Best Week Ever |
- MARCH SADNESS: The Finals
- 15 Dog Asses Wearing Glasses
- Here’s The Nerdiest Thing I’ve Ever Done
- The Miley Cyrus Sex Doll Has Less Daddy Issues Than The Real Thing
- The Bronx Zoo Cobra Has Hacked Ryan Seacrest’s Twitter
- Why April Fool’s Day On The Internet Is F***ing Stupid
| Posted: 01 Apr 2011 02:22 PM PDT This is it — we started with 64 movies, and after five rounds of tearful exits, we’re down to just two…
I didn’t have a specific goal in mind when I started this tournament, other than to start some pointlessly amusing debates and to enjoy the OCD-pleasure of brackets and ranking things, but it’s been a blast, and I really can’t think of a more perfectly fitting way to end it than to debate the sadness merits of MY GIRL versus SCHINDLER’S LIST. As always, debate away in the comments. We’ll crown the official Saddest Movie Ever on Monday! |
| Posted: 01 Apr 2011 12:52 PM PDT It’s April Fool’s Day, and we’re celebrating it the only way we know how: With 15 Examples of Dog Ass Wearing Glasses. Please believe us when we ask you to watch each and every individual dog ass in glasses video, as they all evoke completely different personalities. And feel free to link to your own dog ass in glasses in the comments. 15. 14. 13. 12.
11. 10. 9.
8. 7. 6. 5.
4. 3. 2.
1. Unsurprisingly, Inspector Nosey is my favorite. |
| Here’s The Nerdiest Thing I’ve Ever Done Posted: 01 Apr 2011 12:56 PM PDT My friend Jeff Rubin from Collegehumor emailed me earlier this week asking if I’d like to contribute a “nerd confessional” to their weekly Nerd Alert segment. I’m not sure why he thought of me for a feature on nerdiness — I guess they’re asking really cool awesome cool great-at-sexers who might have like ONE nerdy thing in their past — but I looked down at my childhood collection of 200 Absolut Vodka ads that my parents just mailed me while preparing to sell their house, and said “I can probably think of something.” Below, Jeff, Jon Gabrus, and Stephen Totilo discuss 3-D Nintendo games, and I make a brief cameo to explain the nerdiest thing I’ve ever done: |
| The Miley Cyrus Sex Doll Has Less Daddy Issues Than The Real Thing Posted: 01 Apr 2011 12:22 PM PDT
Finally!! To the half dozen of you out there who have always longed to sleep with Miley Cyrus but never had the chance, have we found the stocking stuffer for you! It’s the Miley Cyrus Sex Doll. Yup, a silicon version of your daughters’ favorite pop star is now up for grabs (literally, dustily, off the shelf) as a lifeless receptacle for all of your daily frustrations. And really, that box cover is not that much more slutty than the photos Miley herself has posed for. So you would think Miley would be honored by this sex doll. But no! She’s planning on suing the company manufacturing her rubber twin. The only bad news? According to Kevin Johnson, Marketing Manager at Pipedream Products, “We are completely sold out already – it’s been on the market for less than 48 hours.” Wow, Billy Ray really went to town on his Amex last night, didn’t he? My advice to Miley on this matter: Chill out. I myself was honored to discover my sex doll likeness. The fact that no one has purchased it is completely out of my control. (Pics and quotes via Splash) |
| The Bronx Zoo Cobra Has Hacked Ryan Seacrest’s Twitter Posted: 01 Apr 2011 10:48 AM PDT
In the first April Fool’s Day joke that has actually made me laugh, the Bronx Zoo Cobra — who has recently regurgitated his iPhone and is back to Tweeting, despite being “caught” by the zoo — has hacked into Ryan Seacrest’s Twitter account and homepage. According to the snake, “Even while incarcerated my reach extends beyond my 20 inches. I have hijacked Ryan Seacrest’s Twitter. See for yourself @RyanSeacrest.” And his homepage?? SUPER SNAKEY YOU GUYS! Now his over 4 million followers are being subjected to the tweets of a madman. Sure, the snake is probably back at the zoo just like I’m probably not eating my 15th bowl of Special K And I won’t even bring up the implied humor of Seacrest getting hacked by an animal notorious for hissing, I will just delicately place the following video here and slowly back out of the room… Because of the rumors!! Not real life. Side-Note: We’re feeling Seacrest’s new look this season. Loving the dark hair. I’d hack into his Twitter account any time, which is code for Ryan Seacrest: Please hire me to work for you. |
| Why April Fool’s Day On The Internet Is F***ing Stupid Posted: 01 Apr 2011 10:29 AM PDT
Internet trends metamorphosize from inspired to completely worn out in a matter of days, if not sooner. It’s an organic process: a tree falls in the internet forest, and the rest of the internet rushes to report on that tree, then to remix that tree with Christian Bale ranting in Autotune, then start a tree meme (treeme) and squeeze every possible molecule of pleasure and enjoyment out of that tree before dispassionately moving on to the next inevitable item, leaving behind a wrung-out carcass of some thing we’re not sure we ever actually enjoyed so much as desperately and mechanically clung to for a day. April Fool’s Day, on the other hand, is basically one of these trends, only it’s been beaten into the ground over a matter of years, not hours, and continues to exist solely by virtue of its distinction as a half-assed holiday. April Fool’s on the internet may have been a genuinely inspired phenomenon at one point — back when some boss sent an “Important Meeting!” email that turned out to be the Super Friends yelling “waaazaaaap!!!!” — but the ‘pranks’ now are so formulaic and obligatory, there’s simply nothing interesting about them anymore, especially for an internet that’s discarding used-up trends on an hourly basis. April Fool’s Day on the internet is basically just April Do Kind Of Whimsical Thing That Everyone Knows Is A Joke And Let’s Get On With Our Internet Lives Day. If it were any other trend, the internet would’ve organically abandoned it years ago; instead, people know there’s a general expectation for April Fool’s content, so they force wacky, frivolous things into a landscape that already creates infinite wacky, frivolous things every minute of every day. Take, for example, Google’s “Helvetica” prank today. Go ahead and Google Helvetica, if you haven’t already. This happens:
It turns into Comic Sans! APRIL FOOLSDED!!!!! Google does multiple April Fool’s pranks every year. Everyone knows this, and everyone anticipates this, so how are they in any way “pranks”? They’re just slightly whimsical things on a day. The only people in the world who are going to be Googling “Helvetica” today are people who heard of this prank virally and are deliberately doing it to see what happens. Which is fine, sure, but it’s not a prank – unless there’s one dude over in New Mexico who woke up this morning really wanting to know what Helvetica is so he Googled it and everything turned into Comic Sans font and he was like “guess that’s what it is, I will remember that in my life from now on” and went on believing that, and if that’s the case, then you nailed it, Google! For the rest of us, why should we pretend to make a big deal out of these lame, super-light jokey things just because it’s a fake holiday with “Fool” in the title, when the internet is already f***ing INSANE on a daily basis? Doing an obligatory, predictable wacky thing online and calling it a prank is a completely pointless and repetitive endeavor that we as a collective internet should stop endorsing as though it’s a necessary or even noteworthy occurrence. We all know it’s coming, then it happens, then we’re like “Yep.” If anything, it’s usually less wacky than the internet on a standard day, because at least there’s a defensible reason for the deliberate absurdity. To put it another way, April Fool’s Day on the internet is f*cking stupid. APRIL FOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!!!!!!!! No seriously, it’s f*cking stupid. |
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