Cele|bitchy

Hot Girl Friday: Much Ado About Biscuits
Helen Mirren’s pink dress at CinemaCon: dowdy or fabulous?
Jessica Simpson lost 20 pounds in two months
Kate Bosworth might get a job opposite Colin Farrell, ugh
Scarlett Johansson’s dong haze subsides, Sean Penn “acts like her father”
Linnocent’s crack-denial: “Just because I’m out doesn’t mean I’m drinking!”
Katherine Heigl & Josh Kelley’s marriage is in trouble because of Heigl’s nosy mom
Ashton Kutcher buys $4k “Doomsday Kit”
Are Ryan Seacrest & Julianne Hough already in couples therapy?
Robbie Williams’ wife might join Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast

Hot Girl Friday: Much Ado About Biscuits

Posted: 01 Apr 2011 08:41 AM PDT

Cate Blanchett. Some of you will claim that Cate isn't "sexy" enough to be on Hot Girl Friday. You're so wrong. While Cate doesn't have a trashy, vampy, sexpot allure, her allure is something so much more substantial. That's it, really. Cate is Substance. She is Talent. She is Quality. And that's sexy. Remember how Hot Girl Friday started - I was reading one of those "Hot Girl" lists on some men's site and I realized that I found none of their hot women attractive in the least. Cate is the kind of woman other women appreciate and love (although I hope men love her too). I imagine having a conversation with Cate is erotic. When I've seen her in interviews, she comes across as so intelligent, so witty, but with a slightly goofy, self-deprecating vibe. She's self-aware and cool. And I love that she isn't messing with her face. She is one of my Forever Biscuits, and she deserves to be one of yours too.

Mary Louise Parker. I don't even think Mary Louise Parker is beautiful. She's pretty, sure. But she's more than her looks - she's honest and funny and smart as hell and she gives great interviews. And she doesn't care about getting naked on camera or doing raunchy sex scenes or doing sexy photo shoots. She's just a cool chick, and I get the feeling that men fall all over her. And why not? She's got the best attitude, and she seems like the most fun.

Doutzen Kroes. Doutzen is my favorite model! I love her athletic body, and I love that she talks a lot about how much work it takes for her to achieve her spectacular figure. I love that she looks like she eats, I love her hair, I love her lips, and I love that in her mind, she's just an average Dutch girl. As far as her crazy-beautiful face… don't you think she sort of looks like the love child of Claudia Schiffer and Denise Richards? Now that I've said, you can't unsee it, can you?!? Oh, and Doutzen just had a baby too! She tweeted a photo of him too. Here's a pic of her baby, and here's one of Doutzen with her boyfriend/baby-daddy.

Iman. I mean, she's a beauty icon, and a personal icon. She skin glows. She's is ageless and timeless. She's smart and interesting and she's a brilliant businesswoman. And David Bowie still looks like he's head-over-heels in love, doesn't he? Why wouldn't he be? She's like… I don't know, an old-fashion goddess, a throw-back to another era.

Mila Kunis. I was quite in love with Mila Kunis for a while there last year. She just kept giving good interviews, and all of a sudden the slightly gawky, pretty girl turned into a bombshell. She seems really low-key and put-together, and I have my fingers crossed that she doesn't end up with Justin Timberlake. I think she's way too smart for that, and by all accounts, she's shot him down multiple times. Also: I love the way the camera loves her. She's something different in still photos - a goddess.

Leighton Meester & Jessica Szohr. Because the two vapid, pantless blondes on Gossip Girl get too much attention. And because I have a not-so-secret affinity for haughty brunette bitches. Leighton seems adorable/sexy, while Jessica is just… gorgeous. To me, at least. I find her incredible sexy in photos.

Archie Panjabi. By request! I've only seen Archie in Bend It Like Beckham (she played the older sister who was getting married) and A Mighty Heart. I keep meaning to watch The Good Wife, and I know I would enjoy it! It sounds good, and the people on it are wonderful. Anyway, Archie was a request, via Twitter. Enjoy!

Diane Lane. I don't even know what to say beyond: Unfaithful. You watch that, and you know. Diane is The Sex. She's also a damn good actress. I love her and her tragic style.

Penelope Cruz (By CB) I love Penelope’s accent and her body is to die for, even after she just had a baby. I want her hair, I want her boobs and I definitely want her husband. Maybe I want to be her husband, he is one lucky guy.

Helen Mirren (By CB) Who can forget those incredibly hot bikini photos of dame Helen? She’s wacky, she’s sexy and her costars can’t keep their hands off her. She looks better now at 65 than she ever has and she’s in no way plastic. There’s something so elegant and sensual about Helen.

Gemma Arterton (By CB) British Bond girl Gemma really came onto her own in Prince of Persia, where she played the breathtakingly gorgeous love interest. She’s just 25 and we’re looking forward to seeing much more of her to come.

Heather Graham (By CB) Heather Graham is a space cadet but she’s a knockout. She got to-die for hair, big eyes and a killer body. She’s also 41, can you believe it? It almost makes me want to go… vegan.

Tina Fey! (By CB) For our dessert we should have a comedian since it’s April Fool’s Day, but Tina definitely earns this spot. She’s so funny, she’s so deservedly successful and she hasn’t turned into a Barbie clone like so many other women in her industry. She’s prettier than her contemporaries because she’s real. She hasn’t had a boob job and she doesn’t look all Botoxy and shiny. She hasn’t dyed her hair blonde and she doesn’t bother to wear contacts most of the time. She’s hot and on the rare occasions she works it she knocks it out of the park. Most of the time she just wows us with her humor and snark, though, making us wish she would hang out with us and get drunk. Here’s to Tina, our after dinner cocktail with an unexpected kick.

Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN, the domestic and international additions of Vogue, GQ, Esquire, Allure, FHM, Maxim and Vanity Fair.

Helen Mirren’s pink dress at CinemaCon: dowdy or fabulous?

Posted: 01 Apr 2011 08:40 AM PDT

Earlier, I covered Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds' appearance at CinemaCon yesterday. There were even more stars there - like Helen Mirren! She won a Career Achievement Award (like, a lifetime achievement), and I'm sure she thought her little statue was tacky, but she's too much of a lady to be bitchy about it. So she went to Vegas (side note: I would love to go to Vegas with Helen!) and picked up her award and posed for photos, all while wearing this rather lovely pink dress. I love the way Helen dresses - now. Back in the day, her style was train wreck. But she's developed a better eye, and she's almost always age-appropriate yet sexy. I love her in pink too!

And here's Dame Mirren's lover Russell Brand. Hm… Russell and Helen, alone in Las Vegas? What could happen?!? Anything and everything.

The star of the new Transformers movie, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, was there as well, She actually went more formal than the event needed. The gown is Kevork Kiledjian. It's very pretty on her, but she's one of those girls who could wear a potato sack.

And here's a taste of Jason Momoa, because I know you bitches like him.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Jessica Simpson lost 20 pounds in two months

Posted: 01 Apr 2011 08:25 AM PDT

Here are some photos of Jessica Simpson out on 3/26 and she looks incredible. You can really see the difference in her face in that it looks thinner and more angular. Star Magazine estimates that she’s lost 20 pounds in a couple of months already, and it’s definitely possible. (They have a comparison photo from early January.) We know she’s been working out and dieting, although she’s trying to downplay how important it is to her. Good for her for getting healthy for her wedding, which may or may not happen soon.

Star claims that Jess is doing “up to six 100 minute-sessions” of cardio and strength training and that she’s eating 1,600 calories a day. That sounds too sensible for someone working with Tracy Anderson.

There’s another story about Simpson in this week’s tabloids that cracked me the hell up. The Enquirer reports that she was at the DMV recently and got told off by an employee when she asked for special treatment. That one deserves repeating:

“Jessica didn’t want to sit with the average Joes who were ahead of her. So she went to the front desk [of the DMV in Hollywood] and asked in a low voice if she could have access to a private room while waiting for her number to be called,” an eyewitness divulged…

“The no-nonsense female staffer answered Jessica in a loud, forceful voice, saying, ‘Miss Simpson, we didn’t do that for the governor and we certainly aren’t doing it for you!” the eyewitness revealed.

The 30 year-old former reality star… went back to her seat and the verge of tears and played the diva role to the hilt until her name was called two hours later, the source added.

“Jessica pouted and scowled as she sat with her arms folded and stared straight ahead, kicking her foot,” said the eyewitness. “But hopefully she learned two big lessons - everyone gets treated the same way at the DMV and next time, make an appointment!”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, April 11, 2011]

I have a dumb question - can you make appointments at the DMV? You must be able to in California I guess, but I’ve lived in other states on the east coast and you can’t make an appointment at any of the DMVs I’ve known. Of course they were smaller and easier to deal with than the DMVs at bigger cities.

I love how that DMV clerk was all “the governor doesn’t even get special treatment, sit down!” It’s a bitch to go to the DMV but there’s no escaping it. I do dream of a day in my life when I’ll never have to go through airport security again though. That’s ten times worse than the DMV and it lasts a fraction as long.

Here’s Jessica on 12/13/10 for comparison:

Photo credit: WENN and Fame

Kate Bosworth might get a job opposite Colin Farrell, ugh

Posted: 01 Apr 2011 08:19 AM PDT

These are new photos of Kate Bosworth yesterday in LA. You know how we were looking at those new photos of Candice Swanepoel and calling her recent weight loss "radical" and "horrifying". Well, for my money, Candice's legs and figure looked WAY healthier than Kate Bosworth's, and The Bos doesn't even have the excuse of "I've been really busy" or "It's hard for me to keep on weight." The Bos doesn't do much other than call the paparazzi on herself and start rumors about what job she's about to get.

Speaking of the latest Bos rumor, according to Deadline and Kate's publicist, she's "reading" for one of the two female parts in the completely unnecessary remake of Total Recall. The thing is being made with Colin Farrell in the lead role (the one originated by Arnold Schwarzenegger). Kate is up for the Sharon Stone role - the bitchy fake-wife. Diane Kruger was rumored to be up for the role too, which made me laugh because why wouldn't you hire Diane over The Bos? But Diane didn't want to read for the role. You can read more about the casting from hell here at Deadline - Eva Mendes and Jessica Biel are up for the other girl part. Do you want to see Kate's bag of bones and smug face act opposite Colin Farrell? Won't that make you kind of nauseous?

Also, and this is just a side note observation - remember last week, Us Weekly printed a rumor going around that Kate and Alex Skarsgard were on the verge of splitting or something? Well, look who's clinging! There's been nothing since then. Kate has attached herself and she's not letting go.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Scarlett Johansson’s dong haze subsides, Sean Penn “acts like her father”

Posted: 01 Apr 2011 07:13 AM PDT

Finally! The Enquirer has an interesting story about Scarlett Johansson's dong haze slowly lifting - according to their sources, Sean Penn and ScarJo aren't quite as loved-up and happy as every other report would indicate. While Sean is totally into Scar - to the point of overbearing obsession - Scarlett is (allegedly) starting to feel cramped. Like, Sean is acting like Scarlett's father and Scar is all "Um, dude, I don't need another father, just shut up and spank me." I kind of hope this one is true:

The romance between Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson is already getting rocky, according to insiders. Sean has been acting like a control freak on the set of Scarlett's latest movie, We Bought a Zoo, insiders say, and Scarlett is getting fed up.

"Sean's been coming to the set daily and watching Scar's every move," an insider divulged. "He scowls at any guy who talks to Scar or even looks at her unless it's work-related, and he demands that people bend over backwards to accommodate her. If Scar's hungry, Sean orders a set assistant to get exactly what she wants from a local restaurant. If he notices a smudge on her skin or a problem with her wardrobe, he orders the makeup and costume people to fix it. It's bizarre that he's gotten involved in such tiny details."

Sean and Scarlett's relationship is already showing signs of strain. According to the source, "Sean and Scar argue over everything from where to sit to what kind of drinks to order. They argued over wine versus champagne, and Scarlett rolled her eyes through the entire meal."

An insider predicts: "Scarlett is a free spirit and she was attracted to Sean for his bad boy reputation. She thought he's a be a fun rebound after her failed marriage, and she respects him as an actor and activist. But she wants superstar Sean, not someone who acts like her dad."

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

Does this sound like Sean? Well… I don't know. I think Sean comes across as the kind of man who would become "obsessed" with the woman he was seeing, to the point of being over-bearing and creepy. But I also don't think that phase would last very long. Sean gets bored easily, at least that's my impression. So while today he can't bear to be without Scar's biscuits and he'll do anything to make her happy, a month from now he'll be boning some C-list blonde and obsessing over her.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Linnocent’s crack-denial: “Just because I’m out doesn’t mean I’m drinking!”

Posted: 01 Apr 2011 06:47 AM PDT

I can't believe I'm doing another Linnocent story, but here you go. These are photos of Linnocent last night, exiting a screening of Source Code. Jake Gyllenhaal was there, and I would pay good money to see footage of Linnocent, cracked out of her skull, approaching Jake like a cracked-out predator and propositioning him. Can't you just see his face? The look of horror? I can see it.

Anyway, remember those photos I linked to earlier? Linnocent on her hands and knees on the ground two nights ago, drunk off her ass? Go here for the photos. Well, we have Linnocent's crack denial regarding the photos. She tells TMZ, "I was NOT drinking, nor do I drink! I was with my brother, sister and friends. I was making a joke. They’re trying to make something out of nothing. Just because I’m out doesn’t mean I’m drinking.” Actually, I think busting your ass as you come out of a club at 3 a.m. DOES mean that you've been drinking. And smoking crack. And doing lines.

Can I admit something kind of serious? This is the first time in a while where I've actually thought Lindsay is truly out of control. Yeah, the past year has been crack chaos with Linnocent in and out of jail and rehab and all of her crack hustling and SCRAM bracelets and all of it. But Linnocent still felt contained, you know? Ever since she flew from LA to NYC (and back and forth again), it just feels like she's truly losing it. Maybe it's her upcoming crack trial, and Linnocent is just trying to party her crack off before the trial starts. Or maybe she just doesn't give a crap anymore. I don't know.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Katherine Heigl & Josh Kelley’s marriage is in trouble because of Heigl’s nosy mom

Posted: 01 Apr 2011 06:17 AM PDT

Am I the only one who consistently feels sorry for Josh Kelley? Like, whenever Katherine Heigl opens her big bitchy mouth, I think "Poor Josh." Whenever I see photos of Heigl's latest fashion and/or hair disaster, I think "Poor Josh." And when I read this latest story - about Katherine and her BFF mom - I thought "Seriously, poor Josh." You see, Katherine is a mother-lover. There's nothing wrong with it, per se. I'm really close to my mom too, and we go shopping together and gossip and go to movies. Katherine has a similar relationship with her mom - only she takes to the next level, and it's getting kind of creepy. It's not just that Katherine's mom Nancy is her BFF - Nancy is also Heigl's manager and producing partner. And Nancy also lives a few seconds away from Josh and Katherine's house. And Nancy spends the night at their house all the time. And Nancy won't ever let her daughter and her husband be alone, EVER.

Katherine Heigl's meddling mom is wrecking her marriage! Heigl's husband Josh Kelley has complained that Heigl's mom Nancy spends so much time at their LA home that it's ruining their love life, sources say.

"Josh is a patient guy, but he's fed up playing second fiddle to his mother-in-law," an insider divulged. "Nancy lives around the corner from Katherine and Josh in her own place, but she spends so much time at their home that she may as well move in. She often stays overnight and knocks on their door pretty much every day she's in town."

Nancy even vacations with the couple, and Josh claims it's hurting their romantic life, the source said.

"Josh told Katherine that they need more quality time together - without her mother," says the insider. "He demanded Katherine spend more time with him and less with Nancy - period. He loves his mother-in-law, but this is a real problem for him and it's becoming a major issue in their marriage."

To make matters worse, Nancy is also her daughter's manager, and has produced two of Heigl's films.

"Katherine and Nancy aren't just mom and daughter, or even best friends for that matter. They're business partners who live and breathe every aspect of each other's lives."

The mother and daughter are so close they even got matching haircuts!

"It's all too much for Josh… he's become increasingly irritated by Nancy's influence. Josh feels as if he's married two women - Katherine and her mom."

[From The National Enquirer, print edition]

I think it's probably a particularly touchy subject considering that Katherine and Nancy don't have even a typically tight mother-daughter relationship/friendship. They're business partners, and Nancy has a vested interest in Katherine financially. I've felt for a long time that Katherine and Nancy need to part ways professionally - Nancy is not helping Katherine's career, at all. Heigl needs a team of professionals, she needs to be represented by someone who has the balls to tell her to STFU and BE a professional. Nancy is obviously not doing that.

But… I doubt Nancy and Katherine are going to part financially any time soon, so in the meantime, POOR JOSH.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Ashton Kutcher buys $4k “Doomsday Kit”

Posted: 01 Apr 2011 06:07 AM PDT

Here’s a little blurb in In Touch that sounds likely. You may remember that Ashton Kutcher told Men’s Fitness that his motivation for working out was to save his family from the apocalypse. He even had a whole backstory for it and everything, and went on at length about how only the fittest would survive. Then he tried to backtrack and claimed that he was joking and thought the journalist was in on it. He said “I kind of got going on this roll of the apocalypse and I thought she was getting the joke.”

Well it didn’t sound like Ashton was joking at all in that article. He talked about getting his guns out after a power outage and holing up with his family in his house like he was waiting to fend intruders off his land. This latest story adds some more credence to that. He reportedly shelled out $4k for survival gear recently.

Ashton Kutcher recently visited the Surplus Value Center in LA and stocked up on $4,000 worth of survival gear for himself and his family. “He is obsessed with the idea of either an earthquake or a massive uprising,” says an insider. Ashton bought some basic survival packages: emergency blankets, hand-powered radios and flashlights, as well as a lot of emergency water rations and ready-to-eat meals. “The store specializes in anything you might need for basic survival in the event of a natural disaster,” says the insider. “Ashton apparently likes to keep up a good stock of emergency goods.”

[From In Touch, print edition, April 11, 2011]

You know, I wanted to make fun of Ashton for this but after the big earthquake and tsunami in Japan it just makes sense to have emergency supplies on hand, especially on the West Coast unfortunately. It’s really sad but these are the times we’re living in. It’s not necessarily new, though. We had people stocking up during the cold war and again for Y2K and now it’s that 2012 nonsense. Other than being prepared there’s no reason to focus on it, though. If sh*t happens we’ll either be warned or we won’t and we may as well live our lives in the mean time. Hopefully we’ve had enough recent tragedies and things will calm down for a while. It’s way more dangerous to drive your damn car every day than just about anything else, though. That’s worth remembering before you worry about some remote possibility.

Here’s Ashton on 3/15 on the set of New Year’s Day in NY. That’s why he’s wearing his pajamas out. He’s also shown on n 3/25/11 out with Demi. I hope that hair and beard is for his role. Credit: WENN and Fame

Are Ryan Seacrest & Julianne Hough already in couples therapy?

Posted: 01 Apr 2011 05:43 AM PDT

Julianne Hough and Ryan Seacrest began "dating" last year, I believe around May or June. So they're coming up on their one year anniversary. Exciting, isn't it? Contract renegotiation is in the air! I honestly thought that Ryan would jettison Julianne once he lost out on Larry King's job at CNN, but I was wrong! True love/contracts conquer all, and Julianne seems quite content as Ryan's girlfriend of record. After all, he takes her to Paris, he buys her things, she gets invited to big events and she has a career beyond Dancing With the Stars. Pretty sweet.

Anyway, there have long been "rumors" about Ryan and Julianne planning on getting engaged. The Enquirer had one a few months ago, claiming that Ryan finally dropped to one knee and proposed while they were in Paris. Now In Touch Weekly claims that while they are not currently engaged, it's definitely on Ryan's mind. He's worried, though. So he and Julianne are going to "couples therapy". That poor bastard therapist.

Ryan Seacrest and his girlfriend Julianne Hough are at the make-or-break point in their relationship - either they're getting engaged or breaking up. To make sure they're meant for each other, they're seeing a shrink, a friend says.

"Ryan's ready to marry her, but she's only 22, and he's 36," the friend explains. "He wants to get married one and only once. He needs to know if she's ready to commit and start a family despite her age."

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

Yes, the age difference is MY biggest concern as well. I'm not concerned at all by the fact that Ryan can't get through a red carpet without cruising all of the hot guys. I'm not concerned at all that Ryan seems like a massive bitch who would slap the hell out of anyone who dared to "cross" him. And by cross him, I mean use his lip gloss.

Speaking of Ryan and his makeup, Star Magazine's cover story last week was all about "secrets from the stylists to the stars". It was kind of boring, but there was a piece about Dame Seacrest and how he loves his mascara and his spray-tans. Oh, and he tints his eyelashes too. What's funny is that "a source close to Seacrest" even bothered to deny the story to Gossip Cop. Which just makes it true, in my opinion.

Here are some photos of Julianne last night at CinemaCon, taking home an award for "Female Rising Star". FOR BURLESQUE.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Robbie Williams’ wife might join Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast

Posted: 01 Apr 2011 05:15 AM PDT

I guess we can assume that Eddie Cibrian’s ex wife, Brandi Glanville, won’t be joining the cast of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. There were rumors a few weeks ago that she was in talks to potentially join the show, but now E! is floating the names of two other new would-be castmembers and there’s only one spot. Kyle Richards’ bitchy best friend, Faye Resnick, is supposedly being considered, as is Ayda Field, a 31 year-old actress who used to star on Days of Our Lives and is now married to pop singer and alien abductee Robbie Williams. (Like that will last. Maybe we’ll get to see their breakup on RHOBH.) Here’s more, from E!

Team Truth can officially confirm that Camille Grammer has signed on the dotted line to return for season two and that Bravo is zeroing in on a new castmember. Who could it be?

“There’s two contenders to join the cast,” a source close to production tells us. “It is between Faye Resnick and Ayda Field. If I were to put money on it, I would say Ayda will be the new castmember.”

Field, a pretty blonde soap actress with less plastic surgery (apparently) than the rest of the current cast, is married to pop star Robbie Williams. Hmmm, sounds like both spouses could use the show to give their careers a much needed boost?

A rep for Field would only confirm, “We’ve been approached.”

And, of course, those who watched the first season of RHOBH will remember Kyle Richard’s BFF Resnick, whom Camille Grammer famously referred to as “the morally corrupt Faye Resnick,” in reference to her Playboy spread following the O.J. Simpson trial.

“Faye is shooting for the show already because she is an actual friend of the cast,” explains the insider. “It is still unclear if Faye will remain a friend or become a central character on the show.”

But Bravo had better figure it out fast, because the source tells us that the show started officially shooting on Tuesday!

[From E! Online, The Awful Truth]

Well my vote is for Ayda hands down. She would be the youngest of the cast and she has a husband who is semi-famous enough to rival Camille’s ex. I’ve checked out some pictures of Ayda and the bitchface is strong. Plus they don’t need another plastic surgery victim like Faye Resnick. I’d love to see a younger chick come in and be welcomed and then inevitably backstabbed by Camille and Kyle. Taylor would be nice to her face and then try and passive aggressively start trouble. The Maloof will just be everyone’s milktoast tweaked friend and Lisa will crack jokes and be above it all as usual. (I’m still convinced that Lisa was taking direction from producers at the end of last season to drag up the whole New York fight yet again. That doesn’t seem like something she would do independently.) Poor Kim is supposedly still around, although maybe she’ll withdraw into her own little bubble of chardonnay and pills, blotting out her sister’s nastiness and abuse.

Can you tell how much I’m missing this show? They need to announce when the new season will premiere already, although I’m sure it will be months considering that they just started filming and are still shopping for a castmember.

Ayda and Robbie are shown on 11/16/10 (blonde hair) and 2/16/11 (brown hair). Credit: WENN.com