Thursday, January 20, 2011

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

The American Idol Season 10 Premiere Was Shockingly, Disappointingly OK

Posted: 20 Jan 2011 08:44 AM PST

Steven Tyler once said in an interview that he got into music for “The Three M’s: Music, Money, and MMM, P*SSY!” Needless to say, when I learned that the most popular reality show on television would be pointing a camera at this insane 62-year old man for four hours a week, the little blogging goblin that lives in my spleen and feasts on ridiculous tv moments had only one reaction: “MMM, P*SSY!” He meant, like, viral internet p*ssy, but you get the idea.

Being the connoisseur of awkward tv moments that I am professionally obligated to be, I tuned into American Idol Season 10 last night with high trainwreck expectations, only to find, to my shock and horror, that the Idol premiere featuring the debuts of Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez was…completely fine. What? FINE?? To be worth watching, television (and really, all culture) needs to either be engaging and creative, or unwatchable to the point of hilarity. American Idol is neither. Idol continues to be so streamlined, so well-produced, and so it’s the tenth damn season of it (that sentence is an adjective, I looked it up on adjectives.gov), that no emotional backstory or impressive performance or crushing disappointment inspires any genuine reaction from me other than “I am definitely watching the show American Idol.”

Even the ridiculous failure auditions are overproduced and predictable rather than jarring and spontaneous; they’re like an intricately dressed “messy room” set from an 80s teen comedy — technically messy, but you can’t help but picture the team of professionals that perfectly arranged those crushed-up Pepsi cans. The “fail” auditions are still hilarious, don’t get me wrong, but they fit into the show’s rhythm so specifically, and are set up so predictably, they never feel like actual failures, they’re just another part of the show. The Asian Michael Jackson imitator who sang “Party in the USA” reeked of Idol viral-publicity so blatantly, he might as well have been William Hung in a William Hung suit. (Was he William Hung? He was probably William Hung.)

To wrap things up, a quick lightning round of things that bothered me:

- The first hour of the New Jersey auditions featured a Jersey Shore montage, which included a Pauly D lookalike, an auditioner explaining the typical Jersey girl, a section on “Jersey lingo,” and it even used an filter exactly like the one from the MTV Jersey Shore credits. So basically, American Idol, once the juggernaut that made the rest of television cower in hopeless fear, is now ripping off a three-year-old MTV show. MTV is actually setting the trend?? What is this, the first couple minutes after that Buggles video aired?

- Jennifer Lopez came off as legitimately compassionate and human, though this was likely just extra-noticeable after 10 years of Entertainment Tonight pieces about J-Lo flying in her eyelash lady to sets every morning on five private Hummer-jets powered by flawlessly coiffed dolphin scalps.

- It’s hard to get excited for the people that baaarely get through to Hollywood, cause you know they’re just gonna get instantly eliminated before we even see them again. It’s like watching UNC-Greensboro celebrating after winning the 64-vs-65 March Madness play-in game; you’re happy for them, but they’re just gonna lose in 48 hours anyway. This isn’t a new Idol trend, but it happened like 3 or 4 times in the first episode. Although – Taylor Hicks barely made it through the first round, and look at him now! CRUSHING those July 4th America specials on the Capital Steps every year.

Overall, my post yesterday about Idol Season 10 already sucking was premature. It doesn’t suck. It’s even worse: it’s completely, unremarkably fine.

Amy Poehler Is Good At Everything, Including Teen Modeling

Posted: 20 Jan 2011 08:25 AM PST

Aspiring models take note: See how young Amy is smiling with both her mouth and her eyes. Also, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to sell the candy striper look, but see how she uses the hospital bed for a casual lean, as if to say, “I’m not just a candy striper, I’m your friend and soon to be totally huge famous comedic actress as well.”

Jezebel

Rihanna Debuts New Hairstyle: The Sideshow Bob

Posted: 20 Jan 2011 07:42 AM PST

Here is Rihanna entering the LA club Las Palmas last night. Keep your eyes out for her upcoming album, the entirety of H.M.S. Pinafore.

[Photo: Splash News]

Khloe Kardashian Promotes Hellraiser Or Something

Posted: 19 Jan 2011 04:52 PM PST

Here’s Khloe Kardashian on the cover of YRB Magazine doing whatever the hell on a magazine for something. Good ol’ YRB Magazine! Music, Art, Spike Enthusiasts:

It’s like Saw meets the Slanted and Enchanted album cover meets celebrity who poses in Saw bondage masks for spike enthusiast magazines.

“I now have the power,” she says. The power of spikes. They’re very powerful in most video games. Don’t step on her, Mega Man, you’ll die in one hit. Pick up YRB: Spike Enthusiast and read the article, it’s all in there. Instead of perfume inserts the magazine is full of spikes though so be careful!

(via Dlisted)

Mystery Solved: Michael Cera, Martin Starr And Tony Danza Were Eating Fro Yo Together For A Funny Or Die Video, Obviously

Posted: 19 Jan 2011 12:07 PM PST

Remember when we were all, “Whaaa??” when we saw that Michael Cera, Martin Starr and Tony Danza were bro-ing out with fro yo together? I guess right outside of that photo was a F.O.D. camera crew. It was all for a funny video! It all seems so clear now! I am slightly shamed that I did not immediately assume that, though I guess I just wanted to live in a world where they were actually hanging out. It makes me sort of sad that we were looking at a shoot instead of private friend time. However, it’s a funny video! That’s something. Though Tony Danza is almost incidental in it. I take that back. Danza is never incidental, he is imperative. I apologize. It also features the hilarious Nick Kroll. Get a fro yo yourself and enjoy. You deserve it!

Anne Hathaway, Tom Hardy Cast In The Dark Knight Rises (Its Hotness Quotient)

Posted: 19 Jan 2011 11:30 AM PST

Casting News We Actually Care About Alert: The Dark Knight Rises has cast two villains, adding Anne Hathaway to play Selina Kyle / Catwoman, and Tom Hardy to play Bane.

I like Anne Hathaway. I certainly don’t have a strong enough positive or negative opinion of her to meet this news with any sort of extreme reaction, but I’m sure she’ll be good. I might’ve gone with Sean Young, but whatever, diff’rent meows.

Hardy starred in Bronson and Rocknrolla before landing a solid role in Inception, and given Christopher Nolan’s propensity to stick with the same people, casting Hardy is completely understandable. Particularly to play the handsome, debonair, British movie star Bane.

Basically, I’m already so confident the movie will be good as long as it’s in Nolan’s hands, the specific casting is somewhat academic. I’m more concerned with the film actually making Catwoman and Bane anywhere near as captivating as The Joker, no matter who’s playing them, but until the franchise makes a misstep, they have my full confidence. Plus it’s nice to see some really hot people catch a break every now and then.

I suppose this means that the made-up report from like 8 years ago that Eddie Murphy is gonna play The Riddler was false after all? Guess that’ll have to wait for Batman 4: Riddle Me Klumps.

Smiley Riley The Dog Is A Real Life Falkor!

Posted: 19 Jan 2011 10:35 AM PST

You know, Falkor from The NeverEnding Story. And by “real life Falkor” I mean that he is pale with red rimmed eyes and smiles. He can’t fly or talk or bring good luck or anything. Though, it’s not mentioned that he can’t do those things. Anyway, we’d like to take this opportunity to wish a happy 2nd birthday to our new favorite canine, the dog who views the world through rose colored glasses, who always sees the glass as half full, who walks on the sunny side of the street, Smiley Riley!

Smiley Riley:

Falkor:

Smiley Riley:


Falkor:

UK Metro
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