of his young career with his Al Pacino impression. Five years later, his Pacino still SLAYS, but his finest moment of the night was his heretofore unknown impression of Alan Alda. I can only assume that the name Alan Alda means nothing to a large percentage of SNL‘s viewing audience these days, but for us olds up way past our bedtimes on Saturday night, it was quite the moment.

3. Fred Armisen (27 points): Armisen plays Liberace at his hound doggiest, but those of us old enough to remember when Liberace frequently appeared on television know that he was just as hammy (if not necessarily as obsessed with double entendres) as Armisen plays him. Also, although his appearance as Prince was brief, it was a welcome flashback to one of the first characters that got Armisen recognition on SNL.

4. Kenan Thompson (22 points): Kenan’s Cosby impression is, has always been and will always be gold. Also, I rather enjoyed the horny-yet-guilt-ridden police chief he portrayed in the otherwise forgettable “Highway Cops” sketch.

5. (tie) Andy Samberg, Jason Sudeikis (21 points): After narrowly missing our list of the Top Ten Sketches of SNL: Season 35, Shy Ronnie and Rihanna made their long-awaited Digital Short return. Can we be honest with each other? If so, here goes: I thought “Shy Ronnie 2″ was a little lacking in the inspiration department. The jokes didn’t grow (except for the boner, natch) from the foundation they built last time, and on the practical tip, why was she making a music video with someone who she damn well knows doesn’t know how to enunciate? That said, there was certainly a lot of chatter about it on Twitter over the weekend, so what do I know?

7. Taran Killam (15 points): Remember how great “Les Jeunes de Paris” was? Well, as lovely as his Pee Wee Herman and Gilbert Gottfried impressions were this week (Confession: they were only okay), “Les Jeunes” is still the best thing he’s done so far this season. And since NBC hasn’t decided to put this sketch online, we thought we would. Don’t say we never did anything for ya, okay?

8. (tie) Abby Elliott, Bobby Moynihan (14 points): Everytime I see Abby, I think to myself, “Shoulda been you, Slate, shoulda been you!” Her Joan Cusack was okay, I suppose, but she’s never been able to up her game past the point of being a fairly decent impressionist. As a featured player, she should be bringing MUCH more to the table. As for Bobby? Screaming and a bad wig does not a Sam Kinison impression make. BRING BACK MARK PAYNE! (If I say it enough, think it will happen?)

10. Nasim Pedrad (12 points): Everyone gets an off night, I suppose. Still, I remain firmly on Team Pedrad. Once Wiig vacates the stage at the end of this year (which has got to happen, right?), it will be Pedrad’s time to shine.

11. Paul Brittain (10 points): After what seemingly was Paul Brittain’s breakout episode last week, he didn’t get much in the way of air time this week.

12. Jay Pharoah (7 points): So far this season, we’ve seen Jay do impressions of Denzel Washington, Will Smith and now, Eddie Murphy. I am looking forward to seeing what else he’s got going for him besides this, but Lorne has yet to give him that chance.

13. Vanessa Bayer (2 points): Ooft, this must’ve been a frustrating week for Bayer. She was the first of the new castmembers to earn a lead spot in her very own sketch (see: Miley “It’s Pretty Cool” Cyrus), but she’s been treading water every week since. Hang in there, kiddo!

And really, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that bizarre David Spade/Fred Wolf collaboration, “Dog In Purse” (which, weirdly enough, isn’t online). As much as I miss David Spade’s sarcastic takedowns of the rich and famous, this bit felt really stale and out of place on the show.

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE POWER RANKINGS: SEASON 36 TOTALS
1. ⇑ Kristin Wiig (149 points; Last Week: #4)
2. ⇑ Bill Hader (145 points; Last Week: #5)
3. ⇓ Andy Samberg (143 points; Last Week: #1)
4. ⇓ Fred Armisen (141 points; Last Week: #2)
5. ⇓ Kenan Thompson (131 points; Last Week: #3)
6. Jason Sudeikis (98 points; Last Week: #6)
7. Bobby Moynihan (83 points; Last Week: #7)
8. Nasim Pedrad (79 points; Last Week: #8)
9. Taran Killam (72 points; Last Week: #9)
10. ⇑ Paul Brittain (61 points; Last Week: #11)
11. (tie) ⇑ Abby Elliott, ⇓ Vanessa Bayer (58 points; Last Week: #13 and #10, respectively)
13. ⇓ Jay Pharoah (57 points; Last Week: #12)

Reference Materials:
Need a refresher on the Scoring System?
Here’s this week’s sketch-by-sketch breakdown:

Also, did you know that we’re showing classic episodes of SNL every night on VH1? It’s true!

All Bass Cover Of The Mad Men Theme Song

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 02:18 PM PDT

Here is a cover of the Mad Men theme song (actually called A Beautiful Mine) by a guy named Adam Ben Ezra (real song by RJD2). It’s pretty good! It’s easy to not notice that the Mad Men theme song is a good song because usually when it comes on, you’re just like, “LET’S GO!!! Show me some people ruining their own lives already!!” But if you just listen to it, it’s kind of nice. Resist the urge to tense up. Relax. Nobody is getting pregnant with their boss’s baby while their husband probably dies in Vietnam. That’s not going on right now. It’s just a song. And it is performed using only a bass.

“Oh my god, there’s going to be a disasterous marriage mistake!” Ugh, calm down. Separate the song from the show.

Thanks, The Daily What.

Adam Levine Finally Loses It After 8,000th Performance Of “This Love”

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 01:39 PM PDT

Well, one day probably. But this photo of Adam Levine, who in spite of his falsetto voice (or because of) is maybe the hottest man in music (YES, OK, YES, ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF), is actually from Halloween. See? He’s John McClane from Die Hard! *loud laughter* Adammmmm you are so funny!! Did you take comedy class in college? Tell me about you. *scene*

Adam and his band Maroon 5 hosted a Bacardi sponsored Halloween party at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery last night. His model girlfriend dressed up as “who the f**k cares,” Adam, call me.

MTV Greenlights “The Baby Jersey Shore”

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 01:05 PM PDT

Fair enough, in our dreams, “The Baby Jersey Shore” would be a real show starring six hilarious children that came out of my own canal. Sadly, this is not going to be a real show. And these six amazing children, pictured above, do not share any of my DNA. Because they are actually small tangerines with faces and I am a human being.

But there they all are!! Baby Snooki, Mini J-Woww, Rahhhhhnie, The Sitch, DJ Pauly D. But hol’ up: Where’s Vinny? Where the f**k is Vinny? What a sham.

In other news, I really do want to meet their parents and give them a giant hug. Hey kids: You’re parents are awesome. But please, dear God, do now grow up to be this way. GO TO COLLEGE. I care. Except for you, Baby Snooki. Never change.

(With thanks to Mattchew03 and his Tumblr)

Teach: Tony Danza Episode 5 Recap: The Fourth Season of The Wire Episode

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 02:41 PM PDT

This is a recap of the fifth episode of A&E's new television program, Teach: Tony Danza. This is the episode where A&E gave up on the show. Last Friday, they claimed by way of my DVR guide to air two new episodes. They, however, just aired the same episode twice. Then this week, they aired a new episode, but put a different new episode on iTunes. I’m the only one in the whole universe of Teach: Tony Danza who is doing my part to stay on schedule. I guess what I’m really trying to say is that all the screen captures for this episode will be pictures of my TV taken with my iPhone. This is a real pain in the ass. Thanks ALOT, Tony Danza

Well, this episode was pretty nuts. It’s like somebody took the first four episodes of Teach: Tony Danza and made it have a baby with the fourth season of The Wire. Instead of being all about special education and tap dancing for the mayor, this episode was about steeling iPods, boxing, fighting, crying, tempers and also school uniforms JUST LIKE ON THE WIRE.

The episode begins with a meeting between the principal and some of the teachers about how the following day will see the implementation of new school uniforms. Tony Danza asks, “Is there research on, like, the effect of uniforms?” So immediately, you’re all sarcastic like, “No, Tony Danza, the school administration just did it on a whim without any clue as to if it’s a good idea or not.” But then the principal sort of doesn’t give him an answer and you’re like, “Wait, did the school administration actually just do this on a whim without any clue as to if it’s a good idea or not?” It seems kind of like they did. Actual good question, Tony Danza. Six good question points for you.

Later in his classroom, Howard A.K.A. Frankie tells Tony Danza that… Wait hold on. Let’s discuss this whole A.K.A. thing a little more in deapth before we continue. There are two A.K.A. kids on this show. Howard A.K.A. Frankie:

And Ben A.K.A. Kyle who is A.K.A. the kid who refuses to acknowledge his budding mondo mustache.

Anyway, they always refer to these kids as “Howard Frankie” and “Ben Kyle” respectively. So what’s with the A.K.A.? That makes no sense. A.K.A. usually implies that the people are also known as another name at a different time. Like Dwayne Johnson A.K.A. The Rock. But, let’s say you’re a girl named Betty Sue (Betty Sue? Yes, Betty Sue.). No one calls you Betty A.K.A. Sue. So what the f*ck are these kids doing? The only way using A.K.A. would make sense in this context is if you called them Howard A.K.A. Frankie A.K.A. Howard Frankie or Ben A.K.A. Kyle A.K.A. the kid who refuses to acknowledge his budding mondo mustache A.K.A. Ben Kyle. (Just for the record, Ben A.K.A. Kyle is probably the coolest kid on the show. He just also happens to have that embarrassing mustache we all had in high school. Unfortunately, he has to be on TV with it. Fortunately, I’m the only one in the world watching this show. Unfortunately, I make fun of his mustache in every recap. Fortunately, nobody reads these recaps.) Anyway, LIKE I WAS SAYING…

Howard A.K.A. Frankie tells Tony Danza that his iPod got stolen. Tony Danza doesn’t really respond to this beyond a compulsory acknowledgment that something was said to him. Even Tony Danza has strong enough sense of reality to be like, “Why on earth would you tell Tony Danza about your iPod getting stolen?” But then it turns out that what Howard A.K.A. Frankie was saying was actually a reasonable thing to tell Tony Danza because the iPod was stolen by way of Howard A.K.A. getting jumped in the locker room at the school. It was a school-related iPod theft.

Then, suddenly, we cut to footage of the kids who jumped Howard A.K.A. Frankie running down the hall, and there are police chasing after them, and it turns out Howard A.K.A. Frankie got hit in in the front of his head A.K.A. his face a bunch of times.

And it also turns out that, as the iPod absconders were trying to get away, Matt M. got involved and started trying to punch them in their faces. And this is a bit of a problem for Tony Danza because over the course of the last few weeks, Tony Danza has been teaching Matt M. how to punch people in their faces.

Another teacher expresses concern about Tony Danza teaching Matt M. how to box in light of the fighting. Tony Danza responds by saying. “In my experience, what happens is once you learn how to do it, you do it less.” Totally, Tony Danza. Right on. Kind of like the way you first learned how to put the correct episode of your show on iTunes and now you tend to do that less.

The next day is the first day for the school uniforms. Some students make an honest effort to adjust to the change.

Monte and Laura knock it out of the park. They look great. Some others, though, are more resistant.

Haha, Katerina! Not even close.

All of the students are called into the auditorium where they are told that their incorrect uniforms will be overlooked for the day, but that tomorrow, everything must be to dress code.

Matt P. is especially upset about the uniforms. He thinks they make everyone look like robots. The next day, he decides to challenge the system. Although the dress code dictates that the students wear black shoes, Matt P. wears white shoes and merely brings black shoes in his back pack. He is of course caught by Miss. DeNaples and is forced to change into his back up black shoes. Then, as he passes Miss DeNaples on his way to class, he hands her something.

“Thanks for putting up with my trouble,” he says. But what did he give her?

A dog treat. Matt P. just called Miss. DeNaples a bitch 14 year old prop comic style. Matt P. gets Saturday detention (no duh, Matt P.). He then gives the most classic 14 year old defense I have ever heard. “I didn’t expect her to realize it was a dog treat until after I had already walked away.” Haha, Matt P.!  There is no statute of limitations on giving Miss DeNaples a dog treat.

Next, Tony Danza has to go into a mediation meeting between Howard A.K.A. Frankie and one of the students who jumped him for his iPod. Howard A.K.A. Frankie says that the other kid hit him in the face. The other student says that he didn’t hit Howard A.K.A. Frankie in the face because he’s already been in trouble, and he knows that hitting Howard A.K.A. Frankie in the face would get him suspended. Howard A.K.A. Frankie responds by saying he knows for a fact that the other student hit him in the face from the way he saw the other student punching him in the face. Then, Tony Danza and the mediator are basically like, “Can you guys just pretend to agree to disagree so we can say we did our jobs?” Howard A.K.A. Frankie and the other student pretend to agree to disagree.

Later, word gets back to Tony Danza about the Matt P. dog treat situation. Tony Danza DOES-NOT-GET-IT. Straight up does not understand what that means. He keeps mentioning that he doesn’t get it, but everybody seems to think he means that he doesn’t understand why Matt P. would do such a thing. In reality, Tony Danza just doesn’t get the joke. Finally Miss DeNaples has to explain it very bluntly to him (recorded with my iPhone because this Tony Danza doesn’t know how to work iTunes).

“…like, you’re a bitch.” – Miss Denaples 2010

“Oh, I didn’t put that together.” – Tony Danza 2010

After that, Tony Danza is walking down the hallway when he notices a girl with a black eye.

So, Tony Danza decides to comfort her and give her some grown up advice. You know, just some normal comforting and grown up advice. The same kind of advice you would give this girl if you saw her. He says, “I gotta tell you somethin’. So, the reason I stopped is cause I had this show on TV called Who’s The Boss. And I ended up having to move out of the neighborhood because my daughter came home with a black eye. And I spotted you and it make me think of that, and… so… take it easy, alright?” Great job, Tony Danza! Really great regular grown up advice. Kids love it when you can relate to them by explaining how an 80′s sitcom you used to be in had a future soft core porn actress whose character once was in a situation that may be but probably isn’t similar to the situation they are in. They LOVE it.

Then at the end of the episode, Tony Danza makes Matt P. write an apology letter to Miss DeNaples. That was actually a good idea. Solid role modeling. One hundred un-cynical and genuine points to Tony Danza for that one. It was classy.

So, that was it. I don’t really know what we’re doing here anymore. This show isn’t as Tony-Danza-centric as it once was so it’s just sort of a… regular bad show. Like, it’s not really terrible enough to be extraordinary anymore. If this show doesn’t get extraordinarily terrible again soon, I think these are going to have to stop. I’m sorry, Tony Danza.

Snoop Dogg Becomes 51st Creepiest Sesame Street Costume

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 12:13 PM PDT

Does Snoop Dogg read out blog? Well, you heard it here first: DEFINITELY.

Because Congratulations, Snoop Dogg!! You’re Bestweekever.tv’s Official 51st Creepiest Sesame Street Costume. Why creepy? Well, he’s probably the only Count in America that will “count” the amount of hits he’s taken before “counting” his way through all of your themed party snacks that took you all day to make.

On the bright side, this will probably be sampled into a rap song sometime in the next decade:

(via Gawker)

Beaker Is A Texas Rangers Fan – Who Knew?

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 11:37 AM PDT

To all my coastal friends arrogantly declaring that they’re rooting for the Giants in the World Series because they don’t know any actual Texas Rangers fans (and by friends I mean “also me”), keep in mind that if you’re rooting against the Rangers, you’re rooting against BEAKER FROM THE MUPPETS:

Actually, that might be a guy in a Beaker suit who Fox randomly cut to in the middle of a pitch sequence Sunday night, and not, as I first thought, the real-life Beaker. But the real-life Beaker might be a Rangers fan too, I’m just not sure. I’ll have to ask the real-life Beaker the next time I see him at the Science Convention. Man are those conventions boring – good thing the real-life Beaker shows up or I’d have no one to talk to.

The Walking Dead Premiere: It’s Like 28 Days Later, Sheriff, But REAL

Posted: 01 Nov 2010 10:52 AM PDT

My friend Steve once had a sketch idea for a fake trailer for a movie about a murder in the Louvre that leads to a bunch of puzzles that unlock a secret society holding knowledge of the holy grail, and the whole time, the characters keep saying “Wow, this mystery is exactly like that book The Da Vinci Code…only this time, it’s REAL.” “You’re just like that Tom Hanks ‘Robert Langdon’ character!” “Yeah, except my name isn’t Langdon, it’s BOB SMITH.”

Basically, the entire time I was watching the Walking Dead premiere on AMC Sunday night, I kept expecting one character to turn to the other and say “Don’t you get it? It’s just like 28 Days Later! Only this time…IT’S REAL.”

Do these characters live in a world where no zombie movies have ever occurred? Have all other movies happened, just not zombie ones? Are they somehow unaware of the standard zombie rules?

Let’s discuss these questions after the jump:

The original Walking Dead comic began publication in October 2003, within months of the release of 28 Days Later, so it’s likely the two occurrences of a man waking up in a hospital and slowly discovering that the world around him has deteriorated into a zombie-ridden apocalypse were generated independently. Still, we’re now familiar with 28 Days Later and its sequel — to say nothing of the billion other zombie movies before that — so while I enjoyed the Walking Dead premiere immensely, I also found it difficult to watch without the characters in some way acknowledging the extremely culturally familiar scenario they were experiencing.

When Morgan was explaining the zombie “fever” concept to Rick, I kept expecting Rick to be like, “Yeah yeah, regular zombie rules in effect, got it. They bite you you’re a zombie, but shoot them in the head and they die. Oh, one question – are they the traditional slow zombies or the new sprinting ones? The slow ones? Ok, cool – would’ve suuhhhhcked if they were all sprinting and stuff.”

That awkward unspokenness aside, I did really enjoy the Walking Dead premiere — there were at least four or five specific “Holy sh*t!” moments, plenty of gore, solid characters and acting, it looked great, and the last five minutes were legitimately intense. The zombie-apocalypse plotline is indeed well-trodden territory, but that doesn’t mean this show can’t be unique; in a way, “zombie apocalypse” has almost become a standard enough backdrop to serve as a jumping-off point for a show about characters developing and changing, just as multiple cop shows and medical dramas can exist without being viewed as derivatives of one another.

It’s amusing to think of “World has ended, everyone is zombies except these couple people trying not to be zombies” as a genre rather than the entire plot of something, but it’s obviously a cool enough concept for people to keep exploring the nuances within it. I was well on board for the entire 90 minute premiere, starting with the bold “shooting girl in brain” cold open (isn’t that how Welcome Back, Kotter started?), and staying interested even through the couple commercials that kind of looked like zombies were in them so you’d stop fast-forwarding your DVR for a split second. I’ll be tuning in next week, if only to see if one dude has the guts to bring up “Remember that Night Of The Living whatchacallit movie?” [GUNSHOT - Dead.]

Walking Dead premiere thoughts, people? Anyone who’s more familiar with the comic want to chime in? Worth a weekly recap? Comment away.

(Pics via AMCtv)
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