Cele|bitchy |
- Hot Guy Friday: State of Dong
- Angelina Jolie wears super-expensive gold sunglasses, thus she is evil
- Gwyneth Paltrow: People hate me because of my amazing work ethic
- Jennifer Aniston hates her new hair, makes her look ‘like a dowdy soccer mom’
- John Galliano got fired from John Galliano (meta)
- Michael Fassbender talks about “really getting off on mutant sex”
- Katie Holmes’ skinny jeans & doily blouse: cute or tragic?
- Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband trying for baby via surrogate, wants to make her a mom at 94
- Are Jude Law & Sadie Frost reconciling, or are they just exes with benefits?
- Demi Moore’s leather pants, chunky sweater & ‘Tox-face: cute or rough?
| Posted: 15 Apr 2011 09:33 AM PDT
James McAvoy. I couldn't remember if James had ever been our headliner before, but it doesn't really matter, because Hot Scottish Dong Is Forever (that should be on a t-shirt). He's been all over the place this week as he promoted The Conspirator, which comes out today (and which I've already promised my mom I'd take her to see). He's also got X-Men: First Class coming out soon, which will hopefully include some homoerotic interviews or photo shoots with Michael Fassbender (a girl can dream). You know I usually go for older men, but there's just something about James… he's boyish without it being creepy, he's intelligent without being pretentious, he's interesting without being all Franco about it. He's happily married, a new father, an extremely talented actor, and his beautiful eyes never fail to slay me. Oh, and the brogue helps. As does his lovely Scottish bulge.
Eric Dane (By CB) This guy seems super skeevy to me, but some of you are into that and I have to admit he’s easy on the eyes. I also realized that we’ve never featured him. Look at him work it in just a white t-shirt. I would do a double take if I saw this fine man walking down the street.
Alimi Ballard (By CB) - You may know this gorgeous 33 year-old from Numb3rs or from his work on NCIS as a new castmember. He’s got a smile that lights up the room. He just looks like a nice guy who isn’t a pushover. I love that type. He has a website where you can droll over even more photos of him.
Tom Hanks (By CB) Yes he’s older and he’s lost the hotness but the guy really used to be adorable in his day. Plus he’s funny and he doesn’t take himself at all seriously. I appreciate the man he is now and I love the man he stands for - the standup good guy who is always there for you. That pretty much describes how he’s served his fans during his phenomenal career too.
Common (By Bedhead) There ain’t nothing “common” about this rapper-turned-actor, and he sure is one finely chiseled hunk of man meat. In his movies, Common puts most other rapper-actors to shame by spring-loading an amazing breed of intensity to the forefront of his performances, and (naturally) I particularly liked him in Wanted. Seriously, even though I was completely down with what Angelina Jolie’s character did at the end of that movie, I did experience a momentary lapse of insanity when Common cocked his pistol and said, “F*ck the code.” I was all like, “Code? What code? I want to be the code.” Ultimately and whether he’s suited up, going casual, or simply shirtless on the beach, he’s always bringing the hotness to the table.
Alan Cumming (By Bedhead) By now, I’ve had a not-so-secret crush on this delightful fellow for over a decade, but who doesn’t like Alan Cumming? Well, perhaps people that don’t want any sunshine in their lives wouldn’t welcome him with open arms, and I feel dreadfully sorry for their inability to experience the joy of those dimples. He’s also so brash and sassy with his unconventional fashion choices, owns every one of his red-carpet looks, and can work a kilt like no other man I’ve ever witnessed. See? He’s just perfect, and I want a mini-Alan Cumming as my constant pocket companion to brighten up the dreariest of days.
Dermot Mulroney (By Bedhead) I’ve always felt that Mulroney is one of the most underrated actors out there, and he was once on the very cusp of superstardom but either didn’t kiss enough tail or just didn’t have that extra edge to get there. That’s okay, because I don’t mind keeping him right under the radar where I can easily ogle that saucy smirk or admire the silver fox that’s coming out to play in recent years. Mulroney doesn’t need no stinking superhero movies or some meaningless People magazine credential to tell us that he’s one of the sexiest men alive, and he can wear the hell out of a suit. How did Catherine Keener ever let this one go?
Gael Garcia Bernal (By Bedhead) Despite his (sometimes) distractingly huge cranium, this guy is just completely adorable with an imperfectly geeky smile to match. It’s too bad that his transition from Spanish-speaking films to Hollywood has pigenholed him into a quickly-developing romcom rut. Still, he was the most captivating part of Letters to Juliet (sorry, Amanda Seyfried), and he’ll likely be the only redeeming aspect of A Little Bit of Heaven (get bent, Kate Hudson) too. He deserves so much better than this cinematic fluff, so here’s to hoping that some better scripts soon land on his doorstep.
Gary Oldman (By Bedhead) This guy is so incredibly talented (how has he not been nominated for an Academy Award as of yet?) and virtually unrecognizable in most of his film roles, but the real attraction here is that Oldman seems like a really laid back bloke. In fact, he would be probably be the ideal drinking f*ck buddy, who would seduce you with his silver tongue and get you just tipsy enough to go crazy with uninhibited desire; that is, if he weren’t a recovering alcoholic himself. Ah well, a girl can dream, can’t she? Just substitute some tea and biscuits and things could still work out the same way, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.
Mark Strong. I've only realized how much I like Mark Strong over the past year or so, when it seemed like he was suddenly in everything. He was the villain in Kick-Ass, he was the clever handler in RockNRolla, he does accents, he's charmingly bald, and he's really, really sexy. Kudos to him for shaving his head too - it's really sexy!
Michael Shannon. I wasn't going to include him, but as I've been seeing more and more press about his General Zod casting, he's been infecting my day-to-day sexual fantasies. Like, in one fantasy, he comes up to me at the bar, and he starts creeping me out because he's so intense, and his eyes are so crazy and he stands too close. And then we start talking, and I end up going home with him and the sex is… intense and crazy. He looks like a biter, right? He also looks like a stabber, of course. I'm not saying that he is or is not a serial killer, I'm just saying that I'm allowed to fantasize. It's healthy! Oh, just by the way - he's a character actor who has been in EVERYTHING, but the last thing I saw him in was The Runaways, where he played producer Kim Fowley. And he was so creepy!
Patrick Wilson. Patrick isn't really my taste, although he is growing on me. You know I generally don't go for the clean-cut, boyishly handsome, slightly gaydar-pinging ones. Those are CB's! Just kidding (not really). I've seen and liked Patrick in several movies: Little Children, Watchmen and Morning Glory (did I mention how much I liked Morning Glory?). He's reasonably talented and super-pretty, and his body is pretty awesome. Enjoy!
James Purefoy. I don't believe I've ever seen James in anything, so I don't know if he comes across as smug and pretentious in motion, or if it's only in still photos. I generally like a man who is a bit haughty, but James's face isn't making me hot. He looks like he's judging me. Still, I can totally see why some of you find him attractive.
Jude Law (By CB) We haven’t had Jude on HGF in a few months, and he’s been missed. He’s funny, he likes to party, he loves groupies (although he’s probably been scared off by that waitress’ pregnancy) and there’s something so regal yet dirty about him. Plus he’s single again now, having rid himself of that Sienna creature for the umpteenth time. Jude is our dessert today and he’s white chocolate and raspberry panna cotta: classy, pretty and melt in your mouth smooth. Oh Jude, you’re so dashing and so very naughty.
Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN, Vogue, Essence, Vanity Fair, GQ, Details, Esquire, Flaunt, The Telegraph, Entertainment Weekly, Google Images. |
| Angelina Jolie wears super-expensive gold sunglasses, thus she is evil Posted: 15 Apr 2011 08:44 AM PDT
Remember these weeks-old photos of Angelina Jolie, Brad and the kids? Yeah, the tabloids are still dining out on them. According to In Touch Weekly, while Angelina was walking in New Orleans with her family, she was wearing an item that makes every single good thing she does null and void. What was this mysterious item? A vial full of the blood of unicorns? A t-shirt that referenced a "puddle of HIV" perhaps? No! She was wearing expensive sunglasses, likely something that was sent to her free of charge:
[From In Touch Weekly, print edition] Bitchy. Hilariously bitchy. I would like to know the price of everything else she's wearing, because I suspect it's all pretty budget. It looks budget. That skirt looks like a TJ Maxx reject and the sweater looks Goodwill. But I digress! How dare Angelina wear gold sunglasses?!? She should be wearing a sack cloth in a refugee camp and healing people with magic gerbils. Meanwhile, Brad and Angelina went to see God of Carnage last night in LA - they both looked like hell, and you can see the photos here. I love her coat, but even a Brangeloonie like me is wondering what the hell is going on with her, because she looks so rough.
Photos courtesy of Fame. |
| Gwyneth Paltrow: People hate me because of my amazing work ethic Posted: 15 Apr 2011 08:11 AM PDT
This photo, above, is maybe one of my favorite photos of Gwyneth Paltrow ever. I want to know what that expression is. My interpretation: "OH NOES! PEASANTS!!!" CB and I talked about doing a caption contest for it. You guys can help yourselves if you'd like! Anyway, these are some new photos of Madame Goop yesterday, at a "book signing, for peasants" in which Goop looked kind of rough and she deigned to meet some designated members of Her Public. I know we've been doing a lot of Gwyneth stories lately, but in our defense, The Insufferable One has been all over the place lately to promote her book, and nearly every elitist, verbal morsel that deigns to fall out of Our Queen's lips is too delicious to pass up. Over the past few days we've covered her Self cover, and her interview in USA Today. We all had a good time laughing at her (because we are peasants and do not fully understand her), but now something has changed. What has changed, you may ask. I shall tell you, my peasant friends. Remember how earlier this week, the news came out that Gwyneth was going to be appearing on Glee yet again? Only this time, she was going to be covering… Adele. Here's the song, as song by Adele: Beautiful, right? Gorgeous voice, soulful, sad, chill-inducing with raw emotion, beauty and authenticity. Take a moment and enjoy it, because Adele is just that amazing. And because in about 30 seconds, you're going to have a rage stroke. Here's Gwyneth covering the Adele song: Nasal, contemptuous, horrible. Gwyneth sang a gorgeous song like she was doing Katy Friggin' Perry. I want to slap the hell out of Gwyneth and scream "Your voice is not as strong as you think it is! STFU!!!" Oh, but that's SO not all. Gwyneth also gave a nauseatingly smug interview to PopEater yesterday. You can read the whole thing here, but here are some of my favorite (insufferable) parts:
[From PopEater] So, in case you needed a reminder, every time you have a giggle about what a smug, insufferable cold fish Gwyneth is, she feels sorry for you and your small, imperfect peasant life. Speaking of making fun of her, she's getting really good at dodging and talking around questions about her marriage, right? I also love how one second she's talking about HARD she works and how grueling it all is and how peasants don't understand how she suffers, and the next minute she's reminding us of the privileged life she's lived and how she's never really struggled for anything. Stick to a talking point for us dumb peasants, Goop.
Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN. |
| Jennifer Aniston hates her new hair, makes her look ‘like a dowdy soccer mom’ Posted: 15 Apr 2011 08:10 AM PDT
So as you know, Aniston chopped off her hair about seven weeks ago. She got a blunt bob that hit right around the collarbone, after wearing her trademark hair about six inches longer for years. There were undoubtedly some extensions in there too. Aniston’s hairdresser said that he was trying to help his client escape from “Real Housewife” hair and that the cut was inspired by Julie Christie in Shampoo and Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 weeks. Only if this latest article is to be believed, Aniston really loved her Real Housewife hair and hates the new ‘do. She thinks it makes her look older and “like a dowdy soccer mom.”
[From The National Enquirer, print edition, April 25, 2011] I don’t often sympathize with Aniston as she doesn’t need our sympathy, (and let’s face it, a lot of the sympathy she gets is judgy) but I recently got a haircut that was much shorter than I was hoping for and it kind of sucked my mojo for a while. It’s a bitch to get a bad haircut and Aniston identifies with her hair and must take this sort of thing very seriously. Plus she’s a creature of extreme habit and it must have been hard for her to adjust to a shorter hairstyle. Remember when she said she hated her Rachel haircut from friends? You get used to seeing yourself with a certain hairstyle and with your hair at a certain length, and Aniston likes longer hair. I think her new haircut is cute, but I also think the longer hair suited her more. She needed to change up her look though. If Aniston really said this though she’s disrespecting a large component of her fan base, and I’ll just leave it at that. Also, I’ve been looking at photos of Aniston’s hair, and it looks like her hairdresser took her through a “transitional period” where he cut off about an inch and a half (or took out her extensions) before going full bob. Like here’s how she looked in November and right before and after her major haircut. 11/18/10 11/19/10 2/21/11 2/21/11 2/22/11 2/22/11 |
| John Galliano got fired from John Galliano (meta) Posted: 15 Apr 2011 07:55 AM PDT
Well, I actually thought this happened a while back, but I was wrong. Does everyone remember the John Galliano controversy? He was first arrested and briefly detained in Paris after he had been accused of making anti-Semitic remarks while hammered one night. The issue - in France - is that there are laws about hate speech, as well as public intoxication. The issue might have blown over if not for the video that was released a few days later of Galliano - on a separate occasion - making more drunken, anti-Semitic remarks, and claiming to "love Hitler". Everybody got upset and LVMH, the parent company of Christian Dior, put Galliano on indefinite suspension. Then Galliano checked himself into rehab, and released a bitchy statement about how no one knows the real story about him loving Hitler or something. Anyway, Galliano was fired from Christian Dior last month after being suspended, and now he's been officially fired from his "John Galliano" line, which is also primarily owned by LVMH
It kind of sucks that he doesn't even get to own his own named label, but thems the breaks. Anyway, I can't wait for his court date! First Linnocent will be going down (hopefully), and then Galliano. It should be good! Does this strike anyone else as very similar to the Charlie Sheen situation? Couldn't Galliano now claim that since he's been through rehab, it's wrong for him to be fired? He's made the effort to change, I suppose. I don't know, it kind of reminded me of the Charlie Sheen thing. Maybe Galliano will go on a Torpedo of Truth tour too.
Photos courtesy of Fame. |
| Michael Fassbender talks about “really getting off on mutant sex” Posted: 15 Apr 2011 07:32 AM PDT
Thankfully, the studio behind X-Men: First Class has realized that January “Deep-Thinking Diamond” Jones alone will not sell their movie, so they’re giving a little something to the ladies by sending out Michael Fassbender to do some publicity rounds. The gracious and lovely Fassdong (yes Kaiser, he still belongs to you, but I’m allowed a few conjugal visits on occasion) has responded in kind by speaking upon all sorts of topics concerning to not only his own character, Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto, but also things that are particularly relative to Professor Charles Xavier/Dr. X (James McAvoy) and Dr. Shaw (Kevin Bacon). Fassdong also takes great care to praise the previous work of Ian McKellen as Magneto while asserting his own decision “to paint a new canvas” with his role, which immediately makes me think of Fassbender rolling around in body paint just like Farrah Fawcett did for Playboy. As you can see, Fassbender posts are a quickly becoming danger to me, so let’s just add an obligatory SPOILER ALERT here and swiftly move onto a titillating overview of the movie’s hot mutant sex as revealed to IGN:
You know, the Fassdong should never be allowed to speak any derivative of “seed” lest he spontaneously father an entire generation of mutant babies. Wait, where were we again?
[From IGN] See, there he goes again with “juices.” Quite simply, the Fassdong doesn’t know his own strength, but he does drop the little detail that there might be second and third First Class movies if the first one succeeds with the geek crowd. If that happens, the Fassdong plans on returning (and, quite suggestively, intends on coming in at “ground level”) just to give us another reason beyond James McAvoy to watch this drivel. I’ll be totally honest here in that I never read the X-Men comics and (like a great many others) really disliked the preexisting installments of this franchise. Although, I definitely appreciate that the Fassdong has continued the Nazi-hunting legacy that he previously forged in Inglourious Basterds, and I’ll watch anything that he does. I would even watch him watching paint dry on a wall. So good job, Marvel Studios, for I’m sold!
Photos courtesy of WENN, Entertainment Weekly, NYT. |
| Katie Holmes’ skinny jeans & doily blouse: cute or tragic? Posted: 15 Apr 2011 07:01 AM PDT
As we know by now, Katie Holmes has the amazing ability to make even expensive designer clothes look budget and cheap. So I would imagine that this outfit - skinny jeans, booties, high-necked lace top - probably costs something in the vicinity of $1000, not including the purse. Even if I'm way off base on the price, how much does the outfit really look like it costs? It looks totally Walmart-Salvation Army to me. The lace blouse in particular… ugh. I'm not any kind of fan of white lace as daywear (or nightwear) for adult women. White lace as underwear? Fine. White lace for brides? Sure. White lace blouse for running errands? Not so much. She looks like she cut a neck hole in an enormous doily. And the skinny jeans… ugh. No more skinny jeans! Katie was on to something when she was doing the high-waisted, '70s-inspired bellbottom jeans. Those looked totally cute on her. If you think I'm being too nitpicky because these are candid photos rather than red carpet photos, you have a point. I get that Katie was just out running errands in LA yesterday, and that this might have been an easy outfit that she just threw on. But remember - Katie is a "fashion designer" now - and this is what she picks out for herself. What would she pick out for you?
Photos courtesy of Fame. |
| Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband trying for baby via surrogate, wants to make her a mom at 94 Posted: 15 Apr 2011 06:48 AM PDT
Zsa Zsa has collected plenty of husbands in her time (I just checked and she’s on her ninth! I would have guessed five or six tops) but she only has one child, Francesca Hilton, 64, from her marriage to Conrad Hilton from 1942 - 1946. Zsa Zsa’s current husband, the hilariously named Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt, 67, wants to make Zsa Zsa a mom again and says he wants to carry on the Gabor name. He just announced plans to have a baby via a surrogate. It wouldn’t be Zsa Zsa’s biological child of course, but he wants her to sort-of be the mother if this scheme is successful.
[From CNN] I don’t know what this guy is playing at but this is ridiculous. “I need something to live for” - so you get a baby at 67? This is the guy who “adopted” about four grown men in recent years in exchange for millions of dollars for the right to use the Prinz von Anhalt name, which was bestowed on Frédéric when he himself was adopted as an adult at 37 by German nobility. (Or former nobility, it hasn’t counted for much there in some time.) So why does he want a baby now? Does he want to ensure that whatever is left of Zsa Zsa’s fortune goes to that child rather than her daughter that is right around his age? Does he really want some kind of purpose and future companion in life? Either way, it’s really sketchy. He’s been married to Zsa Zsa for 24 years though and that counts for something. Header photo is from 2/6/11. First photo below of Zsa Zsa in a wheelchair is from 1/26/10. There are also older photos of these two from 1994 (red dress) and 1998 (blue dress). Credit: WENN and Fame
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| Are Jude Law & Sadie Frost reconciling, or are they just exes with benefits? Posted: 15 Apr 2011 06:25 AM PDT
Jude Law and his ex-wife Sadie Frost have a torrid history. First there was their actual relationship and marriage, which carried on for more than a decade and resulted in three kids, a divorce, huge alimony and child support payments for Jude, and likely multiple affairs (on both their parts). Still, Jude and Sadie managed to maintain some kind of friendship, even when he first got with Sienna Miller, circa 2003-04. The nanny that Jude boned - in 2005 - was actually a nanny that Sadie had hired, and while Sienna was dealing with Jude's infidelity, Sadie stuck by him. It's my belief that whenever Jude gets out of a big relationship, he always runs back to Sadie, and I think that they might be each other's stand-by sexual partner (I'm trying not to be crude). Anyway, this past reconciliation with Sienna nearly killed Sadie and Jude's relationship. Through the course of Jude and Sienna's second/third go-around, Sadie made it clear that Sienna was not welcome around her children, and I think Sadie might have been pushing Jude to dump Sienna for good. However, Jude and Sadie were also fighting about her tell-all memoir about their relationship, as Jude was trying to block its publication for a while (in the end, though, it was published and the controversy was minor). Anyway, there's a new report that Sadie and Jude are once again reconciling. After Jude split with Sienna this last time, he's been crying on Sadie's shoulder, it seems:
[From Star Magazine, print edition] Look, as I said, I think they have a complicated history, they have three kids together, and I think they still sleep with each other on occasion. I doubt they're really reconciling for good. I think Jude just goes to Sadie for a reality check, and because he still loves her in some sense. He'll be back to boning groupies in no time.
Photos courtesy of WENN. |
| Demi Moore’s leather pants, chunky sweater & ‘Tox-face: cute or rough? Posted: 15 Apr 2011 05:57 AM PDT
These are new photos of Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher "celebrating" their "Real Men Don't Buy Girls" campaign, the one with the weird, random commercials. For the event, Demi was freshly plucked, sucked, tucked and 'Toxed, looking put together in leather pants and a striped sweater, while Ashton looked like he just rolled out of bed and put on whatever he found on the floor because his mom was yelling at him. I wonder what it says about Ashton's devotion to this cause if he looks so rough while Demi likely spent hours and hours getting ready? Whenever I haven't seen Demi for a while, I always take the time to really examine her face, trying to detect the tweaking. She gets stuff done gradually, so it's never some huge overhaul that will shock people, like "OMG, She has a completely new face!" She gets little stuff done over time, but still… bitch has a new face. And as time goes on, it feels like Ashton keeps looking younger and younger, right? That must kill her soul a little. In other Demi & Ashton news, this popped up on Page Six today:
[From Page Six] Ugh. There were like four different eye-rolls in there. Seriously, Demi is tight with Prince Albert? Sure. And "Hollywood power couple"? Um, really? And Rumer is on Broadway. Eye-roll. And Demi couldn't stop gushing to Kabbalah people. Ugh!!!
Photos courtesy of WENN. |
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