Best Week Ever |
- Congressman Having Trouble Getting By On $174,000 Salary
- Mad Men Renewed For Two More Seasons = Christmas Party GIF Time!
- Ikea Invents State-Of-The-Art Doggie High Chair
- WANT: Pulled Pork & Pierogi Pretzel Sandwich
- TRAILER MIX: MTV’s Teen Wolf Truly Captures The Gritty Violence Of The Original
- The Ultimate James Van Der Beek GIF Wall
- Sexy: Here Are Some Sexy Stills From Sexy Breaking Dawn Sexy Times
- Betty White Is Getting Her Own Reality Show On NBC, Because Internet
- SEEKING: Asian Man To Give Me A Child
- Watch A Montage Of Body Switcheroos In Film
- Congratulations! It’s A Raisin! Rachel Zoe Reveals Baby
- TOP CHEF ALL-STARS FINALE RECAP: Blais Of Glory? Or MIKE Of Glory?
- PREMIERE: Katy Perry’s “E.T.” Offers Solid Proof That Kanye West Is In Fact An Alien
| Congressman Having Trouble Getting By On $174,000 Salary Posted: 01 Apr 2011 09:13 AM PDT Here’s a video of congressman and Real World alum Sean Duffy talking about his problems getting by on his $174,000 a year salary. Obviously his comments have already been spun politically in both directions and blended into political oblivion and poured over a blended concoction of Spin and Blender magazines that have been spun around in a blender, but I’m not really concerned with that — I just get instantly amused when anyone making magic grownup money (and has chosen to have 6 children) talks about their money problems, because I know what I make and it is not that (spoiler alert, future bloggers!): (via BuzzFeed) |
| Mad Men Renewed For Two More Seasons = Christmas Party GIF Time! Posted: 01 Apr 2011 08:30 AM PDT
I doubt Mad Men was in any true danger of not being extended by AMC, even after the show’s creators announced that the next Mad Men season wouldn’t happen until 2012 (not our year 2012, they meant the story will literally take place 45 years in the future), but either way, Matthew Weiner has reached a deal to bring the show back for three final seasons:
Yay! Hopefully this isn’t an extremely mundane April Fool’s joke. “GOTCHA! He’s actually still in talks with Lionsgate but they expect to reach a deal in the next 48 hours!!! You got FOOLED, Opposite of Tom Sawyer!” In a way, too, maybe the superlong between-seasons hiatus is a good thing — Matthew Weiner-involved shows seem to operate the best when so much real-life time passes between seasons, you forget all your expectations and it’s just this nice eventual gift long after you’ve stopped anticipating it. I’m still pretty sure there’s another half-season of The Sopranos yet to come. |
| Ikea Invents State-Of-The-Art Doggie High Chair Posted: 01 Apr 2011 01:49 AM PDT I had to pause the above video about 15 seconds in to stop, think real hard, and realize this whole thing is an elabroate hoax, no… an elaborate April Fool’s Day Prank. The reason for my hesitation? Simply put, every single thing in Ikea could qualify as some sort of joke. It’s like “Sure, delicious jumbo hot dogs for a dollar?? Nice try, Ikea, but I am well aware that today is April 1, known in America as April Fool‘s Day. And I’m no fool, pal, I’m on to your– What’s that? It’s October 12 and those hot dogs really are $1 each? I’ll take one hundred thousand to go please.” — Me during every single Ikea visit.
Hell, the more I think about it, the entire country of Sweden is borderline parody. This guy? And this guy??? Come on. That’s hilåriöus. xoxo BONUS: If you’ve ever wondered what a piece of Ikea furniture would sound like if it was named after you, click here. (via ONTD) |
| WANT: Pulled Pork & Pierogi Pretzel Sandwich Posted: 31 Mar 2011 02:55 PM PDT
Behold, the new sandwich this year at PNC Park in Pittsburgh: “The Pulled Pork and Pierogi Stacker piles house-smoked pulled pork on top of a Breadworks pretzel roll with caramelized onions and two potato pierogies.” Baseball is great. If you need further elaboration on that comment, you can find me on the exact spot where this sandwich is sitting in the photo, ending my life. It’s been BUN, y’all! (As in, pretzel instead of one. Can’t make sentence logic, brain pre-emptively saving energy to digest this sandwich.) Oh, and another one for good measure:
“The Stuffed Pepper Hoagie stuffs a banana pepper packed with sausage and cheese into a hoagie roll, and then tops it with fresh marinara.” What the hell, our fanbase has been suicidal for almost two decades anyway, might as well find a way to work a stuffed banana pepper into it and whip two birds with one rodlike clogged artery. (via @mattmono3) |
| TRAILER MIX: MTV’s Teen Wolf Truly Captures The Gritty Violence Of The Original Posted: 31 Mar 2011 01:50 PM PDT When you think of the original Michael J. Fox Teen Wolf, what comes to mind? Super dark, violent, gritty, lots of inner-turmoil, super-gritty wolf-inspired dance craze scene? Me too! All of those things in that order. Here’s the trailer for the new MTV Teen Wolf series, which really captures the dark, isolated feel of the original film that Eugene Mirman once summed up with the one-sentence description, “I want to f*ck but also I’m a wolf!” The only part I don’t get is, why does him being a wolf make him suddenly great at lacrosse? We all know that the ONLY sport affected by wolf powers is basketball, and that they also rub off on your teammate if he’s Francis from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure: It doesn’t look as much like Teen Wolf as it does some other movie, but I can’t quite put my werewolf or vampire finger on it…
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| The Ultimate James Van Der Beek GIF Wall Posted: 31 Mar 2011 01:11 PM PDT
There was a time when James Van Der Beek was known to the world as Dawson Leery on Dawson’s Creek. Time passed, and suddenly, JVDB (which we will refer to him in standard JCVD format from now on) became known on the internet as a single, epic image: A GIF of him crying. That meme was so viral that Dawson himself got in on the joke, and the website James Van Der Memes was born. But as of this week, JVDB will be known for something entirely new. It’s been announced that he’ll be hosting the 2011 Logo’s New Now Next Awards, airing April 10 at 10 PM on Logo! That’s right: DAWSON IS HOSTING. Especially exciting for me, as I’ll be conducting exclusive backstage interviews with presenters and winners, which you can check out during the broadcast over at LogoTV.com! So, to get people pumped up for what is easily the funnest awards show on the planet, we’ve put together the Ultimate James Van Der Beek GIF Wall. Get the eyewash out in case, it’s a lot to take in.
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| Sexy: Here Are Some Sexy Stills From Sexy Breaking Dawn Sexy Times Posted: 31 Mar 2011 01:15 PM PDT FIN-AL-LY. After years of Twilight Saga no sex here is some Twilight Saga sex! Sort of! In the form of stills from the forthcoming Breaking Dawn.
In the book, which I literally flipped through to get to the sexy times and then after reading dropped into a shredder, stuff gets rough. It’s not erotic fiction or anything. But these stills look promising. As well they should, every teenage girl/middle age lady has been dying for this. If they are let down a mass cry will be released into the universe, tearing the sky asunder. And we don’t want that. We need our sky. More sexy times here. |
| Betty White Is Getting Her Own Reality Show On NBC, Because Internet Posted: 31 Mar 2011 12:47 PM PDT
The Betty White juggernaut continued its invincible warpath today nearly one year after The Internet rolled it to the top of a giant SNL hill and re-unleashed it upon the world:
FIIIIIINNALLLY a U.S. answer to Benidorm Bastards! I was wondering when Benidorm Bastards was going to become a U.S. show, I just hope that our Benidorm Bastards is as great as the original, classic Benidorm Bastards. (No I do not know what Benidorm Bastards is.) We all love Betty White, but really, “Betty White’s Off Their Rockers”? That sounds like a fake one-second TGS sketch they’d cut to in an episode of 30 Rock. Still, hard to blame the ever-desperate NBC for trying to capitalize on anything remotely internet-trendy. Here are some other internet things that NBC is turning into shows: Evolution Of Dance: The Show! Bronx Zoo Cobra In: A Bronx Show! Tay Zonday Presents: Chocolate Show! Charlie Sheen Memes Filmed And Called A Show! Is Snakes On A Plane Still Big No Too Late It’s A Show! The Christian Bale Rant Show! (Starring John O’Hurley as Bale) The Internet Show! |
| SEEKING: Asian Man To Give Me A Child Posted: 31 Mar 2011 12:49 PM PDT OhhhMyyyyahhGadddahh. Why are Asian kids the most adorable miniature specimens on Earth? (That’s OK to say, right? It’s a compliment, chill.) Well, if you thought they were cute before (and trust me, I did) then WAIT UNTIL some Eastern Hemispherically based GENIUS puts It’s called “Our Kindergarten Teacher,” features exactly 50 tiny fingers strumming 5 mini guitars and it sounds like a million butterflies landing on the hearts of babies. Speaking of babies, any Asian dudes out there wanna call it a night with me so I may birth my own miniature Asian Gypsy Kings? Appreciated! This video does have 2 million views, but I’m assuming that it’s been seen by around .00003 of the population of China and that it did not, in fact, get e-mailed to you by your Mom already. If I am incorrect, my sincerest apologies. (via Tamar Anitai over at MTV Buzzworthy) |
| Watch A Montage Of Body Switcheroos In Film Posted: 31 Mar 2011 11:06 AM PDT NY Mag put together this montage of parts in films wherein two characters switch bodies. This happens a lot in films. It should be its own genre. “What should we watch tonight? Thriller? Rom Com? Body Switcheroo?” What I WISH there were more movies of is when two characters switch faces. Actually, I just wish every movie were Face/Off, which should really be called Face/Switch. Face/Off only covers half the battle. Yes, they take their faces off, but they also put them back on. John Travolta’s face on Nic Cage’s body and Vice Versa (Body Switcheroo comedy starring Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage). It occurs to me that The Social Network should have been called Face/Book and there should have been a slow mo Mexican shootout scene. Maybe then it would have won the Oscar. |
| Congratulations! It’s A Raisin! Rachel Zoe Reveals Baby Posted: 31 Mar 2011 10:48 AM PDT
After 18 months of pregnancy, Rachel Zoe has revealed the first photo of her, her husband Rodger Bermanus, and her new baby boy Skylar, who is either a California Raisin or a Ferrara Red Hot. Whatever he is, he’s a healthy baby boy, weighing in at 14.5 nanograms and measured to be about 8 microns long, meaning he is roughly as large as a tablespoon of tabbouleh. He is being fed a strict diet of Bah. Nah. Nasssss. More importantly, on a scale of 1 to 10, how racist were the California Raisins? The consensus amongst my Twitter followers is somewhere around 11. |
| TOP CHEF ALL-STARS FINALE RECAP: Blais Of Glory? Or MIKE Of Glory? Posted: 31 Mar 2011 10:08 AM PDT It’s the Top Chef All-Stars Finale! The real one, not Part 1 of 4 where they have to cook for a king who turns out to be not a king and how is that a twist because the stakes are infinitely lower (so many chefmories)! It’s down to Richard Blais and Mike Isabella, and their Final Challenge is to “Provide a glimpse into your future as a great chef.” Richard says he dreams of someday having a restaurant where “you come in and I cook you my style of food” (it’s also a restaurant where he’s in it to win it and not there to make friends), while Mike Isabella shows the judges a crystal ball of his future self as a fat fish with a long white beard. All the All-Stars and Jamie are back, and they’re all wearing their Wackee Finalee Glasses:
Everyone got their Cheffin’ glasses on? It’s TOP CHEF SEASON 8 FINALE RECAP TIME (my superhero-entrance declaration needs shortening): To determine who the finalists will be working with, the eliminated chefs each cook one amuse-bouche, and Richard & Mike each select three dishes without knowing whose they are and pair up with the corresponding chefs. Richard, shrewdly, picks up on the scent of Angelo’s herbal essences:
Mike ends up with Tiffani, Jamie, and Carla, and says “they’re like my angels.” Which angels exactly? Charlie’s? The Los Angeles ones of Anaheim? Christopher Lloyd’s outfield ones? Or the angels where two of the three angels are pretty bad at making angelhair pasta in the cloud kitchen? Yes, I know angels don’t only eat angelhair pasta – LIGHTEN UP guys, it’s the Finale of Humour too. Richard gets Angelo, Antonia, and Spike, noting that Spike “did have jet ski reservations, so I’m worried his head might not be in it.” Richard ends up being so right:
The Finalists take turns outlining their menus for their chefbordinates, making sure to point out how well Terlato wines go with the foods they’ll eventually be making:
Mike smartly rejects some awful dessert input from Tiffani, avoiding a classic and super-foreseeable Top Chef pitfall (nine testimonials of Mike regretting not taking control of his own menu), and proudly declares “There’s nothing safe on my menu.” When he eventually unveils his Blowfish Over Razor-In Apple Salad, we cannot help but agree. Richard unveils his restaurant, Tongue And Cheek, and creates a menu by pulling letters off an AFI t-shirt from Hot Topic:
Richard’s concept? Creative, flavorful cuisine with whimsy, served by waiters dressed like Robert De Niro from Casino:
Richard’s menu does sound impeccable, including a Raw Oyster Amuse Bouche, a Raw Hamachi appetizer, a Pork Belly with a Black Cod Cutlet second course, and a very Blais-sounding Beef Short Rib third course, but he makes a last-second dessert alteration that raises a giant red flag in my Top Chef-watching mailbox (my metaphors haven’t made sense all season, no time to start now). Richard decides to switch from a Cap’n Crunch ice cream to a foie gras ice cream (basically the same thing), and I immediately see visions of jaded chefs being automatically reverse-impressed by the foie gras and saying they didn’t know why it was there. GLLLLL…hang in there, Blaisby! I have extreme confidence that Mike will come up with a lamer restaurant name than Richard, and I am completely right (that’s why they pay me the big bucks! Oversized, novelty one-dollar bills):
That restaurant doesn’t even exist and my parents are already saying the name of it wrong. Mike’s “Restaurant Iz” — named after “Love Is,” Homer SImpson’s favorite comic strip about two naked eight year olds who are married — also boasts an impressive menu, including a Spiced Beets and Mozzarella first course, a second course of Halibut, an amazing-sounding Braised Pork Shoulder with Pepperoni Sauce third course, and a Rosemary Caramel Custard dessert. No one appears concerned about how much Mike’s halibut dish looks like sperm:
The judges for the finale are a veritable Top Chef Masters of Top Chef Notmasters Master Judges: Hubert Keller, Lidia Bastianich, Alfred Portale, Art Smith, Curtis Stone, and the aforementioned Bill Terlato, plus Tom, Gail, and an insanely happy Padma:
The judges’ feedback is superlatively positive right from the getgo, with Tom calling Mike’s sperm halibut “the best-cooked piece of fish I’ve ever had on the show.” Richard’s dishes are receiving equally emphatic praise, as he learns by sending Spike out to spy on the guests (by far my favorite part of the episode):
Neither set of judges is impressed with the desserts, though; Spike tells Richard, “They’re not really liking the jet skis. I mean foie gras,” and Richard decides to do another last-minute tweak to his dessert before the second batch of judges arrives. Foie gras is foie gras and Richard knows what he’s doing, but seeing the ice cream come out of the machine was the first time I actually worried that he might lose this finale:
The teams of judges switch places and the positive comments keep coming, and in an odd switch, both groups of judges seem to now enjoy both desserts. Basically, everyone loves everything. Especially these excited kids:
We head to the final Judges Table of a very long season with both chefs seemingly neck-and-chubbier-neck. At Judge’s Table, Richard’s foie gras ice cream suddenly isn’t remembered as badly as it seemed when it was first presented, and Tom adds to his comment about Mike’s best-cooked piece of fish ever that “that was before I tried Richard’s.” The Judges then give the chefs one more chance to describe their culinary dreams furnished by Buitoni, and both chefs get emotional:
At this point, despite Mike’s initial gushing reviews, it really seems like Richard is going to take it. Top Chef brings out all the eliminated chefs and some of Mike and Richard’s family members for the big Top Chef crowning (just kidding, it’s that fake king’s crown! Just kidding it’s not, you’re literally a king.) EVERYONE IS SO NERVOUS…
Padma opens her mouth and says “Richard………………..” Well, clearly he’s won, because she’s not gonna be a d*ck and say “pack your knives and leave the Bahamas” plus we saw a clip of her saying “you ARE Top Chef” last week and she’s not gonna eliminate someone then still have the chance to declare Mike as Top Chef before the hubbub settles unless Bravo filmed her saying that for the teaser but never used it… Never mind cause RICHARD BLAIS IS TOP CHEF!!!
Mike Isabella is not:
I gotta say, for as many times as I’ve ripped on Mike this season (some of which was just me trying to get VH1 its money’s worth for the stock image of the Mike fish I purchased from Getty Images), he may have backed into the final grouping but really turned it on these last few weeks. He wasn’t a true “villain” or “fan favorite”, so there was really no reason for the producers to overly meddle to keep him on the show, so I can only guess that his strong Bahamas showing was nothing short of legit. That said, obviously I was pulling for Richard, and for as many twists as there’ve been this season, he was the obvious choice from Day 1. 89.9% of you agreed:
I did notice that the poll is now up to 90% for Blais, meaning some people voted for Richard last night after Richard actually won Top Chef. That’s nice work, boys! So that’s it. Blais is the King of the All-Stars, and he completely redeemed himself after his much-flashbacked Season Finale choke. This wasn’t exactly shocking — particularly with how happily Richard’s been Tweeting about the episodes in the past couple weeks (not sure he’d be like “Hey guys, don’t forget to tune in to watch me lose to Mike Isabella!”) — but I really felt like Bravo was properly building up Mike so that Richard could deservedly win the season without it being as anticlimactic as we might’ve guessed from Day One if we knew the Finale would be Richard vs. Mike. One fitting final story – I was watching the episode on my DVR, and when it ended it launched right into Watch What Happens Live, then cut off one minute into it at this exact frame:
Awwwwwww, BLAIS!!!! He’s a man who can freeze anything…except his tears. What’d you think of the Finale, and the Top Chef All-Stars season as a whole? Happy for Blais? Unhappy for Mike (lol)? It’s our LAST TOP CHEF COMMENT JAM SESSION of the season :( |
| PREMIERE: Katy Perry’s “E.T.” Offers Solid Proof That Kanye West Is In Fact An Alien Posted: 31 Mar 2011 10:18 AM PDT Here is the premiere of Katy Perry’s latest obvious-smash single “E.T.” And if you believe in aliens, then buckle up, because — spoiler alert — she bumps into Kanye West while floating through the galaxy, and he is most definitely an alien, and no, I am not trying to be funny when I say this. I mean, what kind of human being would even think of the genius lyric “I know a bar out in Mars, where they drive spaceships instead of cars.” That is otherworldly, mortals. And that Katy Perry!! Her kisses have the power to turn aliens into albinos. Now we sort of get the whole Russell Brand thing. Make sure to watch the whole way through for the ~twist~ ending. The ~twist~ being: She has goat legs. i.e. My fantasy come true, given my love for the goat. |
What kind of store without a genius sense of humor would think to sell people furniture, sometimes heavy-duty, serious furniture, which they then require be put together at home by the purchaser? I have never in my life encountered an Ikea dresser or bookshelf where at least one of the components is 25 degrees of. I don’t care who you are, the more Ikea furny you have in your house, the higher the likelihood that your parents will think you have a drug problem.
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