Thursday, October 21, 2010

Best Week Ever

Best Week Ever

Scream 4 Teaser Trailer: Welcome Back, Neve

Posted: 21 Oct 2010 09:01 AM PDT

Scream is such a good movie. I haven’t seen Scream 2: Screamier or Scream 3: Screamiest and, to be totally honest, because we value honestly here at BWE, I probably won’t see Scream 4: Scream Town USA. But that’s not to say that I’m not intrigued by this teaser trailer, which inexplicably also features sounds of a movie theater crowd cheering along:

Hey, Courtney Cox. There is a lot of evidence that this Scream killer does indeed have the guts to kill. Time and time again. Wrong person to call that bluff on. Why am I talking to a trailer.

So everyone’s trying to get in on the Scream action, huh? Listen, starlets. Drew Barrymore killed it (get it??) with the ironic death in the first Scream, I’m not sure how any of you are going to top that. Or maybe someone already has in the other movies and I’m not aware of it. Also, let me just be the first to say it: The killer is totally Rory Culkin, as he is the creepiest looking dude in the WORLD. In cahoots with Emma Roberts, in a gang run by Hayden Panettiere. You read it here first.

Jim Carrey Is A Sad Cartoon

Posted: 21 Oct 2010 07:57 AM PDT

This is a tad creepy:

Ahhh! Does he actually have the same mouth scars as the Dark Knight Joker? Or is he just promoting this creepy-ass Jim Carrey Halloween Mask:

Not “The Mask,” but an actual Jim Carrey’s regular face mask? Creepy. Though I was planning to go as Yes Man this year, so this might work out.

Beyonce’s Mom Ends Pregnancy Rumors, I Could’ve Told You That

Posted: 21 Oct 2010 07:26 AM PDT

Did you guys notice how oddly silent I was yesterday on the topic of Beyonce’s rumored pregnancy? Weren’t you all like, “Usually this is a topic that Sarah would tackle head on, her silence is raising more questions than anything.” For that, Dear Reader, I am sorry. I am sorry for failing you thusly. But, I feel as though I can safely, and in a non-gossipy manner, say what was weighing on my conscious all yesterday:

Beyonce is not pregnant. I know this, because I saw her at a bar on Sunday night. Drinking what appeared to be a non-virgin martini. Pun intended.

This does not mean that the blessed occurrence couldn’t have happened post martini, but I’m just reporting what I saw. I’m saying this now because Beyonce’s mom, Tina Knowles, just taped an appearance on Ellen slated to air this Thursday, wherein she says that Beyonce is not pregnant. Specifically,

“The truth is that's it's not Beyonce that's pregnant. It's me. I'm kidding y'all. I'm 56. No, no [the reports are] not true. Not right now … With all the rumours, by now I should have 5 or 6 grandchildren."

Here’s a video of it, if you’re into video of adorable mom pregnancy rumor denials.

Anyway, because of this, I don’t feel like some sort of weird bar going spy who reports what they see on a comedy pop culture blog. Creepy.

So now we can all move on with our lives, and, once again I apologize for not being forthcoming with you-Oh, you don’t care? Me neither.

Best Quiz Ever: More Silly Song Lyrics

Posted: 20 Oct 2010 12:58 PM PDT

Thanks for playing our first ever installment of Best Quiz Ever yesterday! Based on your feedback, we’ve worked out the kinks, so today’s game should run much smoother than yesterday’s.

That said, since most of you seemed to have fun trying to name the artists who have sung some of the lamest lyrics of the last few years, we thought we’d give you guys another dose of the kinds of inane lyrics that drove Casey Kasem to early retirement. Enjoy! (Oh, and remember, if you have suggestions for future quizzes, please be sure to leave them in the comments section below.)

Alec Baldwin Urges You Not To Donate To Public Radio

Posted: 20 Oct 2010 02:07 PM PDT

Finally! A celebrity with the guts to come out and urge people to stop donating to public radio, what with its lack of “hot buxom starlets” and its “pathetic faith that ideas still matter.”

Click the audio player below to hear the rant from tv’s own Alec Baldwin, and you can imagine that he’s yelling it in the picture right above it. TOTAL Web 2.0 going on here, people:

You can listen to Alec Baldwin’s other WNYC pledge drive clips here, including yes, even a Glengarry-themed one. Glad I’m not the only one still making those references, even 78 years later.

(Pic via Here)

10 Sexy Halloween Costumes I Don’t Want To Have Sex With

Posted: 20 Oct 2010 03:01 PM PDT

10. Sexy Candyland Board

I won’t lie, I’d totally do Queen Frostine or Princess Lolly — I’ve always had a serious ‘skipping way ahead’ fetish — but I don’t think I’d go for a talking, anthropromorphized Candyland board. The socks are a nice touch, but you just never know what kind of Gooey Gumdrops are floating around these days.



9. Sexy Panda Bear

First off, that’s not a sexy panda bear, it’s a sexy human wearing mutilated chunks of a rare animal. Second, panda bears are jerks — I only saw one once at the San Diego Zoo, and there was a giant line for the panda and no other exhibit, people were limited to one photo apiece, and the whole time, the A-hole was facing 180 degrees away from the crowd eating bamboo behind a rock, probably with his middle finger out. Pass.



8. Sexy Petting Zoo

Even in the event that I would be interested in petting this dude’s genitals, I wouldn’t want to do it while some toothless carny barks at me to move along so he can get back to secretly beating the animals when everyone leaves. Now, if the guy’s d*ck were in a “Play Tic Tac Toe Against A Chicken” machine, it’d be a different story.



7. Sexy Nemo

The costume technically isn’t “Nemo,” it’s “Sexy Clown Fish,” which is either a Disney rights issue or far more likely, there was huge demand from marine biologists for a Slutty Clownfish costume years before Finding Nemo ever came out. Sorry, Clownfish — you are sexy, but I don’t buy generic.



6. Sexy Chick-fil-A Worker

I used to work in front of a fryer one a summer in high school, and the smell of grease is still so memorably traumatic for me, no amount of cleavage and/or chicken-strangling is gonna ever turn that sh*t erotic.



5. Sexy Orange M&M

On the list of commercial spokesthings I want to sleep with, the Orange M&M is buried somewhere between the Geico Money With Eyes and Grimace from McDonald’s. Also, there’s already a “sexy” female Green M&M character – why’d they feel the need to re-gender and sex-up the orange one?



4. Sexy Pikachu

Pikachu always seemed like a decent enough dude, if annoying, but the sexy female version has “Cool Friend, Bad Girlfriend” written all over it. Definitely someone to catch a 6:50 showing of The Town with after work, but sex would just make things awkward the next time you’re around the rest of the Pokemon, both sexy and regular.



3. Sexy Mrs. Potato Head

She’s married, so that’s strike one right there, and on top of that, she’s SUPER fragile. Her body parts fall off when you’re just holding her, so I couldn’t imagine how she’d hold up during a steamy potato-roasting session. Though you would have your choice of hol–ending this paragraph here. Hi everyone!



2. Sexy Asylum Inmate

I get that some guys might be into the whole bondage / submission thing, but in this instance, it’s slightly overshadowed by the whole “You Are Banging A Mental Patient Who Cannot Legally Give Consent And Is Probably A Risk For Self-Mutilation, Hence The Straight Jacket” component. Actually, I’m sure that’s its own fetish — I definitely remember seeing that on Real Sex 30something.



1. Sexy Big Bird

There’s a few inappropriate Slutty Sesame Street Costumes out there, from Cookie Monster to Elmo, but to play devil’s advocate for a second, at least those are characters that we grew up loving, if not necessarily in a sexual way. Big Bird, on the other hand, is a total f***ing moron who needs everything explained to him constantly to the point of frustrating pre-literate three-year-olds. We’re really gonna take our chances in the bedroom with the dude who doesn’t totally grasp the difference between “hot” and “cold”? No thanks – I value my life.

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Snooki Whips Her Hair Back And Forth

Posted: 20 Oct 2010 10:58 AM PDT

Ever wonder what the Macaroni Rascals of Jersey Shore do when they’re not being followed by a camera crew and getting drunk? Well, considering that staring at yourself in the mirror is SO last century, the best way for them to get their narcissism on is to flip on their webcams and hit record. A few weeks back, we saw DJ Pauly D and the rest of our fair guidos dancing around a hotel room to “We Speak No Americano”, and today we’ve got a clip of soon-to-be bestselling author Snooki whipping her hair back and forth, Willow Smith style. We’re hard pressed to see much of a difference between this and when that Muppet did it a few days ago, but we’re guessing the Muppet hadn’t just pounded a few Solo cups worth of Ron-Ron Juice mere moments before turning her laptop on.

[Thanks, Crushable!]

Martha Stewart Dedicates Episode to UTI Prevention

Posted: 20 Oct 2010 10:42 AM PDT

Oh, Martha Stewart is standing knee deep in a tub full of cranberries. Are we finally getting that very special episode dedicated to urinary tract infections that we so deserve?

No. No we are not. Martha was in fact catering a Thanksgiving feast which included a 1,500-square-foot pool of cranberries provided by Ocean Spray. It was all a stunt to help bring attention to Share Our Strength, a charity dedicated to children’s hunger.

This is a great cause… but for real, not nearly as great as her overalls. Much better than UTIs though.

Justin Bieber Is Now A Beaver: Not A Euphemism

Posted: 20 Oct 2010 10:30 AM PDT

Someone with a less sophisticated mind than yours might assume that I’m trying to say something about Justin Bieber as a beaver, which means different things in different cultures, in this picture. But no. This is a very literal interpretation of the following story:

The NY Post reports:

A second beaver has been found living in the Bronx River, and after a contest to name the local creature, the Wildlife Conservation Society's Bronx Zoo has revealed the winner of its naming contest: Justin Beaver.

The first time a beaver was found living in the river, back in 2007, zoo employees named it José, after Congressman José Serrano, a friend to the zoo and advocate for cleaning up the Bronx River. This time around, a contest was held for the naming. Options included: Castor, which is from the Latin name for the North American beaver; Bobbie, a gender-neutral name; Chompers, after a beaver's powerful jaws; Wally, a reference to the television show Leave it to Beaver; and Justin Beaver, a reference to the mega-star singer Justin Bieber.

Call me old fashioned, but since when did Bobbie become a gender neutral name? Nevermind, I feel like it’s a 60′s WASPy lady name. Whatever.

I’m not sure I approve. I think we should really keep Justin Bieber away from our nation’s beavers.

Photoshop credit belongs to the brilliant Michelle Collins, who not only thought of the idea, but did it in 2 minutes. Bless.

HUhhhHhh? Corner: Richard Branson Producing McG Directed Columbus Movie

Posted: 20 Oct 2010 09:53 AM PDT

Richard Branson is full-on entering the movie business — he’s really Brand-son-ing himself, huh? [Retire] — with a new action-packed movie about Christopher Columbus, excitingly slaughtering natives, or whatever:

Richard Branson is to produce a film about explorer Christopher Columbus, possibly to be directed by McG (Charlie’s Angels)

Columbus wil be based on a script by TS Nowlin and is said to give the explorer “a 300-style makeover”.

Brace yourselves for it, people:
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